| 2011-10-04 01:59:58 |
In Riley's Arms: Part 5
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SerendipitousSoul, I have to say that you have made the ending of the story an enjoyable read. I wrote the comment on the 4th story talking about how upset the character of Holly was making me and praising you for eliciting that kind of an emotional response. In this part of the story I like how you worked many of those themes I talked about into the actual narrative and hopefully made the character of Holly a little wiser. I actually very much like the portrayal of Riley. People in love are blind to faults, even if they are cognizant of them, and how he reacted in the story speaks perfectly of this. That the words of wisdom and "waking up" of Holly came from her brother fits very much with the themes of the first story, where he is the one that brought about the relationship she has with all the boys, as a member of their group. I liked seeing that dynamic returned as well and it very much gives the overall series a tie and common thread. Well done, SS, well done! |
| 2011-11-24 04:54:16 |
Singing Jasen's Song: Part 1
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Nice to see your writing again SS. This promises to be a fairly complex plot from the strings you've laid down. I can't wait to see the directions you take it. |
| 2011-11-24 04:56:56 |
Singing Jasen's Song: Part 2
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Homework is highly overrated! Very interesting chapter. One small observation though. It feels slightly jumbled in some of the back and forth interactions where they are talking and you are also describing their movement. On occasion you would have him talking, and describe her moves, and vice versa. Not really a criticism just an observation though. I do like the path of the storyline and am greatly anticipating where you are going to lead it to. |
| 2011-11-26 17:37:26 |
Singing Jasen's Song: Part 3
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Great chapter, SS. You are going to get fewer votes because there's no sex in it, and people will vote it down just because of that, but if they actually took the time to digest it they would see it's a great chapter for developing their characters.. The hints of something in the past between Kairi and Zeke definitely give a shadow of darkness over the story, and the elements of both of them thinking of the other in the intervening time give a sense of longing and bittersweet regret. Some people just can't get past the fact that there doesn't have to be sex in a multi-part story's chapter. Looking forward to the next part! |
| 2011-12-02 17:36:19 |
THE GIFT_(8)
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I liked the general premise of the story but was personally turned off by some of the themes. All in all I think you write it well and did what you wanted with it, it just wasn't my thing. I look forward to more from you however. |