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Introduction:

A chance encounter, like a bolt out of the blue, opens Jim's eyes and his heart.

Being Jim -Ch.08- Lightning Strikes Twice



The old saying goes that “Lightning never strikes twice in the same place.” I’m not sure how scientific or even true by practical experience that may be but I for one know for certain that in matters of the heart… It’s not true. I’ve for the most part led a very fortunate and blessed life. I grew up in a warm and loving home surrounded by family that both kept me humble and taught me the value of kindness and sincerity. I have made very dear and lasting friendships with amazing and wonderful people. I have been fortunate to have been guided and mentored by some thoughtful and considerate people who have shown me how to be likewise both thoughtful and considerate of others. What’s more, I have known love in many varying forms.

The unconditional love of family, the love and kindness of friends, and of course the mind bending, soul expanding fathomless heart-rending romantic love between two people that find that the universe can’t begin to contain the joy and love shared between them. Yes, I was helplessly hopelessly happily beyond the pale in love with a girl that made life itself seem like a never-ending adventure when we were together. I still smile when I think of her… even as a wipe away a stray tear that seeps from the depths of my soul.

To have loved that deeply and that completely at all would be a blessing indeed for many... Even if only once. “To have loved and lost is better than to have never loved at all…” The saying goes… I suppose that could be true as well. Yet I question the odds, the very fates that lightning might strike twice… to have a heart broken seemingly beyond recovery and then graced by a second miracle… Is it even possible?

At twenty-two years old I felt like an old man amongst “kids” my own age. Sitting in my classes at the University I often found myself observing my fellow classmates around me, watching their interactions and imagining a narrative of their “stories” in my mind. The sleepy guy with his head down as the chemistry professor droned on about alkaline and bases… Hung over from last night’s frat party maybe? Shouldn’t have had those two extra beers perhaps? The distracted blonde with the ponytails gnashing and popping gum two seats over as she idly doodled at her notebook while twirling a strand of her hair around and around a finger… Thinking about the guy who asked her out tonight, what should she wear? What about the guy right next to me studiously and madly scribbling down every word the professor is uttering in his notes… the classic horned rimmed glasses and the button up cardigan would make him almost a stereotypical nerd really. Perhaps he’s pressured to keep up his GPA by his parents or maybe his college education funding is riding on his grade from this particular course? I feel for you brother.

More and more I feel as though I’m just going through the motions myself. I feel… almost dead inside. There’s little to no motivation for me it seems, certainly there’s no joy in what I’m doing. I’ve reduced my class load to the bare minimum to keep myself listed as a student really as I tried to sort it all out in my head… and my heart. Two years ago, I was a new bright faced freshman with the whole world opening up to me. The possibilities were endless, it was all so exciting and new and wonderful.

Especially after I met, or rather, re-met a girl from the first high school I had attended in this very town. To say it was love at first sight would be a misnomer, especially since it wasn’t exactly first sight. But love it was… hesitant, uncertain and very questionable for a while, mostly due to both of us being inexperienced and extremely lacking in self confidence in dealing with members of the opposite sex. Fortunately for the two of us we were both being instructed and mentored by two very caring and loving teachers that gave us the gift of their wisdom and understanding.

We both grew and matured during our brief tutelage and even more so when we discovered and acknowledged our feelings for one another. Yes, that mind bending, soul expanding experience that the whole universe was found in the eyes of that one other person was ours… briefly. Sadly, Life is a cruel mistress if it can be described as an entity with a mind and heart. I question the part about having a heart though, daily.

I question many things after my heart and soul were ripped from my being by a twist of fate, a random accident. My Michelle and one of our dearly beloved tutors were both snuffed out of this life and erased at least from my future. A cruel joke if it was done by a thinking entity be it God or “Life”. I have questioned my faith and many other thoughts and beliefs for over two years, mostly in the dark and gloom that is my own life now. My life… now without that light and hope and love that was taken from me will forever more be hollow…missing part of me… but life goes on, day by day.

I guess part of me still looks for that missing light, the hope, the love. I yearn for it, I dream of it, I look for it in the faces of others even if it’s just in passing as I watch other people go through their day to day lives. I know it’s a form of coping, of managing my own sense of loss and sadness… struggling with depression. Yes, Life is Fickle. Or maybe it’s Fate, or whatever God or deities who toy with the lives of us mere humans but someone or something has a way of surprising us as we try to make it from day to day and just survive this existence. So, surprise was indeed what happened to this poor lonely fractured unassuming soul… the day I met… her.

Computer science was one of the courses that I actually enjoyed taking at the University. It was an introduction to a whole new world of possibilities that I had never imagined. Programming was a whole new way of thinking for me as well. It was as much a distraction from my own deep personal issues as it was an educational experience. Not only that but I found like minds and spirits in a small group of other students taking the same course. What began as simply a small study group developed into an eclectic group of friends. Yes, we studied, and helped one another with our assignments and projects but we also went beyond those limited intentions. Especially when one then all of us discovered the social interaction by way of this fascinating new media… electronic messaging.

Some other older, wiser, obviously far cleverer computer nerds had written and developed a program that allowed users, multiple users, to communicate in real time with one another. Now in this day and age that seems like a no brainer I understand, for someone growing up with texting and instant messaging that is as natural as breathing. However, at the time this was all new and exciting and well… mesmerizing. There was a program called “Phone” that connected multiple users to what would be basically called a “chat room” in the near future. People could log on using a “handle” of their choice and send messages by typing into their keyboards and hitting enter. And then see responses from other users on their monitors as well. WOW! And people didn’t have to be in the same room, they could be anywhere on campus with a computer connection to the mainframe and thereby the program “Phone.”

At this point in time use of “Phone” was limited to only those who knew about it, and it was a fairly closely kept secret. Worse still actual access to the mainframe computer was limited by time allotment. Students were allotted small increments of access time by their classes in order to log on and do their assignments. While that makes sense in a management of resources frame of mind it was increasingly irritating and inconvenient to those who sought to learn more and explore possibilities with this brave new electronic world. Of course, those with a burning desire to learn and explore often find workarounds and ways to get that elusive access. First there was the learning and understanding of how that access was controlled and how the time was managed. It was a very simple program really… very very simple. There was soon found a way to break out of this tiny simple program and its constraints.

Every student was issued an ID and a password to grant them access for their allotted amount of time. This information was literally typed out on little strips of paper that were given to each student by their professors, teachers, teaching assistants etc. They were pretty much one time use ID/passwords… that is unless the student didn’t use all their allotted time. It was found that most students, say for Spanish class, would log on, do the simple module for their class and then log off and walk away from whatever terminal they had accessed the computer from… more often than not One, not using all their allotted time and Two, leaving that little strip of paper sitting on the tabletop or even the keyboard they had been using.

Now those of us in the know soon learned to take advantage of this by cruising the various terminal locations and looking for those little golden tickets. Step one… access and time acquired… step two, to break free from the constraints of the managing program. Again, wiser minds or at least cleverer minds soon discovered it was easy to thwart this managing program by simply overloading its little memory buffer. One needed only to log on to the mainframe using one of the class assigned ID’s and passwords, then at the command level prompt simply pick a key and hold it down and fill up the entire monitor with that character and hit enter. This blew the little mind (overloaded the buffer) and you suddenly found yourself at the mainframe’s command level prompt… the default setting for a computer (management) error. Then with a few simple DOS commands you could initiate or log onto the “Phone” program and join whoever else was on the program at the time. Later that would be like joining a chat room on AOL or other such websites... well… once the Internet was developed and up and running. That would be a while yet though, at least at this point in time.

This was a time of discovery and development… Chatting and talking online as it were. It was soon discovered by most of us using this medium that the literal word could be greatly misunderstood and misconstrued. Everything typed was taken to mean exactly what it said, there was no room for interpretation by things like body language or inflection or emphasis on pronunciation or pitch. Those verbal clues like volume or the questioning lilt when spoken were not there. Of course, after a few heated discussions and misunderstandings things were worked out and people started adding little hints and clues in their text while chatting. Like adding a wink or a smile or a grin to let someone know that that what was said was tongue in cheek or just kidding. Most all of this was still long hand or full words of course as the shorthand and abbreviations that make up modern text language were not even thought of at that time.

Yes, spelling and punctuation was still very important at that time. Still though, we all had a great time, socializing and getting to know one another better. It was amazing to see some people come out of their shells. People like me for instance. “Phone”, this new chatting electronically proved to be very safe for those of us afflicted by the curse of shyness. It was for the most part anonymous as those of us using this program rarely saw one another in person while we were scattered around campus at the various computer terminal locations. Oh sure, many of us would get to know each other well enough that we would feel comfortable meeting in person and in small gatherings before too long. But it was this anonymity that really let people explore the limits of their personalities, and wits or sense of humor… or their sensibilities. We all really opened ourselves up, some for the first time, or in some cases for the first time in a long time anyway.

Since everyone used “dumb terminals” … not computers really but monitors and input devices like keyboards and a mouse to access THE computer, the mainframe, the controllers and systems operators (Sysops) had detailed maps of all the various terminal locations across campus. The maps listed every terminal in every building and office that was connected to the mainframe computer. A simple routine could tell what terminals were in use and when… and as with so many other little tools those of us eager to explore found out about it. When chatting away on “Phone” we could find out who was using what terminal and have a little fun with them if we felt like it. It was often a source of amusement to mess with a new user on “Phone”.

A new user logging on to “Phone” for the first time might be subjected to a little hazing as it were. Older users might look up the new user’s location and for instance if they were alone in a room full of other terminals, we might tell them what chair and table they were sitting at, maybe what other things were in that room. Of course, the new person would be looking around at an empty room wondering how we might know this stuff. Yeah, it was funny at the time. This mapping tool proved to be a bit of a sneaky tool as well however. You know that young single guys are going to want to check out the ladies online if they can. So, if you knew where someone was sitting typing away at a terminal and you were a room or two down the hall you might just… I don’t know… get up and take a walk past the door of the room they were in and check them out.

Yeah, it happened more often than people were aware of. That’s not to say that the girls in the know didn’t do the same thing though… we were all curious back then. All in all, it was pretty harmless though, for the most part all of us in our little group were… well… harmless. We really were there to learn after all. All of us, without fail would help anyone asking for assistance, or at least point them in the right direction for someone who could help them if we couldn’t. That in fact is how I actually met the girl that would make me rethink my views on life and the universe in general.

Everyone on “Phone” used a unique name. We called them “handles” much like the recent decade’s craze with the citizens band radios or CB radios. The “handles” on “Phone” however had to be rather simple as they could only be one name with no hyphens or spaces or such. People got creative when they came up with their handles too. Taking or borrowing names from movies, comics, TV shows, or in some cases like myself from novels that they had read. I was at the time reading the Lord of the Rings Trilogy and adopted the name of one of the characters.

I had several other handles that I just didn’t like or feel comfortable with as I thought they were silly really… like “Fizz” or “Zinger”. So, I tried out “Frodo” from the Trilogy but I thought I might update that to reflect this new electronic age. “Frodo” became “Frodo Video”. Of course, that wouldn’t work as there were two parts to the name and just putting them together to make “FrodoVideo” was tedious just kind of silly I thought. So, I abbreviated it to make it “FrodoV” … And that stuck. People liked it even when the capital V got demoted to a lower-case v to make my handle “Frodov”. I was told it sounded Russian, mostly by people who were unfamiliar with the “Hobbit” or the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy. I never bothered to correct them of course. Where’s the fun in that?

It was late one evening in the middle of the week and I and a couple of my other study group friends had just knocked off working on the latest assignment for our Computer Science class and were now plugged in and online on the mainframe talking on “Phone”. The three of us were on the mezzanine of the Patterson Office tower. There was a couple of pizza boxes open on the table behind us with the remnants of the pizzas I had brought from work to our study group. I figured what the hell, these guys and gals accommodated my work schedule by getting together at times I could join in I could show a little appreciation by treating them to pizza now and then. I got the pizzas at employee discounts anyway, sometimes for free if there was a mistake or bad order… my manager knew what I was doing and cut me a little slack from time to time. Everyone had to provide their own drinks though.

This camaraderie was as close to happiness as I had allowed myself to be in ages, years actually. This night in particular was a hard one on me and had I not had study group I would likely have been off somewhere solitary and alone, perhaps sitting on the tailgate of my truck or lying in the bed parked back some lonely country road staring up at the stars… or simply staring off into space as I continued to lament and mourn. You see this was an anniversary of sorts. A very sad anniversary to be sure… Two years ago, to the day the girl I thought I might spend the rest of my life with, all of eternity with even was taken from this life by a pathetic drunk driver. She had been the passenger in a car with another woman, a tutor to both of us and a dear, no, a beloved friend. The Drunk had run a red light and t-boned our tutor’s car.

My Michelle was killed on impact, Penny, our tutor had survived long enough to be taken to a hospital. I got to see her just before she passed away from internal injuries as well. That day my life as I knew it ended. All the happiness and joy in my life was taken away and replaced with a hollow empty coldness that lingered even to this day… this anniversary. Instead, here I was on the computer cutting up and carrying on with other new friends only a couple who had any idea of what I was dealing with. Those two were respectful however and didn’t let on to anyone else, even if they were nudging me reminding me that I was still amongst the living and life still held hope and wonder to be discovered.

So it was that night when a new user found her way onto “Phone” for the first time. She had been told about it by an older user of course or she wouldn’t have been here at all. She signed on as “Kat” and of course all the young guys immediately welcomed her and began “chatting her up”, myself included, well… to a certain extent anyway. I was still rather mollified by my deeply personal ruminations. Kat soon found herself overwhelmed by attention from the other guys and even some of the gals online at the time. Of course, the gals already knew that Kat was going to be the center of attention until her novelty wore off or she made it clear to all the wolves that she was not interested in them.

Kat had signed on originally seeking help with a problem she was having with an assignment in her own Computer Science class. It would seem however that she was in a higher-level class than the guys she was currently talking to and they were little help at all. So, she decided to just hang out a little while and learn more about this “Phone” program.

At one point she complained in passing about a key on her keyboard being sticky. All the other guys just kind of blew that off as they were focused on making a favorable impression on this new girl. I on the other hand was familiar with the aggravation of a sticky key and pulled up the map tool to see what terminal Kat was using. I noticed that she was the only one active in that room, that happened to be in the Business and Economics building not too far away. I told her that if she logged off and moved over two terminals to the one next to the window, she would find that the keyboard was much more agreeable, and she would have an easier time typing.

This kind of freaked her out though as when she looked around Kat realized that she was indeed the only one in the room and she was two terminals away from the window. Oh, she logged off alright, but she didn’t come back on right away.

I caught some flak from the other guys online after Kat left as they thought I had scared her off. A couple of them even left themselves in a bit of a snit. It was their loss however as a few minutes later Kat did come back online, and when I ran the mapping tool again, I saw that she had indeed moved over to the terminal I suggested. She made it a point to thank me for the suggestion and seemed to single me out for ongoing conversation that evening. Now you have to understand this was all open at the time there were no private messages, so anything typed in was visible to everyone else. I was sure to inform Kat of this early on and I guess she took it to heart.

Kat turned out to be quite capable of holding her own with this group of computer nerds. They were all brazenly flirting with her and trying to get her to describe herself… what she was wearing, what kinds of foods she liked, music, movies, TV shows, what classes she was taking etc. I just kind of let it ride and didn’t press her for information like the others. Of course, with so many people on at the same time I think there were perhaps eleven or twelve at that time, conversations soon overlapped and got confusing, like they would in person at say a noisy party perhaps. For those of us used to the chaos it was nothing new but for someone getting on for the first time it was a little overwhelming. Kat seemed to be doing okay however. None the less she said she had to go as she had to drive home, and it was getting late. It would seem she was another commuter student like me rather than an on-campus resident. I said good night and just as my parents always remind me to “Take care and be careful.” This got me a thank you. I didn’t think anything about it I mean it was just a reflex really.

Things kind of settled down to the normal silliness after Kat left and it wasn’t long that I myself had to beg pardon and say my goodbyes. I still lived at home on the farm after all and it was getting late. My parents were well used to my coming in late in the wee hours of the night by now due to work and study, but I still had to sleep some too. I gathered up my books in my book bag and told my pals I’d see them later. I rode the elevator down to the lobby and then went out to the side of the tower where my pickup was parked.

When I started my truck, I saw that a US Mail tractor Trailer had Patterson drive blocked off at White Hall classroom building, no doubt delivering mail to the campus post office in the basement of that building. With a sigh I backed out to Administration Drive and went around the loop to exit out onto South Limestone. As I drove around the loop I passed by the Business and Economics building. I thought back to earlier and speaking with the new girl Kat on “Phone”. While I was thinking about this it registered in my brain that I saw a car parked in front of the B&E building with its hood open and a pair of legs sticking out in the drive. Of course, I stopped rather than risk hitting whoever it was climbing all over their engine. I rolled down my window and asked if they were okay.

The slender legs kicked a couple of times and then they began inching back out over the fender until a decidedly feminine backside and waist came into view and the feet touched the ground. The girl that rotated around from under the hood brushed a stray handful of long curly hair out of her face before giving me a grimace and meeting my eyes. Maybe it was my predisposed funk and reminiscing, maybe it was a cruel twist of fate or an even crueler trick by some higher power but the face looking back at me stunned me to the point of gibberish. The irreverent loose curly long hair, the grease smudge on her cheek or the smirking half grin or grimace along with those eyes made my heart stop beating. Or it felt like it anyway. My gut froze and my blood ran cold as I gasped.

They say that when you are in mourning your heart rules your brain and even your senses. You look for the one you loved in every face and listen for them in every voice etc. I had never really paid that much heed but at this moment it would certainly explain my reaction upon seeing this girl. I know full well that it was not her… this girl’s eyes were different, they were an odd hazel color somewhere between brown and grey… her face… was different… her hair, okay her hair was similar in its wildness but still there was something… something indescribable maybe that struck me to my core. I knew this girl… somehow… some way. I felt an immediate connection with her and as much as I know how hokey that sounds it was true. I honestly think that she felt it too as she stammered as if uncertain for a moment or two as well. Yeah, it was only a few heartbeats in time seconds at most but seeing one another face to face in the moment in time seemed more like a day or even a week really.

She was the first to snap out of this perplexing phenomenon. Brushing the hair out of her face and inadvertently spreading the smudge of grease a little further across her pale white cheek. I watched it all as if it were in slow motion. I was a little taken aback and even confused when she spoke.

“Hello.” She said. A simple greeting, a simple word, yet the sound of her voice was almost musical to my ears. That one word carried like a symphony to my ears and my mind. After an awkward pause I guess I finally snapped back into the present. I shook my head and cleared my throat.

“Um… hi… Uh, are you having problems… with your car?” I stammered so eloquently. I’m amazed to this day that she didn’t merely burst out laughing at me even then.

“Yeah… I’ve got a loose battery terminal connection it seems like every time I hit a bump it comes off my battery. I was just trying to put it back on when I dropped my flashlight. I was trying to fish it back out when you drove up.” She said with a touch of aggravation and a hint of embarrassment.

“Did you get it, the flashlight that is?” I asked. I was answered with another puff of air as she blew a few stray strands of hair out of her face… an act that sent a chill down my spine as it was so achingly familiar and similar to someone else. I recovered much more quickly this time as she spoke.

“No. It’s just out of reach, my arms are just a little too short without climbing down into the engine compartment anyway. I almost did that already.” She said with another puff of air.

“Let me give it a shot.” I said as I turned off my truck and set the parking brake and turned on my flashers since I was in the middle of the drive. I got out of my truck and walked to the front of her car, an older model Ford Crown Victoria LTD.

“What is this, a ’72 model?” I asked her absently.

“Pretty close, it’s a ’74 actually. My mom gave it to me when I started school here at the University. It’s seen better days but it’s generally reliable… battery cable withstanding anyway.” She informed me.

As I leaned over the grill, I could see the errant flashlight still on down in the engine compartment sitting on top of what must be one of the motor mounts wedged between the frame and the engine. I took off my windbreaker and then leaned over and snaked my arm down along the side of the motor until my fingers were just brushing the flashlight. I couldn’t quite get my fingers around it but I had a thought that if I bumped it out from where it was wedged the flashlight would fall to the ground under the car. So that’s what I did. With a clunk the flashlight hit the ground and rolled to come to rest just behind the driver side front tire. With a sigh of relief, the girl leaned over and picked it up and shined it into the engine compartment as I snaked my arm back out from around the motor.

“Oh, thank you… I’m sorry I didn’t even get your name.” She said as I cleared the motor and straightened back up.

“Jim” I offered as I took the rag she handed me and tried to wipe off the grease that was now smudged and staining my right hand and arm.

“Oh hi… Jim… and Thank you, really.” She said smiling at me. I could have stood there all night looking at that smile and into those eyes. In the dark I couldn’t even tell exactly what color they were, but they were alive and vibrant and almost shining with some sort of inner light. Again, that familiar tug yanked on my heart strings and I had to swallow a lump in my throat before I spoke again.

“Um… why don’t you shine the light in here again and I’ll see if I can reconnect your battery cable for you… uh…” I paused realizing that though I had offered up my own name I still didn’t know what hers was. Of course, this was quickly corrected as she told me.

“Kathie… with an eye ee. Actually, it’s Katherine but I hate that and only my mother and grandmother call me that so it’s just Kathie.” She gushed almost a little embarrassed it thought for some reason… but how would I know that? I had only literally just met this girl. This Kathie… with an eye ee.

“Well Kathie… with an eye ee, it looks like the clamp on your battery cable is too loose. Let me get a pair of pliers out of my truck and I’ll tighten it up for you so it doesn’t come off the next time you hit a bump or something.” I said with a shy smile.

“That’d be great! Thanks… Jim.” She said happily as if not believing her good luck. I walked over to my truck and climbed in so I could lean over and get into my glove box. I pulled out a pair of pliers and I knew I would need something else to hold the base end of the bolt in the clamp, so I grabbed a flat head screwdriver as well. I slid back out of my truck and walked to the side of the fender closest to her car’s battery. With Kathie with an eye ee holding the errant flashlight shining on the battery I slipped the cable connector back over the battery post and tapped it down snuggly with the pair of pliers. I then wedged the flat head screwdriver under one of the flats on the base of the bolt going through the clamp and using the pliers I turned the nut down tightening the clamp securely onto the battery post.

With the cable secured I told Kathie with an eye ee to give it a shot and see if her car would start. She smiled and got in and turned the engine over. It whirred a couple of times then fired right up and ran strong and true. I closed her hood for her and wiped my hands off a little more before handing her the rag as she leaned out her driver side window.

“I don’t know how to thank you enough… Jim. That was really nice of you to help.” She said smiling up at me.

“Oh, it was nothing really. I’ve needed help before. I’m just paying it forward, I guess. Besides, I couldn’t let anyone be stranded this late at night, especially a pretty girl.” I said with a sheepish grin knowing that I was probably blushing but thankful that it was dimly lit out as we were quite a way from the nearest streetlamp.

“Well thank you again all the same…” she was saying when I noticed that we were both suddenly bathed in light. A very bright light… a spotlight in fact. Turning to see or try to see the source of the light I saw the blue light begin to flash somewhere behind the source of the spotlight. “Uh oh…” I heard Kathie with an eye ee mutter to my side.

“Is there a problem here?” Came a stern commanding voice from somewhere behind the blinding light.

“Just a little battery problem, but it’s all fixed now” I heard Kathie say to my right and I nodded agreeing with her.

“Well okay then, you two need to move along, you’re blocking the drive.” I heard as the spotlight went out and I found I was still momentarily blinded… seeing a ghost image of the light yet.

“I guess I’d better get on home myself. Nice to meet you Kathie… with an eye ee.” I said with a touch of sadness and a reluctance to part so soon… there was just something about her that made me want to learn more.

“Maybe we’ll see each other around sometime… Jim.” She said with a curious smile… or maybe it was my dazzled vision still messing with me.

“Yeah, maybe. I’m around campus in the evenings usually working on assignments or in study group… it’s possible we might run into each other. Take care and be careful.”

“What did you say?” Kathie asked with a curious alert expression on her face.

“Uh… take care… and be careful…” I said puzzled as to how this could be of any interest to anyone.

“It’s just something that I say… I guess because I’ve always heard it from my folks whenever I was leaving to go somewhere.” I added.

“In that case… thanks and I think we might very well see each other around… goodnight Frodov.” Kathie said as she smiled sweetly and then put the car in gear and drove away past the still parked campus police car with its lights still flashing.

I stood there rooted to the ground as I watched her taillights grow smaller and then vanish around the bed of the drive. How did she know my “Phone” handle? I wondered.

“Just whose car had the battery problem anyway?” I heard the campus police officer ask a little annoyed that I was still blocking the drive.

“Sorry… I’m moving.” I said and walked back over and climbed in my truck and started it back up, put it in gear and drove away.

My mind was in a clouded muddled fog as I drove through campus and then downtown to make my way out to the interstate and then on towards home and the farm. It wasn’t until I was about halfway home that I finally put two and two together. Kathie… with an eye ee… was parked outside the B&E building… I had just gotten offline from being on “Phone” with my friends and this new girl “Kat”… who was on a terminal in the B&E building… just a short time before I left to go home. Could this Kathie… with an eye ee be “Kat”?

Once I got home to the farm and parked my truck, I parked my butt on a chair on the back porch and sat back to stare at the stars above. My eyes weren’t really seeing the stars however as my mind turned inward and to visions of the girl, I thought would be my entire universe. Yes, there was sadness, but the tears rarely came anymore, only that lonely longing feeling of missing her. I could still hear her infectious laughter, the soft purring quality of her voice when she would speak to me as we held one another. I could see the light and magic and the love in her eyes when she gazed into my own… those endlessly deep light blue green gems with the little gold flecks… God I missed Michelle.

I knew in my heart, and in my mind that there would never truly be another like her. How could there be? Yet this very night I was startled, no I was shaken and stunned even by that familiar look in the eyes of another. A girl that I didn’t even know that I had never met before… but I felt… I don’t know… a connection of some sort. How is that even possible? Maybe it was just too much to think about right now I surmised. Taking a last long look at the heavens above I said a silent prayer for Michelle and for our beloved Miss Penny, wishing them both all the love in the world and that they were happy wherever they may be. Then I got up and went in the house and soon to bed.

I dreamt that night… I often did after thinking so hard and remembering the ones I loved so dearly. They visited me in my dreams. Usually, it’s just flashes of the past, the good times, the feelings of love and joy warming my heart and giving me strength to carry on from day to day. It was like that this night as well… but there was a twist. Mixed in with the more familiar flashes and visions were new ones. It was a face that I had only seen once, with smoky brownish grey eyes… and a smudge of grease on her cheek.

A lot had happened in the two years since I had lost my innocence and my world collapsed. Yes, life goes on, the pain dulls and the trivial day to day matters makes the time pass in its ever-onward passage. Some things remain the same however, friendships, true friendships anyway will remain. Sure, people grow apart as their own lives diverge and they may see less and less of one another but if the love was there to begin with it will never fade. I was reminded of that the next evening as I sat in the parking lot of the Dom’s Pizza store I worked at four or five nights a week to help pay for my gas and insurance. It was the very same location I had started at several years ago when I first began classes at the university. It was the place that I was taken in under the wing of several people as an awkward inexperienced and terribly shy teenager fresh out of high school. Sitting there on the tailgate of my pickup truck I was joined by probably one of my dearest and oldest friends.

My truck sagged just a bit on its springs as Jules hopped up and planted her keester on other end of my tailgate.

“Hey Buddy! How you doing?” She asked as she took a pull out of the bottle of beer in her hand. I had been lost in thought I suppose as I was momentarily startled but recovered quickly.

“Hi Jules.” I said in greeting and grinned sheepishly as she grinned because I had been startled.

“You look awfully thoughtful there farm boy.” She said as she leaned back against the sidewall of my truck bed stretching her right leg out along the tailgate, her foot just shy of brushing my left thigh and hip.

“Yeah… you know… just remembering. It was a hard day yesterday.” I said sadly and stared intently at a spot on the parking lot pavement several feet from the back of my truck. My two hands were wrapped around a half empty bottle of Pepsi that was all but forgotten as my mind wandered.

“I know bud… It was hard for me too, but you know, life goes on.” She said in a somber voice that resonated with a shared emotional knowing. We both just sat there in silence for a few minutes… Jules taking an occasional pull from her beer. Eventually I pulled myself out of my sad state of reverie and engage with my friend.

“So, tell me about this job you got with the government.” I said half turning to face Jules and smiling at her.

“I still can’t believe I got the job really but yeah, I’ll be working with the environmental protection agency. They’re sending me to a school in Illinois for training.” She said with her trademark smirk on her face, but I could see in her eyes both excitement and a little trepidation.

“Wow! You’re going to be a government agent? Who knew?” I said in a joking tone and grinned at her. “I’ll miss you girl.” I added and swallowed a lump in my throat but kept the smile on my face. The smirk on Jules’ face faltered for a moment as she registered the true emotions, but it was back in a flash before she began talking again.

“Well don’t get too used to the idea that I’m gone, I’ll be coming back after I complete the schooling, so you’d better stay out of trouble while I’m gone.” She said and took another pull of her beer to hide the trembling of her bottom lip. She went on.

“And just so you know, I’ve got people who know you and will be keeping me informed as to any hijinks you might get up to while I’m away.” She warned in mock seriousness as she slid off the end of the tailgate to stand in front of me. I simply looked up at her and smiled knowing she was just telling me she loved me and still cared.

“Thanks Jules… I love you too.” I said with a lopsided grin knowing that she couldn’t bring herself to say it in return and hearing it would cause her to choke up, because she knew it was true. She sucked in her lips in an aggravated grimace as if she were about to say something, but I saw that her eyes got shiny. She swatted the side of my leg with a backhand and turned to walk to her car. She turned her head and growled over her shoulder.

“You kill me Jim… Damn you… Take care bud.” She said as she closed her car door and started the engine to drive off.

That night wasn’t a study group night but I didn’t have to close at Dom’s so I had some free time before I should be heading home to the farm for the night. I thought about swinging by campus and getting on the mainframe to play a while on “Phone”. I should be going to the library instead and working on a writing assignment for English Comp class. Maybe I could do both, the library has terminal locations too after all. That settled, I hopped off the tailgate and turned to close it before getting in my truck and heading towards campus.

I did work on my writing assignment for about an hour and a half before growing bored with it. After I put my work away in my book bag and taking a bathroom break and finding a vending machine to get a cold can of coke, I made my way to one of the computer rooms. There were three rooms in the main library with terminals set up to allow access to the mainframe computer. The room I entered only had a few people in it and they were studiously working away on their own assignments or research.

I took a seat in front of a terminal on the far side of the room from the rest of the people there. I was about to reach for my book bag to pull out a computer ID/password slip that I had collected but I saw one sitting on the edge of the keyboard of the machine I was sitting at. It was an engineering class issue. A rare one really, most of the slips I’ve found in the past have been for language classes or even an art class once. This was a first. I wondered if there were in fact any time left on the account to utilize.

Powering up the monitor and keyboard I entered the ID at the prompt and then the password when prompted for that as well. It did have time left on it, not much but enough to connect with. I randomly chose a key and held it down and watched my monitor scroll and scroll and scroll as it filled up with line after line of that same character. When the screen was full, I hit the enter key. Poof! There was the mainframe’s systems prompt. I smiled to myself and connected to “Phone”.

I was greeted by a flood of typed hellos and howdy’s and hi’s. A few asked me where I was and if I had pizza tonight, the bums. I typed in my location even though I knew that some had already pegged me as being in the library by using the mapping tool. Of course, not everyone knew about that tool so I had to play along. There was currently a bit of a bitch session going on about one of the Chemistry professors giving out a surprise exam earlier today. It was sort of a pop quiz I guess but those in his class were not expecting it. There was speculation about this weekend’s upcoming football game, two girls were ranting about a frat party they had attended the previous night and how they had been disrespected. Just a typical night on “Phone” really… that is until I saw Kat log on and join the conversations.

I suspected that this Kat was in fact the girl, Kathie… with an eye ee that I had assisted with her car last night, but I still wasn’t entirely sure. I of course greeted her and welcomed her to our crazy little group on “Phone”, but I didn’t push for any information. That’s not to say the other guys didn’t swarm her with flirtatious quips and questions. The dogs! I kept it civil and just kind of watched their antics and how Kat seemed to easily fend them off and still carry-on normal conversation.

At one point she did ask me specifically about my handle. She wanted to know if it was a reference to the J.R.R. Tolkien books, the Lord of the Rings trilogy. I was a little taken aback but pleased that someone else got the reference. I told her as much as asked her if she had read any of the books herself. We kind of got carried away talking about the series and after a while a few others commented that “Phone” was starting to sound like a book club meeting or something. I’m pretty sure it was one of the guys who had been spurned earlier by Kat. Not that she was rude or condescending in any way, she had just not entertained his advances and hints.

