| 2013-03-02 23:32:32 |
Leo's Life Part 1_(1)
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I thought you should've had some more build-up but I think the plot has a lot of potential. |
| 2013-03-03 12:31:51 |
Going Back Home Part 2
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Well actually I made it seem that way in this part becuase it is true to who he is. In this part Ana needed to be in control and honestly i felt that this was the best way to distance the two without making either look like an asshole. But I do like your critism it helps me write better. |
| 2013-03-24 13:38:58 |
My amazing life Chapter 5
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i love the cliffhanger,suspensful endings and thism series in general. Your building up to the inevitable sex scene very well, just keep doing what your doing. I think it would be interesting to have one of sally's children be victorias teammate and at the sleepover on her birthday. Im not sure if thats where you were going to do anyway but just a suggestions. Keep up the good work. |
| 2013-07-23 06:44:25 |
Fighting To Stay Frosty 2
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I love your writing style, and the plot for this story is fantastic. The pacing is great, which is a difficult thing to implement into a story. But some of the dialogue didn't really make too much sense, and i feel like there were a lot of emotion invested in a very short amount of time. Also(yes I know this is nit picky but it was just stuck in my head throughout both parts) where are all the schools administration? They seem nonexistent. So besides those very small things this story was/is amazing, you should defiantly keep writing. |
| 2018-05-29 22:53:28 |
Time Manipulation Mind Control Chapter 1: Slut's Frozen Passion
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I like the complexity of the what youre trying to build here. I'm personally a fan of well-written and thought out plots in these stories. This story looks like it has those exact things, I'm excited to see where you take the story and character. |