sexstories.com
Comments from Raudhbjorn
| Date | Story title | Comment |
|---|---|---|
| 2017-07-09 10:08:33 | Hot Neighbor Needed a Job | Serious critique here. Just saying "Next we took a bath" is pretty dull. Dramatize it; describe the actions your characters take to achieve a goal (leading her to the bathroom. drawing the water, adding salts or whatever to the water), describe their expressions and feelings. Provide some inner monologue (what the POV character is thinking) that explains the actions the character is taking. Doing this makes the story more enjoyable and the characters more relatable (and sexier). |
| 2018-07-17 00:32:00 | Kidnapping (Part Two) | VERY short chapter. I like the direction you're going, but you need more substance to it. |
| 2018-07-17 00:42:37 | Kidnapping (Part Three) | The switch in personality was unexpected. I'm beginning to wonder about the motivations of Kyle and the other kidnappers. Is it really money? Is it sex? Is it a deep seated pathological hatred for women? Please write more of this story. |
| 2018-07-25 13:46:18 | A New Day, The Other Me chapter 14 | Holy shit P.O.I, I am in awe. I've been waiting for this for 2 years now and you did not disappoint. Thank you for the assorted sagas if Guy Donnelly, it's been a helluva ride. |
| 2018-08-12 10:41:04 | Back to Salome_(0) | Fantastic. This is among some of the best written stuff I've read on this site. Or anywhere else on the net. Please keep collaborating, the distinction between the voices lends realism and depth that's lacking in most people's writing. Truly top notch. Thank you for this. |