Kat said that it was getting late and she needed to be getting off the computer and heading home. Before she could leave though I took a wild chance and asked her if she had had dinner, or at least if she were hungry anyway. This really took a lot for me to ask, especially in an open chat situation with everyone else seeing what I typed and asked. Of course, there are always the smart asses and a couple of the guys and one girl, all well known to me as they were part of my study group, chimed in and said they’d meet up to get something to eat. I know they were partly pulling my leg, but I also knew that they were serious about getting something to eat… and on the off chance to possibly meet Kat as well. As soon as I had asked it, I was sure I would be turned down just as effectively as she had shut down the other guys hitting on her yesterday and today. I was a little stunned, if happily so, when she responded that sure, she wouldn’t mind grabbing a bite to eat somewhere close. Of course, as we were all college students and therefore on low budgets, we all opted for cheaper eats. Someone suggested Tolly Ho’s and everyone else agreed and began signing off.

Tolly Ho’s was and I guess still is a university institution in and of its own. The epitome of the greasy spoon hamburger joint on campus, they offered cheap food items and cozy atmosphere. The jukebox runs almost nonstop from open to close. The fountain drinks and even beer for those old enough to buy it were on tap. The smell of fresh shoestring fries and burgers permeated the very walls of the place. I had just slid into a chair at a table that had been pulled up to the end of a booth thereby extending it for our small group. I was one of the last to show up. Someone had already ordered a pitcher of beer and a pitcher of Dr. Pepper for those of us not wanting beer, there were a couple of baskets of fries on the tables too as we all talked and cut up. A couple of the guys were still speculating as just to what this Kat looked like as she hadn’t shown up yet. One commented that she probably wouldn’t show up after being badgered by so many of the guys last night and tonight. I just smiled and shrugged my shoulders.

When Kathie… with an eye ee walked through the entrance with a searching look on her face… noticeably absent of a greasy smudge… I knew it was Kat. The smile on my face belied the knot that had formed in my stomach and caused my heart to pause a few beats. Kat looked around and when she saw me sitting with the group, she knew which table to approach. Greetings were made and as the only chair left open was directly across from me it was only natural that she sat there. She alit in the chair with a grace and flow that was mesmerizing, at least to me anyway. I had watched her from the moment she had entered the HO, and as she had made her way through the crowd to our table. She had seemed to float across the room so smooth were her movements they seemed to flow like water or air. Of course, there were a few stray strands of her curly long dark hair that flew about as if a mist or smoke.

I’m not sure if it was my natural shyness coming to the fore, or if it was simply a result of my being swept away by the presence of this girl. I was enraptured or at least captured by her mere presence. I hung on every word just to hear the sound of her voice. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her face, those eyes were so vibrant and… and… I don’t know how to describe it really, they just held my attention. The smoky grey brown or I guess hazel color seemed to shift in the light. I studied her face as if I were trying to memorize it. I guess I was actually, I certainly remembered it anyway. Those smoky eyes with their animated dark eyebrows fluttering over them, her generous lips with the hint of a Cupid’s bow centered under her straight but smallish nose… lips that curled so easily into a warm and generous smile. Looking closer I noticed that she had just a hint of an overbite, but her teeth were straight and dazzling when she smiled.

There at the table though the lighting was a bit dim it was still brighter than last night when I had first met Kathie, as such I noticed that she had a sprinkling of freckles across her otherwise clear white skin. When she smiled, and she smiled often, her eyes would crinkle a bit and those freckles seemed to move with her cheeks and lips. Her straight chin was a little rounded but suited her face perfectly. And what a lovely face it was too... a classical ovaline face that could have easily been designed and painted by Da Vinci… the golden ratio at its finest. Of course, it was all framed by that mass of loose curly long dark hair. Still not having seen it in light bright enough to determine its true color I could only say that it was dark, not exactly jet black but I might err by calling it brunette. I would have to wait until I saw it in better light. Whatever the color however, it suited her perfectly. I guess I got lost in my observations and therefore was a little distracted as the gang began introducing themselves to Kat.

There was, at the far end of the booth on my side closest to the wall our resident wannabe drag queen in training “Marq”. His real name was David, but he idolized the Marquis De’ Sade for some reason that I’ll never understand. Next was “Lindy” an actual real name, her middle… Sarah Lindy something I couldn’t remember her last name, not that it was important to any of us at the time. To Lindy’s left and to my right was “Jobe” or Jacob being his real name.

Across the table from Marq was “Jinx”, Chris was a slightly overweight light skinned African American or as he referred to himself the “token chocolate chip”. Next to him was a plump little giggling blond with greasy looking ringlet hair named Jennifer that went by the handle “Fluffy”, she was an encourage able flirt if ever there was one. On her right at the addition table, we had pulled against the booth and incidentally next to Kat was “Ozz” or Steven but even offline he preferred to be called Ozz for some reason. Finally, the introductions had gotten around to me but as I had mentioned I was lost… lost in observation and… well… appreciation I suppose. So, I was a little embarrassed when I realized that Kat was looking at me expectantly with a bit of a smile on her face.

It might have been the elbow to my side from Jacob or the giggles from Fluffy and Lindy… and Marq but I was suddenly aware that the entire group was looking at me and waiting for me to “introduce” myself to Kat… Kathie… with an eye ee.

“Hi. My name is Jim.” I said smiling sheepishly but managing to keep eye contact with Kathie… I go by “Frodov” online, but I think you know that already.” I said.

“Yeah… I kind of figured it out. Thanks again for helping me out with my car last night by the way.” Kathie said beaming. The others all looked at one another and back and forth between Kat and myself sensing there was some sort of story there and they wanted to know about it.

“So, what’s this about helping her out of her car? Fro, just what have you been doing?” Queried Marq from the far end of the booth.

“Yeah! Tell us all about it now son!” Added a grinning Fluffy.

“Not much to tell really.” I started with an embarrassed grin. “As I was leaving to drive home last night Patterson drive was blocked by the Mail truck, so I had to go around Admin drive. As I did, I saw this pair of legs sticking out from under the hood of a car parked on the drive. I slowed down and stopped to ask if they needed any help.” I continued but Kat jumped in and took over.

“Yeah, most people would have just drove on by and not even blinked, but this guy stopped and asked if he could help, and he did help! First he helped me get my flashlight that I dropped in the engine then he helped me with my battery cable.” She told them with a smile on her face and her eyes boring into mine.

“So, did you get her phone number Fro?” asked Jinx from the other end of the table.

“He didn’t even ask for it.” Proclaimed Kathie as if it were a point to be noted.

“Yeah, he wouldn’t.” Declared Lindy as a matter of fact. “He’s not a typical horn dog like these other guys.” She added with a wry grin looking around the table.

“I beg your pardon!” Exclaimed Marq indignantly from her side causing the table to break up with laughter, even Kat grinned at that.

The banter went on for a while, much like we did on “Phone” the conversations split and comingled and for anyone outside out little group it would have been almost impossible to follow any one thread or conversation. Kat held her own with the rest of us, well… with the rest of the group. As usual I tended to be mostly quiet only speaking up when spoken directly to or asked a question. I had to force myself to stop from staring or simply focusing entirely too much on Kathie, it was hard to do for some reason. I hadn’t felt such a fascination or yeah, an attraction to a girl, any girl in so long that I was simply overwhelmed.

At some point my conscience or maybe it was my heart got the better of me and I knew I had to leave. Some part of me felt guilty for this new fascination I think now as I look back on it. I stood making my apologies and goodbyes telling the gang that I needed to be heading home because I had an early class in the morning. As I tossed a ten-dollar bill on the table to help cover the food and soft drinks Kat told me to hang on a second, she’d appreciate it if I could walk her to her car. Not knowing what else to say and always being polite and a gentleman when I could I said sure. The gang was all smiles but admirably they all refrained from saying anything, at least until after Kathie and I had left the Ho.

As it turned out Kathie had parked very close to my own ride, my pickup truck was just one car away from her big old Crown Vic. I felt awkward and for some reason my mouth had gone dry as I stood there with my book bag hanging from one shoulder, just a step away from this beautiful creature. Kathie had turned to face me and was leaning back up against her driver side door with her arms crossed as if to ward off a chill. Her head was tipped ever so slightly to one side and tilted forward a bit, the effect was to make her gaze slightly sidelong and looking up through her lashes and a few strands of that wild curly hair of hers. She was smiling. Not a toothy smile but more of a curious wry grin as if she were trying with amusement to figure me out.

“You are kind of quiet aren’t you, Jim?” She said more of a statement than a question. I nearly panicked as I tried to formulate some sort of response, but my mind seemed to be stuck in some sticky goo at the moment.

“That’s just an observation by the way, I wasn’t accusing you of anything so relax.” She said with a little chirp of laughter as her smile widened with her amusement. I just kind of shrugged and gave her some approximation of a bashful grin mixed with a grimace. I was glad that it was mostly dark as we were a way from the nearest streetlamp, at least she couldn’t see me blushing.

“Uh… I’ve always been kind of shy I guess, especially around new people.” I offered lamely.

“Even among your friends?” Kathie asked as she tilted her head to the other shoulder, perhaps for a new perspective.

“I guess I open up a little after I get to know someone but I’m still pretty quiet.” I admitted and shrugged again.

“Well then I think I’m just going to have to try to make you see me as one of your friends. I have a feeling about you Jim. It’s true what Lindy said about you I think, you’re not like most guys… and I like that.” Kathie said and averted her eyes and bit her bottom lip.

Oh my god! Was she blushing? Again, it was a little too dark to know for sure, but I just felt it in my bones, I think. I swallowed once, then twice still trying to think of something to say but failing miserably.

“I think… I think I’d like that…” I finally stammered out almost in a whisper as if I myself didn’t believe I’d just heard what she said. Kathie’s bottom lip was released, and her smile exploded on her face and it was like a beacon or a searchlight had just turned on.

“Um… do you have a pen in your bag… and maybe a piece of paper to write on?” She asked as she began this slow swiveling rocking from side to side from her waist up, her eyes never leaving my own.

I just stood there like a statue lost in the vision of her smiling face before my molasses coated brain finally caught up to the words she had just spoken. I pulled my bag off my shoulder and fumbled with the zipper on the front pocket and managed to find a pen and a small notepad. Kathie took them from my hand… after holding them, lingering for a moment longer than necessary, I think. Again, that bottom lip got pulled into her teeth as she turned and opened the notepad setting it on the roof of her car and wrote on the first blank page. Turning back to me she handed me the pen and notepad, again lingering as we both held them at the same time. Again, she was looking up through her bangs and eye lashes as if suddenly shy herself.

“That’s my phone number, well, my mom’s house anyway. I still live at home while I’m in school.” She said almost as if apologizing for something. I looked down at the pad and pen as she finally let go of them and withdrew her hands.

“I still live at home too, on the farm.” I offered and then bit my tongue when I thought it sounded so hokey.

“On a farm… What kind of farm, what do you raise?” She asked with what seemed like genuine curiosity.

“Oh, not much now, it’s not a big farm. We still have some livestock… chickens and some hogs… a couple of ponies for my sisters. We grow some tobacco, but my dad and my younger brother do most of that work now that I’m in college. I help out of course at harvest time and when we strip and bale it for market…” I trailed off thinking that I was getting lamer with every word. Surely, she would think that she could find someone more interesting to spend her time with after hearing things like this.

“You seem embarrassed about it Jim… why is that?” Kathie said as she tilted her head to the opposite shoulder again as if to get a better perspective perhaps.

“No, not embarrassed really, but most girls aren’t particularly interested in hearing about my living on a farm or farming in general… I wouldn’t want to bore you or anything.” I said with a shrug and honest to god I caught myself kicking my toe in the gravel of the parking lot like a shy country oaf. I stopped it of course but I had to wonder if Kathie noticed it too. I could feel my face turning red with blush.

“Well, I think that if you and I do become friends you will find that I’m a lot like you in that I’m not like most girls… You might be surprised by what I find interesting.” She said with a coy smile then drawing in that bottom lip between her beautiful straight white teeth… with the slight overbite.

Seeing this I almost gasped as it shot a bolt right through me as I had a momentary flashback to seeing another girl do that… my heart did a little flip in my chest and then I shuddered involuntarily. I shook my head to clear it and cleared my throat.

“I should let you go… it’s getting late and I need to get on home too. I have to close at work tomorrow night, but I’ll be on campus tomorrow for a while and we have a study group the night after tomorrow. Maybe if you’re not busy we could meet up on “Phone” or have a bite to eat somewhere sometime.” I offered like a bashful teenager. To my surprise Kathie’s smile grew even bigger before she spoke.

“Yeah, I need to get home, family obligations and all… but I’d like to catch up to you sometime again soon. And Jim… you have my phone number now too. You can call me sometime if you like…” She said smiling as she opened the door of that big old Crown Vic and slid in behind the wheel.

I stood there and watched her as she started the motor and then backed that big Ford out of the parking space and glided out onto the street and then she was gone. I looked down and there in my still clutching hand was my little notepad and the pen that Kathie had written her number down and given to me. I took a deep breath and smiled a half smile to myself as I put it back in my book bag and then walked on to my truck to drive home.

I don’t think I was consciously aware of the act of driving that night. Oh, sure I went through the motions, made all the correct turns and exits and what not but I honestly don’t remember much of the actual drive from point A, the parking lot at Tolly Ho’s to point B, pulling into the driveway at the farm. No, my mind was lost in a sea of mixed emotions and turmoil. I was practically giddy with curiosity about this new wonderful and intriguing young lady I had just met… Kathie… with an eye ee. There was something about her that just gripped me in a visceral way. I felt like I already knew her somehow but at the same time I wanted to get to know more about her… everything about her.

On the other hand, I was beating myself up emotionally with feelings of guilt and remorse. Part of me deep down in my heart and very soul still longed for a girl that has been gone for two years… gone forever. Part of my heart died when she did. I thought my soul was buried along with her body the day they laid her to rest. Of course, I would always love her… but could I actually love another? Honestly, it scared me, the possibility of opening myself up to another so completely and totally once more… only to have it all ripped away again.

Oh, I’ve had a few “girl friends” mostly recently, maybe over the past six months or so. But that’s all they really were… friends that were girls. There were a few dalliances, even a couple of times things got physical to the point of sex. But none could break through that barrier into my heart, but then none really tried either I think. For them it was just fun and games. I on the other hand beat myself up after each time thinking somehow that I had cheated. How do you cheat on a ghost though… or a memory? So here I was again in turmoil, but this felt different. I was going to have to do some serious soul searching I thought.

The following day I found myself thinking more and more about this unsettling situation. The reasoning part of my brain clearly understands the past is the past and anything else is just holding on to memories. The heart however wants what the heart wants, even if it’s impossible and as confusing as it is the heart also yearns for or at least is open to… more. Why is it that my mind suddenly stops working and my heart flips and skips a beat whenever I’m in the presence of this new girl Kathie?

I was lost deep in thought and speculation when the TA for my English Comp class dismissed us at the end of the class. I was startled to realize that I had pretty much missed the whole class as I was so lost in thought. I gathered my notebook and pen and my book bag as well as my thoughts and made my way out of the classroom and the building to find that it had begun raining. Wonderful… and me with no umbrella today.

I tried to stay under the numerous trees between the White Hall classroom building and the bus stop in front of the Chem Physics building. The rainy-day kind of fit my mood though I suppose, cloudy, dreary and wet. I kept my head down pretty much barely aware of the ground in front of my feet until I made it to the bus stop that would allow me to catch a shuttle bus ride to the stadium where my truck was parked. Of course, the bus stop shelter was packed with others avoiding the rain and waiting on the shuttles as well. So, I simply leaned against the outside frame and waited.

Eventually one of the regular shuttle buses came around and I was soon getting off the bus at the stadium parking lot. I trudged to my truck and tossed my book bag in the cab and grabbed the towel I kept behind the seat for just this kind of day. This wasn’t the first time I’ve been caught out in the rain. I had to grin when memories ran through my mind of several times getting soaked and having to change clothes or at least dry off when I was working with some tutors and with a very special fellow student…

The lump in my throat and the tug at my heart signaled my brain that this was not a good time to remember such things. Taking a deep breath, I shook my head to clear those thoughts away and started up my truck and headed off to work at Dom’s. Tonight, I was working at the store location that I had originally started working at several years ago.

Over the past few years, I had become something of an old hand with Dom’s. As such I often worked at any of the many locations around town and even ones in the surrounding towns as well. I was a bit of a veteran after all. I could both make deliveries and help out inside by making the pizzas and tending the ovens when called upon to do so. I knew all the managers and most of the trainees or assistant managers and they knew me. Several times it had been suggested to me to consider maybe going into management myself. Of course, I halfway considered it but at this point in time I didn’t feel like it was the thing for me to do. I was still in school after all and that was enough for my brain to handle for now… as dim as my hopes seemed at the present, I still thought an education was in order. I still had to pay for my insurance and gas and upkeep of my vehicle to get to and from home to school and of course for work however so work I must. Besides, I had a lot of friends and a few who could more correctly be claimed as family working with Dom’s.

As I pulled up to the shop that afternoon, despite the patter of the rain on the cab of my pickup and the squeaking of my windshield wipers trying to keep up I had to smile when I saw a familiar car in the parking lot. Jules was here tonight, I guess that she’s still working right up until she leaves for her Schooling for the EPA in another week or so. I smiled and swallowed a lump in my throat as a momentary emotional tug twisted inside of me again.

Jules was an aggravating individual at times a brazen in your face decidedly died in the wool lesbian… if a little on the butch side of the coin so to speak. She could in fact pass as a guy from twenty, hell even ten feet away if you saw her from behind or roughly in profile. Her hair was always cut short more like a guy’s and if not in uniform for Dom’s then she would still have a ball cap of some kind on her head of thin reddish blond hair. She was thin but more wiry than skinny, and lanky. She was probably one of my closest and dearest friends. Hell, I thought of her as more of an older sister really.

Jules had been my original trainer when I was hired on at Dom’s years ago. She not only showed me the ropes on the job, but we developed a friendship that would mean more to me than most anything else in my life prior to meeting her. It was partly Jules that got me accepted behind the wall… an imaginary barrier or front developed by those of the alternative lifestyles (being gay). Most of the women working for Dom’s for years and years were of that decidedly feminine persuasion that… well… preferred the company of other women. Of course, that is frowned upon by the general public and in an industry that relies heavily upon public opinion it was necessary to keep things under wraps so to speak… or behind the wall.

I have always been something of a people watcher, and an acute observer in some instances really. So, I had soon noticed that there were differences between most of the girls I had known before working for Dom’s and the ones I worked with. Little turns of phrases, certain innuendo, perhaps body language. I would see the differences in how the ladies spoke with each other and how they spoke to strangers or customers, even other employees who were oblivious to some things.

The ladies were all guarded around me, at first, but when it became clear that I didn’t care one way or the other about their preferences or that I would not harass, belittle or put them down in any way about it. I became “Ok” in their minds. They opened up around me and I was well… accepted behind the wall. I might call it the sisterhood but there were a few guys that marched to the beat of a different drum as well. But even though I was straight, if awkwardly shy, I was okay.

That’s not to say that I didn’t get harassed a bit, if you can call it harassment… more like aggravation. Jules learned early on that I was easily embarrassed, and she could get me to blush with hardly any effort at all. Oh, she loved that for some reason, she teased me mercilessly whenever she could, and so did most of the other girls as well. It was all in good fun though, nothing mean or cruel. In fact, it was this tolerance and my good nature that got me introduced to two ladies that would be very influential and become very special to me. It was through them that I also reconnected to a girl I had known in high school… the first high school I had attended here in town, before my family moved to another county that is. Yes, Jules was a big part of some of the best times in my young life, and as such I loved her dearly, if only as one would an aggravating older sister anyway.

As I walked into the shop and headed towards the back to get changed into my Dom’s uniform (a company logo shirt and a ball cap) I saw Jules on the make line making pizzas. She looked up and grinned when she saw me, that trademark smirk of hers but her eyes were alight with happiness at seeing me.

“Hey buddy! It’s about time you got here. Hurry up and get changed and come give me a hand. This rain has dinner rush starting early tonight.” She said as she pulled the order slip down and handed off the pizza she had been making to the oven tender and began spreading sauce on the next pie in line.

“Okay Jules, give me a few seconds. I gotta dry off a little too.” I said as I walked on to the back room to grab one of the towels we kept hanging on a coat rack for rainy nights. I dried off and then pulled my tee shirt off to swap it for my uniform shirt. After tucking it into my jeans and putting on my hat I went to the bathroom for one, the obvious, and two to wash my hands and arms so that I could work the make line handling food.

In the few minutes that I took to dry off and change and wash up the controlled chaos that is dinner rush at a delivery pizza place like Dom’s went from ordinary to extra ordinary. When I came around the corner from the back and up to the make line there was a curtain of pink order slips hanging waiting to be made. Jules was in the thick of it, elbow to elbow with the store manager and one other driver who was helping out. They all looked as if they were tiring already. The assistant manager was tending the ovens and looked like she was just as frazzled as the rest.

Seeing several orders already finished and boxed up and ready to go to be delivered I replaced the driver on the make line and began scraping out dough and stretching and slapping them out for pizzas. I’d ready the dough, place it on a pizza screen and pass it down the line to Jules. Much like a production line, everyone having their part in the process. Jules would sauce the pies and hit them with the cheese then pass it to the manager who would put on the toppings for that particular order, she in turn would then pass it to the assistant manager who was tending the ovens. The pizza would then go into an available spot in one of the three ovens to begin cooking. It is a beautiful thing when all is working well, and everyone has some skill and experience… and keeps their cool.

Tonight, the four of us on the make line were old hands and had worked together for a long time so it was smooth… even if somewhat hectic. It seemed as fast as we could crank out a pizza and pull the order slip from the make line another one or sometimes two or three would be hung to replace them. Eventually the orders coming in began to slow down and the pizzas waiting to be delivered would start stacking up. That’s when I and even Jules would leave the make line and start delivering the orders. Great… back out into the rain and wet.

After a dozen or so delivery runs, things had begun to slow down to the point that the number of delivery drivers needed to keep up with the orders was significantly less. The manager left the assistant in charge up front and began checking out and sending home drivers who weren’t closing that night. Of course, I was scheduled to close that night and I found out much to my delight that so was Jules, kind of like old times I thought. We soon fell into old habits and began pre-closing cleaning that we had down to a science. So too did our behavior, the cutting up and carrying on, the banter, the teasing and what not. Jules was in rare form tonight. And I loved it.

I was pulling the pans out of the make line to take to the back to the sink to be washed when Jules elbowed up next to me… to help out.

“So how are classes this year? Anything interesting?” Jules asked.

“English Comp is okay. I’m finding out I learned a bit more in my high school English class than I thought I had.” I said laughing. “Computer science is interesting.” I added.

“That’s a lot like typing, isn’t it?” Jules asked jokingly then tensed up suddenly and hung her head slightly but didn’t turn to face me. “Sorry Jimbo…” She added in a soft voice before taking the first load of pans to the sink in the back.

I stood there hanging my head for a moment or two longer swallowing a lump in my throat before shaking my head and pulling myself back to the moment. I gathered an armload of pans and followed her to the sink. After putting the pans in the soap side of the three-compartment sink Jules and I looked at one another and with an unspoken agreement we played Rock, Paper, Scissors to see who would do dishes and who would sweep and mop. I won… or lost depending on how you look at it… I was doing dishes tonight. With a smirk Jules slipped past me to grab the broom and headed up front again, while I started running hot water in the sink.

I was about halfway finished with the washing when Jules came back to fill the mop bucket. She paused at the corner at the far end of the sink with the mop in the bucket and her hands wrapped around the mop handle and forming a shelf to rest her chin on. She studied me for a moment as I was rinsing another pan.

“So, tell me farm boy… are you dating anyone these days?” Jules asked with a serious look on her face. One that told me that yeah, she knew about the torch I still carried and that she understood but that she also wanted me to be happy because she cared about me.

“Not really…” I began but once again the close familiarity with this girl was my undoing, I blushed, and she read me like a book. Jules’ eyebrows shot up and she turned her head ever so slightly as that trademark smirk began to spread on her face.

“Ahhh… I detect a “but” there Jimbo… come on… spill it!” She said in that annoyingly teasing voice that I knew all too well. The tone that told me that she was going to pry until I gave in and told her all she wanted to know. I paused, both hands in the soapy water and hung my head in resignation.

“It’s not like that, Jules. I mean we’ve not even been on a date really. I only met her three days ago.” I told her in a quiet voice.

“Does this girl have a name?” Jules pushed a bit more.

“Yeah…. It’s Kathie… with an eye ee.” I said with a bit of a shy grin.

“Is she in one of your classes? How did you meet her?” Jules asked shifting from one foot to the other now that her interest was piqued.

“No, she’s not in any of my classes. I think she’s a year ahead of me in school actually.” I said as I resumed washing pans. Jules wasn’t ready to let it go just yet though.

“So how did you meet her then?” She asked.

So, I told her about seeing Kathie’s legs sticking out from under her car’s hood and my stopping to see if I could help. I replayed the whole story right up to my getting back in my truck to drive home. When I looked up again Jules and the assistant manager were both sitting at the desk listening to me with smiles on their faces. Of course, I blushed and rolled my eyes and tried to go on and finish the dishes.

“Yep, that’s my Jimbo… You just can’t help yourself sometimes can you bud?” Jules said with a smile as she got back up and rolled the mop bucket up front to finish up her part of the closing.

When I was finished with the dishes and had drained and rinsed the sink I went in the back room and changed out of my uniform shirt and back into my street clothes. When Jules rolled the mop bucket back into the back room, I helped her dump it out in the mop sink and rinse the bucket and the mop out.

“So, did you ask for this Kathie’s phone number?” Jules asked with her trademark smirk, giving me that one raised eyebrow questioning look of hers.

“Actually, she gave it to me without my asking, the next night.” I said and then realized I was going to have to explain that too. I dropped my head and sighed already knowing the questions were coming.

“Oh hoh hoh! The next night? So, you’ve seen her two nights in a row? Come on… out with it!” Jules said with a grin as she tugged her own uniform shirt up over her head and then followed with her sports bra. Of course, I looked.

I looked even knowing that Jules had no interest in guys and could care less if I saw her breasts… or lack thereof… This wasn’t the first time after all that I’ve seen Jules in the buff. Hell, I’ve even gone down on her before… but that’s a different story. No Jules just briefly massaged her nipples and their massive piercings a moment before pulling her tee shirt on I guess the sports bra kind of keeps everything pressed flat and maybe makes her nipples a little sore or tender anyway. I just shook my head and went on to tell her more about Kathie.

“As it turns out Kathie is also on the computer at the university using a program called “Phone”. Multiple people can be on at the same time and they can talk. Well… type… in real time and others can see it and respond. Some of us from the computer get together from time to time to get a bite to eat. Kathie joined us last night. It was the first time I really got to talk to her much. When we were leaving, she wrote down her phone number and gave it to me, in case I might like to call her sometime.” I said as we walked to the front door where the assistant manager was waiting to lock up.

“So, are you going to call her?” Jules asked quietly, this time with that serious face again and a look of concern in her eyes… hopeful perhaps, but still concerned.

“I might, I still feel kind of… well… you know. But she seems nice and… I don’t know Jules… there’s just something about her. I really can’t define it.” I said and looked down at the ground and shoved my hands into my jeans pockets. I felt Jules’s arm go around my shoulder and she turned me to walk to our vehicles. After a few steps she cleared her throat and spoke softly.

“It’s okay Jim. There’s nothing to feel guilty about. You will always love her… but you can love another…” She said and stopped walking when we had arrived at my truck. Jules turned me to face her and crossed her arms on her chest and leaned back against her car’s driver side door.

“Let me ask you a question bud… and think about it, you don’t even have to answer me now or ever really… just… think about it.” She said making sure to wait until I had raised my face and looked into her eyes.

“What?” I asked gruffly with a voice suddenly full of gravel.

“If it had been different… If it had been YOU that had been in that wreck and had… died… Would you want Michelle to lock herself away and to never experience love and happiness again even with someone else?” Jules asked in a firm no nonsense tone of voice.

“Jules! I… that’s not fa…” I began to protest but I was cut off.

“Nuh…. Uh Uh! Don’t answer me with a question. I didn’t want an answer at all. I told you to just think about it and I meant it.” Jules declared in a stern voice that was not going to stand for any objections.

Damn it! I wanted to scream and rant and rave… but I just couldn’t. I could see the look in her eyes, and I knew that this was from the heart… from HER heart. She was making a point and no matter how I wanted to ignore the question I knew I would have to seriously think about it. Damn it!

As I deflated and visibly shrank into mental submission Jules gave me a half smile and swatted my left shoulder and turned to get into her car. Once in she rolled down the window and leaned out to speak again.

“I’ll be around another two weeks before I have to go to Illinois for my training classes Jimbo. Let’s get together again before I leave. You’ve got my phone number if I don’t see you around at any of the Dom’s locations. Take care bud.” She said with a smile and drove off.

That night I didn’t make it all the way home before I had to pull off on the side of the interstate and sit in my truck… and cry. I wept like a baby. I cried and cried and cried. I screamed and Yelled and railed at God and everything else. It just wasn’t fair! Why did Michelle have to die? God, I missed her so much. It was in the depths of this pity party that the question Jules had asked of me finally sank home. What if it HAD been me? I would have gladly given my own life so that Michelle could have lived, there’s no question of that whatsoever. But if I had died… Michelle would have grieved for me just as I grieve for her… and with that realization it sank home… Michelle would not have been happy.

Once more I wept with a new pain in my heart. I WOULD want her to be happy. I WOULD want her to love again, even if it was someone else… as long as she was happy. I realized that I knew in my heart of hearts that she would have always loved me no matter what, even if she learned to love another. Would it be wrong for me to do the same for her? With the tears finally spent and a new realization in my mind, calmness came over me… a new peace that I hadn’t felt in over two years. Jules you bitch! You awful conniving manipulative… wonderful, beautiful, big hearted bitch! I thought with a smile as I calmly restarted my truck and pulled back onto the roadway to finish my drive home that night.

Three days later I was having lunch in the grill at the student center and deep in thought as I worked on a writing assignment for my English Comp class when someone slid into the booth opposite of me. When I looked up, I saw a shy smile framed by some long curly hair and two dancing smoky grey-brown eyes. Those eyes! They seemed to almost glow from within somehow. I was captivated. It wasn’t until Kathie’s smile dimmed into a bit of a concerned frown that I realized that I had gone mute and hadn’t even greeted her.

“Well, hello there.” I stammered sheepishly knowing that my face was going to be blazing red any moment now. Yep, there it was… I could feel the heat in my face, but I could tell by the growing smile on Kathie’s face.

“So… have you been avoiding me? I’ve not even seen you on “Phone” in days. Where’ve you been?” She asked somewhat teasingly but with a spark of interest in her eyes. Those eyes… those oh so familiar but so very different eyes.

I smiled, still sheepishly, and shook my head as I closed my textbook and set my notebook and pen aside.

“Just been a little busy with classes and work really… I’m not avoiding you.” I offered lamely trying to break my gaze away from her beguiling eyes. Kathie tilted her head slightly to one side and down so that she was kind of looking up through her lashes and a spray of that curly long hair that slipped in front of her right eye… her left eyebrow elevating slightly as if questioning the veracity of my statement.

“Well, you haven’t even called me I figured after the second day you were just avoiding me or something. Maybe you already had a girlfriend or something.” She said suddenly turning somewhat meek and even blushing a little too.

“You know I asked your friends on “Phone” if you were seeing anyone and no one would really talk about it… so I have to wonder.” Kathie added as she held her hands together on the tabletop nervously rubbing her thumbs together.

“No… I’ve not been seeing anyone, but now that you mentioned it, I did think that surely you had a boyfriend … I wouldn’t want to intrude on anything…” I began but even as the words came out, I realized how lame that sounded so I just kind of stopped talking and studied my own hands on the tabletop as well.

We must have made an interesting pair, the both of us sitting in a booth in the middle of the busy Student Center grill, the juke box blasting out Jungle Love by Morris Day and the Time, people walking back and forth. And here we sat staring at our hands and biting our tongues. I realized that I had been in the wrong to assume anything about her in the first place. I had also been rude by not at least reaching out to be friendlier than I had been. I looked up with a furtive glance to see that Kathie too was giving me the same sort of furtive glances and she had drawn in her bottom lip and was biting it.

“I’m sorry I…” We both began at the same time… shocking each other and both stopping our words to allow the other to speak. We both blushed and grinned a little.

“Go ahead… Ladies first.” I said softly with my sheepish grin starting to etch permanently into my face. Kathie’s own sheepish grin morphed into something of a more surprised but sweet smile as she glanced away again before looking back at me and locking her eyes onto my own.

“This is silly. I feel like I’m back in high school or something.” She began before drawing that bottom lip back into her teeth again. She opened her hands up and pressed them palms down on the tabletop splaying her fingers out. She tilted her head slightly to her left shoulder and puffed a jet of air out of her mouth blowing the persistent offending strands of long curly hair out of her eyes.

“Can I tell you a secret?” She asked in a hesitant quiet voice her eyes locked on mine and not even blinking.

“Well, I have big ears not a big mouth. For some reason, maybe that one, lots of people confide in me. If you tell me anything it won’t be repeated.” I replied in an equally quiet voice and gave a little shrug. Kathie just looked at me a moment or two longer, her smile growing again.

“I haven’t dated anyone in almost three years now.” She stated, her eyes still locked on my own but hers were a little hesitant as if she was a little worried about what I might think or say about this revelation. I did frown a bit and break eye contact briefly but that was because I was having a moment myself.

“I can identify with that… I’ve not really dated in two years myself.” I said and again looked away at my hands and fidgeted a bit as I contemplated explaining further.

“No girlfriends? Was that by choice?” Kathie asked. I grimaced and fidgeted some more.

“It’s… complicated.” I offered lamely and swallowed the growing lump in my throat.

“Yeah… I know a thing or two about complicated myself. Sometimes life just sucks huh?” Kathie commiserated and gave me a lopsided smirk and a shrug that caused that persistent strand of hair to fall across her right eye again. She absent-mindedly took her right hand and scooped the hair off the side of her face and pulled it behind her right ear and over her shoulder.

“Sucks is an understatement… But I don’t want to bother you with my woes.” I said sitting up straighter in my seat.

“Jim… do you have any more classes today?” Kathie asked softly.

“No, I’m done for the day other than working on this writing assignment, but I’ve got till next week to finish it why?” I asked suddenly curious why she would ask. Kathie tilted her head down a bit again and bit her bottom lip softly.

“Would you walk with me to my car?” She asked while looking up through her lashes again. I got the impression that this was a little outside her comfort zone, being the bold one, taking chances. Always the gentleman, if and when I could be anyway, l glanced at my watch and then nodded.

“Sure, I’m parked out at the stadium, but the shuttle stops all over campus. Where do you catch the bus to ride to the stadium?” I asked as I started putting my notebook and stuff in my book bag.

“Oh, I don’t ride the shuttle bus, I park on campus.” Kathie said in a chipper voice and smiling as she slid out of the booth to stand at the end of the table. I slid out as well and slung my bag over one shoulder as I picked up my trash from lunch and carried it to the nearest trash can to toss it in.

“Wow! I thought only faculty and graduate students could get parking tags for on campus parking.” I said. “How did you get one of those tags?” I asked a little envious.

“Well, it kind of came with the car actually. My mom used to work for the university.” Kathie said by way of explanation.

As we walked, I realized that Kathie was leading us out of the Student Center and onto the sidewalk along Administration Drive. It wasn’t long before I saw her big old Crown Victoria parked on the curb outside the Business and Economics building. I had to smile as I remembered the first time I saw both the car and Kathie not too long ago. As we neared the car rain began to patter the sidewalk, and us. In moments it had gone from just a few drops to a downpour. With a squeal that sounded almost more like a shriek Kathie bolted for the car.

“Come on! Get in!” She shouted as she fumbled her key in the driver side door to unlock it. She hopped in and leaned across the big bench seat to open the passenger side door for me. I gladly slid in and closed the door.

“Thanks!” I said honestly happy to avoid getting drenched yet again. Of course, I didn’t have an umbrella with me, again.

“You know, I could just drive you out to the stadium, that way you don’t have to wait on a shuttle bus.” Kathie said matter-of-factly as she moved some wet hair out of her face to back over her ear while looking at me in askance.

“Thanks, that’d be great.” I said gratefully but suddenly my mouth had gone dry and I was at a loss for words. I would find out however that this girl had a way about her that brought out the best in me.

“So, do you work tonight?” She asked as she started up the car and turned on the windshield wipers and turned on the ventilation to eliminate the fog that clouding the windshield.

“No, actually I’m off tonight… good thing too, with all this rain.” I said.

It dawned on me that I knew very little about this girl and surprisingly I wanted to know more about her… no… I needed to know more about her. I realized that I was staring at the side of her face and so I turned my head to look out the windshield as Kathie pulled away from the curb and started around Admin Drive towards toward South Limestone and the stop light. We stopped behind a shuttle bus that was also turning right onto Euclid Avenue.

“Do you work anywhere?” I asked, almost surprised at how hesitant my voice sounded in my own ears. I saw a momentary grimace flash on Kathie’s face before that smile returned, but somehow it now looked slightly sad even if it was still a smile.

“Well, not at a paying job I guess, no.” She said haltingly and glanced quickly over to me before resuming her driving now turned right onto Euclid and going around the shuttle bus that halted at the shuttle stop just past the corner.

“So, it’s some kind of internship or volunteer work?” I asked maybe fishing for a little more information.

Again, I caught myself staring at the side of her face, but I couldn’t help but notice Kathie’s grip on her steering wheel had tightened and her knuckles were almost white. That’s odd I thought, it’s almost as if she’s angry about working… or maybe my question.

“I help… take care of my mother…” Kathie said cryptically, again that fleeting grimace crossed her beautiful face. Yes, I thought, it is a beautiful face, and that grimace showed a momentary pain rather than some sort of anger. Perhaps I shouldn’t push her for more.

“I’m… I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to pry.” I said sheepishly and stared out the windshield and bit my tongue. It wasn’t until I felt Kathie’s right hand rest lightly on my left forearm for a moment before returning to the steering wheel that she went on in a stronger voice.

“You did nothing wrong, relax. I’m okay. It just gets to be a bit of a load sometimes and I didn’t mean to bother you with it.” Kathie said in an even tone but when I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye, I saw that she was wearing that half smirk half grimace smile that still puzzled me. Then suddenly I was slung sideways against the passenger side door as the big Ford swerved to the left violently with a hissing of tires on wet pavement and a blaring horn.

“Damn it! Stupid asses!” Kathie swore as she corrected the swerve and let off the brakes. I saw that she had swerved to miss a couple of guys on bicycles just in the street at the corner of Rose and Euclid Avenue.

“I missed my turn!” She lamented as we continued on down Euclid.

“Well at least you missed them too… lucky asses.” I chuckled after pointing out the near miss. Kathie turned to me and smiled wryly before returning her eyes to the road.

“Just stay on Euclid all the way to where it ends and bear right onto East High Street.” I offered. Kathie glanced at me in askance for a moment and I shrugged before continuing. “It’s actually faster this time of day to come in the back side of the stadium on Cooper Drive.” Again, Kathie looked at me questioningly.

“So, you know these streets pretty well I take it.” She questioned by way of a statement. I smiled a little more confidently and turned to her.

“Well, I DO work for Dom’s Pizza, I deliver pizzas all over this town, even here on or around campus… So yeah, I guess you could say I know my way around here pretty well.” I stated matter-of-factly but to my ear, it sounded a little like bragging. Kathie laughed. What a wonderful melodious sound… My chest actually swelled briefly at the mere sound of her laughter. How odd.

“I do well just to get from home to school and back most days. I’m still kind of new to town, at least as far as finding my way around anyway.” She said by way of explanation as she maneuvered the big car into the right turning lane and onto East High Street.

The rain seemed to pick up a bit and Kathie had to speed up the windshield wipers to their maximum speed. They were slapping back and forth as fast as they would go but could hardly keep up with the deluge coming down.

“I am SO glad I’m not working tonight!” I proclaimed commenting on the rain.

“Maybe I should pull over and wait till it slows down a bit.” Kathie began as she turned on her turning signal and began edging to the side of the road.

“That’s not a good idea…” I began. “Just turn on your emergency flashers and slow down a bit but keep moving.” I said with a little authority in my voice. This got me another questioning look.

“But I might hit someone.” Kathie stated her fear.

“Probably not, but if you pull over and stop you are more likely to get hit by someone else. Your flashers will alert anyone coming up behind you too fast, and in a moment or two you’ll be under some really big trees and the rain will be blocked mostly so you will be able to see more clearly.” I stated with the voice of experience.

Sure enough, in a moment or two we approached the intersection with Cooper Drive and the light. Kathie signaled her turn and as we had the green light she went ahead and turned. Just past the intersection we entered under the canopy of some very tall oak trees and it was almost as if it had stopped raining.

“Oh, that’s so much better!” Kathie said with a sigh.

In the minute or so it took to get from the intersection to outer edge of the neighborhood and onto the stadium surroundings the rain had in fact lightened up and was just more of a persistent drizzle now. Kathie looked over at me again for a moment before returning her gaze to the road.

“Jim, I know you just ate a short time ago, but I’ve not had lunch today, would you like to go somewhere with me and… I don’t know… have a soda or something with me?” She asked hesitantly, her bottom lip getting sucked into her teeth again… Even if I weren’t still a bit peckish, I was a sucker for that look. Kathie was not the first girl to sway me with that look, nor would I find would she be the last in my lifetime.

“I could go for something else… The food at the grill is okay but it’s not very filling, I guess. It was more out of convenience to have a bite there while doing class work than to go off campus for better food.” I declared. I was awarded with a flash of a bright beautiful smile before it was quickly replaced by another bit of a frown.

“Um… where to?” Kathie said, or rather asked.

I was in familiar territory now, knowing my way around town and where to eat. I grinned at Kathie and said to continue on past the stadium and turn left at the light at Nicholasville Road. I had her stay on Nicholasville Road heading south all the way to Southland Drive… or almost anyway. I pointed out the Jerry’s on the right and she navigated the big Crown Vic into the parking lot, and we came to a stop. By now the rain had all but stopped.

We left our books in the car and went inside. We were seated almost immediately as the restaurant wasn’t terribly busy at the time. In moments we found ourselves once more across from one another in a booth. At least here at Jerry’s there wasn’t a Jukebox blaring out Jungle Love for the fortieth time today.

Our waitress came by and took drink orders and left us to look at the menus. I decided to just get an order of fries, Kathie ordered a fish sandwich and fries for herself. After the waitress walked off to get our food started, we both sat looking at one another suddenly feeling just a bit awkward again. We both looked at one another with furtive glances and shy smiles neither knowing what to say or where to begin. I think we both sensed the thoughts of the other however, or at least our curiosity and desire to learn more about each other. I found it really odd that I had only met this girl a few days ago but I had such a feeling of… of what…familiarity? Or maybe something else… there was some sort of pull, a desire to learn more. And I think it was going both ways, between us.

“Who are you, Jim?” Kathie asked softly. “I mean… well… it’s weird really. I mean I’ve only just met you a few days ago, but still… I feel like I’ve known you forever somehow.” She kind of gushed out in a hurry as if she were afraid, she wouldn’t be able to say it otherwise. I felt a chill run down my spine and the hair on the back of my neck stood up. She felt it too… this… familiarity.

“I… I’ve had the same feeling about you. I can’t explain it either and it’s been bothering me since the first time I set eyes on you.” I all but whispered my reply.

We both fell silent for a bit as we looked into each other’s eyes and tried to get a handle on what the other had said. It was Kathie who broke the spell with her next question.

“Have you ever felt this way about someone before?” she asked softly and then swallowed, almost as if she were afraid of what my answer might be. Again, the chill ran down my spine and my heart began beating faster.

“Yes… I have… a long time ago in high school.” I again all but whispered and then swallowed the lump in my throat.



“What did you do?” She asked hesitantly and tilted her head slightly to her right shoulder. Her hands clasping each other on the tabletop.



“Nothing… my family moved away, and it was years before I saw her again.” I replied quietly.

About that time our server returned with our food that we had ordered. I sat there on my side of the table and idly pushed fries around my plate without being terribly interested in eating them as memories flooded through my mind yet again.

“But you saw her again… What happened then?” Kathie pressed as she too idly pushed fries around on her plate… her eyes on my face.

“I fell in love.” I said hoarsely and swallowed that persistent lump in my throat not daring to make eye contact at that moment. “Madly, hopelessly, deliriously and happily in love… I thought the world revolved around her… hell… the entire universe really…” I said as the plate of fries in front of me began to swim in and out of focus as my eyesight got blurry.

“Isn’t that a good thing?” Kathie asked softly sensing the emotional mine field that she had entered when she pressed me for more information. I smiled sadly and glanced up at her face seeing open curiosity and… understanding in those smoky grey-brown eyes.

“It was the most wonderful thing I’ve ever known.” I admitted and shrugged.

“Did she feel the same way?” Kathie again pressed with the question in a soft hesitant voice.

“Yes, she did…” I said so softly that Kathie actually leaned forward a bit more to listen. Now her face was losing focus as well, and I felt something warm running down my cheek.

“Jim, I’m almost afraid to ask but… I have to know. What happened to this girl, what happened to the two of you?” Kathie asked and reached across the table to take my right hand in her left. The touch of her hand on mine sent an electric jolt through my arm and I looked up to see compassion in her eyes.

“She…” I choked and swallowed again. “She died… She and one of our teachers were in a car wreck. They were hit by a drunk driver. Michelle…” I gasped and swallowed again before going on. “Michelle was killed instantly. Our… Our teacher was badly injured but survived long enough to be taken to a hospital. I actually got to see her just before she died as well.” As I said that I shoved my plate aside putting my elbows on the tabletop and burying my face in my hands. I could feel Kathie’s right hand gently stroking my right forearm as she spoke.

“Oh Jim… I’m so sorry. I had no idea… I shouldn’t have asked.” She said apologetically.

I took a long deep breath and sat back against the backrest of the seat and took my napkin and wiped my face. I shook my head at her and then took another deep breath before trying to speak again.

“No Kathie, it’s okay, you did nothing wrong. You would have to have found out at some point if you were going to be around me for any amount of time.” I said apologetically myself. To my surprise, when I looked up to Kathie’s face once more, I could see her eyes were brimming with tears as well. Oh my god… Could she feel my pain? Or was there something else that caused her own tears?

“I can tell you loved her very much… You still love her, don’t you?” She asked although it sounded more like a statement really.

“Yes… to both questions. I think I always will… But…” I began but trailed off again looking for the words.

“But?” Kathie prompted me softly. I looked again into her grey- brown eyes and smiled a little sheepishly, a little sadly.

“But just the other night a dear friend of mine put a question to me that went through my heart and I’ve been thinking for the past couple of days that I really have been selfish…” I began.

“How do you mean… Selfish?” She asked a little confused.

“She asked me, that if it had been the other way around, if I had been… if I had died… Would I want Michelle to feel pain and sorrow whenever she thought about me? I had never thought about it that way before. She also asked if it had happened that way would I want her to go on to find love again, with someone else.” I stated and tilted my head back to look at the ceiling as if there might be some answer waiting there.

“This friend of yours sounds like a very wise person… and someone who cares very deeply for you.” Kathie stated matter-of-factly but with a soft understanding voice.

“Yes, she is, and yes… she does.” I agreed with a bit of wry grin on my face.

“Do you feel the same for her?” Kathie asked, again hesitantly. I got the distinct impression that perhaps she thought that it was someone else maybe vying for my attentions, and emotions. I had to snort somewhat amused at that thought. Then I knew I would have to explain my reaction to her question as well.

“I love her dearly, Jules… her name. But it’s not like that. She’s more like… an older sister maybe.” I almost giggled and went on with a sheepish grin. “She and I have a lot in common.” I said.

“I… I don’t understand.” Kathie began a little puzzled expression crossing her face.

“We kind of have similar… uh… interests from time to time.” I amended, but I knew that it was still not clear what I meant.

I took a deep breath and looked around before I caught myself doing it and blushed slightly. I looked into Kathie’s eyes and tried to determine just how open minded she might be. Again, I was struck by some… something. I just knew that she would be understanding and yes, open minded.

“Jules doesn’t like guys. She likes…” I paused again wondering if I should go so far as to betray the trust. I needn’t have worried however because once again Kathie showed me that she was… Knowing without knowing.

“Jules would like me… or other girls…” Kathie stated nodding her head. “Still though, she seems very wise and she obviously cares very deeply for you… even if she’s not interested in other things.”

I reached for my glass of soda and took a long couple of drinks and nodded my head in agreement. Kathie smiled softly and picked a fry off of her plate and nibbled on it. When she glanced at my plate that I had pushed aside then back at me I again grinned sheepishly and pulled my plate back in front of me and took a fry for myself and took a bite.

“Well now I know why you’ve not dated in two years… I’m sorry Jim.” Kathie said with a sad smile. I nodded, and then shrugged.

“Nothing to be sorry for, you couldn’t have known unless you asked.” I said quietly still a little choked up, then added. “Not many have even asked.” My head down and my eyes on my plate as I toyed with the fries that were starting to get cold. “I used to be a curious sort myself… before…” I grimaced but continued on. “I was told that I was very observant of others, I still am I guess in a way. I just haven’t had much motivation for a while though.” I said as I watched Kathie take the top bun off of her sandwich and pluck a pickle chip and brought it to her mouth. As she chewed it, she tilted her head to her left shoulder and gave me a bit of a quizzical look.

“A curious sort huh? How come you haven’t asked me why I’ve not dated in three years?” She asked and her eyes scrunched almost closed as her brow knitted. She reached for the second pickle chip on top of her fish sandwich.

“I said I was curious. I didn’t say I pried into personal business.” I said with a shrug. Kathie froze for a second and gave me a look I couldn’t decipher.

“I guess it was kind of personal… what I asked you. But I did say I was sorry, and I meant it. So, it’s only fair if you wanted to ask something personal of me…” She said suddenly finding her plate very interesting.

I was feeling off balance, or at least differently than I had felt in a long time. Of late I would have simply shut up and minded my own business but there was something about this girl that… well… changed me. I did want to know more, and her words were an open invitation if ever there was one.

“I know it’s none of my business, and you really don’t have to tell me anything at all, but I am curious. I mean it’s not because you are some hideous creature or something… any guy in his right mind would be interested in you for your looks alone. I would have to guess that there was some other reason why you haven’t dated in years. I… I hope it wasn’t because of something like… what I experienced.” I finished lamely.

“Well, no, not exactly anyway. And… did you just compliment me on my looks?” Kathie said and smiled shyly. Oh my god, she is actually blushing a bit too.

“Just an honest observation.” I stated.

“Uh huh…” Kathie grunted. “Well, my life is… has been kind of… unsettled for a few years.” She began, again finding her plate extremely interesting as she toyed with her now cold fries.

“Kathie, you don’t have to tell me if it bothers you.” I said softly giving her a sad understanding smile and an out if she needed it.

“No. No it’s okay… It’s just a little complicated and I’m not sure where to start. Besides…” She said looking up into my eyes before finishing. “You trusted me with something very very personal of your own. Not many guys would share something so painful and personal… with someone who’s practically a stranger. So, thank you… for that.” She said in sincere voice.

“I don’t know why I did it, really… I just get a… feeling about you. You said it yourself, it’s like I know you, but I don’t. I don’t know why.” I said honestly and nodded slowly. “Why don’t you start at the beginning then.” I offered.

Kathie nodded and sat back against the seat and let her hands fall to her lap. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment, before opening them and looking at the tabletop. I had the impression that it was not the table she was seeing though.

“Four years ago, I was a freshman in college, not here, in Ohio. I was on top of the world. I was going steady with my boyfriend from high school, I had new friends, my classes were great… Life was wonderful. Then things stated falling apart. My mom and dad had… my dad had an affair and mom found out. They separated, dad left, and it was just me and mom and my older brother. Mom was working for the college I was attending, and I guess dad was still paying some of the bills. We were doing okay I guess but mom was so sad. I started spending a lot of time at home with her and not seeing my friends. My boyfriend couldn’t deal with it and he broke it off.” She said with a sigh then glanced up at me briefly and shrugged before continuing.

“One day my mom fell at work and they rushed her to the hospital because she was having seizures. They ran tests and still couldn’t figure out why she had had the seizures. That was the beginning, we just didn’t know it then. Mom got better and since no one could find anything wrong they sent her home, and she went back to work the next day. I started noticing little things though, around the house when I spent time with mom. She had dizzy spells and sometimes her hands would shake almost as if she were shivering from the cold. She forgot things sometimes too, like while she was cooking dinner, she’d get distracted or something and… well… it was getting to be more and more noticeable. I was starting to worry about her.” Kathie said as she stared at the table… or wherever it was in her past that she was remembering.

Kathie went on to tell me how her mom and dad got back together for a while, but they soon separated again. Later that same year they ended up filing for divorce. The professor that Kathie’s mom worked for got a job offer here in Kentucky at the University and accepted it. After he moved to Kentucky, he contacted Kathie’s mom and offered her a job here as well. She sold the house and moved here to begin a new life. Kathie transferred schools as well after sitting out a year. Her mom had settled in and was doing well until she had another spell and a fall at work again.

More tests and more tests and then the awful truth was revealed. Kathie’s mom was diagnosed to have ALS. She had to go on to explain what that was to me as I had never heard of it before. It is more commonly known as Lou Gherig’s Disease. Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis… It is a degeneration of neurons, nerve cells that control muscle movement and coordination. It causes weakness and is gradually crippling. Worse yet is the cognitive decline of the person suffering from the disease. If the muscle weakness and degeneration doesn’t kill them first the dementia that develops renders them to a vegetative state. There is no cure for the disease and very few treatments that only slow the progression but can’t stop it entirely.

Kathie’s eyes welled up and tears flowed down her cheeks as she told me about her mom becoming more or less bedridden and a prisoner in her own body. At least her mental faculties had not slipped too far yet, but it was inevitable. Her mom had taken early retirement from the university and now was tended to by a live-in nurse as well as Kathie and her mother’s only surviving sister who had moved in with them as well. The only reason she was able to attend classes was because of the help she now had taking care of her mom.

As she talked, I felt myself drawing closer to her than I ever thought possible. Maybe it’s true that misery does love company, or that old saying that birds of the feather flock together… I don’t know, but I knew that we had a deeper connection than either of us could explain. We both GOT the other, we could identify with loss and struggle to have any hope at all. Some inner impulse drove me to reach out across the table and take Kathie’s hands in my own and just hold them gently but firmly in a silent show of support and understanding. When I did, she looked up into my eyes and without saying a word I knew that she was touched and thankful at the same time.

“I won’t say that I understand everything you’re going through Kathie, but if you ever need someone to talk to, someone to listen… I’m available.” I said in something closer to a whisper it was so soft and quiet, but the sincerity was unmistakable. Kathie blinked repeatedly and sniffed trying to clear her eyes withdrawing one hand from mine so that she could dab at her eyes with her napkin.

“Aside from my academic counselor you’re the only person I’ve told this to. I don’t even know why I did just now… really. I just get this feeling about you, like you get it somehow. I’m sorry if I dumped on you though. I understand now that you have your own… burdens.” She sputtered as she wiped her eyes and blew her nose trying to clear the tears and emotional overload that comes with baring your soul.

Our waitress stopped by the table about that time to see if we were doing okay, obviously seeing the two plates now cold and hardly touched at all but sensing perhaps the emotional charge. I smiled at her and asked if we could get a couple of drinks to go which she said she would go get for us and bring back our ticket.

“Kathie, I know you hardly know me, but could I ask you for a favor?” I asked a little bashfully. Kathie looked at me slightly puzzled but nodded before speaking.

“Well, you haven’t bolted after my big revelation so I guess I could… What is it?” She asked.

“There’s a place I like to go to sit and think sometimes… I would like to take you there and see if it might help you too. I promise that I will mind my manners and not do anything creepy.” I told her.

“I couldn’t do that Jim. If you remember, you rode in my car to get here. Of course, I could drive you to wherever this place is if you like.” She said with a sheepish grin of her own still sniffling a little. I nodded and grinned a matching sheepish grin in return.

When our waitress returned with our drinks to go, I took the bill with us to the register and paid it making sure to leave a tip for the waitress as well. Kathie started to object but I just shrugged it off and smiled. We walked to her car and she tossed me the keys and said that since I was the one taking her to this place maybe I should drive. I couldn’t fault her logic, so I opened the passenger side door for her then went around and got in the driver seat.

The big old Ford drove like a riding on a cloud compared to my old pickup truck. I turned right out of the parking lot of Jerry’s and headed south down the road to the circle four freeway that circled the city. I got on the belt line and went around to Richmond Road and headed out of town. I pulled into Jacobson Park. The city park was the biggest in town and spread out like a small farm with acres and acres of rolling hills, open fields, some wooded areas and best of all a large reservoir or lake. The access road went all the way around the park, so I drove to the far eastern side of the lake and parked near one of the picnic shelters.

This time of day, now heading towards sunset, it was not being used. There were a few diehards parked in lawn chairs along the edge of the lake fishing. The rain earlier had stopped, and the clouds were breaking up as the weather moved further east. The Sun was settling lower towards the horizon in the west and the light playing across the lake was almost awe inspiring.

Kathie and I got out of the car and walked to a picnic table a few yards from the edge of the lake and sat down to watch the slow progression of the sunset. We were initially mobbed by the resident flock of ducks but when the decided that we were not offering any handouts to eat they waddled off en-mass back to the waterline and resumed foraging.

Sitting side by side on the picnic table bench we silently took in the view as we both contemplated our own thoughts for a while. We did talk some more, however. We talked about our classes and our plans however tentative they might be for the future. Honestly, her plans were far more detailed than my own as I had pretty much lost my drive for a long time… I did well to go from day to day most weeks let alone making long range plans for my future.

Kathie told me how she had always wanted to be a teacher, to work with kids. I told her how I had once upon a time thought I might be a pilot or perhaps an engineer designing or working on aircraft somehow. But then I also liked to write and even draw a little from time to time. This fascinated her and she asked if I had anything I could share with her. I told her I would sometime in the future.

Kathie wanted to know about my life on the farm, and my family. She even asked me about Michelle. At first it was difficult to talk about her with Kathie, but I soon found myself reliving wonderful times and adventures we had had. I told her a little about our teachers…our tutors but I didn’t go into much detail at that time. That was far too much information at this point and I still felt the need to maintain my promise to the ladies that I loved so dearly.

Kathie was fascinated with my stories about working for Dom’s and the friends I had made there as well. She told me that she’d love to meet Jules sometime. It seemed like only minutes had passed but the sun had indeed settled onto the horizon and was kissing the lake as it vanished for the day. I was about to suggest that we head back to the stadium so that she could drop me off at my truck when I felt a warm hand slide into mine as we still sat side by side on that picnic bench. I looked down at her hand in mine and then up into a face with a warm soft smile and eyes that glittered in the sunset.

“Jim… Thank you for bringing me here. Thank you for sitting with me and talking. I really needed this, more than you can ever even imagine.” Kathie said softly, her smile never faltering.

“I… I think I needed it too… but you’re welcome. I should be thanking you for listening to me… I think I’ve talked more in the last couple of hours than I have to anyone in months… or even longer.” I said with a sad smile of my own. Kathie looked at me and tilted her head to one shoulder.

“Well back at the restaurant you told me that if I ever needed someone to talk to you would be available… I’d like to tell you that the same applies to you Jim. I may not have the answers either, but I get it and I will be happy to listen or talk or both with you anytime as well. You still have my number, don’t you?” She ended with the question. I nodded and smiled. “Good. So, don’t be afraid to use it. My aunt or my mom might answer but they’ll leave a message for me if I’m not home or can’t come to the phone.” She said.

“I could give you my folks phone number on the farm but I’m hardly ever there so it wouldn’t do you much good I’m afraid. It’d be easier to leave a message for me at Dom’s, I’m usually there or at one of the other stores on any given night. When I’m not working, I’m usually on campus either in the library or on the computer somewhere on campus.” I said feeling kind of foolish now that I thought about it. I mean I had told her that I would be available to talk or listen if she needed it but how was she to get a hold of me for that? I shouldn’t have worried though as I felt her hand squeeze mine and then she stood up from the bench. I took that as my cue to stand as well and we walked back to the car still holding hands the whole way.

As we approached the car, I started to go around to the passenger side to open the door for her again, but she stopped me by just pulling my hand a little and stopped walking. I halted and turned to her.

“Jim. This was nice. Could we… could we maybe do it again sometime?” Kathie said with a bit of a nervous smile on her face but some bit of worry in her eyes.

“I would like that…” I began but she boldly raised her right hand up and touched her fingers to my lips to silence me.

“I’m not looking for promises or setting a date or anything so relax. Let’s get you back to your truck, I need to get home anyway. Duty calls. We can talk more tomorrow or whenever.” She said smiling. I handed her the keys to the car and opened the driver side door for her, then went around and got in the passenger side.

I played navigator for Kathie directing her to turn north on Richmond road back to town and on down to Chinoe Road then onto Cooper Drive and finally back to the Stadium parking lot. There weren’t a lot of cars in the parking lot now that night had fallen so it was easy to spot my truck. I gathered my book bag from the floorboard of the big Ford and went to open my door. I paused for a moment and turned to look at Kathie.

“Kathie… I… Thank you… for…” I stumbled not knowing how to put it into words really.

“I know… I feel the same way.” She said smiling with understanding.

I smiled and nodded and then climbed out of her car. I turned and before closing the door I said that I would see her soon instead of goodbye. If anything, her smile brightened even more as she waved and drove away. I opened the door to my tuck and climbed in tossing my book bag on the passenger side of the bench seat. I buckled my seat belt and started my truck. I took a long deep breath and smiled at the sensation of my chest swelling with… what was that… hope? What a wonderful feeling I thought as I drove out of the parking lot and headed home to the farm for the evening.

The next day after I got out of my English comp class, I went to the University Library and looked up ALS. The more I learned about it the worse I felt for Kathie and her mom. Frankly, it was depressing. I was finding myself admiring Kathie more and more as a person and not just a beautiful young woman. I just couldn’t shake the feeling of familiarity between the two of us whenever I was near her. As I sat there in the library that day, I came to the realization that I wanted more. I wanted to know this girl I wanted to learn everything I could about her… and I felt something that I hadn’t felt in literally years… butterflies.

I had been scheduled for dinner rush at Dom’s that day but as my store was unusually slow and the campus store was equally unusually busy, the call went out for help. My manager asked if anyone wanted to go help out. I and one other driver from our store opted to go. Again, it was one of those miserable drizzly wet rainy nights that no matter how hard you tried if you were going in and out of it for very long you were going to get wet. The towel I kept in my truck was almost sodden by the time the rush started to slow down, and my windshield seemed to stay almost constantly fogged up from the steam from the pizzas. After dark that gets aggravating while you’re trying to drive in neighborhood streets… especially the darker older neighborhoods where I found myself delivering this last pizza of the rush.

I found the house number I was looking for on an older two-story Victorian house with a huge wrap around front porch. I was thankful for the covered porch and for the light on the porch by the front door even if it was dim and yellow. I hopped out of my truck and grabbed the pizza bag and trotted up to the porch. I took off my hat and shook off the rain, again, and replaced it before pushing the button for the doorbell beside the door. I stepped back and waited patiently for the customer to come to the door. When the door opened, I felt my stomach do a flip as all those reborn butterflies fluttered and took flight. Standing on the other side of the screen door was none other than Kathie… with an eye ee.

“Oh! Jim… I… h… hi…” Kathie stammered when she realized it was me and not some stranger delivering the pizza she ordered. The uncertainty and then the welcoming smile that blossomed on her face was beautiful surprise for me as well.

“Hi yourself… wow! How… how are you?” I stammered in return. I’m sure my face had to look ridiculous with the goofy half confused grin on my face and the adoration and wonder in my eyes.

“A lot warmer and dryer than you are I would think… come in, come in.” She said as she held the screen door open with one hand and stepped clear to let me into the house.

The Foyer was almost as big as entire dorm rooms and some apartments that I often delivered to. The huge staircase to the left leading upstairs to a landing before turning back on itself to continue up to the second floor was broad and a dark polished hardwood of some sort. The banister was equally huge and ornate with the end post almost as big around as a telephone pole. There was a small settee along one wall facing a coat rack bench with a mirror in it. The old-style sconce light fixtures would have looked perfectly natural if they had flickered with gas light, but they were electric and lit the foyer warmly.

It was the smell that first grabbed my attention however. It overwhelmed the pizza aroma coming from the hot pizza in the bag I was holding. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it though, it was familiar but something from my memory… Potpourri maybe? There was definitely a floral scent and something spicy like cinnamon and cloves. There was also a faint but very nice scent coming from Kathie as well… maybe perfume, maybe hair product or something, whatever it was it was clean and floral and very nice.

“Wow! Nice house!” I stammered a bit in awe as I was still taking in the classical stylings of the inside of this older home. “They sure don’t build them like this anymore.” I added with a touch of admiration.

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool huh? I wish we owned it but…” Kathie trailed off as if she were censoring her own words. “Come on this way, I have my purse in the kitchen.” Kathie said motioning me to follow her… so I did.

Down the hallway that was the foyer to a doorway that led into an equally old-fashioned kitchen. There were white tiles on the floor with a big fleur de lis in blue in the middle of the floor. The back splash along the counters were also in the white tile. The classic white cabinets contrasted a little with the more modern appliances however but overall, it was still quite beautiful. There was an open doorway on the far end of the kitchen from the door we had just come through that appeared to be a darkened den with a TV playing. Kathie had me set the pizza box on the table as she got the money from her purse.

“All this house for just you and your mother?” I asked a little awed by the size and splendor of the old house.

“Well, me, Mom and my Aunt Grace.” She said smiling a little. “Come with me, you can meet them right now if you like, they’re both just here in the den.” She said taking my hand, my left hand as I held the empty pizza bag under my right arm.

My whole left arm tingled at her touch and those damned butterflies were whipping up a hell of a storm in my stomach yet. I followed somewhat in a dreamlike state the dozen or so steps into the darkened den. My eyes adjusted fairly quickly however, and I saw that there were two older women within. One a slightly pudgy but pleasant looking gal with curly blonde hair and a big happy smile sitting in a high-backed wing chair off to the right near a closed off and covered fireplace with a side table and a lamp. She appeared to be working some sort of word puzzle book, a pair of half framed reading glasses perched on her smallish, little nose.

To the left of the TV in blanket covered and padded wheelchair was a frail and almost emaciated looking woman that could have been no one else than Kathie’s mother. She had the same eyes and dazzling smile and though the hair was fading into grey and silver it was the same untamable long ringlet curly hair as her daughter’s.

“Mom, Grace… this is Jim, that boy I told you about who helped me with my car the other night.” Kathie announced me by way of introduction… still holding my hand almost possessively.

For some reason it just seemed natural and… right. I tucked my empty pizza bag between my legs and extended my right hand first to her mom who reached up with a frail hand and lightly gripped my fingers as she smiled and studied me intently with those intelligent determining eyes that were so like her daughter’s.

“Pleased to meet you Jim… thank you so much for helping out my darling Kathie.” She said in a surprisingly firm voice for one so apparently frail looking. From my right I heard Grace speak.

“Boy? This is no boy. This is a handsome young man if I’ve ever seen one.” She said as she set her puzzle book aside and stood to greet me properly first with her extended hand that I took to shake cordially, then on a whim or impulse from my past I brought her hand to my lips and kissed the back of her fingers lightly before releasing her hand.

“Oh My!” Grace exhaled slightly taken aback but pleasantly so as she smiled radiantly and looked at Kathie and winked. “Yes, I think he is a keeper dear…” She said as she looked back at me and let one eyebrow rise speculatively before winking at me as well.

“Oh Grace… stop it!” Mom said trying but not successfully hiding a smile of her own. Even in the dim light of the den I could see that Kathie was blushing and I already knew I was blushing I could feel the heat in my face.

“Both of you behave.” Said Kathie as she tugged my hand breaking the spell that had been cast somehow. “I just wanted you to meet him, to know that I hadn’t made it all up. Jim is working right now, and I had no idea that he would be the one to deliver our pizza… but since he was, I wanted you to meet him.” She declared. I suddenly came back to the present realizing that indeed I was still on the clock and I needed to get back to the campus store even if the business had slowed down once more.

“It’s been a pleasure to meet you ladies…” I said as Kathie gently pulled me along back into the kitchen and then down the foyer hallway.

Stopping once more by the massive staircase by the front door, Kathie released my hand, and I had a sudden sad feeling of loss pass through my arm and those butterflies did summersaults in my belly. Now holding the empty pizza bag with both hands in front of me mostly because it was something to keep my hands occupied with, I was suddenly… well… as usual perhaps, at a loss for words… again.

“That was sweet of you Romeo… kissing Grace’s hand like that. Who even does that anymore?” She asked with a quirky grin and a single raised eyebrow as she held onto the banister knewl post with her right hand leaning on it. Her left hand was behind her back as if she didn’t know what to do with it after she released my hand from hers.

“I don’t know, stuff like that just comes to me sometimes… I hope I didn’t embarrass you or anything…” I said sheepishly.

“Oh, not at all, not embarrassed anyway… intrigued maybe, but not embarrassed.” She said softly almost as if she had slipped a little with too much information. She tilted her head a bit to her left shoulder then and went on. “Hey, it’s still early…” she stated checking her wristwatch. “I’m going to run over to campus after dinner and work on a project for a while. Are you working late or…” she trailed off as her face took on a decidedly pink hue even in the soft lighting of the foyer. I realized that she was asking if I might join her on campus if I could but just couldn’t finish the question.

“Actually, I was on loan to this campus store from my store since they were busy, and we weren’t. No, I don’t have to close tonight so after I get checked out at the campus store, I’m off for the night. I was going to library again myself for a while… but I hear the B&E building has some killer snack machines on the third floor… After I get done with my research I could come over and have a snack with you if you like.” I offered knowing I had made the correct assumption when Kathie’s eyes lit up and her smile just beamed with happiness.

“Great… Maybe I’ll see you on “Phone” before then.” She said happily as I took that as my cue to get going and pulled open the front door to leave.

“Okay. I’ll log onto “Phone” before I come over to the B&E building then. Catch you later girl… Take care and be careful.” I said as I left the house pulling the door closed behind me. I almost skipped back to my truck before returning to the campus Dom’s store I was working at.

Indeed, the rush had passed, and it was almost as slow now at the campus store as it had been at my home store location earlier in the evening. Being borrowed help I was thanked of course but one of the first to get checked out and clocked out. I didn’t mind at all. I did take a moment to write down the address from the last delivery I had made, to Kathie’s house. I tucked that away in my wallet for safe keeping on the same piece of notepad paper that she had written her phone number on for me not too long ago. As I went to put it back in my wallet, I saw the old tattered plain white business card with the phone number for my former tutors, Maggie and Penny. I had almost forgotten it was even in there. I swallowed a lump in my throat and smiled sadly as I tucked Kathie’s information in safely next to it before closing my wallet and returning it to my back pocket.

I changed in the back room of the Campus store of Dom’s before going back out in the wet and cold to my truck and driving a couple of blocks over to the big library and finding an afterhours parking spot close to the building. I grabbed my book bag and walked around to the front entrance and began the hunt for the research material that I needed for my paper.

Ordinarily I would happily be lost for hours in the stacks of the library but tonight I was a little hurried as I had plans for later… well… if you can call just raiding a vending machine for some crackers or chips and a couple of sodas and eating them with a pretty and fascinating girl “plans” that is. Still the thought of that almost made me giddy if not a little more impatient with my search for material.

I did find what I was looking for and after reading through several references and taking notes and dutifully writing down reference information as instructed, I eagerly closed up my books and put them on the returns cart. I then made my way down the hall to one of the computer terminal rooms to find a machine to use for a few minutes.

Out of habit I scanned all the terminals and even the floor under them for discarded ID/password slips to use but I didn’t find any that night. Instead, I had to retrieve one of my collection from my book bag after I had sat down at an unused terminal. I powered up the hardware and then when prompted I typed in the class from the slip and the ID, then when prompted again I entered the password on the slip and there it was… I was logged on to a Spanish 101 lesson module…

Now for step two… breaking out of the lesson module and onto the mainframe. I closed my eyes and pushed my right index finger down firmly on a random key, this time it turned out to be the “k” key. As I held the key down the screen began to fill up slowly from left to right, line after line after line of the letter “k” when the screen was nearly full from top to bottom I released the key and hit the enter button. Of course, this had overloaded the buffer and the routine freaked out with the error and dumped me unceremoniously out onto the main frame with a command prompt patiently waiting for further instructions. I smiled and entered the command to initiate “Phone” and then logged on when prompted. Soon my screen began to fill with chaos.

Chaos as in maybe twenty different conversations going on simultaneously between the various members in the know about “Phone”. I saw all the usual suspects. I was assailed with a flurry of greetings from them all.

“Fro!” from Fluffy

“Hi ya Frodov!” From Ozz

“There he is! Hey Fro. Any pizza tonight man?” from Jinx

“No pizza tonight guys.” I typed as I tried to pick up and follow the different conversations. Seeing no mention of Kat, I typed in a question. “Has anyone seen Kat on tonight?” That got a flurry of responses from most of the guys of course but no one had seen her on tonight.

I thought to myself I must have beaten her online. I lost myself for a while in the inanities and antics of the others in this small little group of misfits and frankly had a pretty good time of it. That old saying about birds of a feather seemed to fit tonight. Eventually however Kat did log on and of course most of the attention, at least from the guys suddenly focused on her. I sat back and watched with amusement for the most part as they all hinted and openly hit on her flirting and typing innuendoes that Kat deftly fended off, dissuaded or simply ignored, all done with grace and style and class. I really liked this girl, she had substance.

There was a round of cat calls and more innuendo when Kat specifically asked me if I were still going to join her for snacks. I’m sure some imaginations ran wild with that and someone even blatantly asked what kind of “snacks” we were going to “have”. I nearly fell out of my chair laughing when before I could even respond Kat typed in “Cracker’s and Noneyas” by way of response. Of course, the questioner had to ask what the hell “Noneyas” were. Kat immediately responded with “None of your business.” That had the rest of the crowd howling with laughter and ooohs and aaahs. I typed to Kat that I was on my way and then logged off and shut down my terminal. I grabbed my book bag and headed out to the B&E building halfway across campus.

Thankfully, the drizzling rain that had plagued me earlier in the evening had stopped so I stayed dry during my walk across campus. I entered the building and rode the elevator up to the second floor. As the doors opened on the second floor, I was greeted by the sight of Kathie standing before me with her own book bag over her shoulder and smiling happily at me.

“Going up?” She asked playfully.

I smiled and nodded, stepping aside so that she could enter the elevator with me. I punched the button for the third floor as the doors began to close behind her. We stood in silence for the few moments it took for the elevator to climb to the next floor but when the door opened, and we stepped out into the hallway Kathie excused herself and said she’d join me in the vending machine room in a moment she had to use the bathroom first. I told her I’d wait for her to make the ***********ions out of the machines.

I was standing in front of one of the machines contemplating my choices between salty potato chips and a seemingly healthier choice of whole wheat crackers when Kathie joined me. She stood beside me at the machine and put her left hand on her hip and cocked her head to her left shoulder while bringing her right hand up and touching her index finger to her bottom lip as if deep in the decision-making process as well.

“Hmmmm… not a lot to choose from is there?” She stated matter-of-factly, then giggled a bit. I couldn’t help but to snort a short laugh myself.

“Hey, only the best for us starving college students.” I quipped and chuckled a bit under my breath.

“Well at least it’s only a snack and not a real meal. I’m not really hungry anyway so maybe just something a little salty… those crackers look good. You get a couple bags of those and I get us a couple of cans of soda… any preference?” Kathie asked as she half turned to look at me still holding that pose with her hand on a hip and a finger to her lip… but there was laughter in her eyes.

“Anything other than diet will be fine for me… a Doctor Pepper if they have any maybe.” I said with a shrug as I dug some quarters out of my jeans pocket and began inserting them into the coin slot.

“Cool, I’m not much into diet sodas either… nasty after taste.” Kathie said as she too dug for some quarters in her jeans pockets.

I dropped coins and made the ***********ion twice for the whole wheat crackers then collected the bounty from the tray behind the swinging door at the bottom of the machine. I heard one can being vended as I collected crackers and another drop as I stood back up. With our snacks in hand, we left the vending room and walked down the hall to the elevator once more and waited for it to climb back up to the third floor from the first floor. As we stood there waiting, I began to chuckle which got a funny look from Kathie.

“What’s so funny?” she asked curiously.

“What you said earlier when someone asked what kind of snacks we were having… “Noneyas”! That was hilarious!” I said grinning and still chuckling a little. She smiled at me and shrugged.

“Well, it was… none of their business.” She said as the door opened for the elevator.

We both stepped in and I pushed the button for the second floor. It was a short ride down one floor and soon we were both seated side by side in the computer terminal room where Kathie had been working earlier. Instead of turning the machines on however we opened up our snacks and half turned to face one another better. I bowed my head and said grace silently for a moment before I opened my can of Dr. Pepper. As I took my first sip I glanced up and noticed that Kathie was looking at me curiously her own can of Dr. P halfway to her lips and her eyebrows were knitted as if in thought.

“What?” I asked wondering what she was pondering.

“I’ve never seen a guy pray before eating snacks.” She said as if it were the strangest thing in the world.

“I give thanks for all kinds of things… Nothing in this world is a given except for death and taxes.” I said with a shrug.

Maybe it was the company but the whole wheat crackers turned out to be pretty good. They had kind of a nutty taste with a hint of salt. They might have been better with a little cheese, but they were perfectly fine by themselves too. As we sat and ate our crackers and sipped our sodas we talked and yes even flirted a little. I was very self-conscious of doing so as it had been so very long since I even had the desire to flirt with anyone. Sitting up close and personal, just the two of us I found myself drinking in all there was about this lovely young lady.

Kathie’s figure was slim but by no means frail, she had the physique of a swimmer, maybe a dancer or a little of both. I marveled at her thin almost delicate hands and fingers, thin yes but sturdy, even strong I suspected. It was after we had powered up a couple of terminals and both of us logged onto “Phone” that I got a look at those fingers in action as she typed. I felt my heart do a little flip as I couldn’t help but make a mental comparison of Kathie’s flying fingers on the keyboard with those of Michelle so many years ago. I had to take a sip of my Dr Pepper to get the lump in my throat to go away. Damn! Why is life so hard sometimes?

A voice in the back of my mind spoke up… oddly it sounded a lot like Jules for some reason. “…what if it had been you that died... would you want her to never experience love again?” I would want Michelle to have been happy… and I know deep in my heart that she would want the same for me. There will always be similarities, there will always be reminders. Remember the joy and learn to love again.

So, with a deep deep breath I mentally shook off the feelings of remorse and let out a long sigh and smiled sincerely at Kathie as she made a quip about something one of the guys had said on “Phone”. I don’t know how, but somehow someway Kathie noticed the change in me. She actually did a double take when she saw me smiling at her. Her head tilted a little to her right shoulder and she gave me a sidelong glance with her eyes crinkling a little as they half closed, and she smiled that smile again. No teeth showing but those lips drawn out into a beautifully pleasant smile then just before she turned back to her monitor she drew in her bottom lip and her eyebrows rose in silent speculation.

We goofed off playing around and chatting with everyone on “Phone” for a little while longer but then we both realized that it was getting late and we needed to be heading home to get some sleep. Kathie and I made our goodbyes online and then made our exits. After shutting down our terminals we gathered our books and I picked up our trash from our snacks. After depositing the trash in the garbage can by the door, we walked down the hall to the elevator.

Both of us were smiling sheepishly and feeling awkward I think, I know I was dying to tell Kathie I was happy to be with her and that I wanted more. I could feel those butterflies taking flight again and it was all I could do not to fidget as we waited on the elevator. Kathie on the other hand appeared outwardly calm but I suspected she was feeling the same as I as she did that little twisting rocking thing that so many girls do. Standing still but twisting back and forth at the hips her arms were crossed at her chest with her hands tucked under her arms. And that bottom lip of hers was tucked in her teeth like she was trying to keep from saying something. The furtive glances between the two of us would have been comical at another time. We rode the elevator down to the first floor and then I walked Kathie out to her car.

“Where did you park Jim?” Kathie asked me as we reached her big old Ford.

“I’m over behind the library, it’s not too far away.” I said trying not to toe the ground beneath my feet like a country bumpkin in an old cartoon. I stood there with my left hand shoved into my jeans front pocket and my right holding the strap of my book bag hanging from my shoulder.

“Jim… Thanks.” Kathie said while doing that twisty thing again after putting her book bag in the passenger seat of her car and closing the door. I cocked my head in obvious confusion.

“Thanks for what?” I asked truly perplexed and caught off guard. Kathie just smiled and tilted her head down just a little so that she was looking up through her lashes and a few strands of that curly long hair that had blown across her forehead. The word adorable sprang to my mind and I caught my breath.

“For just being you, silly. You are a truly nice guy, and I’m so happy that we have met. I haven’t really made any friends since we moved to Kentucky, but I know I have now. You.” Kathie said softly tilting her head to her left shoulder a bit and puffing a breath of air to blow the hair out of her eyes. Those big bright grey-brown eyes that seemed to bore right through me. “I feel… I don’t know… I just feel right around you. I know it sounds weird but it’s true.” She said her voice trailing off softly as if she were afraid she had said too much. Again, that bottom lip got drawn in as she studied my face for a reaction.

“I don’t think it sounds weird at all, and I agree… I feel the same way about you. I can’t explain it either, but it just feels right. I should thank you. You have gotten me to open up and talk about things that no one else even suspected about me. Would I…” I shook my head and thought better of continuing out loud the thought that had entered my brain just then. I wanted so badly to simply wrap Kathie in my arms and give her a hug, but I wasn’t sure how she would react to that or think about it. I was elated that she considered me a friend and that in itself was precious to me. Kathie rolled her head to the other shoulder and looked at me questioningly.

“Would you what?” She asked with her brows knitted slightly, her twisting motion halted for a moment.

“Nothing… just an errant thought… a brain fart maybe.” I said sheepishly and bit my tongue. As I grinned slightly. Kathie’s eyebrows relaxed then climbed slightly as a light came on in her eyes. A light that I would come to recognize and both welcome and suspect as mischief in the making.

“In that case… could I ask you for a favor?” She asked with that shy smile as she began twisting ever so slightly again.

“Sure. You can ask anything. If I can, I will help.” I said not really knowing what I was opening myself up for.

“Well, you know that I’ve not dated anyone in years, and I know that you are in a similar situation so to speak… Jim… It’s been so long since I’ve been held by anyone or even hugged anyone. Would you feel weird if I asked you for a hug?” She asked in a rush and the twisting stopped again as if she were holding her breath.

I was stunned. I think my jaw dropped open and I could have been catching flies or maybe moths since it was nighttime, but to say I was surprised would be an understatement. I think I even stopped breathing for a moment or two myself before I stammered a reply.

“S… sure… I…” Was all I could get out before Kathie literally leapt onto me. Her arms went around my sides and her head buried into my left shoulder as she squeezed me so tightly, I’d have thought she were trying to wrestle me or something.

After a surprised heartbeat or two I wrapped my own arms around her and returned her squeezing hug albeit a little more hesitantly perhaps. I couldn’t help but to gasp and get a little choked up, it just felt so good… so right… so very very right. I almost laughed when after a moment or two… maybe it was several minutes I don’t know I was lost in the sensation, but I did notice that both of us were now doing that silly twisting motion. Then it happened.

I thought I crossed the line when out of simple reflex or instinct or whatever I turned my head, and I kissed the top of Kathie’s head right in the middle of that unruly curly hair of hers. I felt Kathie stiffen and freeze in my arms for a moment then just when I was about to panic at my foolishness and try to utter an apology, Kathie took a huge deep breath and sighed and squeezed me even tighter.

I heard her sniff before she pulled herself apart from me. I think I was still holding my breath and frozen in place as Kathie raised her right arm and wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her sweatshirt. The smile on her face was genuine and made me want to melt however and I finally breathed again.

“Jim don’t say a word! Thank you… thank you more than you might ever know.” She said smiling and practically bouncing on her toes as she blinked rapidly and damn if she didn’t draw that bottom lip in again as she smiled and cocked her head to one shoulder giving me that sidelong glance again. “I’ve really got to go but I will be seeing you again soon.” She added as she began backing around the front of the old Crown Vic still bouncing on her toes and rocking side to side hugging herself.

“Okay… Take care and be…” I began but Kathie finished for me.

“Careful… I know. You too Jim. See you soon.” She said as she opened the driver’s door and climbed in to start the car.

I waved as she put it into gear and glided off into the night. I stood there rooted in the same spot still trying to understand what had just happened. Oh, those butterflies! The puzzled expression on my face was slowly replaced by a goofy grin however as I turned and walked off towards the library and where I had parked my pickup truck earlier that evening.

Over the next week or so it seemed that I ran into or more often than not was found by Kathie on campus between classes or while getting something to eat at the student center. Her presence was welcomed and always enjoyed. We talked about classes and of course the antics of our friends on “Phone” on the computer.

Kathie even sat in on a couple of study groups and shared pizza or snacks with us. I think my group was just as enamored with her as I was, even after we discovered that she was observing our little group for two reasons. She explained that one was that she needed to observe a small working group for an assignment that she was working on for one of her sociology classes and the other was she simply wanted to get to know me and my friends better. Of course, my heart swelled when she revealed this not only to me but to my small group. I couldn’t begin to describe the feelings I had when she looked me straight in the eye while saying this to the others… her words only told part of the story, her eyes spoke volumes more directly to my soul.

It was later that same evening, after my study group broke up and everyone logged onto “Phone” for a while. Kathie or Kat as she went by on “Phone” made her goodbyes saying that she had to be getting home to her mother. I too excused myself as I actually had an early class in the morning and I needed to get on home myself. We were both in the Patterson office tower on the mezzanine using the computer terminals there that evening so both of us had parked just outside the building for a change.

I walked Kathie out to her car. It had rained earlier in the evening for a little while so the steps down to the drive were still wet as were the leaves that had fallen from numerous trees around the building. Now it’s a known fact that fallen leaves and rain on pavement make for slippery conditions almost as bad as ice. Kathie found this out when we were about halfway down the steps. Her right heel stepped onto a few of those sodden leaves and as her weight came down on the heel it shot out from under her and she began to fall.

I happened to have been on her left side in step with her and when she began to fall, I grabbed her left arm at the elbow with my right hand and kept her from falling hard on her back or worse hitting her head on the steps behind her. Instead, she merely touched down with her bottom on the offending slippery step. The feeling of falling must have given her a start but she recovered fast with an embarrassed giggle as she stood back up and dusted off her backside.

“Are you okay?” I asked hurriedly and with concern in my voice.

Kathie’s sheepish grin seemed to answer my question before she even opened her mouth to speak… but her eyes held something else entirely. Her eyes went wide after she stood back up and backed up a step so she was one or two steps above me now and our faces were practically nose to nose.

“Uh… yeah. I think I’m okay… just a little embarrassed.” She said distractedly as she continued to look at me with that odd look in her eyes.

Deep in my gut and even my heart registered that look far sooner than my mind. My brain took a moment or two to catch up but eventually it dawned on me. I’ve seen that look before, a few times but most notably from my soul mate that was taken from me far too soon. Some part of my mind registered that I was still holding Kathie by the elbow even though she no longer needed my assistance. I also realized that Kathie’s face seemed to be growing… no… not growing, coming closer.

Her bottom lip drew up into her teeth for a split second and she blinked once, twice then her head tilted ever so slightly to one side as our noses just touched side to side. I felt a tingle on my lips as hers touched them with a feathery lightness. We both paused, drawing back just a bit, our eyes locked and hesitant as we both looked for something in the other, acknowledgement, permission perhaps? All I saw was acceptance and willingness and maybe desire. Definitely desire…

Kathie’s eyes half closed and then our lips were pressed in a soft sensual kiss of exploration. Her lips felt electric and silky at the same time. Kathie’s right hand was on my left forearm gripping me tightly, her left hand was splayed on the front of my chest on my sweatshirt. Time stood still. I’m not sure how long our lips were pressed to one another but we both pulled back eventually to breath, but only just so, our foreheads were still touching and our noses still brushing one another.

I’m not sure who was more stunned or surprised or excited but when Kathie exhaled her breath came out in quivering little gasps. Those eyes were wide open again and I fell into them. The light from the nearby streetlamp behind me to my left, her right, reflected off her eyes. They shone from within as well. My mind was both a blur of conflicting thoughts and at the same time calmed and at peace. I know it sounds contradictory but that was how it was.

Maybe it was my heart and not my mind that was calmed, but I suspect it was only part of the feeling as my heart was racing and if asked, I would have said that it was swelling in my chest as I stood toe to shin, head-to-head looking into those eyes of hers, sharing her breath… lips nearly touching yet.

“K… Kathie… I… I…” I began but was abruptly cut off by her soft lips once again pressed to mine and I felt her hands take hold of the sides of my face. I also realized that my own hands were now resting lightly on her hips as our lips danced and caressed one another. Once more we had to pull back to breathe, both of us nearly panting as our hearts raced. This time it was Kathie that found her voice before I did.

“I had a feeling that you might be agreeable to this but I suspected that you would be too much of a gentleman to actually start it, Jim. I hadn’t planned this, tonight, but somehow it just felt right. I hope I haven’t gone too far or too fast for you.” She said as she swallowed and her soft smile quivered slightly as did her voice.

“Yeah. I mean no… I… uh…” I stuttered at first then shook my head to clear the cobwebs and the smoke from the fireworks going off in my brain. “I was kind of surprised is all. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about it but yeah, I am still kind of shy and… well… slow I guess.” I half mumbled as I felt my face heating up even as Kathie’s hands slid up and down the outsides of my upper arms.

“So, you thought about kissing me?” Kathie asked with a wry little grin and one eyebrow arching questioningly as she drew that bottom lip into her teeth again. I reacted with a goofy embarrassed smile of my own and shrugged slightly.

“It’s been a long time since I felt like kissing anyone but I still didn’t know how you might feel about it… and well… I wouldn’t want to ruin a new friendship… with my curiosity.” I spoke quietly breaking eye contact for the first time as I turned my head away as I felt a touch of shame. The feel of soft delicate fingers gently touching the side of my face and turning it back towards Kathie was almost startling. The look in her eyes as I reconnected my gaze with them was warm and inviting.

“Jim, just so you know, from now on it’s okay. A kiss could not ruin our friendship… and well… maybe I like how you kiss. I think…” She said with an increasingly teasing smile as her head dipped down a bit and tipped to one side slightly and she began that slow twisting back and forth motion from the waist up. It was almost hypnotic, like a living metronome.

“Just ‘maybe’?” I asked still feeling like I was holding my breath and my mind reeling from Kathie’s actions and now her words.

“Well, I’m not sure really. I mean it was only one… okay maybe two kisses. That’s not really much to go on. I might need to sample your… technique and skill a bit more. You know… to gather more data before I make an empirical determination. I must say though, I am intrigued so far. I hope that because it was unexpected that the first… results… aren’t misleading.” She said as her grin grew even brighter.

About that time three or four other students exited the building and descended the same steps that we were on. They were talking amongst themselves but quieted as they went by Kathie and I then picked up with whispered giggles and a couple of laughs further on as they went down the side walk towards the Whitehall classroom building. Kathie and I watched them go before returning our gazed to one another. Kathie giggled a bit herself as she drew in her bottom lip again. Oh God that is so cute! I thought to myself. But the spell was broken and the real world drew us back to the here and now. I smiled self-consciously at Kathie trying to think of something witty to say. But once more I was saved by her and her vibrant captivating personality.

“I will have to set this evening’s experience aside and save it as a separate sample set. I would however like to… gather some more data… at another time maybe.” She said and l watched as her eyes danced with glee and one eyebrow arched questioningly.

I might be slow, I might be freaking blind sometimes but I could not miss her open invitation for me to kiss her another time, perhaps several more times. I think I forgot how to breathe as that realization sank into my slow-moving brain. I must have looked confused or conflicted or something as Kathie’s smile faded in uncertainty, her eyes took on a worried expression as her head dipped a little to see if my eyes were responding and to check if anyone was home in my head. That must have done the trick because I kind of snapped out of the trance I seemed to be in at that moment. I literally gasped as I sucked in oxygen for the first time in almost a minute. The goofy smile returned and I blinked rapidly a few times and tilted my own head a little shyly.

“I think I would be a willing test subject for any… research… you might like to do.” I finally said sheepishly. Kathie’s eyes lit up again and her smile brightened with a show of teeth even. Her hands gripped my arms as she leaned in and gave me a quick little peck on the lips before straightening back up drawing that bottom lip in again and glancing away a little self-consciously before returning her eyes to my own.

“I’m going to be doing some research for a class in the library all this next week. If you don’t see me in the student center or on “Phone” I’ll probably be there somewhere… or at home with my mom…” She added a little more somberly as her smile faded just a few watts as she shrugged slightly. I couldn’t stop myself from reaching out with my right hand and softly stroking her left arm from the elbow to her shoulder and back to her elbow. I gave her a knowing sad smile and nodded my understanding.

“I think I can find a reason to go to the library myself.” I said with a brighter smile and let one eyebrow rise a bit. “I have an early class in the morning, then I work the dinner rush at Dom’s but I don’t have to close so I’ll be off sometime around nine tomorrow or earlier depending on how busy or slow it is. I’ll also get my schedule for next week.” I told Kathie as we resumed walking towards our vehicles.

It wasn’t until we stopped beside the driver side door of her big Ford that I realized that we were holding hands. Kathie turned to me once more, now on the same level pavement she was just a bit shorter than I so she turned her face up to look me in the eyes again. I lifted her hand in mine and placed it against my chest over my heart.

“Kathie… Thank you.” I said with a soft but serious voice. Her brows knitted and she tilted her head slightly to one side.

“Why are you thanking me?” She asked genuinely puzzled. I shrugged then explained.

“I was taught to be thankful for any gift given to me or act of kindness. Just you… just being my friend was special and I have been meaning to tell you that but this… Wow!” I spoke still in awe of all that had happened both in meeting this woman and our budding friendship and then tonight with her kiss. Kathie’s face was turned up slightly and the light from the nearby streetlamp shone in her eyes as she smiled at me. Not a grin but her lips parted and her teeth… slight overbite and all shone pearly white.

“What if I wanted… more? More than just friendship Jim? I’ve not felt this way before, not even with my last boyfriend. I think of you all the time now and I just want to be around you… with you… I… I know that you…” She stopped speaking and closed her eyes as her face lowered slightly. Her smile vanished and that bottom lip was drawn into her teeth as she censored her own words before continuing.

“I… I know that you still love that other girl… Michelle… I think you always will. But I have a feeling that you heart is big enough to care for another. I’ve seen the kindness in you, I’ve felt it. Would it be awful of me to want to be part of it too?” With the last words, Kathie let her chin rise slightly and her eyes opened searching deeply into my own as I stared into those smoky grey brown windows of her soul.

The openness and sincerity were obvious to me, as was the longing and hope. In the back of my mind, some small part of it anyway, all that I knew about her was playing back like a recording. Her story, the sadness, the loneliness and then the joy and happiness I’ve seen the few times that we had been together. I also couldn’t help but to think of my own happiness and joy that I felt just being around her as well. I could feel my heart swelling in my chest even as the lump in my throat grew to choking proportions. I swallowed, once… twice. I blinked, once… twice… three times. Then swallowed once more before trying to speak.

“I am happy to call you my friend… Kathie…” I began and I could see her face begin to fall as her eyebrows quivered and dipped slightly, her bottom lip trembled almost microscopically before being drawn into a forced smile… albeit a sad smile. “For you to be more than that would be almost too much for me to dream of let alone imagine…” I could see Kathie’s eyes begin to shine as they began to pool with what had to be tears. A pang of guilt shot through me as I realized that she was taking my words out of context and assuming I was turning her down for some reason.

“Kathie… more than happy… I’d be honored… if you would like to take a chance on me and my broken heart…” That was as far as I got though as my lips were suddenly being smothered by hers.

Somehow, in less time than a breath, Kathie’s arms shot up and around my neck pulling me into her… or herself into me… whatever, the result was more fireworks. Her lips were energetic to say the least, I think I even was probed by her tongue a few times as my arms instinctively wrapped around her waist and held her firmly against my own body. At some point I realized that I was tasting salt and it puzzled me until we finally pulled back to breathe once more. Searching Kathie’s face, I saw that while it was shining happily, her cheeks were wet from the tears she had shed. She must have noticed my scrutiny and giggled a little self-consciously as she wiped her eyes and cheeks with the sleeve of her sweatshirt.

“Sorry, I must look a mess… I’m just so emotional.” She blubbered nervously while still beaming that million-watt smile.

“Never apologize for being emotional. If it’s real it’s okay. I was just worried that… well… tears… I just can’t handle it when a girl cries, especially if I think I might have caused them.” I admitted sheepishly. Kathie swatted my chest then tilted her head to one shoulder as she often had before.

“You really are special Jim. I promise you I will try to show you how much that is appreciated, if you let me.” She said in a soft voice, if a little coyly. I had to wonder how exactly she might do that but shrugged internally as it was something else to be discovered about this magical creature before me.

“You don’t have to do anything special for me, just be yourself, that’s all I’ll ever ask of you.” I said earnestly as I gripped a little more firmly her hips in either of my hands and shook her slightly from side to side to emphasize my words. Again, she smiled brightly and nodded her head slightly as she blinked her eyes closed slowly to acknowledge my words.

“So, you’ll join me at the library tomorrow evening?” She asked and that bottom lip got drawn into her teeth again. Oh My God! How can any guy deny something so cute?

“I will, but I’m still not sure exactly what time I’ll get off work.” I said by way of confirmation.

“Still have my number?” She asked.

“Yeah, I have it in my wallet.” I admitted.

“Then call me at home when you get off work and we can meet up then.” She suggested with a wink.

“I can do that.” I said with a goofy smile of my own as I watched Kathie’s eyes crinkle with glee. I watched her head tilt down slightly again and that bottom lip get drawn up and bit lightly.

“Jim… I really do need to be getting home… but… one more?” She nearly whispered, almost holding her breath.

Now I might be slow sometimes but this time I was ready. Maybe because I was thinking the same thing… funny that. Instead of a verbal consent I merely pressed closer, my hands on either side between Kathie’s hips and rib cage. Gently but firmly, I lifted her torso drawing her into my chest and her lips into mine. It was a soft sensual kiss, our lips brushing softly, savoring the contact and the electricity. I let my tongue lightly brush her lips but not force beyond them… I nearly swooned as I felt Kathie’s tongue do the same and there was one fleeting contact, the tips of our tongues brushed then retreated as if shy. Of course, that’s when we both drew back to breathe once more.

Maybe it was me, maybe it was a new fire fanning to life between the two of us but Kathie’s eyes were decidedly smoky after the last kiss. Her smile had transformed into something dreamlike… a warm relaxed closed mouth smile both on her lips and in her eyes. I could feel myself melting from the inside out.

“You’d better get going… Or I am going to pass out standing right here… You’ve taken my breath away.” I spoke and even in my ears it sounded like I was in a dream.

Kathie only giggled a moment then winked and turned around and opened her car door. As she slid into the seat she hesitated and said “Call me…” and with that she closed the door started her engine and glided off into the night. I stood there on the curb outside of the Patterson Office Tower and watched her taillights fade. I felt as tall as that tower behind me for some reason. Only after I couldn’t see her car any longer did I take a deep deep breath, and let it out in a long slow sigh. I turned and floated to my truck and got in and drove home to the farm. That feeling of floating never went away the whole drive home, or even after I got there and made my way to bed. I think I slept that night hovering over my bed by a foot or so and for the life of me I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face.

I dreamt that night. An odd dream, or maybe several one after another I’m not sure but they stuck with me after I awoke the next morning. I had taken to writing down what I could remember of my dreams a year earlier for a philosophy class exercise. The object was to list and possibly find recurring elements and then try to determine if that was a real memory or a construct by our subconscious mind.

I never did get much out of the exercise but reading back through some of my dream recollections certainly raised an eyebrow now and then. I’m sure a psychologist could have a field day with my notes but I never shared them with anyone. Eventually I stopped recording them all together but at this time I was still writing them down. When I awoke the next morning, actually before daybreak for a change, I grabbed my pen and notepad from my nightstand and turned on the lamp. Curses from across the room from my brother were mumbled as he pulled his blanket over his head and rolled over away from the light. I propped myself up on one elbow and began writing.

I was trying to make a delivery, a pizza of course, but I couldn’t find the address. I didn’t have a name or phone number to call and the store was too far away to drive back to. The time was running out on the order and it was going to be late. It was dark and raining and I couldn’t see any house street numbers. There were lots of people walking up and down the sidewalks though, some waved, some shouted that I was going the wrong way, most just ignored me as the clock ticked down.

Then I saw my store like a beacon in the night. I stopped and took the pizza bag inside and they were getting swamped from all the orders, the make line had a curtain of pink order slips hanging and the phones were ringing non-stop. Jules was on the ovens turning and loading and pulling finished pizzas out to box and cut them and put them on the delivery rack. “Jimbo! Get a move on buddy! That order is going to be late!” I told her that I couldn’t find it and I couldn’t call them to get directions.

“You already have the number Jimbo… and you know how to get there, you’re just driving in a fog… It’s okay buddy. You can do it.” She said then turned back to the ovens to tend more pizzas.

I grabbed the pizza I was to deliver again and ran out the door once more only to find an old dinosaur of a push lawn mower on the curb. For some reason I knew I had to get it started or the front yard wouldn’t get mowed… the Teachers were really counting on me, and Michelle to get the yard mowed but where was Michelle?

I set the pizza aside and began pulling the ripcord to start the mower, over and over and over. Jules opened the door of the store and shouted out at me “Let it go Jimbo, it’s okay, let it go!” I dropped to my knees beside that old mower and bowed my head not wanting to admit defeat. I felt a warm hand on my shoulder and it slid up to my neck. I heard a whisper in my ear even as the rain fell on and around me soaking me through to the bone.

“She loved you Jim, but you already know that. They both did, Michelle and Penny. I know you loved them and you always will… In your own words… Remember the Joy.” I didn’t have to see who it was to know it was Maggie’s voice.

A warmth radiated through her touch and through her words. In a moment or two… at least in my dream anyway… the rain stopped falling and I found myself straightening up but I was no longer bent over that old dinosaur of a lawn mower, now I was bent over the engine compartment of a big Ford Crown Victoria. I felt a hand lightly on my right elbow and I turned to see Kathie standing before me, smiling with her arms open inviting me in for a hug and the look in her eyes said kiss me. That’s when I woke up.

As I finished writing the last words, I clicked my pen and closed my notebook and rolled back over to stare at the ceiling over my bed. I wasn’t really seeing the ceiling of course, I was watching two sets of eyes dance on the ceiling as they looked back at me. One a pair of blue green gems with gold flecks in them and the other a bright shiny set of smokey grey brown. The blue green eyes faded away first but the smokey grey brown ones lingered a bit longer.

My subconscious mind was speaking to me with visions, I think. My heart was pounding in my chest but strangely it was a pleasant feeling for a change. I snapped out of my reverie when one of the roosters crowed. Yeah, some things on the farm rarely change. I got up and dressed and went to tend the animals, even that damned rooster. Later I cleaned up and dressed for classes and grabbed some bacon and toast on my way through the kitchen to leave for my drive to town and school. Mom actually commented on my smile, though she didn’t ask me to explain it.

I parked at the stadium and made my way via shuttle bus to campus then to my morning class. I just made it before class began. Honestly though, I might as well have not even shown up as my mind was anywhere but in that classroom that morning. Well… other than watching the clock wishing it would move faster. Eventually however, it did move and the class ended on schedule and I gathered my books and headed to the student center. I picked up the daily paper and then got some doughnuts and a container of milk. After finding a seat I opened the paper and started eating my two doughnuts. Again, my mind just wasn’t in it, every time someone walked by, I looked up half expecting to see Kathie. Sadly, it was never her.

Once the doughnuts were gone and the milk emptied, I folded up my newspaper and decided to at least do something productive in the little time I had left before I had to go to work. I headed over to the library and looked up a couple of articles for the research on a paper I was writing. Again, hopefully, I searched the faces of everyone, or at least every girl that crossed my path in the library. Still no Kathie but then that’s not so unusual, I just realized that I was now somewhat obsessed. I smiled to myself thinking that it’s a good feeling though.

I collected my quotes and footnotes for my research but it was time to go to work. I packed up my book bag and slung it over my shoulder and headed for the shuttle bus stop in front of the Chem Physics building, the closest one to the library really. I had just ambled up to the bus stop shelter when I heard a horn blare behind me on Rose Street. I turned to look and saw a big old light green Ford Crown Victoria gliding to the curb and behind the wheel was a cute long curly haired girl with the biggest smile on her face. My heart swelled when she waved to me excitedly. I leaned down to look through the open passenger side window.

“Hey stranger… need a ride to the stadium?” Kathie asked with that irrepressible smile beaming brightly.

“That would be great.” I said with a smile of my own.

“Well hop in. I was just headed that way.” She added with a giggle.

I opened the door and slid in putting my book bag in the floorboard and drawing the seat belt across me to click it closed. Kathie checked her mirrors then pulled back out into traffic and we headed on down Rose street towards Limestone. I told her if she turned left onto Huguelet drive she could get on University drive and it would take her right to the stadium.

She grinned at me and followed my directions and muttered. “Show off.” …and then she giggled and winked at me. In a few minutes she pulled up in front of my parked pickup truck and stopped. I looked at her… well… honestly, I had been looking at her the entire ride over to the stadium. My mind cataloging and imprinting every detail of her profile and face. My ears savoring her every word and sound she made.

“Thank you… How much do I owe you for the ride?” I asked only half teasing.

“Oh, it might cost you a lot.” Kathie quipped with an equally facetious lilt in her voice, her eyes shining with mischief. “But I’ll have to think about it… I’ll let you know this evening… maybe. For now, however, I think one will do.” She said letting one eyebrow edge up her forehead.

“One what?” I began a little puzzled… Kathie’s expression turned from a facetious grin to a bit of a pout of disappointment and then it registered in my slow brain.

“OH! Okay!” I said with bashful enthusiasm as I leaned across the seat closer to her.

Her pout vanished and her eyes half closed as she let her lips be bussed gently by my own. Softly brushing and pecking and rubbing. I drew her bottom lip in between my lips and then released it. Kathie gasped slightly and drew back to look me in the eyes. Those smokey grey brown orbs seemed to glow from within, even as she squinted her eyelids half closed and murmured.

“Oh… okay… I changed my mind… I think two…yes, definitely! Two…” and she closed her lips on mine once more and with a hungrier feel to it.

I detected her tongue probing and tickling my lips and was about to respond in kind when from behind us a horn blared impatiently. A little startled we both drew back a little embarrassed but smiling like a couple of teenagers. I sighed and grabbed for my book bag and started to open the door.

“I’d better go before someone has a conniption fit.” I grinned. Kathie let both eyebrows ride up and she bit her bottom lip just before shouting to me as I closed the door.

“Call me later!” and she giggled and drove off leaving me standing in front of my pickup as the girl in the next parking space over looked at me through her windshield and raised both hands in askance as if to say “Well? Are you going to move?” I grinned at her and got in my pickup and after she pulled out and drove away in a huff, I headed off to Dom’s to work.

It was Friday evening, normally the busiest night of the week for a pizza delivery business but oddly it was a rather slow night for a change. Not that there wasn’t a dinner rush, there was, but by normal standards it was not as busy. Since I had an early class on Friday’s this semester, I had not been closing Friday nights like I used to with Jules and a few others. Jules herself had been concentrating on other things as well and now with her new job and being sent off for schooling out of state soon she had cut way back on the nights she closed.

This Friday evening, we were two of the first to be checked out and sent home. Well, neither of us were going home, at least right away anyway. I’m not sure what Jules’ plans were but I was going to the Library to participate in some studies with one very exciting young lady. My demeanor and the silly smile plastered on my face had not escaped notice by anyone this evening, especially Jules. As I was getting totaled up and checked out, she sat down next to me at the manager’s desk and shouldered up to me.

“Hey buddy… You’re looking awfully chipper tonight… does she have a name?” She asked conspiratorially and nudged me with an elbow. I just grinned a little sheepishly and shrugged. I knew already that Jules wasn’t going to let it go at that. But I wasn’t going to tell all, at least not around so many others.

“I’ll tell you later maybe… but yeah. I’m feeling pretty good.” I all but whispered and I felt my face warm with a slight blush. Of course, Jules couldn’t miss that, she leaned back away from me a bit and studied me anew, her eyebrows rising questioningly before her trademark smirk cracked her face and she whistled appreciatively.

“Give me a few minutes to get checked out and I’ll catch up with you in the parking lot. I gotta hear this.” She said in a low voice and glanced between me and the assistant manager who knew me well enough to know that this was unusual, at least for the past couple of years anyway.

I grabbed a cold bottle of Pepsi out of the cooler and paid for it then borrowed one of the phones up front to call Kathie. One of the other girls working taking order couldn’t help but overhear some of my end of the conversation even though I kept my voice down. I Told Kathie I had just gotten off work but would be a few minutes yet before I left. I should make it to the library in under an hour though… it’ was only seven thirty in the evening so the night was still young. Kathie told me she would go ahead and look up her research material while she waited, but she might hold her breath so hurry. I had to smile at that and I told her I would.

I was hanging up about the time that Jules came to the front of the store after having been checked out. She paused at the entry door and saw that I was just hanging up the phone and gave me that one raised eyebrow look then pitched her head and shoulder towards the door as if to say “Come on.” I took a deep breath and something halfway between a grimace and a smile grew on my face as I grabbed my Pepsi and followed her out to the parking lot.

I opened and lowered my tailgate on my pickup truck and hopped up to take a seat. Jules walked over and stood in front of me and crossed her arms over her flat chest tucking her hands under her armpits. Tilting her head to one side slightly and wearing her trademark smirk she raised one eyebrow and waited for me to begin. This was an old game between the two of us, the little wait and see who will talk first game. Over the last couple of years, I had become quite adept at this and as often as not I would come out the winner as she would break down and start talking or asking questions. Tonight, however I was just too amped up with new or renewed emotions. Feelings I had not experienced in… well… those two long lonely years after Michelle’s passing. I had a goofy grin on my face after a few moments and Jules’ smirk grew, she knew she had won this time.

“What? I can’t smile?” I asked feeling my face warm as the blush set in. Jules’ smirk turned into a warm smile for a moment but then returned to her trademark snideness as her eyes sparkled with amusement and… happiness.

“Oh, I don’t mind the smiling Jimbo, I’m just curious as to what or rather WHO put it there. Now are you going to share with me or do I have to beat it out of you?” she informed me as she shifted her weight from one foot to the other and tilted her head to the other shoulder accordingly. That one lone eyebrow still reaching for her scalp. Taking a deep breath, I let it out slowly and smiled again… I seemed to be doing that a lot over the last day or so.

“Kathie, her name is Kathie with…” I began.

“With an eye ee…” Jules finished nodding her head as she shuffled over slowly and turned before hopping up and landing her scrawny backside on the tailgate next to me, her arms still crossed and her hands still tucked under her armpits. She then kind of shimmied and scooted over closer to me until her elbow nudged me to continue.

“Yeah, I already told you a little about her. Well… she’s kind of grown on me. I think she likes me… and I…” I paused as my head dipped and I swallowed a bit of a lump in my throat and took a deep breath. “I think I like her too.” I finished and shrugged my shoulders a bit sheepishly.

“Farm boy… judging by that goofy grin of yours I’d say you got it worse than just liking this girl.” Jules said softly but still in a teasing confidential voice.

“It’s not like that Jules… there’s just something about this girl that… I can’t really explain it, she just feels… right.” I said ending with a sigh of defeat. Jules leaned back away from me for a moment and studied me anew.

“Not like what? You’re not interested in her? Is she ugly or something?” She peppered me with questions. I knew full well that this was not about the answers I might give but to keep me talking and to open up a little more.

“Oh, I’m interested in her, sure, she’s adorable. But it’s something else about her that just feels right. We don’t even have to touch or really even talk much at all and I feel better just being with her, next to her. She tells me she feels it too, and neither one of us can explain it.” I gushed detailing some of my amazement and wonder. Jules smiled, really smiled, not her usual sarcastic smirk or a grin. She leaned back over closer to me and bumped my shoulder with her shoulder.

“Well, I know you got her phone number, what else has she shared with you?” Jules said in a mock whisper.

“She told me about herself, her life for the past few years and her mom being sick.” I offered up but even as I said it, I realized that that’s not what Jules was asking about. I did however understand that it was important to me for some reason.

“And…” Jules prodded verbally for me to go on.

“And she hugged me.” I sated softly and smiled a bit more.

“And…” Jules prodded again just knowing there was more somehow.

“And she kissed me…” I said with a dreamy sigh and again I felt my face warm with a blush. “Twice now…” I added and Jules nodded her head but kept quiet this time.

We both sat in silence for a minute or two. I replayed the events over the past few days with Kathie in my mind and I could find no fault in anything she or I had done. I guess my quiet pensive mood worried Jules a little bit as she had to check on me a bit more. She nudged me with her elbow gently.

“Jim… did you tell her about… about Michelle?” She asked in a quiet somber voice. Again, the lump rose in my throat and I merely nodded. Jules sat quietly for a few moments longer. “How did she react to that?” Jules asked almost reverently, completely out of character for her.

“Very understanding actually. She liked what you told me… or asked me… by the way. She says you are a very wise friend and someone who must care for me very much to say something like that.” I told Jules. This time it was Jules who shrugged.

If I had been paying closer attention, I probably would have noticed a blush creeping up her neck and warming her face, but I was pretty much wrapped up in my own little bundle of questions and worries in my mind. I continued.

“She said that I would always love Michelle and that she would never try to change my mind or heart about that… but that she said she thought that I could… maybe… have room for another.” I all but whispered. Jules leaned over and actually leaned her head on my left shoulder. I was startled for a moment but then I marveled at the silent affirmation and support she was giving me.

“This Kathie sounds like she’s pretty smart Jimbo… she might be a keeper. I know it all comes down to what you think and feel buddy, but if it helps… ask yourself this question. Do you think Michelle would have been friends with her, with Kathie?” Jules queried and then sat back up straight again giving me a little room.

I sat silently again for a moment or two as I pondered that question in my mind. I smiled, slowly at first and then it grew as I realized that yes, yes, I think Michelle would have been friends with Kathie. For some reason that made me feel lighter. But damn it! Why were my eyes tearing up? I half chuckled and half choked before I took another long pull of my all but forgotten Pepsi.

“You know, Jules, you can be such a pain in the ass sometimes… but I love you all the same. Thanks.” I said as I nudged her with my right elbow. Jules unfolded her arms and placed her hands on the tailgate to push off and hop back down to the ground.

“You were on the phone earlier… you seeing this Kathie tonight?” Jules asked with her hands on her hips and her head cocked to one shoulder standing in front of me once more.

“Actually, yes. We both have some research to do in the library tonight so we thought we might get together for a bit too.” I said a little sheepishly while I idly twirled the half empty bottle of Pepsi around in my hand.

“Good. It’s about time you lightened up. ‘Study hard…’ Jimbo.” Jules chided me with a grin and swatted my left leg at the knee with her right hand as she turned to go to her car and leave.

I watched her drive off with a wave and then I emptied my Pepsi and put the empty bottle in my garbage basket then hopped down and closed my tailgate. It was only minutes later that I was pulling up behind the Library looking for an after-hours parking space. I found one without too much trouble and was soon inside.

With my book bag slung over my shoulder I was only half paying attention to looking up my research material in the index catalogue as I kept looking around for Kathie. I found my material location and was soon lost in the stacks where the floors of the stacks split the floors of the building by almost half so the third level of the stacks was only the second floor of the library.

I could understand how some people could get confused or even lost in there. I got lost many times but not out of misdirection but lost out of time and touch with the outside world I loved books, all kinds of books, old books especially. What might seem like dust and musty old smells to some was a heady perfume to this bookworm, second only to the heady mind-altering smell of a woman’s… uh… never mind. That just sounds creepy.

Anyway, it was in the stacks while tracking down my research material that I literally ran into Kathie. She too was tracking down some research material. Working together we located the two books she was looking for and then found two of the three that I was looking for. Apparently, the book had been checked out or moved by someone else already, I’d have to check back for it another time. Books in hand we took one of the midfloor exits and found a couple of open study carrels side by side.

After depositing our book bags, books and taking our seats we went through the motions of turning on the little lamps and pulling out our writing pads and pens, flipping through our reference books… to all the world looking like we were actually studying. In all honesty however, I might as well have been trying to read Greek or write in Japanese. My mind was less than three feet away on the girl in the carrel next to mine. It might have been the third… maybe the fourth heavy sigh I heard from the carrel next door that I finally got the hint.

Kathie was just as distracted as I was but was playing along in case I was actually able to study. When I leaned back far enough to poke my head around the divider wall to check on her, I saw that she had her head propped up on her right hand, her chin resting in her open palm. Her body was turned halfway in her chair so that her right leg was crossed over her left at the knee and her right foot was twitching idly as her left hand tapped her pen unconsciously on her shoe. She appeared to be day dreaming until her gaze caught my eyes watching her. She grinned sheepishly for a moment then her smile brightened and she winked at me.

I smiled in return and then made a show of looking both ways before scooting my chair farther back and turning towards her. Kathie must have read my mind as she straightened up and scooted her chair to one side of her carrel and I pulled my chair into and beside her. Sitting back down we were side by side and only inches apart.

“Hi… mind a little company?” I said with a shy grin. She just smiled in return and that bottom lip got drawn into her teeth again. “I was wondering how your research was going.” I added coyly.

“Well, I have come to a stop. It seems that I need a live subject for further study…” Kathie said with one of her eyebrows climbing her forehead.

“I can volunteer… if you think I might be able to… help…” I offered, mirroring her lone eyebrow arching. Kathie’s smile grew a bit bigger and she leaned a little closer to me.

“hmmm, I might have to… test you… first.” She murmured as her face edged closer to mine and we both tilted our heads slightly in anticipation.

Our noses just skimming one another as our lips met in a soft delicate collision. The tender tentative play of lips was sweet and electric at the same instant. I hadn’t even realized that my eyes had closed until I opened them again as we drew back to breath. I noted that Kathie’s eyes were just fluttering open again as well. Clearing my throat before I had to ask.

“So, do you think I qualify… for further testing that is?” I grinned.

“I think… I think the test was inconclusive… I’ll have to do further… study perhaps.” Kathie said with a sly grin as she brought her right hand up to the side of my face and gently eased back close to me and we kissed once again.

This time I watched as those smokey grey brown eyes converged into one and then closed just as our lips met. I relished the warm moist feel of her lips delicately dancing with my own and I took a chance and let my tongue slip along the surface of her lips. It was a bit of a shock, no not a shock perhaps but a wonderful surprise when I felt Kathie’s tongue doing the same thing and our tongues stroked one another tentatively at first. Again, we parted and both opened our eyes to study the other. Kathie’s reflexive draw of her bottom lip into her teeth belied the growing hunger I saw in her beautiful eyes.

“Jim, I must confess, I haven’t kissed many guys but… wow!” Kathie murmured as she leaned in closer once more, her head tilting to the other side, her right hand sliding down to my neck to rest at the top of my left shoulder at the crook of my neck.

As our lips resumed their dance, our tongues joined once more and waltzed with a slow seductive hesitancy. I think I would have happily passed out from lack of oxygen at this point but we did in fact pull apart again to breathe… and to look deeply into one another’s eyes. Oh yes, I was under this girl’s spell… whether she knew she had bound me or not.

“… for someone… who claims not to have a lot of experience… you are very good at it…” I managed to all but whisper as I fell deeper and deeper into those big beautiful eyes. The look of wonder on her face was priceless, as was the lightness she brought to my soul. Kathie grinned demurely and blushed slightly and gave the barest of shrugs.

“I know what I like… and you seem to like the same.” She said softy as the fingers of her right hand toyed with the hair at the back of my head.

“I was told long ago that some people are just naturals… at things… others have to learn and practice.”

I hung my head dropping my gaze for a moment as I flashed back for a heartbeat to one afternoon, sitting on a couch kissing Michelle for the first time. I had to stop her and tell her to relax and just do what felt right… to kiss someone how you would like to be kissed in return. Honestly, I don’t know where that came from, it just popped into my head at that moment… but it was a simple truth and a good rule of thumb. Michelle took to it like a duck to water, she turned into the most awesome kisser I had known up to that time and… well… I’d not found another like her or even close…until now. In the heartbeat or two of time it took me to think this and look back up into Kathie’s slightly puzzled expression, my heart swelled yet again. It was something of an epiphany… this was right. This was special. This was a blessing from above. And I fell deeper and deeper still.

“Oh! I didn’t mean that you needed to learn anything!” I said hastily as my last words registered in my brain and the puzzled expression on Kathie’s face made me think that she had misinterpreted what I had just said. I blushed. “Far from it! I just… well… I’m kind of rusty… and I’d love… to practice more if you would like that too.” I tilted my head down a little and to one side meekly giving Kathie a sidelong questioning look. Her puzzled expression relaxed, then her mouth formed that little “oh” before she smiled brightly and giggled quietly.

“I think I could use some… practice… too. I’ll practice with you if you like.” She all but whispered as she leaned forward and rested her forehead to my own.

“I would like… very much I would like.” I smiled in return as our heads rotated and our lips met once again.

I could probably go on and on about how soft and sensual and somewhat provocatively daring our tongues grew during this kiss and several more that followed but they all start to sound alike after a while. I will say however that each and every kiss got better than the ones before them. It wasn’t until the lights blinked on an off several times in rapid succession that we snapped out of our little lip bound bubble. We had lost all track of time as we had practiced, the library was getting ready to close up. The blinking lights were to let anyone inside know that it was time to exit unless they planned on being locked in for the night. Yes, that happens, it happened to me on at least two occasions prior to this evening, for one reason or another.

Flushed and hearts racing but smiling like a couple of love-struck teenagers, Kathie and I hurriedly packed up our pads and pens and gathered our reference books to put back on the returns cart. We walked hand in hand… when did that happen? We walked hand in hand to the stacks and wound our way around and down to the ground floor to exit into the main library and then exit the building. Standing outside we turned once more to face one another. Standing toe to toe, Kathie had to tilt her head slightly up to look me in the face, but not by much, I was not that much taller than she was. Our book bags over our shoulders made hugging a bit challenging but we overcame it, one arm each wrapped around the other, chest to chest, forehead to forehead.

“Kathie… I… Thank you.” I spoke softly, reveling in her closeness, her soft floral sent, the warmth of her body pressed to mine.

“Why are you thanking me? Again?” Kathie asked curiously, her head tilting to one side as she pulled back to look me in the eyes.

“The same reasons… I appreciate the gifts you have given me… and more. I feel like… I don’t know… like I’ve been given a second chance maybe.” I said quietly but with all seriousness. “It just feels right when you are near me. I’ve not felt that way in a long… long time.” I added hesitantly as I studied Kathie’s face, especially her eyes.

She blinked a couple of times as she digested what I had just said, then her eyes actually began to well up with tears. I started to feel panic and regret until I saw too that her lips had parted and she was beaming a happy warm smile. She leaned into me and buried her face in the crook of my neck and squeezed fiercely with her one arm around me taking a deep deep breath.

“Oh Jim! I feel it too. I thought I was just imagining it… dreaming. Maybe I should be thanking YOU.” She half giggled half choked.

I could feel something wet and warm on my neck. Kathie sniffed and pulled back wiping the sleeve of her sweatshirt across her eyes before looking back up at me somewhat sheepishly. About that time her stomach growled. Kathie blushed and her eyes rolled before she giggled.

“Well!” I laughed and then had a thought.

It was Friday night, late, sure, but still Friday night and I knew neither of us had classes tomorrow. I knew my own stomach had been rumbling a bit too even if it wasn’t as loudly as what I had just heard from this slip of a woman. I didn’t want to part with Kathie at the moment and this could be a way to spend some more time with her.

“Kathie… Do you have to be home soon? I mean… would you like to get a bite to eat… with me?” I asked awkwardly. Kathie’s eyes lit up and if anything, her smile got even bigger and brighter.

“Why Jim! Are you asking me out on a date?” She asked coyly as she drew that bottom lip into her teeth and started that slow rocking and twisting thing she does so well. I was charmed, disarmed and smitten.

“Yes. Yes, I am. If you would do me the honor of accompanying me that is. I will even pay for your meal.” I said trying to be Chivalrous in my own way. Kathie vibrated with a silent giggle then turned and slipped her left arm into my right as we began walking slowly away from the library entrance.

“So, where would we go at this time of the night? The Ho?” Kathie asked conversationally.

“Actually, that’s not a bad idea, but I have a better place in mind. It’s not much more expensive but the food is very much better. You’ve been there with me before as I recall.” I said in return.

“Jerry’s?” Kathie asked.

“Yup! Jerry’s. They’re open twenty-four hours a day. When you work late nights and there’s not much else open when you get off work you tend to learn who is, especially if you’re hungry.” I told her. She stopped walking and turned to me again.

“Okay, so are we driving separately or riding together?” Kathie asked, being pragmatic perhaps.

“Hmmm… You think you could find your way home from Jerry’s?” I asked only half kidding before going on to say. “Since we both have to go home afterwards and it would be convenient, we probably ought to take our own vehicles there. We can leave for home from Jerry’s after we’ve eaten.” I said trying not to sound disappointed in my own suggestion. I think Kathie, too, was a little disappointed in that thought but couldn’t dispute it either so we both agreed to drive separately and meet at the restaurant, as we were parked in different places anyway.

“Okay then… see you there.” She said and leaned in and pecked my lips and danced away with a smile and a giggle… and an oh so girlish wiggle as she looked over her shoulder to make sure I was watching her go. I hated to see her go but I would watch her no matter what direction she was going in.

After watching Kathie turn the corner I finally snapped out of my reverie and remembered that I was parked on the backside of the library. I turned and walked quickly to my truck. I was so giddy that I almost broke into a jog but I was able to maintain a walk… a fast walk maybe.

Thinking to follow or even lead Kathie to Jerry’s I looked to see that there was no traffic on Patterson drive and then drove the wrong way up past the Whitehall classroom building and the Patterson office tower and around to Administration drive. I pulled up beside Kathie’s big old Crown Victoria just as she was starting her engine. She waved and I motioned for her to follow me. She waved as if to say “lead the way” and we were off.

A right turn on to Limestone then a left at the light beside Tolly Ho’s, another left at the next light onto South Upper Street that eventually turned into Nicholasville Road. A couple of miles and several lights later we were turning into the parking lot at Jerry’s. I guess it wasn’t too busy because we both found parking spaces close to the door. I got out and waited for Kathie to join me before we walked hand in hand into the restaurant.

Generally speaking, I’ve always been a rather observant kind of guy. Anywhere I go I have a habit of checking out the people and things going on around me. Be it due to idle curiosity or some other indescribable drive I just see things. This night however I had only eyes for the girl I was with, Kathie. Only one other girl in my life had ever affected me so deeply and completely as to alter my innate nature.

I know a hostess met us at the entrance of the dining room and we were seated at a booth along the front wall next to a window that faced the main road outside. Aside from Kathie’s reflection in that big picture window however, I saw little else or at least noticed little else. We actually looked at the menus given to us by our waitress before ordering some sandwiches and fries. The waitress brought us our drinks while we waited on our food. We also held hands across the table and smiled a lot as we talked about little things.

Kathie could have been reading names out of the phone book for all I cared, I was simply lost in her eyes and the sound of her voice, especially when she gave that cute little chirping laugh every now and then. Yeah buddy… I was wrapped up in this girl and that’s why it was such a surprise when suddenly we were joined at our table by a trio of loud boisterous women… well two loud ones and on almost timid one but the shock of seeing her nearly gave me a heart attack.

As Kathie was closer to the window on her side of the table, there was room enough for Jules to slide right in next to her… without touching of course. To Kathie’s credit, she didn’t freak out, rather she looked a little amused if just a little startled. I guess she thought we had just encountered some drunk girls out on the town. The other two girls still stood at the end of the table if on Kathie and Jules’ side maybe. I was startled enough to see Jules slide into the seat across from me next to Kathie but glancing up and seeing Sam… and then Terry. I must have looked like I was in shock because Kathie’s hand squeezed mine out of reflex as she was instinctively concerned and perhaps a little protective. It was enough though, to bring me back to my senses… even if I was still flustered.

“Hey Jimbo! How you doing farm boy?” Jules slurred a little as she leaned back in the seat, her head a little to one side as she attempted to give me that trademark smirk and one eyebrow raised up before she turned her head to look at Kathie while giving me a sidelong glance.

“Jules… are you drunk?” I asked immediately concerned that she might have been driving in this state.

“Yes! Yes, I am!” Jules slurred and giggled a little when she hiccupped. “B… Been out partying with m’girls…” She added and giggled some more. I turned to look up at the grinning faces of Sam and Terry who both kind of shrugged. At least the two of them looked straight and imminently more sober. Sam’s eyes looked a little bloodshot as if she might have been doing something other than drinking earlier and I did catch a little whiff of some weed smoke. Terry on the other hand looked fine but her eyes were a little bloodshot, as if she might have been crying a little. Looking back at Jules I realized that her eyes were red and watery too. This I took in in just a quick glance. I looked up at Kathie who was watching me and watching the girls, she was patiently waiting to learn what this was and who these people were.

“Kathie, this obnoxious woman next to you is Jules.” I started and Jules whipped her head back to face me and her mouth started moving as if to protest indignantly but I cut her off the best way I knew how, I embarrassed her.

“Jules is probably my best friend of all time. Despite her rough exterior she has inside of her a heart of gold and I love her dearly. Please indulge me in welcoming her to and her friends to join us… for some coffee and some food.” I said with a mischievous grin and winked at Kathie.

She raised one eyebrow and then glanced at the other two girls still standing at the end of the table. I smiled and bowed my head before slipping out of the booth seat and standing up to join them Terry stepped back a pace but Sam lunged for me and wrapped me in one of her girly gorilla bear hugs. Her prominent breasts mashing into my chest, her ball cap brim hit my head and her hat tumbled off and she was cheek to cheek with me and I felt and heard a quiet sob and a gasp before she regained her composure and whispered in my ear.

“It’s been a long-time bud… but it looks like you finally found someone new.” More loudly she spoke “So, are you going to introduce the rest of us to your date?” and then she chuckled as she released me and backed up a step.

Terry looked much the way I remembered seeing her that last time over a year ago. Her curly ringlets of auburn hair, her dazzling turquoise-colored eyes that were captivating to say the least, and that shy smile of hers. Terry looked at me shyly at first but the connection in our eyes and our mutual acquaintances broke the barriers. I nodded slightly and flicked my head a bit in a “come on” motion and opened my arms invitingly, with that she stepped into me and wrapped her arms around me and we hugged for a moment or two like old friends or even family.

Really, we were kind of family, just as I was with Sam and even more so with Jules. All the while Kathie is just watching everything. I slid back into the booth and all the way over to the Wall next to the window across from Kathie. Sam slid in next to me and Terry perched on the end of the bench next to her. Everyone in I reached out and took hold of Kathie’s hand in my left hand and made the introductions.

“Kathie, this is Sam… Samantha.” I began and was elbowed in the ribs none too lightly.

“Just Sam.” She said reaching over and shaking hands with Kathie.

“And this is Terry.” I said indicating Terry. “You’ve kind of met Jules here already.” I said holding my hand open and palm up toward Jules indicating my not so sober confidant and best friend.

To my amazement Kathie released my hand and turned fully to face Jules as Jules raised her right hand as if to offer to shake hands. Kathie smiled that big radiant smile of hers and leaned in and wrapped her arms around Jules’ neck and pulled her into a hug.

“Oh Jules, I feel like I already know you. Jim has spoken very highly of you and… he told me what you’ve told him.” She said before releasing the hug and sitting back in the booth, her hand reaching for mine again. Jules just looked a little dumbstruck and looked at me and grinned sheepishly. Sam watching the whole thing happen next to me just giggled under her breath and nudged me gently this time.

“Sam…” Kathie said as if trying to remember while she looked at Sam next to me… then smiled a little sadly and continued. “You were Michelle’s roommate… I’m so sorry for your loss.” She added more quietly.

Jules brought both of her hands to her face for a moment before dropping them in her lap and leaning back to stare up at the ceiling and took a long deep breath. Sam bowed her head gracefully and then leaned over and rested her head lightly on my right shoulder for a moment while keeping her eye on Jules.

“I don’t think Jim’s mentioned you though, Terry, was it? I’m pleased to meet you though. I’m sure if you’re connected to Jules and Sam here you must be a member of the family so to speak.” Kathie said politely but her inflection left no doubt in my mind that she would like to know more.

About that time our waitress came back with our, Kathie and I’s food order. She asked if the three new ladies would like to order something and I spoke up asking for coffee and some pan cakes for Jules, looking at Sam and Terry I asked silently if they would like anything. Both just ordered coffee. The waitress said she’d get those pancakes started and be right back with the coffee. Sam told us how she and Jules had been to a party with some friends and had run into Terry. They had started reminiscing about things and well they all got emotional. Jules had unsuccessfully tried to drown her sorrows and now they were trying to sober her up.

“I’m right here you know… I’m not that wasted!” Jules complained as she once more brought her hands to her face to scrub it or something before trying to focus on me across the table from her.

“Jules… Are you okay?” I asked quietly as I studied her eyes closely. She looked into mine unblinkingly for a few moments and she smiled softly before snapping back into character.

“I’m fine… Jimbo… I just got a little m… mushy talking about our girls. You know… I know you know… that shit hurts sometimes…” She protested and she clenched her jaw trying to hide the trembling in her bottom lip.

Before I could say anything else the waitress showed back up with three cups and a coffee pot. She poured for the three girls and said she’d be back in a bit with those pancakes. Jules made it a point to lean over half out of the booth and watch the waitress walk away. She was grinning like a Cheshire cat when she sat back up and reached for her coffee. “Nice…” She commented and that got a giggle from Terry and a laugh from Sam. I just shook my head and grinned before looking and Kathie and shrugging. She looked back at me and grinned knowingly.

The pancakes came a couple of minutes later and Jules dug in as Kathie and I ate our sandwiches and I shared my fries with Sam and Terry… mostly Sam as she had little or no shame. Terry was… just Terry. We had kind of explored our friendship briefly but we never really clicked. Maybe it was our shared past or that she reminded me so very much of Michelle that I just couldn’t get past that. Still though, we remained friends if for no other reason than our shared past with our former teachers. Our mutual love and respect for those ladies was a bond of sorts that would never be broken, just as it was with Sam and Jules.

Sam was closer because she was Michelle’s roommate and we both loved her. Jules… well Jules was my mentor, older sister figure, benefactor and pain in the ass best friend and one-time lover… even if it was one sided and the result of a flamboyant bet. I felt comfortable with these three girls around my Kathie… wait… “My Kathie” … that thought sat me on my mental keester for a moment. I would have to examine that thought more closely later. But comfortable I was. I knew these three ladies had my back and my best interests in mind and heart.

As we ate, we talked. Jules and Sam were natural entertainers and soon everyone at the table was laughing and carrying on. Even Terry came out of her shell a little. Kathie gave as good as she took though and was equally entertaining for the other three girls. She was also keenly aware of the looks and little innuendo steered her way from at least Sam and to some degree Jules as they checked her out and tested the waters so to speak. Kathie was polite but clear in her acknowledgement and subtle but kind in her refusals. She made it clear that it was not her thing but thanks for the compliments and the offers. Anyone sitting at say the next table over wouldn’t have been aware of a thing or even noticed the play on words and intents. To me it was all flirting and I get the impression that’s how Kathie took it as well. The girls, Jules and Sam, accepted this and I dare say their opinion of Kathie went up a notch or two. They actually liked her.

When the food was all finished and we were working on second and third sets of coffee or soft drinks, Jules started to turn a little green and was sweat. Sam spotted it too and suggested that Jules go to the bathroom. As she slid out of the booth Terry rose to go with her as did Kathie. She squeezed my hand and said she’d be back shortly. That left me and Sam alone in the booth.

“I like her Jim.” Sam said with both of her forearms on the table top the fingers of her hands interlaced and her thumbs rubbing one another. Sam was eyeing them, studying them, as if fascinated by her own hands. She bowed her head and sniffed once then turned her head to face me.

“She’s something special, isn’t she?” She asked but before I could respond she went on again. “I think Michelle would have approved, you big dummy. It’s about time you found someone and let them love you. I’m happy for you Jim, really.” She said as she blinked the tears away that were making her big soft brown eyes shine in the light of the restaurant.

“Thanks Sam. I love you too.” I said quietly knowing that those three little words just went right through her even if she knew it already. She smiled then it turned into a grimace and she elbowed me again in the side before putting her hands back on the table top again.

“How about Jules? Is she okay Sam?” I asked seriously.

“Yeah, that crazy bitch is just having a hard time what with the leaving town and… well… remembering just like you. You lost Michelle… we all did… and Penny. Jules was very close to Penny you know.” Sam said in almost a reverent whisper. “I was too, but not like Jules.” She added.

I couldn’t put my feelings into words at that moment so I simply reached up with my right hand and laid it atop Sam’s clasped hands and gently squeezed in silent acknowledgment. She turned to look at me again and we both smiled sadly and nodded before resting our heads together as memories flashed through our minds of happier times. About that time Terry slipped back into the seat next to Sam and Sam straightened up almost as if she were embarrassed to be seemingly emotional and with a guy of all things! I turned to look at Terry and she just smiled that little knowing smile and blinked before turning to look back towards the hallway to the bathrooms. I followed her gaze.

I saw Kathie and Jules standing in the entry way face to face in a conversation. I have no idea what was being said but they were both deadpan serious and very intent. Jules standing just a little taller than Kathie forced Kathie to look up into Jules’ face but she didn’t look the least bit intimidated. I saw her close her eyes and bow her head slightly as Jules was telling her something. Kathie nodded several times as if acknowledging Jules’ words. Kathie then cocked her head slightly to one shoulder and apparently asked Jules a question that set Jules on her heels a moment as her eye brows shot up and she actually stopped talking for a heartbeat or two. Jules nodded her head slightly and smiled a bit before she shrugged a little. Then I heard Sam and Terry both gasp slightly as Kathie reached out and wrapped her arms lovingly around Jules’ waist and pulled her into a hug burying her face in Jules’ neck and shoulder. Jules looked a little startled at first but then returned the hug. I could tell they were both still talking as both would nod their heads.

“What in the….” Sam muttered questioningly under her breath.

Jules and Kathie broke their hug and stepped back smiling, Jules sheepishly and Kathie radiantly. Kathie stopped a waitress who was going by and asked her something. The waitress nodded and pulled a pen from her apron and flipped a page off the back of her order pad and tore it off to give them both to Kathie. She smiled and went on her way. Kathie took the pen and paper and speaking again with Jules, she wrote something down on the paper and then tore the paper in half and handed one part to Jules. Jules looked at it then at Kathie and nodded before slipping the slip of paper into her back pocket. Kathie slipped the piece of paper into her own back pocket and the two turned to walk back to our table.

Kathie slid into the seat and scooted over to make room but Jules remained standing she looked at me and smiled an odd yet familiar smile.

“It’s been good to see you Jimbo… and to meet Kathie. I should have known she’d be special. I won’t feel so bad going off to school and leaving you alone now. I’ve still got eyes watching you though so you’d better behave. I gave Kathie my number just in case. You better treat her right farm boy.” Jules declared in her brusque in your face persona. Sam giggled beside me and nudged me in the side again.

Terry stood up as if she’d been cued. Sam slid out and stood as well. Terry smiled and said so long, Sam winked and said “See ya later bud.” Jules looked at Kathie and then back at me and winked as she linked arms with Terry on one side and Sam on the other and they headed off to who knows where. I looked down at my hands on the tabletop and shook my head slowly. I raised my gaze up to find Kathie gazing at me lovingly, her chin perched on her clasped hands, her elbows resting on the table top.

“That looked like an intense little conversation you had with Jules outside the bathroom over there.” I commented and smiled slightly. Kathie’s eyes seemed to sparkle with amusement before she spoke.

“Just talk… girl talk. Girls have to talk you know.” She said cryptically, as if that explained everything.

“Uh huh. I keep getting reminded of that time and time again.” I said with one suspicious eyebrow riding up.

Our waitress stopped by just then and asked if we would like anything else. I asked her for a drink to go and looked at Kathie to see if she would like one as well. She declined. Our waitress said she’d be right back with that drink and our ticket. True to her word she was back in a flash and Kathie and I slid out of the booth and I picked up the ticket and my drink and we walked to the cash register to pay for our food. Kathie reached in her pocket to pull out some cash but I told her not to worry that it was my treat. She smirked at me a little crossly but acquiesced. We then walked hand in hand back out to our vehicles. Kathie’s driver side door was next to my passenger side door as we were parked side by side. I walked her to her door and there with the two of us between our vehicles she turned to me.

“So, are you going to tell me?” She asked stepping into me, one hand still in mine, the other, her right, traced her fingers lightly up the outside of my left arm as she tilted her head to one shoulder and looked up at me questioningly.

“Tell you what?” I asked truly puzzled and caught off guard.

“About why you looked like you had seen a ghost when those girls showed up at our table, especially Terry.” Kathie explained.

I searched her eyes and saw nothing but honest curiosity and not a trace of jealousy or spite. I marveled once again at her observation skills. I nodded and bowed my head and leaned back against the side of my truck resigning myself to elaborate and explain. Kathie stepped close again and brought her left hand and my right hand up and kissed it before clutching it to her chest and tilting her head to the other shoulder as if to say “You may begin.”

“The first time I saw Terry was years ago when we were both being… tutored. Yes, the same tutors that Michelle and I shared. It was Terry’s last day of lessons… her ‘graduation’ day so to speak. I was shocked the first time I met her because she looked so much like… like Michelle. Same color hair, same or very close to the same color eyes. The same build but Terry is a little taller maybe. I found out later that they are actually distant cousins. Terry’s lessons were ending because she was moving out of state to go to college elsewhere. After Penny and Michelle…” I faded for a moment or two, once more choked with emotion. I cleared my throat and smiled weakly at Kathie who was watching my face intently.

“Anyway, I guess that school didn’t work out and she moved back to Kentucky. She started working for Dom’s and I’d run into her from time to time at other stores or at parties and gatherings. We’ve been out a time or two but we just never clicked really. Probably had more to do with me than with her though. She’s a lovely girl and really is sweet. I think you noticed she’s a little shy too, and that’s saying a LOT if I say it.” I said and blushed even in the light from the street lamp lighting the parking lot.

“Well, I was happy to meet them, Jim. Especially Jules.” Kathie sad softly as she pressed closer, her breasts pressing into my chest along with my right hand still held in her left.

She turned her head slightly as our noses merely brushed alongside one another. Our lips softly, hesitantly colliding. So soft, so soft and sweet. Pulling back after a few moments Kathie continued as if she had never stopped talking.

“Jules is fierce, isn’t she? And she loves you more than you know Jim. She thanked me for getting you to open up… and warned me not to hurt you.” Kathie all but whispered, her face and lips just inches from my own.

Her eyes were half closed but studying my own as if looking into my very soul. It was a warm feeling, and welcomed to be honest. It filled me with hope that I had for so long been without. I could actually feel my eyes wetting and filling nearly to the brim. I smiled into those searching eyes and opened myself completely for the first time in so very long.

“I don’t think you would hurt me, not willingly anyway. I just have that feeling about you.” I said softly as I returned her searching gaze with my own. Kathie’s smile softened as she drew her bottom lip into her teeth and tilted her head slightly to one side.

“You know she gave me her phone number and asked for mine.” Kathie confessed. I had seen it happen but I was not going to comment one way or another. It did make me wonder though. “She told me that if I had any questions or concerns that I could call her, anytime. She included her mailing address too, where she will be staying for her training.” Kathie shared with me. I drew back to look her in the face with a puzzled expression on my own.

“Wow… That’s so… unlike Jules.” I mumbled out loud.

“I think she’s just looking out for you Jim. You must mean a lot to her.” Kathie said in almost a whisper as she edged closer still, her nose just touching mine, her lips only a breath away from mine.

I inhaled slowly not wanting to break this moment but so very longing to close the distance and touch my lips to hers again. So, I did. Our lips met and embraced once more in a soft sensual kiss. There was no hurry. My hand clasped in Kathie’s could feel her heart beating in her chest… I’m sure she could feel mine beating as well as her hand holding mine was pressed into my own chest. It was a magical moment, but it was broken when a car full of noisy coeds pulled into the parking space on the other side of Kathie’s car. They may not have all been drunk but none were feeling any pain that’s for certain. Wolf whistles and Woohoos along with giggles and laughter poured out of their car along with them. Kathie and I smiled at them and at one another as we straightened up.

“We should be getting home Jim… but I hate to leave.” Kathie lamented still holding my hand in hers. I squeezed her hand and smiled sadly myself.

“I know what you mean… but it is getting late. I hope this won’t be a problem for you… my folks are used to me getting in in the wee hours of the morning.” I said concerned for Kathie.

“Oh, don’t worry. I might have to tell my mom and aunt Grace all about my little dinner date after the library but I would have done that anyway.” Kathie said smiling.

“Yeah…” I harrumphed… “Girls gotta talk…” I said with a wry grin. That simple truth has been driven into my brain time and time again.

“At least it’s Saturday and I can sleep a little later in the morning.” Kathie said as she tried to stifle a yawn then grinned sheepishly.

“Yeah, well you don’t have to get up with the sun and feed a bunch of animals…” I said with resignation. “I’d better be heading home. I have to close tomorrow at Dom’s but I can call you sometime if you’d like.” I said hopefully as I ran my free hand up along her arm at the elbow.

“I would like that, yes.” Kathie said with a smile. That smile only grew when I pulled her hand still holding mine to my lips and kissed the backs of her fingers softly.

“Kathie… Thank you… for… well just for being you.” I said softly.

“You’d better go mister… before I start kissing you again.” She said with a bit of a giggle and a sigh.

I released her hand and she turned and opened her car door and got in. I watched as she started the car and waved before putting it into gear and backing out of the parking space and then driving away. I turned and climbed into my truck and did the same. Driving home to the farm in reality but in my mind, I was floating on a cloud.

The next morning when I got back to the house after tending the animals and mending a hole in one of the fences, I met my mother in the kitchen. She was cooking breakfast for the family and asked me if I was going to eat with them this morning. I had been thinking about laying back down to sleep for another hour or two but decided that I might as well eat first. I washed my hands in the kitchen sink and asked mom if she needed help with anything. She smiled and shooed me away from the stove but gave me a look. That look I knew all too well, it was the one she gave me or my siblings when she had concerns or questions and wanted some answers. I took the hint and sat at the table nearest the stove after pouring myself a glass of iced tea. I let one eyebrow rise up as if to say “Yes?” Mom turned back to the stove to turn some sausage then looked back at me.

“What’s her name?” She asked coming right to the point.

“Her name?” I parroted playing innocent of her question. Oh, but that wasn’t going to work, I already knew.

“I know that look Jim. I haven’t seen it in far too long but I know the look. You’ve been smiling for a couple of weeks now. I’m not complaining, it’s good to see you happy again, but I know it’s got to be a girl… so what’s her name?” Mom explained in her mom voice of wisdom as if educating me on the obvious.

“Am I that obvious?” I asked still playing a little coy but grinning.

“I’m your mother.” Was all she said as if that explained everything… and it did, really.

“Her name is Kathie.” I admitted in defeat but smiled all the brighter with just the mention of her name. About that time my Father came into the kitchen.

“Who’s Kathie?” he asked as he walked over to the stove and gave mom a peck on the cheek and goosed her thinking that I couldn’t see it. Mom swatted his hand away and grinned before telling him.

“The girl that’s got Jim smiling again.” Mom told him in a stage whisper and winked at me. Dad turned to study me and saw that I was indeed smiling and blushing at the same time.

“I thought you seemed to be in a better mood lately.” Dad said and winked at me as he poured himself a cup of coffee and took his seat at the end of the table. “So, is it serious?” He asked. I shrugged and took a sudden interest in studying my hands, avoiding his curious gaze and I could feel my mom’s eyes on me as well.

“I… I don’t know yet… it might be…” I half mumbled but couldn’t keep the smile off my face.

“Well, I think it’s wonderful.” My mom said enthusiastically. “Can you tell us anything about her?” She added. I knew the questions would just keep coming… so did my dad and he saved me once again.

“I’m sure Jim will tell us all about her, when he’s ready. Don’t rush him… you might scare him off.” Dad added with a chuckle before sipping his coffee and giving me a wink.

I saw my mom sigh and her shoulder dipped in defeat… even if only temporary. She finished cooking the sausage and started some scrambled eggs to set on the table with the biscuits and sausage and sliced tomatoes. My younger brother and two younger sisters all arrived about that time still half asleep and distracted. There was some small talk and the plans for the day were discussed, some gossip of course, mostly my sisters and a little from my mom. Neither my mom or my dad said anything or asked anymore about Kathie but Mom kept giving me that look… she was dying to learn more. After breakfast I excused myself to go lay down for a nap for an hour or two. I didn’t have any odd jobs planned for today, no studying either, only going to work at Dom’s for the dinner rush and closing. I’d be out late again tonight.

It was getting close to noon when I woke up from my Saturday morning nap. I took a shower and dressed. Again, mom was working in the kitchen preparing lunch this time. She did accept my help in making some sandwiches however. Spreading mayonnaise and putting slices of cheese on an assortment of cold cut sandwiches I sliced some tomatoes and an onion and put them on a plate for anyone who wanted to build their sandwich a bit. Mom stripped and cleaned some leaf lettuce for the same purpose.

Mom held her tongue the whole time but I knew she was curious to learn more about this Kathie I had named. So, while we worked, I gave her a little. I told her that I had met her outside of one of the campus classroom buildings having car trouble. I had offered to help and got her on her way. I met her again the next day on the computer of all places. I had to explain the “Phone” program to her but I don’t think she quite got the concept. She did understand that we, the group and Kathie, got together at Tolly Ho’s for a bit to eat that evening though.

I told her how Kathie had given me her phone number. Mom looked at me with one raised eyebrow and a shallow grin before turning back to the sandwich production. I told her too of how I delivered a pizza to her house completely by chance and had met her mother and aunt. My mom just shook her head and looked at me funny.

“I don’t think that was purely by chance Jim… Maybe it was meant to be.” She said quietly and smiled.

I paused looking at my mom and considered what she had just said. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have a tingle run up the back of my neck. But I didn’t say anything. Everyone came in and had a sandwich or two at different times. This wasn’t a sit-down whole family meal most of the time anyway. Mom sat down with dad, I excused myself to make a phone call. Mom just smiled at me brightly, dad gave me a wink and began eating his lunch. I grabbed the phone and pulled the long cord through the screen door to the back porch. I set my glass of iced tea down on the rail and had a seat as the phone rang on the other end.

An unfamiliar voice picked up on the fourth ring. I asked if Kathie was available. There was a pause, perhaps a surprised pause, but then the female voice brightened and said just a moment and I heard the phone being set down on the counter perhaps or a table top. About a minute or so later I heard it being picked back up and then there was music.

“Hello?” I heard Kathie ask hesitantly.

“Kathie? This is Jim… I thought I might call you before I left for work today. I hope I’m… not interrupting anything.” I said a bit hesitantly myself. Then the music got brighter and more melodic.

“Jim! Hi! No… you’re not interrupting anything! It’s so good to hear from you.” She gushed from her end of the phone line. “In fact, I was just talking to my mom… about you.” She said a little more conspiratorially. I could imagine her grinning shyly in my mind.

“Really? I was just talking with my own mom… about you.” I confessed a little sheepishly too as I glanced at the screen door a few feet away knowing my mom was probably straining to hear anything I might say.

“Oh? And what did you tell her about me?” Kathie asked again a bit hesitantly.

“Well, she wanted to know your name first… somehow she knew I was interested in someone. She says that I’ve been smiling a lot for the past few weeks.” I admitted a bit bashfully. The sound of laughter on the other end of the phone was like a ringing of bells to my ears.

“It must be a mother’s instinct. My mom knew I’d met someone before I said anything too. She even knew that I was falling for you even before I did. She said it was all over my face the night I introduced you to her and aunt Grace.” She giggled and bells rang again. Wait… what? She had fallen for me? I mean I knew we both had taken quite a liking to one another and even that we were very interested… but fallen?

The more I thought about it though the more I liked the idea. Somewhere deep inside, deep down in my heart or brain or both I knew it was true. Neither of us had spoken those three little magic words yet… but they would be like breathing the very air. I smiled and felt something inside me warm and click into place. I must have been silent for too long as Kathie got quiet and perhaps was questioning what she had just said and wondering how I had received it.

“Jim? Are… are you still there?” She asked skittishly.

“Yes. Yes, I am. I was just feeling… amazed.” I finished lamely.

“Amazed?” She asked a little puzzled.

“I feel amazing anytime I’m around you… anytime I even hear your voice. You amaze me.” I said as if in a trance. I heard a slight gasp on the other end of the phone. Then…

“Damn it!” Kathie spat sounding more frustrated than angry. It still startled me and puzzled me as well.

“What?” I asked a little timidly.

“You! You say stuff like that but you’re like a million miles away.” Kathie said and growled… then broke into the giggles. I pulled the receiver from my ear and looked at it questioningly before returning it to hear her go on. “… You know you’re going to get it the next time I see you, don’t you?” Kathie teased.

“Uh… okay.” I said, so profound and eloquently.

“How is it I miss you so badly, it’s only been a few hours since I saw you?” Kathie lamented. I had a mental gasp again myself at hearing her words.

“You… You feel it too?” I sputtered amazed and in awe.

“I wish you didn’t have to work tonight.” Kathie lamented further and silently avoided my last question.

“I kind of wish I was off too… I’d much rather be a test subject…” I said with a grin. I heard Kathie giggle a little bit on her end of the phone line.

“Yeah, I really do need to do some more… research… when you’re available.” She said coyly. I could almost hear the unspoken “when will that be?” asked in the quiet after she ended her statement.

“I work the dinner rush on Sunday but I should get off early after that. I never close on Sundays anymore, well… when classes are in session anyway.” I offered hopefully. I heard Kathie sigh on the other end of the phone and wondered at that.

“Sunday isn’t such a good day for me though, Mom’s nurse takes Sundays off. Aunt Grace and I take care of mom ourselves. Tomorrow Aunt Grace won’t be home either, she is visiting a friend in Ohio, she’ll be back Monday though.” Kathie said sounding a little distracted suddenly.

“Maybe Monday then.” I offered hopefully.

“Monday would be great… I can’t wait…” Kathie said sounding… hopeful. “Jim?” She said my name like a question.

“Yes?” I asked.

“Can you call me tomorrow sometime?” She asked almost timidly.

“I would love to Kathie. What time?” I asked.

“Anytime. I’ll be here all day… and night.” She said wistfully

“Can I still call you tonight too?” I asked playfully.

“Well, yeah! I kind of hoped you would anyway.” She said with a giggle and sounded much better… I could hear the bells tinkling again in my mind.

“Okay… It might be late but I’ll call when I can. I… I gotta go for now though. I need to get a move on and get going to work. I’ve still got a drive to make to get there.” I said with a sigh of resignation. I really didn’t want to end this call. I could listen to Kathie’s voice all day… and night… long.

“Alright then. I’ll look forward to hearing from you later. Jim… Take care and…” She began and I finished with.

“… be careful.” I said with a smile “I will… thanks. Talk to you later then.” I said still smiling.

“Till then… bye.” Kathie said and I heard the phone line disconnect.

I sat there in my chair for a minute or two just smiling and imagining holding Kathie in my arms again. It was the annoying sound of the unhooked phone that brought me back to the present. I stood up and noticed that my mom was standing at the screen door watching me with a smile on her face. She didn’t say anything but held the door open for me as I came back into the kitchen to hang up the phone.

“I haven’t even met this girl but I think I like her already.” My mom said with a motherly knowing smile. “See you tomorrow morning Jim.” She said and kissed my cheek and patted me on my shoulder. Dad just looked up from the table and winked at me with a smile as well. I shrugged and grabbed my book bag and headed to my truck and the drive to town to work.

For a Saturday night the dinner rush was a little busier than usual, well… maybe not really, it just seemed that way as we were a little short-handed. I got pulled in off the road to help with making orders for a while. Jules wasn’t there that night, she would be gone for who knows how long. She had left for her training classes that afternoon… it was weird but I missed her already, I guess.

Eventually the dinner rush passed and I was able to catch my breath for a bit. Since I was closing, I asked for a break before starting clean up later, I wanted to call Kathie before it got too late. My manager said sure, go ahead. I used one of the order phones up front and dialed Kathie’s number, I had it memorized by this time. The phone rang four times before someone picked it up to answer.

“Hello…” came the music of the bells but it sounded just a little winded.

“Kathie? It’s me Jim. I hope I’m not calling too late.” I told her.

“Hi Jim… No. No, it’s not too late. I was just in the other room… uh… cleaning up a little.” Kathie said a little apologetically. I wondered why she would sound that way.

“Okay… I’m on break for a little bit before I start cleaning up for closing… I didn’t want to wait till after I was finished closing to call, that would be too late.” I explained.

“Jim, that would have been okay too, really.” Kathie assured me and her voice softened. She sounded a bit stressed, and I wondered what might be the reason.

“Kathie… is everything… okay?” I struggled to put my concern into words.

“Yeah, well, no. It’s been a bad day with mom. She’s been very weak all day and after dinner she got sick. That’s what I was just finishing cleaning up when you called.” Kathie almost choked on a sob that she stifled trying to sound okay. I could feel her worry in her voice like a palpable feeling in my own chest.

“Is there anything I can do to help Kathie?” I asked now more concerned than anything. I heard her take a deep breath and sigh almost inaudibly.

“That’s sweet of you Jim, but I’m okay, honestly. I’m just worried about my mom. She has good days and bad, lately they’ve been mostly good. Today, however, was a bad day. I… I just wish I could do more for her…” Kathie’s voice trailed off.

We talked for another ten minutes or so, mostly just small talk, safe subjects like the antics of our friends on “Phone”. I told her about the crazy night we had at work and how I kind of missed Jules not being here… and even missing her picking on me like she does… or did. Kathie got a laugh out of that.

Eventually we had to end our call however, I had to close up the shop and she had to go put her mom to bed. We wished each other a good night and I promised to call her tomorrow… and then it was over. It’s weird how I could almost physically feel the disconnect when we hung up the phone.

It took a little longer than usual to clean up and close up the shop that night, I was working with another driver who didn’t quite have the same experience or work as well together as Jules and I had for so long. That’s not to say this driver wasn’t good or willing even, just that we didn’t have the rhythm down like Jules and I had working together. We got it done however, and though it was a little later than usual I was soon on my way home to the farm.

Sunday morning dawned with angry skies, I hurried to tend and feed the animals to the sound of distant thunder. It made me remember when I used to dread rain and storms because they would make it hard or impossible to get jobs done, like mowing yards. I also flashed back to a day I learned a dear friend of mine was terrified of lightning and thunder, and how I had comforted her that day. With a sad smile I finished my tasks and returned to the house to clean up. I had breakfast with my family and then took a short nap before leaving for town to do a little studying before reporting to work at Dom’s. I didn’t close on Sundays anymore since I had an early class on Mondays, but I did still work the dinner rush.

A rainy Sunday dinner rush was almost as busy as a Friday or Saturday for some reason or another, in all these years I’ve never figured out exactly why that was. I split my time again between working inside helping make the orders and tending the ovens and partly delivering orders towards the end of the rush. As with Fridays or Saturdays, the dinner rush on this Sunday soon passed and I was one of the first to be checked out and sent home. When I was finished, I borrowed one of the phones and called Kathie. It was a little after eight so I thought it would be a good time to catch her between feeding or getting her mother ready for bed, so I was a little surprised when Kathie answered the phone sounding a little panicked and distraught.

“Hello?” I heard Kathie’s strained voice question.

“Kathie? It’s Jim… are you okay?” I asked immediately alarmed by the sound of her voice.

“Oh Jim! I… I need help! Could you come to the house? Please?” She pleaded barely holding it together from the sound of things.

“Yeah… sure… Kathie?” I replied still wondering what could be wrong.

“Please… hurry!” Kathie sobbed.

“I’m on my way…” I said and hung up the phone. I got some questioning looks from my manager and a couple of drivers as I ran to the back to grab my book bag and then ran out the door to get in my truck and take off.

I had to force myself not to speed or drive like an idiot as I took every shortcut and the quickest route I could to Kathie’s mom’s house, still though it took me nearly twenty minutes. As I pulled into the driveway, I saw the front door open and Kathie was standing there one hand over her mouth and it looked as if she’d definitely been crying. Her blouse and her jeans were wet as was her hair. I hurried to the door and she grappled me briefly before taking my hand and leading me through the foyer and the kitchen then down a hallway to the bathroom.

“It’s my mom Jim… she fell in the shower and had another seizure. I couldn’t pick her up by myself…” She babbled blubbering tears and shaking all over.

“Has the seizure passed?” I asked as concerned about Kathie as I was her mother.

“Y… y… yes… She just can’t… can’t move…” She sputtered wringing her hands and fretting. I took her by her arms and shook her gently to get her to look at me.

“Kathie! Do you have a dry towel… a big one maybe?” I asked when she focused on me.

She stared at me for a moment before she snapped out of it and nodded her head. I told her to cover her mother as modestly as she could then I would come in and pick her up and take her to her bed. Kathie nodded again but seemed to be not able to talk more at the moment. I heard her rustling around a bit in the bathroom then called my name.

“O… Okay Jim…” She called for me.

I stepped into the bathroom and saw her crouched over her mother who was lying awkwardly in the tub with the shower curtain pulled down laying to one side of the tub. Her mom was conscious but still apparently recovering from her seizure earlier, either without the strength to talk or unable maybe. Her eyes however were alert and… and saddened. She looked at me almost embarrassed but with gratitude as well. Or at least that was the sense I had anyway. I pulled Kathie gently to the side so that I could stoop down and slip my hands and arms under her mother’s back and shoulders and under her legs.

I lifted her up as gently as I could and Kathie grabbed another couple of towels and lead me to her mother’s bedroom. I laid her gently onto her bed and stepped back as Kathie slipped past me to dry her mother off as best she could. Her mother looked at me and nodded and closed her eyes slowly a couple of times. I took that as her thanks and my cue to leave the room for her privacy and modesty. I told Kathie I’d be right outside and to take her time.

I was leaning up against the wall outside her mother’s door when a woman I had not met came rushing down the hallway. She looked at me askingly but darted into the bedroom with Kathie and her mother. I found out a little later that it was her mother’s nurse. Kathie had called her right after I got off the phone with her earlier.

Kathie and the nurse dried her mom off and dressed her warmly and pulled the blankets up around her to warm her. The nurse checked for any injuries and vitals and whatever else was needed, I guess. Aside from a couple of bruises and being chilled and a great deal embarrassed, mom was okay. Kathie however, was a wreck. The nurse came out and thanked me for helping before she went to the kitchen to make some hot tea. Kathie just melted into my arms and wept. After a while she pulled herself together and pulled back to look me in the eye and smiled through the tears and gasps.

“Thank you, Jim, I was so scared… I was about to call emergency services when you called. I probably should have anyway… but thank you.” She sputtered, her bottom lip still trembling like the rest of her body. I searched her eyes as I rubbed her arms… I realized that she was beating herself up even if she wasn’t saying it.

“Kathie… it’s not your fault… you couldn’t have…” I started to say but she shook her head violently and turned her head away from me.

“I shouldn’t have left her alone. I knew she could have another seizure. I should have been there with her.” She bemoaned before breaking down and started sobbing again. I pulled her tight to me and just held her. Eventually she settled down again and turned her head up to face me again. Blinking tears away she smiled sheepishly.

“What?” I asked.

“You didn’t say it but I know you thought it. “How could she have been any closer to her mom?” right?” She said and her head dipped a little lower so that she was looking up through her lashes.

“Well, I admit, the thought crossed my mind. I won’t tell you that I had a fleeting thought of the two of you in the same shower… that’s just not… right.” I said suddenly warm in my face and having to break my eye contact with her and fighting a sheepish grin of my own. I felt Kathie’s body vibrate with a giggle just before she swatted my chest with one hand.

“Stop it…” she said and giggled a little more. “You are so bad.” She said and her smile grew softer.

“Are you okay Kathie?” I asked seriously once more looking into her eyes that were locked on my own. She grimaced a bit but the smile came back and she nodded her head before leaning into me and hugging me, her head resting on my neck and shoulder.

“I’ll be okay… Thank you Jim. I mean it.” She whispered before pulling back to look me in the face and wipe away some tears with the sleeve of her blouse. She gave a little bark of laughter and said “Come on, let’s go have some tea or cocoa or something.”

Kathie took me by the hand and led me back down the hall to the kitchen. I was introduced to the nurse as we joined her at the kitchen table. The nurse was writing in her care journal documenting the fall and seizure. She too reassured Kathie that she was not at fault, in fact that she did well to get help and call her (the nurse). There was no way to anticipate or predict the seizure. She did suggest getting a shower chair for her mother however. I watched Kathie closely as she listened to the nurse and her suggestions. The nurse also thanked me for my help before she stood up saying she was going to check on Kathie’s mom again before she retired for the evening herself.

I realized that it was getting a little late and I should be heading home myself. Kathie walked me to the front door holding my hand and leaning on me. I very much enjoyed the feeling of closeness it created and I was sorry that we had to part. We stood toe to toe by the door I rested my forehead on Kathie’s as I ran my hands up and down her arms above the elbows. Her own arms were resting on my hips. One breath… two… then our lips were joined. It was a soft hesitant kiss, not uncertain but restrained from the passions that we both felt, I think. It was a silent promise for more later.

“I’ll see you on campus tomorrow.” Kathie said more of a statement than a question. I nodded silently before giving her another soft sweet peck on her lips before stepping aside as she opened the door for me. Her smile soft, but relaxed, her eyes gleaming with a light from within.

“I look forward to seeing you… as always.” I said backing out the door, almost unwilling to turn away from her, my own face wearing a sad smile because we had to part. Kathie leaned against the door frame holding the door not quite closed as I walked to my truck and got in. She waved once more as I started my engine and backed out of the driveway.

We did indeed see each other the next day, between classes, we shared lunch in the student center. We talked and held hands and hugged and yes even kissed before parting. I called Kathie again that evening from work. Again, it was a short evening for me due to morning classes. I didn’t return to campus after work Monday, I went on home. Tuesday and Wednesday were much a repeat of the Monday… the highlights of each day being time I got to spend with Kathie. I knew I was lost when I realized that little else mattered to me other than being with her, near her, or better still holding her. I loved the sound of her voice, the peal of her laughter, the sparkle in her eyes the warmth of her touch. Yeah buddy, I was gone.

On Thursday as we sat together on a couch on the mezzanine in the old part of the student center, because it was far quieter than the grill, we were cuddling and studying and enjoying one another’s company. Kathie was sitting upright on the couch and I was lying on my back with my head in her lap. I reading my book and she hers as she idly ran her fingers through my hair. Even from halfway across the building we could hear the strains of Jungle Love coming from the juke box in the Grill.

From somewhere down the hall there came the enticing smell of fresh popcorn. As my mouth watered, I closed my book and looked up at Kathie’s face. She had the cutest little chin I thought to myself, and I loved how her lips just barely moved as she read, almost as if she were reading aloud, in a very very faint whisper. She must have sensed me staring at her as she dropped her eyes to mine and tilted her head down and a little to one side. Her lips stopped moving but only to slide into a now familiar warm gentle smile.

“Kathie?” I began. “Would you like to see a movie with me?” I asked. Her eyebrows twitched with amusement and she turned her head ever so slightly to one side before she responded.

“Why I would love to Jim. Did you have one in mind or when?” She asked

“No, not really. I don’t even know what’s showing or when to be honest but we can find out. Although, I did hear that the Rocky Horror Picture Show will be showing at the Kentucky Theater this weekend. I think they have a midnight showing on Friday. Have you ever seen that movie?” I asked with a grin.

I had seen the movie a couple of times and knew that it was a blast for the audience as there was lots of singing along and prop participation… it was one of those cult movies, more of a party than an actual cinema viewing. Kathie scrunched up her mouth and squinted her eyes as if to recall the title.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen it, but isn’t it kind of an odd movie? I think I’ve heard people mention it before but I’ve never paid any attention to it.” She said when her face relaxed again and looked back down to my face. I grinned mischievously.

“Well, if you haven’t seen it then this might be a treat for you.” I chuckled. “So, you would be up for a midnight movie showing? Tomorrow night?” I asked to confirm her willingness to go to the movie with me.

“I would be delighted to go to a movie with you.” She said with a smile.

“Great! It’s a date then.” I replied happily then paused and tilted my head slightly in thought before realizing that this was in fact a “date”. A real live date… it would be our first really. “Our first date…” I mumbled almost inaudibly but it was loud enough that Kathie looked down at me and smiled, her eyebrows dancing upwards, her fingers ruffling my hair.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been to a midnight showing of a movie before.” Kathie said softly.

“I’ve been to quite a few actually. I mean when you work hours like I do you take what you can get when it comes to movie options. It’s a blast though… I think you might have some fun with it. I’ll call you after I get off work tomorrow, and then I can come pick you up.” I told Kathie. She smiled at me with that mind bending smile of hers.

“Sounds like a plan to me Jim.” She said and that bottom lip got drawn into her teeth giving me that look again. Oh my god! I was soon headed to the stadium to my truck and on to work. Kathie would have given me a ride of course but she had another class to attend so that just wasn’t practical. At least it wasn’t raining.

Dinner rush at Dom’s came and went with a familiar normality. I was soon checked out and sent on my way since I wasn’t scheduled to close this night. I called Kathie’s number before I left the shop to go back to campus. I spoke to Kathie’s aunt Grace who told me she had already gone back to campus to work on something. I thanked her and hung up and then left myself.

I found myself looking for an after-hours parking spot on campus so that I could join my study group at the Patterson Office Tower on the mezzanine. I found a spot just outside the tower actually, that was lucky. I was a little disappointed that Kathie hadn’t joined us to “observe” for her research assignment but I guess that portion of her study was completed.

The group was somewhat distracted tonight too, as all of us kept wandering off on tangents and thoughts not part of the work we were supposed to be doing. A lot of the talk was about the Midnight Movie tomorrow… Rocky Horror Picture Show. All of us in the group had seen it at least once, some, like me had seen it several times and all knew that it was as much a social interaction or party as it was a movie.

When asked if I was going to see it tomorrow night I nodded and told them I was, but I was bringing someone too. Of course, the group already knew that Kathie and I were something of an item so they all just grinned or gave me knowing winks or something to that affect without naming anyone. Before long we all packed it in for the study group and everyone made their way to a terminal to log onto the mainframe and get on “Phone”.

Of course, the excitement over the Midnight Movie offering of Rocky Horror Picture show was again a big topic of conversation. All were looking forward to attending and participating, some going that one step further. Marc declared that he was going to attend in full on drag queen, he lamented that he would have to spend the day shaving his hairy chest and legs though. That admission caused a riot of laughter and remarks from everyone else of course.

Several others stated that they too would be dressing up to one degree or another as their favorite characters from the movie. I myself was never one to go so far as to dress the part but I did enjoy observing the antics of others over the years. At some point the topic of “Rocky Horror Virgins” came up. I did mention earlier in passing that I was bringing such a virgin to the showing.

Speculation began on how Kat (Kathie) might react to the antics of the diehard fans and the show itself. I assured everyone that she would more than likely be okay with it all. To myself I was wondering what she was up to at the moment. She hadn’t said anything about missing out on study group, even though her observation was completed, or playing on “Phone” this evening. I had a nagging feeling that perhaps there was something going on with her mom.

After a little while longer I lost interest in “Phone” or at least my worries got the better of me and I said my goodbyes and logged off. I stopped on the first floor of the tower as I walked back to my truck to use a payphone. Yes, they still had those available in public places back then, as there were few if any “cell phones” at the time. I dropped in my quarter and dialed Kathie’s phone number from memory.

“Hello?” Answered the voice of Kathie’s aunt Grace.

“Miss Grace? This is Jim, is Kathie available to come to the phone?” I asked after identifying myself.

“Oh, hello Jim, so nice to hear from you. Yes, dear, she’s right here.” Grace spoke and I heard the receiver muffle then rustle as it changed hands.

“Jim! Hi… I was just talking about you.” Kathie’s voice sounded through the line… I heard the musical tinkling of bells again. She didn’t sound worried or stressed, that was good.

“Talking about me? Whatever for?” I asked a little confused.

“About you asking me out for a movie tomorrow silly!” She said with a giggle.

“And that’s worth talking about?” I asked still genuinely confused.

“It’s an event! It’s the first date I’ve been on in… years…” Kathie said a little more quietly and subdued.

I suddenly realized just how big a deal this was for her. It was something special I suppose, I know while the movie was trivial really the fact that she had accepted my invitation and that we had a ‘date’ was a long time first for me as well. Yes, this was our first date… officially anyway. I couldn’t help but to smile as all this settled into my brain. It was the sound of Kathie’s voice that brought me back to the present as I stood there in the Patterson Office Tower on a pay phone on that Thursday night.

“Jim? Are you still there?” Kathie asked when I had been silent for too long, I guess. I snapped out of my reverie.

“Yeah… it just sank in, I guess. I mean I knew this was officially our first date, but it didn’t really register until just now. It is kind of a big deal, isn’t it?” I asked with a sheepish grin on my face that she couldn’t see of course.

“Well, I thought it was pretty big… but hopefully only the first…” Kathie hinted, her voice sounding just a little mischievous and coy at the same time. I could envision her leaning against the wall, the phone cradled on her shoulder as her free hand idly twirled a stand of that long curly hair, and that bottom lip pulled into her teeth. A shudder went through me.

“I didn’t see you on campus this evening or on “Phone” I was kind of worried that… well… I was hoping everything was okay with you and your mom.” I confessed as I came back to the reason for this call.

“That was awfully thoughtful of you… Thanks. No, mom is fine and I’m okay… I just thought I’d spend the evening with her and aunt Grace. You know, since I’ll be out tomorrow night…” She said again with that lilting inflection that made me think of those glittering eyes and mischievous grin. “Jim, I was wondering, would you mind coming by a little early, to maybe have dinner with us? I mean, if you get off work in time that is.” Kathie asked in a quiet voice.

“I would love to babe. It might be a little late for when most people eat dinner though. I could maybe get off work around eight if I ask nicely.” I admitted.

“Eight or eight thirty would be fine…” I heard Kathie reply happily. I also heard her cover the mouth piece of the phone and muffled conversation. When she uncovered the phone, I spoke again.

“Um… Not to ever think to tell you what to wear or anything, but don’t dress up tomorrow night. I mean, well… just dress in something that’s… casual… I don’t know, something that wouldn’t get ruined if you get wet from like rain or something.” I said lamely trying to suggest without revealing too much of what she will be experiencing. I could almost envision a single eyebrow rising on her beautiful face in curiosity and puzzlement.

“Ohhhhkaaaayyy…” Kathie said.

“Trust me, it’ll make sense later…” I added lamely as if that would make everything clearer. Kathie actually chuckled on her end of the phone.

“Well okay then, Jeans and sweatshirt it is then. I’m sure Mom and aunt Grace might have something to say about that though.” She added and chuckled again.

“Great… so I’ll be at your house around eight thirty tomorrow. If I’m going to be later, I’ll call and let you know.” I said as I got a dinging bell on my end of the phone alerting me my time was just about up. “Kathie, I gotta go. I’m on a pay phone and it’s about to disconnect me. I need to drive on home anyway. I’ll see you tomorrow on campus… maybe?” I said in a rush.

“Yeah. Okay, bye Jim…” Kathie spoke in an equal rush just before the dial tone sounded on my end of the line, the call having been disconnected. I looked at the offending hand piece and sighed then hung it up. I picked up my book bag and smiled as I walked to my truck and drove home.

Friday morning came in with a bang, literally. Instead of waking up to the sound of a rooster crowing, I was all but shook from my slumber by the crashing sound of thunder. I bolt of lightning lit up my bedroom window and the sky outside as I opened my eyes… just before another booming crash of thunder shook the old house. “Wonderful” I thought as I rolled out of bed and got dressed to go tend the animals.

I was chilled almost to the bone by the time I got back to the house to clean up and get dressed to go to town and my morning classes at the University. I passed my mom in the kitchen as she was making breakfast for the rest of the family. I grabbed a couple of pieces of bacon and some toast before giving her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I guess I caught her by surprise from the look I got from her. I smiled and told her I would be late getting in tonight as I had a date to attend a midnight movie. She asked me if it was with Kathie. I just smiled and nodded and waved as I left the house to run to my truck in the still pouring rain.

After parking in the stadium lot and catching a shuttle bus to campus, I made my way to my first class. I remembered to bring my umbrella this time however so I was relatively dry when I got to the classroom building. I daydreamed during class however, making a mental list of things to pick up for the movie tonight. I’d need some newspaper of course, and some bubbles… the little plastic bottle with the plastic stick and ring that you dip in the solution and blow through to create… well… bubbles. It was all part of the audience participation for the movie. That was usually about all I went in for though. I never brought a flashlight or a squirt gun or bottle. I always thought some people just took it way too far.

Anyway, it was still all fun even if I didn’t go that extra mile so to speak. And for Kathie, a Rocky Horror Virgin, this was all going to be strange and foreign to her. Probably shouldn’t go overboard on her first time. I was smiling as I made my way from my first class to the student center and the grill to get something to eat. I had hopes of spending a little time with Kathie between classes too, even if it was a little early for lunch. I bought a couple of glazed doughnuts and a coke and found a seat far away from the jukebox. At least it wasn’t playing Jungle Love yet today. I opened up the paper I had bought out of the box outside the entry doors into the student center. I made a mental note to stuff it in my book bag when I had finished reading it, it would come in handy tonight at the movie.

I had just swallowed the last bite of my doughnut and was about to turn the page of the newspaper when suddenly there was a hand over my eyes and arms wrapped around my shoulder and neck from behind my seat in the booth. Distinctly feminine arms and very soft hands…

“Guess who…” a soft voice purred in my ear… I heard the musical tinkling of bells.

“Uh… Pat Benatar?” I guessed. There was a giggle in my ear then a kiss on my left cheek as the hand was removed from my eyes and Kathie slid into the booth next to me, her right arm still around my shoulders.

“Pat Benatar? A favorite fantasy perhaps?” She asked giving me that quizzical look with one eyebrow raised, but the grin was playful as usual.

“Well, you do have a similar quality in your voice… can you sing?” I asked.

“Not a lick! I’m not very musically inclined I won’t terrify you with stories from Violin lessons years ago.” Kathie bubbled with self-depreciating mirth. Her right hand toying with the fuzzy hairs on the back of my neck… that bottom lip of hers drawing up into her teeth. I could feel myself melting in response.

“I bet you could sing if you tried… you have a wonderful voice for it I think.” I proposed honestly and smiled at her warmly.

“Uh huh… if you say so.” She grinned again and began to slide out of the booth and stand up. “I’m on my way to a class, but I had to stop by and say hi.” She said with a coy smile and a sparkle in her eyes… those fascinating grey-brown eyes.

I checked my wrist watch and gave a start. I guess I had lost track of the time, I needed to be getting to my last class as well. Kathie put a knee on the bench and leaned over to kiss my cheek again but paused when I turned my head to face her… her smile brightened and instead of my cheek she gave me a short sweet and soft kiss on my lips instead. Again, I was stunned immobile. I sat there like a statue with a goofy grin on my face for the time it took Kathie to grab her book bag and skip or saunter or whatever that happy little feminine gate was called across the grill and out the door, turning to look back and see if I was watching her at least twice. I shook my head and snapped back to my senses then hurriedly stuffed the paper and one text book back into my own book bag and head for the door myself.

Later that evening, four hours after my shift had begun, I was getting totaled up and cashed out at Dom’s. It had been a relatively normal dinner rush for a Friday evening, even considering the rain. Yeah rain… I was feeling pretty soggy. I was ever so happy that after a few years of doing this job I had learned to keep a change of clothes here at the shop. My jeans were okay, if a little damp but I couldn’t stand wet soggy socks. I peeled my sodden uniform shirt off and wrung it out in the mop sink in the back room before pulling on a dry tee shirt. I pulled off my tennis shoes and wet socks and put on dry socks and some loafers I had in my book bag. Finally considering myself presentable at least, I asked to borrow the phone. The manager let me use the one at her desk. I sat and dialed Kathie’s number. I listened to the phone wring as I went over my checklist again for the movie tonight. I realized that I still had to purchase an item yet… just as a voice came through the phone line.

“Hello?” Came the pleasant voice of Kathie’s aunt.

“Miss Grace? Hi. This is Jim. I told Kathie I’d call her when I got off work this evening.” I began but before I could finish Grace cut in exuberantly.

“Oh, my yes, she’s hardly stopped talking about it for a day and a half now. She’s so excited to be going out this evening…” She said quite happily then continued in a bit of a conspiratorial whisper “… but you didn’t hear that from me.” She said and giggled a bit.

“Yes ma’am… mum’s the word.” I stage whispered back to her through the phone. Grace giggled again but then retorted a bit more firmly.

“And Jim? No more of this “ma’am” stuff… simply call me Grace if you please.” She said sounding so very much like a distant echo of a dear former tutor of mine from years ago. I had to gasp silently and swallow a lump even as I smiled.

“Of course, Grace. My apologies. I didn’t mean to offend.” I offered. I could almost hear her smiling on the other end of the phone. I was about to ask about speaking to Kathie when Grace began to speak again.

“Well, your apologies are accepted. Now, I presume you’re calling to speak to Kitty Kat, however I’m afraid she’s in the middle of cooking dinner and can’t come to the phone. I was told if this was you calling to just tell you to come on over.” Grace intoned matter-of-factly. I smiled thinking to myself that this woman was a card. We would get along very well indeed.

“Yes ma… I mean yes Grace, thank you. I’m leaving work in just a moment. I should be at the house in about twenty minutes. I hope that’s not too late.” I caught myself before I completed “ma’am” and wondered if Grace thought I was making fun or teasing her in some way. I could feel my face warm as I knew I was beginning to blush.

“Oh no dear, we don’t have strict schedules for dining, and this is a bit of an occasion anyway so everything is fine. We’ll see you when you get here then. Goodbye.” She said with a musical lilt in her voice and hung up before I could even say goodbye myself.

Thankfully the rain had finally all but stopped as I was leaving the shop. It was 7:30 in the evening on a Friday night. It was rare that I wasn’t working at this time of the night, but as Grace had mentioned earlier it was a special occasion indeed. Just before I got to my truck, I remembered an item I wanted to purchase before going to Kathie’s house. So, I tossed my book bag into the floorboard of my truck and walked two doors down in the shopping center and entered the drug store.

I had to ask before I found them and I was a little embarrassed by the looks I got both when asking and again when I paid for them at the cash register. They were placed into a mall paper sack and handed to me with a quizzical grin by the girl at the register. I didn’t bother saying anything about them I just blushed and returned to my truck and stuck them in the book bag that had the newspaper from earlier today. On to Kathie’s house.

I parked on the street under a big old oak tree at the curb. Kathie’s car, the big old Ford Crown Victoria was parked at the end of the driveway with another car in the driveway ahead of hers. I surmised that this was probably Grace’s car or perhaps the Nurse’s car. Either way, it was best I parked on the curb.

I checked my hair in my rear view mirror and huffed into a cupped hand to check my breath… straightened my tee shirt and generally just preened a bit before walking to the front door. Yeah, still a little nervous, I guess. Under the familiar dim porch light, I rang the bell and waited, trying to look casual and relaxed… a hard thing to pull off when there are a million butterflies doing acrobatics in your stomach. I hoped I could actually keep anything down that I was about to eat.

As with answering the phone earlier, the door, too, was answered by Kathie’s aunt Grace. She gave me the impression that she genuinely was pleased to see me as she opened the door and swept me in to the foyer.

“Jim! So nice to see you again. Come right this way. Kathie has just set dinner on the table.” She effused as she took me by my left hand and wrapped her arm in mine as if I were escorting her and not the other way around. I wasn’t quite sure what I was smelling but it was something wonderful, something tantalizing was wafting down the hall of the foyer from the kitchen and dining area.

“Wow! What am I smelling? That has my mouth watering already.” I spoke a little hesitantly as we walked towards the kitchen door. Grace looked at me and grinned, both eyebrows arching up playfully.

“That my dear man is the smell of Kathie’s famous four-layer lasagna…” she informed me in a normal voice, then added sotto voce “… she’s been working on it since yesterday evening. Be nice and don’t mention I told you that.” She finished with a wink just before gently pushing the door fully open and we entered the kitchen proper.

I took in the tableau before me, trying to gauge all that was happening, all the emotions, expectations and hopes. Grace still on my arm was giddy with delight of course. Mom was in her wheelchair and it was pushed up to the head of the table furthest from where Grace and I entered the kitchen. The table of course was large enough for eight people if need be but it was still cozy enough for the four, no make that five of us. Mom in her spot with her nurse taking a seat to her right. Grace patted my arm and made her way around the table to sit to the right of the nurse. Kathie was just sitting a rather large casserole dish on some trivets in the center of the table… well… slightly to the right of center more towards her mother’s place. There was also a large bowl of salad just left of the center with a basket of rolls in the very center actually.

After setting the dish down and returning her pot holders to the counter near the oven she reached around behind her and untied her apron and set it aside as well. All the while she’s smiling at me warmly with a twinkle in her eyes… even if they were showing a little apprehension about her offering for dinner. Grace brushed past Kathie and gave her a peck on the cheek and whispered something discretely in her ear as she passed her on her way to the fridge. I still stood rooted in place a little off the corner of the far end of the table from those seated already. I wasn’t sure exactly where I was to sit yet. I think Kathie’s mom realized my quandary and smiled knowingly at me.

I was saved from the awkward question though when Kathie breezed around to my end of the table and nearly leapt into my arms, throwing her arms around my neck and hugging me briefly before pulling back and taking my hand to guide me to the table and where I would sit. She was going to sit on her mother’s left, across from the nurse and Grace was alighting in the chair next to the nurse, and apparently directly across from where I was to sit. Grace sat down a large pitcher of an amber liquid that had to be iced tea.

I pulled Kathie’s chair out for her and it seemed that everyone paused for a moment to look at me. Why is it so many people find it odd to see anyone practicing simple courtesy anymore? I guess it’s just not that common anymore. Anyway, after a moment Kathie smiled and took her seat. I than sat down and pulled my chair up to the table as well.

Grace complimented Kathie on her dinner presentation as she poured herself a glass of tea and passed the pitcher to the nurse who poured some for mom and for herself. The nurse then passed the pitcher to Kathie who poured some in her glass and in mine as well before handing me the now half emptied pitcher to put on the far end of the table. The girls all shook out their napkins and placed them in their laps, and I followed suit, if a little awkwardly. Then before anyone could start serving the food, I bowed my head in silence for a moment or two. When I looked back up, I found everyone looking at me again… as if I were strange.

“I’m sorry… did I do something wrong?” I asked hesitantly and looked around a little worried.

“It’s been a while since we’ve said a blessing Jim, I’m afraid you just reminded us of our manners, or lack thereof perhaps.” Mom said quietly and bowed her own head and silently made the sign of the cross. I noticed that Grace and Kathie both did as well and looked up a little sheepishly afterwards, but smiled all the same. Mom smiled at me and nodded once. I felt Kathie elbow me in the side teasingly.

“I was afraid you were asking for protection from my cooking…” she said in a stage whisper and everyone chuckled a little. As the salad bowl began circulating around the table, then the rolls. Kathie stood and with a flourish she cut the lasagna in to serving sizes and dished them out onto our plates as we passed them to her.

Growing up I was always taught that the guest at the table was always served first and then the head of the table, usually the man of the house, dad or grandfather, etc. I realized that this had to be a little different however as Kathie’s mom had special needs so serving was adapted. However, for some reason the first taste came back to me. Everyone at the table waited to see me take the first bite and taste dinner. No one said anything but I figured it out all the same. So, I took a forkful of the lasagna and brought it to my face, blowing on the bite for a moment… then tasted it. I chewed once, twice then paused, my eyes closed. I let a sigh out through my nose as I didn’t want to open my mouth and risk losing that delectable first bite of heaven on earth.

I had grown up two doors down from a family that was Italian as Italian can be. The father was born in Italy and came to the United States after world war two. To say that I was familiar with authentic Italian tastes and cuisine would be just a bit of an understatement. I don’t know who in Kathie’s family was of Italian heritage, if anyone was, but her lasagna spoke of someone’s recipe and the skill to make it just as good as someone from Italy might. I opened my eyes and noted that everyone was still looking at me, expectantly. I rolled my eyes and shook my head as I resumed chewing and moaned a bit as I swallowed that first bite.

“Oh my god Kathie! That is wonderful!” I said and then it was as if a dam had broken, conversation started back up and everyone started eating and making their own appreciative noises. Even mom as she was fed bites by the nurse, or Kathie. Mom would look at me but avert her eyes whenever she was given a bite to eat, as if her not seeing me witness her being fed somehow made it a little easier for her. I kind of felt bad for her as she was self-conscious about it to some degree. Grace saw this silent interaction but said nothing herself other than offering me a muted sad smile and nodding her head slightly.

Of course, I had to have seconds after finishing my first serving of Kathie’s lasagna. It really was good. Kathie happily served out another helping onto my plate. Conversation eventually got around to the movie Kathie and I were going to go see later. Grace was still a little puzzled as to why they were having the showing so late. Kathie’s mom spoke up.

“Oh Grace, you yourself used to go to late showings at the drive-in years ago… it’s just something the young people do.” She said with a wry smile and winked at Kathie and I.

“Well, we didn’t necessarily go for the movies either.” Grace said with a grin of her own and smirked at mom with both eyebrows going up. I know I could feel my own face beginning to warm and when I glanced at Kathie, she was almost pink but keeping her mouth firmly shut even if that bottom lip was in her teeth.

Everyone had stopped eating at this point and as if by some silent cue the girls began moving. Kathie stood up and took my plate and utensils and stacked them on her own plate. I stood to offer to help clean up and was shooed away by both her and Grace. The nurse stood and pulled mom’s wheelchair back from the table. She asked me if I would sit with mom for a minute or two in the den while she went and prepared a bath for her. Of course, I said I would be delighted to keep her company if I could.

The wheelchair was rolled into the den and parked beside an easy chair, the very one Grace had been sitting in the first time I had been to this house a while back when delivering a pizza here. The nurse turned on the TV before leaving the room. We could hear Kathie and Grace chattering away in the kitchen in slightly hushed tones so as not to be overheard, at least clearly. I looked over at Mom and saw that she was studying me and smiling warmly if a little sadly. She reached out her right hand and I took it with my left.

“I want to thank you for your help the other night. I’m afraid that I put myself, my daughter and yourself in an awkward situation with my little accident. You demonstrated your kindness and gentle heart in a way that is beyond question, in my mind at least. I can see what Kathie sees in you quite easily…” She paused to take a deep breath. Her hand in mine shook with a slight tremor for a moment then she went on.

“Young man, I am frail and old but I am still a woman, and I’m a mother…” She said in a soft but steady voice. She glanced towards the kitchen and saw Kathie glance our way as she and Grace went about cleaning up. “My daughter is quite taken by you. I trust her instincts… as I do my own. I know in my heart that you are a good man and I hope that you will be gentle with her. She’s had some hardships so far in her young life. I understand that you have as well.” She added and nodded once and smiled that sad smile again when I looked up a little puzzled and a little startled.

“I… I will be on my…” I began but was shushed by her patting hand on mine before she continued talking softly. I realized that this was not so much as a conversation, but rather an audience.

“I have no doubt that you will be a gentleman and kind and even protective of her. I thank you for that. I just want her to be happy. There has been such a light in her eyes and joy in her heart over these past few weeks, for that I can’t thank you enough. I want nothing more than for you both to have fun this evening.” She again patted my hand with hers just as the nurse came back into the den. “If you will excuse me now, I’ve got to take a bath before bed. Thank you for coming to dinner Jim.” She said smiling as the nurse wheeled her chair out of the room and down the hall to the bathroom. I stood as she was wheeled away and decided to walk back to the kitchen to see if I could do anything to help.

It was all over but the smiling when I walked into the kitchen however. Grace, with a glass of wine in hand sidled over to me and casually raised her free hand up and brushed a lock of hair, imaginary or not, around my ear before smiling and winking and walking on to the den. Kathie watched this with a smirk and rolled her eyes at me and grinned before walking up to stand in front of me. Her hands going to my waist as she pulled herself a little closer to me, tilting her head up and a little towards one shoulder giving me a bit of a sidelong glance.

“So, dinner was alright?” She asked then drew that bottom lip in again. Oh my god I could have melted… again.

“Alright? Kathie it was outstanding! I grew up with an Italian neighbor… you could probably teach him a thing or two. Wow!” I said still amazed by both the cooking and by Kathie’s seeming modesty, or even uncertainty of her cooking.

“Oh stop it…” She said with a happy smile she couldn’t hide any longer. Her head flipped to the other shoulder as she began that slow metronome rocking at the waist, twisting slightly from side to side. “So, it’s nine o’clock… what are we going to do for the next three hours if this movie doesn’t start until midnight?” She asked as she slid her hands up either of my flanks and across my chest to meet in the middle and clasp together then she leaned forward and rested her chin on her hands looking up at me and raising both eyebrows. I was certain she could feel my heart beginning to race under her clasped hands.

“Um… I could think of a few things, but I’m going to be on my best behavior tonight.” I stuttered a bit self-consciously. Kathie’s reaction to that was to purse her hips in a bit of a pout and tilt her head slightly to one side.

“And if I had other ideas?” She asked coyly and smirked watching my face register my confusion and then warm with a blush.

“Uh… I’m not sure what you mean, but I’d be willing to do most anything to make you happy.” I admitted with a bit of hesitancy wondering what I was getting myself into with such an open promise. The way her eyebrows danced briefly and the sparkle in her eyes and the smile that bloomed on her lips made my spine tingle… the slight shudder I felt through my fingertips where my hands were loosely wrapped around Kathie’s waist at the small of her back foreshadowed… what… I do not know.

“Why don’t you go sit with Grace for a few minutes while I go say good night to my mother and see if the nurse needs any help before we leave.” Kathie said with a sly look on her beautiful face. I smiled and nodded and unwrapped my arms from around her. She pulled back from me, her hands lingering on my chest, her left hand sliding down the center almost to my navel before she withdrew completely and wistfully stepped backwards a step or two before reluctantly turning to go down the hallway, her gaze never leaving mine until she had to turn completely away from me. I’m not sure how long I stood there, as if in a trance, before I turned and walked back into the den to find and keep Grace company for a few minutes.

I found Grace with her legs crossed at the knee on one end of the sofa next to an end table with a lamp on it. She was thumbing through a TV-guide. She had reading glasses perched on the end of her cherubic button nose and she glanced over them as I approached and motioned in askance to have a seat on the sofa. Grace smiled and patted the seat next to her while tilting her head to one side and giving it a little bobble motion and smiled sweetly.

“I was hoping I would get to speak with you alone for a moment before you two left Jim.” She spoke softly but in a clear voice.

“Oh. About what?” I asked hesitantly wondering what might be on her mind. As hard as I have tried to learn and understand how women thought over the years, I still had hardly the faintest idea. Honestly, I think I might never know.

“Kathie told me about the fall that happened while I was away… and how you helped her with her mother… my sister. I wanted to thank you for that. You know not many young men would be so considerate. So… thank you.” Grace said with a sad smile and blinked with soft eyes that shone with sincerity. I tilted my head down a fraction and nodded once but held my tongue, this was not something to verbally respond to. It was not praise or a question it was simple heartfelt thanks from a family member close to the situation that was. Grace reached over with her left hand and patted my leg before continuing.

“So, you two youngsters are off to a late-night movie… What is this movie anyway?” She asked in a lighter tone of voice that was once again conversational and inquisitive.

“It’s called The Rocky Horror Picture Show… it’s a film adaptation of a rather risqué and campy play from England. Honestly the movie isn’t all that great by itself but it’s fun in that it has almost a cult like following of fans. It’s more of a participation thing than something to sit quietly and watch. I’ll let Kathie tell you all about it after she’s experienced it. I don’t want to spoil the fun just yet.” I said with a wry grin and touched the side of my nose like an old Hollywood gangster. Grace half turned her head to affect that sidelong glance that so many women do, with one eyebrow floating up questioningly. Then she smirked and gave a little giggle and reached for her glass of wine.

“What’s so funny?” Kathie asked as she breezed back into the room from the hallway. I began to stand up but she waved me to sit still. Instead, she stopped in front of her aunt, reaching to take the wine glass from her hand. Kathie looked at Grace and smiled then half turned to look at me and winked as she raised the glass and took a long sip or two of the dark red liquid. She closed her eyes and made a sour face with pursed lips before handing the glass back to Grace.

“Well, the look on your face is funny…” I said with amusement and heard Grace giggle again to my right. Kathie squinted one eye and raised the eyebrow over the other looking at me sternly before breaking into a big smile and a giggle of her own.

“It’s not a very sweet wine, a little dry, I think. I like the sweeter ones.” Kathie said with a warm smile.

“Are you still talking about the wine or something else Kitty Kat?” Grace asked playfully and tucked her bottom lip in to her teeth. What is it with this lip thing? It must be a family trait or something I thought to myself. Still though… it just made me melt to see it, so cute, so playful, so… so sexy sometimes.

“I’m not even going to dignify that with an answer…” Kathie huffed, feigning indignance.

Somehow, she just couldn’t pull it off though, that smile just swept the attitude right away. Kathie leaned over and kissed her aunt Grace on the cheek then when she stood back up, she gave me a little flick of her head in one of those silent “Come on” motions. I took the hint and rose from the sofa and turned to make my goodbyes to Grace but Kathie wrapped an arm around my waste and tugged me along after her. Grace simply looked at me and smiled sweetly and waved with her free hand as she took a sip from her wine.

Kathie paused in the kitchen for just a moment as she spun about and wrapped her other arm around my waist and cuddled closely to me with that slight tilt of her head and batted her eyes. I cupped her face gently with both of my hands and drew her closer and watched her eyes slowly close as our lips met softly. I swear we both shuddered in that instant as I know my heart at least sped up and it felt as if my whole head had ballooned to four times its normal size. To say she took my breath away wouldn’t even begin to cover the sensation.

After a few moments Kathie pulled back slowly, her eyes fluttered open at least halfway and she focused on my own eyes. Her lips were slightly parted, that is until she tucked the bottom one into her teeth and her eyes took on a mischievous glint. I should have known by then when her eyebrows knitted like that, she had something on her mind.

“Umm… Why don’t we go for a ride?” She suggested more than asked as one eyebrow loosened enough to rise slightly and she began that little twisting motion that just seemed to move me viscerally.

“Okay. We’ve got a little while before we need to be at the theater. Where would you like to go?” I finished with the question.

The little flutter of Kathie’s eyebrows should have set off alarm bells even then but I guess I was just so enthralled with her that I never considered the implications of her subtle facial expressions. Kathie half turned and keeping her right hand firmly connected to my left side, her fingers in a belt loop of my jeans, she drew me along after her. Not that I needed to be led or pulled along, I was attached to her by a bond far stronger than her delicate hands. I think I would have floated after her even if my shoes were nailed to the floor.

Through the kitchen and into the foyer we went. Kathie turned to me again near the door and asked if she should take a jacket or sweater or something. In my fog addled brain, I heard the question but it took me a moment to process it as I stood there looking at her as if I were trying to memorize every inch of her… I guess I was, subconsciously anyway. When the question finally registered however, I did snap out of my reverie long enough to give a mostly intelligible response. It was actually fairly warm out tonight but it had rained earlier and it could maybe again later so maybe a sweater just in case. She smiled and took a sweater off the coat rack near the door and folded it over one arm before she opened the front door and we went out.

Walking arm in arm to the street, I opened the passenger side door of my truck for Kathie and held her hand as she stepped up and climbed in. I went around and got in on my side and started up my truck. Kathie was fascinated by my shifting gears and clutching to get the old truck moving. She had never driven a car with a manual transmission. “Now…” I thought to myself “what to do for an hour or so before we should be arriving at the theater?” Then I knew exactly what to do. After that wonderful dinner that Kathie had prepared and shared with me, I should show a little appreciation in return… ICE CREAM!

“So, here’s a question I’ve never asked of you.” I began as I steered my truck along the back streets of campus nearing my targeted destination. I looked over at Kathie to see if I had her attention, only to find her looking at me with one of those “hit me with your best shot” looks. One eyebrow arched and a confident smirk on her lips and a sparkle in her eyes.

“Yeah?” She asked.

“I have it on good authority and now personal experience, that you like Italian food…” I began, glancing back and forth between her and the road. “What’s your favorite ice cream?” I asked, glancing at her and trying to affect that little sideways tilt that she uses so effectively on me. To my surprise Kathie busted out laughing. Not a giggle, not a bark but a long belly laugh verging on the hysterical. I almost began to get concerned.

“Who says you have to have a favorite?” Kathie finally asked after she had calmed down a bit.

She gave me that little head tilt again and added the lip bite that I find so adorable. By this point Kathie had turned sideways on the truck’s bench seat so that her back was towards the passenger door and her left arm was running along the top of the back rest. Her left leg bent at the knee was resting on the seat facing me, bumping into my old book bag.

“Oh, I don’t suppose you have to have a favorite, but surely you have one or a couple that you favor over most other flavors… right?” I reasoned.

Kathie just gave me a silent shrug, then it dawned on her that I was suggesting that we get some ice cream and I could almost see her mouth begin to water as she sucked her lips in as one would when tasting something sweet and both eyebrows shot up in expectation.

“Well, I suppose you are correct, but I’ve really never thought about it before… still though, I’ve not tasted an ice cream yet that I didn’t like.” She replied with an excited giggle, like a little girl. “Do you have a favorite?” She challenged me.

“I do… and I’ve been told it’s boring.” I admitted, glancing her way and grinning a lopsided grin. She waited for more…

“Well?” She nudged verbally and twisted her head on her neck as she scrunched her shoulders a bit as if straining to hear me.

“Well, what?” I responded, knowing full well what she was asking but having fun playing with her a bit.

“What is your favorite? Silly!” She demanded a little petulantly. I had to chuckle a bit.

“Vanilla.” I stated matter-of-factly. Kathie’s mouth hung slightly agape and she shook her head once as if to disregard whatever thought she had just had then tilted her head again as if to say “Go on.”

“Vanilla is highly underrated. It’s rich, it’s subtle, there are several variations from Vanilla Bean, to French Vanilla to…” I noticed that Kathie was biting her bottom lip and her whole body was vibrating with a silent laughing. “What?” I asked.

“I’ve never heard anyone defend “vanilla ice cream” before, that’s all.” Kathie said finally erupting in another belly laugh that she could no longer keep silent. I was a little puzzled as to why she found it so funny but I let it go.

I turned off of Euclid Avenue into the parking lot behind the little strip of businesses on the corner of Rose and Euclid. The Liquor store, the arcade and of course that ice cream shop boasting thirty-one flavors. We parked and got out to walk to the shop, arm in arm. Kathie was practically skipping she was so excited but trying to “be an adult” at the same time. The shop was busy this time of night… of course being a campus favorite, they had lots of business from students living nearby in dorms and private residences. It looked like we might have plenty of time to decide what flavor we each wanted.

Of course, I already knew what I wanted so that was easy. Kathie still had her left arm in my right as she stood there shifting from one foot to the other looking at the menu board. The fingers of her right hand idly touching her chin as her bottom lip was firmly in her teeth. Those deep gray brown eyes wide open and taking in every flavor listed. Then as I watched her, she changed gears on me. I could almost hear the gearbox grinding as if she had missed the clutch. Kathie half turned her head to look into my eyes, her face morphing into that quizzical “Let’s play a game.” Expression.

“You’re getting Vanilla… you already said so. Why don’t you pick something for me? Something think I might like.” She finished with a coy smile as if to say “take that smarty pants.”

“Uh Oh” I thought to myself. This could go very badly if I get it wrong. But then again, she did state that she hasn’t had a flavor that she doesn’t like… yet. Still though, I knew that this was something of a test really. To show how in tune I am with her. Of course, I could hedge my bets so to speak by getting two flavors for her… they should complement one another, certainly, but what flavors?

When it came our turn to order, Kathie piped up and gave my order of two scoops of Vanilla, one French and one vanilla bean. Then she looked at me in askance as if to say “Proceed.” I bit the inside of my cheek and squinted one eye as if in deep concentration then I smiled and said “… and the lady will have two scoops as well, one Pistachio and one Mint Chocolate Chip.” Then it was my turn to look at Kathie in askance as if to say “Well? How did I do?” The look on her face was truly priceless. Her mouth was hanging open and she was shaking her head slowly from side to side as if she didn’t believe it.

“Okay I didn’t declare any favorite flavors when you asked before but how did you know that those two were as top of the list as they could be?” Kathie finally asked almost as if in awe. I smiled and shrugged.

“I just had a feeling. I mean any girl who can kill lasagna the way you did had to have an appreciation for all things Italian… like Spumoni… but they don’t carry that here so the next best thing would be Pistachio. And I’ve not met a girl yet who could say no to Mint chocolate chip. And it turns out that they go very well together.” I said as I paid for our treats and we walked outside to find a seat.

All the tables were taken as were the few benches so I pointed to my truck. Kathie looked a little puzzled till I dropped the tailgate and hopped up to take a seat on it. She smiled wickedly and half-turned and hopped her shapely little bottom up on the tailgate to join me. She scooched over a little closer to me and we began tasting our ice creams. The appreciative sounds coming from this slip of a woman set the butterflies all to flight again and I could almost hear my ears buzzing. Of course, there was the inevitable sampling and sharing of one another’s flavors.

“You know what Jim? Vanilla goes pretty well with both of my flavors… Kind of like you.” Kathie said a bit teasingly as she nudged me with her right elbow. Her white canvas sneaker clad feet were waggling where her legs dangled from the tailgate, occasionally brushing or bumping my own feet.

“Does that mean I’m boring?” I asked in mock surprise.

“Not at all… more that you are subtle… smooth… and you compliment anything you mix with…” Kathie stated in a startlingly serious tone as she looked me in the eyes unblinkingly making sure I got the point. Then her face softened into an almost bashful smile and she batted her eyes a few times glancing furtively back and forth from my eyes and anywhere else.

The light from the distant street lamp and what little light was spilling out of the ice cream shop was just enough to show me that Kathie’s face had colored slightly with a blush. I gave her my best smile and nodded my head accepting the statement and the compliment behind it. We touched our ice cream cup as if making a toast and continued eating our now melting ice cream, still sharing and tasting.

After we both finished eating our ice cream, I took the now empty cups and reached behind me and put them in my plastic milk crate that I use as my truck bed garbage can. I like to keep the bed clean, so I could do exactly what I did next. By Kathie’s amused expression, I gathered that she had never considered doing exactly what I did. I simply lay back and crossed my arms behind my head, my legs still dangling over the edge of the tailgate at the knees.

Not one to be bashful or turn down a challenge (I had discovered) Kathie too reclined in a similar fashion. The truck squeaked slightly on the springs as both of us idly kicked our legs as they dangled from the tailgate. Kathie turned her head to look at me as it rested on her crossed arms. The smile was warm and genuine on her lips but the warmth in her eyes literally gave me a chill. Well, maybe not a chill but definitely a thrill. Here we were, on campus, in the parking lot of a busy collection of businesses on a Friday night with people coming and going all over the place and it was as if we were on a deserted island amidst the chaos and hub bub.

I removed my left arm from under my head and lowered it to my side to rest it on my elbow with my left hand open and palm up point to the sky. Kathie looked at it and released her own right arm and slipped her hand into mine and clasped it gently. She looked from our hands to my eyes and had the softest of smiles on her face, like that of a baby when it was sleeping comfortably. I felt my heart flip in my chest and a lump came into my throat.

“Jim… Thank you.” She said softly still gazing into my eyes with those beautiful dreamy eyes of hers shining ever so slightly.

“You don’t have to thank me for ice cream, it was a treat. Besides you fed me a wonderful dinner. Not just fed but you cooked it too. Ice cream is just a little way to saying thanks for that.” I told her a little sheepishly, thinking that even though it was fun and tasty, ice cream was a far cry from all the effort she had made with dinner.

“No, Jim. I mean, yes, thank you for the ice cream too, of course. But I mean thank you for… for… well, everything. I think I had almost forgotten what it was like to laugh, let alone have any fun. I’ve felt so out of touch and… alone… and dealing with… mom, and…” She trailed off and glanced away breaking eye contact for the first time in a while.

I saw her swallow and her eyes seemed to be shining brighter… wet. I knew of course she was thinking about her mother and the curse of ALS.

“You helped me with mom after the fall in the bath… you even worried about me afterwards. I just don’t know how else to say it other than to say thank you. You’re not like most guys, certainly not like any I’ve ever been close to in the past. None of those guys would have offered to help.” She paused again but somehow, I knew this was not for me to pick up a conversation, she wanted to express something even if the words were not coming just how she wanted them to… at least not yet.

I silently gripped her right hand a little tighter as if to say that I was still here and not running away scared. Kathie looked down at our hands and then glanced back up into my eyes again. That’s where I saw it, and I think she saw the same in my eyes. There was an affection, an understanding of our separate pasts leading us to this present, and a promise of wonders yet to be discovered… there was an unspoken trust.

I guess I was smiling, even if only faintly but it got a sweet little smile in return from Kathie as she blinked a few times to clear the moistness from her eyes. On a whim I drew her hand to my lips and kissed the back of her hand softly and pressed it to my cheek before relaxing my pull and let our hands fall back between us. I felt as much as saw the little gasped inhale she made and the silent sigh as she let out the breath. Then a little voice in the back of my brain sent a signal surging through the wonder and love and lust that clouded my mind. “Hey buddy… The movie… remember?”

I sat upright with a jolt, startling Kathie.

“Um… we need to get a move on. I haven’t been watching the time, we don’t want to be late for the movie.” I said sheepishly as she used my left arm and hand to pull herself upright as well.

“No, we don’t.” She giggled and hopped down off the tailgate and dusted her backside off with a few swats and pats of her hands. I couldn’t help but to watch, and admire… perhaps a moment too long as I got busted checking her out. She paused for a moment then a mischievous grin spread on her lovely face and she winked at me. Blushing, certainly, I grinned back and hopped off the tailgate and turned to close it.

Before I could walk around to open door for her, Kathie went around and opened and climbed into the cab herself. I shrugged and dusted my own backside off a bit and went around to my side and got in. In moments we were on our way downtown to the theater. The closer we got to the theater the heavier the traffic became, both on the road and on the sidewalks. I knew what to expect but Kathie was taken by surprise. The first gaggle of costumed people made her do a double take to see if she had actually seen what she thought she had seen. To her credit she didn’t say anything, yet. It was nearly two blocks later before I found an open parking space on the curb. It was after hours so I didn’t have to feed the parking meter or fear being towed.

Before we got out of the truck, I reached for my old book bag. I unzipped it and pulled out the newspaper I had saved from earlier in the day. I also pulled out the little paper sack from the pharmacy near the Dom’s shop I work at mostly. It being a national chain, the store’s logo on the bag was recognizable. Kathie looked at the bag and the shape of the contents then glanced up at me with a curious look on her face. There was a very subtle almost non-existent smile… almost as if it was uncertain it should be showing itself… and a curiosity screaming in her big grey brown eyes, especially with that one lone eyebrow arching questioningly. I grinned at her, knowing that she maybe thought the contents were something entirely different from what was actually in the bag.

The Paper I folded in half from top to bottom, then folded it three times from side to side forming it into a slender length that I could insert into my back pocket. From the bag I pulled two bottles of kids bubble solution complete with the little plastic ringed end sticks for blowing bubbles with. I nearly doubled over laughing when Kathie’s expression morphed into complete confusion and… well… confusion. That look that says “huh?” I told her it would become clear shortly.

With a still confused but a grudging acceptance to play along look on her face she and I got out of my truck and linked arms and began walking to the theater. Joining other’s some in costume, some not, as the stream of moviegoers made their way to the ticket booth and the doors. The marquee was alight with lights and the Title of the featured movie, the smell of popcorn was wafting out of the doors that were being held open by the multitudes of raucous soon to be participants and viewers.

I had just purchased our tickets and we were edging our way through the doors into the lobby when a head appeared between Kathie and I over my shoulder. It was garishly made up and wearing a curly dark-haired wig and big dangling earrings.

“Oh My! What have we here? Why it’s Brad and Janet! In the flesh!” quipped the invading head.

Startled Kathie backed away a step and I turned to see who this was. I nearly doubled over laughing when I realized that it was Marq from our little “Phone” group on campus. True to his word he went all out for the show tonight. Kathie was aghast as she took it all in, looking from head to toe. Marq was dressed from head to toe as Frank N. Furter, complete with black bustier, fishnet stockings and pumps and those silk sleeves that run from wrists to elbows. He had shaved his chest, and legs and had the god awfullest load of make up on along with that curly haired wig and the big dangling earrings and the oversized pearl choker-necklace.

Behind him were Jinx, Fluffy, Lindy and Ozz, all also dressed up in varying degrees as other characters in the movie. I thought it was a riot. Kathie, on the other hand, being a Rocky Horror “virgin” still had no frame of reference yet and had a bewildered look on her face even though she was grinning somewhat with amusement. I explained hastily to the rest that she hadn’t seen the movie yet… ever. They all grinned and Marq sashayed over to her and wrapped an arm around her affectionately and in his best Tim Curry impression told her “Well babies… don’t you panic… by the light of the night… it’ll all seem alright… I’m just a sweet transvestite… from transsexual… Transylvania!” This garnered him hoots and howls and cheers from the crowd around us all, herding into the theater.

Kathie grinned and grimaced and looked at me as if to ask if he was for real as I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her along towards the doors to the auditorium. We soon picked our seats, I knew to get ones close to the end of the aisle to avoid most of the Hijinx that were soon to be experienced. With the crowd full of seasoned participants, the fun would soon begin. People began shouting lines from the movie and others would respond either with the proper dialogue or with the participation responses.

Kathie’s head was on a swivel taking it all in. The slightly bemused expression on her face soon gave way to fun and laughter. Someone working for the theater came out on stage and tried to get everyone’s attention to inform the audience of the rules for the evening. Participation was acceptable but climbing onstage was not. No glass bottles or smoking in the auditorium, no blatant sex, pretty much anything else goes. The crowd hooted and hollered again and soon the lights were dimming and the film began.

The auditorium had turned out to be a little chilly as they air conditioning had been turned up because of the large turnout. Kathie slipped her sweater on, not realizing how it now made her look very much like the character Janet in the film. The others around us just thought she had done that intentionally, like others of our group had dressed up. I just grinned to myself.

When the wedding scene came on the screen, you could hear rustling from all directions and I pulled out the two bottles of bubbles I had purchased earlier. I handed one to Kathie and she looked at me in askance and then looked around as everyone was shaking their own bottles and opening them. Soon as the characters on the screen were exiting the church bubbles began to fly from all directions. That’s when Kathie got it, she looked at me beaming as she too was soon blowing bubbles.

Later when Brad and Janet had a flat tire and they started walking in the rain to find help… more rustling ensued and I produced the newspaper from my back pocket and unfolded it and held it over my and Kathie’s head… of course there were other audience members who had brought squirt guns or squirt bottles and were soon filling the air with water creating a rain storm inside. Kathie turned to me and just laughed as she finally got that too. I winked and smiled as we continued watching the movie and the antics of the audience around us.

Eventually the movie came to an end and with all the heckling and shouting and irreverent movie going audience members around us, a good time was had by all. People were pumped up and ready to continue the party even if they had to take it somewhere else. Of course, those in our little nerdy group declared it a “Phone” kind of night and everyone headed back to campus to find a computer terminal somewhere. Kathie said she too wanted to join in so we told everyone we’d see them on campus or at least on “Phone” in a little while.

Arm in arm Kathie and I made our way through the crowd and down the street to my truck. Once inside Kathie practically climbed into my lap and pulled me into a surprise kiss that literally took my breath away. This girl was jazzed! I should have taken note of the look in her eyes when she pulled back to let us both catch our breath. She turned in the seat and wrapped both her arms around my right arm and snuggled in tight next to me as I started my truck and began the short drive back to campus.

As I turned off of Rose Street onto Patterson Avenue, Kathie leaned her head on my shoulder and suggested that we go to the B&E building. I shrugged and said that’d be fine and made my way around Administration drive to find a parking spot right in front of the building. Kathie got out in a bit of a rush and practically skipped to the doors.

We rode the elevator up to the second floor, arm in arm and lip to lip. When the doors opened on the second floor Kathie stopped me from exiting the car and reached over and hit the button for the third floor. She looked up at me sheepishly and said she had to use the bathroom. I smiled and shrugged, again locking lips with this exiting woman.

This time when the doors opened, she backed out pulling me by my hands along with her. We went down the hallway to the restroom and I waited outside as she separated from me and went in to take care of business. I leaned my back against the wall and put my hands in my pockets. I closed my eyes and marveled at the fate that had brought us together. My heart swelled every time I thought of her let along got to spend time with her.

I heard the flush of water somewhere behind the door and then some water running in a sink I presumed as Kathie washed her hands no doubt. A few moments later she opened the door and stepped out smiling and with a look in her eyes I had only seen once… the night of our first kiss. I should have known by then that my life was about to change again, but I had no clue really. So, when Kathie looked up one end of the hall and then down the other and finally turned to face me eye to eye, she grabbed a handful of my tee shirt and dragged me back inside the women’s restroom. What the hell?

I have been in a few women’s public restrooms over the years but in all those experiences I had never really noticed much difference between the men’s room versions and theirs other than the lack of urinals. This night however I was to be introduced to something else. First however, Kathie had slammed my back up against the wall inside the door and pressed herself into me grabbing the back of my neck with her free hand and pulling herself as much as pulling me together for a passionate almost frantic round of kisses.

I had experienced a variety of kisses with her over the time we have known one another but this was decidedly different. This was hungry, this was visceral, this was… sexy as all hell and I wanted more! Breathless once more we separated for a moment, each of us practically panting as we caught our breath and our hearts raced.

Kathie released her hands from my neck and my chest and pushed herself away from my grasp of her hips and turned and reached up and grabbed something from atop the paper towel dispenser. Turning back to me she held it up to show me what it was. It was one of those rubber wedges that the janitors use to chock the doors open while they are cleaning and mopping the facilities.

Puzzled, I raised one eyebrow questioningly. Kathie practically sneered at me with a feral grin, her eyes scrunching up in a devilish leer. She stepped over to the door and put the wedge under the door and then kicked it with her toe to make sure it was secure. That done she turned back to me… and I shuddered.

As I mentioned, I’ve been in a few women’s restrooms over the years but for the life of me I never noticed that most if not all have some sort of cushioned bench or a couch. Think almost daybed really. I guess some women need to lie down before or after relieving themselves. This night however, this wonderful, fascinating sexy little woman had rather unconventional ideas for its use indeed. She didn’t so much as step back over to me as she stalked over to me… like a predator… and I was her prey. That look in her eyes and that smirk on her face foretold of an experience that I would never forget. Kathie eased her hands up and eased the lapels of her button up sweater out over her shoulders and then pulled her arms back and let the garment fall from her. Another step. She reached for the hem of her blouse and began slowly pulling it up over her torso, her eyes locked on mine watching my reaction and every expression.

“Jim, I’m not asking. I’m not waiting on you to make the first move. I have a feeling I might wait a long time if I did, you’re just too much of a gentleman sometimes. I know you’ve felt the same urges and desires that I have. I can feel it in your kiss.” She said after she slipped her top off over her head and held it out at arm’s length and let it fall to the floor. Another step. The toe of one foot stepping on the heel of her shoe and pulling it off of her foot, then another step and repeating the same move with the other shoe. Another step. Her hands went to her waist and unfastened the button of her jeans and slowly pulled the zipper down and peeled them apart to slide down over her hips.

Bending slowly forward, her eyes still locked on my own, she pushed them down past her knees and then stepped out of them. Another step. Now clad only in a matching lavender colored bra and panty and little white ankle socks. Her long dark curly hair falling across her shoulders and down over her breast framing her face with that intense look of desire glaring at me like a hunger. Her bottom lip drawing up in her teeth. I felt weak in the knees for a moment.

“Kathie… Oh god… If you only knew…” I stammered as I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her.

Another step and her hands were raising to come to rest on my chest. I felt my own hands flutter and raise of their own accord not quite sure what if anything to touch or hold. Instead, they simply remained about half raised as if surrendering to this half naked girl in front of me. And then our lips met again. At once both hesitant and insistent, her tongue easing into my lips and teasing my own out to play.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I registered the fact that Kathie’s hands had slipped down and she was grasping my tee shirt at the bottom and pulling it out of my jeans and up my sides. Again, my arms went up, higher this time as she pulled my shirt over my head and off of me, barely breaking our kiss for a moment to do so. And now her hands were busy at my waist fumbling with my belt buckle and the snap of my jeans. My hands were now holding her by her sides just above her hips as I felt my jeans sliding down over my own hips to fall and pool around my ankles.

“Sit.” Kathie said hoarsely between heaving breaths, and I felt the low couch like bench touching the backs of my legs.

So, I sat. This brought my head to the perfect level of Kathie’s bra covered breasts and she wrapped her hands around my neck and pulled my face into her chest. Her hands and fingers combed through my hair and ran along my shoulders before reaching around behind herself to unfasten that bra and release it. Pulling back for just a breath she pulled the straps over her shoulders and the garment from her modest feminine charms. Kathie did not have large breasts but they were not tiny either… they were… perfect. The roundness, the softness, the creamy whiteness of her skin only highlighted the light pink small areola and erect little nipples standing proudly.

My hands were on the sides of her equally soft white thighs, just resting there, feeling the warmth of her skin and the firmness of the muscles under that skin. Kathie tilted her head back and closed her eyes as she once more wrapped her hands around my neck and pulled my head and face into her chest. I had to kiss them, her breasts, there was the unspoken permission, no, demand to do just that. I worshipped them. Kissing lightly and softly above the areola and the nipples across the valley between them and back. My hands slid up her legs, over her hips and up her flanks to take them gently, one breast in each hand. Kathie shuddered and moaned softly, her fingers dancing through my hair and on my scalp.

I pressed the twin orbs together and lowered my lips to at last lightly, softly kiss each nipple. Those firm fleshy little buttons were tender and warm. The gasping intake of breath from Kathie let me know that she was definitely one of those girls who was exceedingly sensitive to contact to her nipples. I drew each one into my lips in turn and gently closed my teeth on them to pull them slightly before lashing them with the tip of my tongue.

“Oh god Jim!” She exhaled towards the ceiling as her fingers gripped my hair and tugged before releasing me to push me back to lay down on the bench.

I looked up to see her looking down at me with a reddened face and a flush creeping up her chest from her breasts. She was smiling with her eyes and even though her mouth was slightly agape it was smiling in anticipation as well. She quickly knelt at the foot of the bench and tugged at first one then the other of my tennis shoes pulling them from my feet and then grabbed the end of my jeans and pulled them from my legs. Now all I had on were socks and my boxer shorts that were feeling awfully tight as my manhood was waking from a long long slumber. Kathie noticed this of course and the look of hunger in her eyes was mixed with curiosity and some anticipation, I think. She stood back up and looked down at me, or my tented boxer shorts anyway and slowly raised her eyes up the length of my body to make eye contact once again and grinned.

“So come up to the lab… and see what’s on the slab…” Kathie quipped quoting a line from the movie. The look of mischief in her eyes was priceless.

She knelt down and put her knees on either side of my waist on the bench and straddled me and leaned down to place her hands on my waist and then run them up my abdomen and across my chest to come to rest on my shoulders. Her long curly hair dragging across my exposed skin feeling like silk. Her perfect breasts and those erect and very tactile sensitive nipples dragging lightly across the same skin of my chest. And then her lips were on mine once more. My hands were on her bare waist, the warmth and softness of her pale skin causing me to shiver slightly.

Kathie released my shoulders and I took her full weight on my chest as her hands and arms went to and wrapped around my head and neck drawing herself closer still as we continued to kiss one another hungrily, feverishly. Our breathing now ragged gasps. Kathie squirmed atop of me her legs moving and bending almost as if she were swimming. The effect of her movement certainly had an effect on me and my anatomy, her panty covered sex grinding and rubbing onto my boxer covered very erect manhood. Both of us were grunting and groaning with every gasping breath. My hands slid up her flanks, one holding her between her shoulder blades, the other to the back of her neck.

I’m not sure if it was my conscience or perhaps ghosts from my past but a voice in the back of my mind broke through the lust fueled excitement telling me I had to do the right thing. With a groan I reluctantly pulled back from Kathie’s wanton lips as we both panted. I looked her in those glazed grey brown eyes of hers and swallowed before speaking.

“Kathie…” I barely whispered… “I didn’t expect anything like this…” I tried to explain, she interrupted me breathlessly.

“I know Jim… You are an old-fashioned guy, and sweet… I knew you wouldn’t push things…” She began to explain. I shook my head slightly negatively.

“No… that’s not what… thank you…” I said blushing more if that was even possible.

“I meant I didn’t come prepared for… anything.” I again tried to explain. The look of uncertainty and a little confusion in Kathie’s eyes almost pained me to see so I hurried on.

“I… I don’t have any protection…” I stammered out. For a moment time stood still, I don’t even think my heart beat for that moment in time.

The confused expression, the knitted brows on Kathie’s face relaxed then she turned on that million-watt smile as she finally understood my concern. The smile now had me puzzled and confused. The look on my face must have been humorous as Kathie tilted her head back and laughed out loud for a moment before looking back down at me with glittering eyes and that feral grin with her bottom lip in her teeth once more.



“Thank you for thinking about it and letting me know. Most guys wouldn’t even have considered it at this point. But then, you’re not most guys are you Jim? Not to worry, I’ve been on the pill since… well…” Kathie actually blushed and looked away briefly before returning her gaze to my eyes. “Since the week we first met…” She finished and waited to see what my reaction might be.

Again, I was stunned by this woman. My mind reeled at the realization that she had made up her mind, at least about sex, long before I even considered it, with her… It was indeed a humbling thought, and exciting in the same instant. My heart swelled and my butterflies all took flight once more. That short moment of reflection was brief to be sure, even if it seemed like minutes in my mind. My facial expressions must have reflected my wonder and amazement and in the end acceptance and gratitude as Kathie’s face relaxed and soon returned to that very excited and hungry look once more. And once more her lips were sealed upon my own, taking my breath away… again.

I really can’t say how much longer we lay there on that couch in the women’s restroom trying to inhale one another through our lips… our hands groping and grasping one another… our bodies squirming and grinding against one another… I was lost in the moment. My universe had collapsed into just the two of us, time really had no meaning. The feel of Kathie’s lips on mine, her hands, her body grinding against mine… her skin, her hair, her breath, the little noises she made… oh the sounds. Like someone marveling at the wonderous taste of some delicate food or drink… the Mmmmm’s and the surprised but contented little uhnn’s mingled with the startled little gasps when one touch or another was surprisingly sensuous. Eventually our passions rose to a fever pitch and kissing and touching and fondling were no longer fueling that fire… by this point we were laying side by side in a tangle of legs and arms still both dressed in our panty and boxer shorts… and socks… well one anyway. I had lost one somehow or another but that hardly even registered in my mind at that moment. What did register was the grip that Kathie’s right hand had on my boxer shrouded erection.

I have never been more than modestly endowed… not that I was lacking by any means but I never considered myself much more than average at best. I’ve never had any complaints from anyone I’ve shared it with, but as with any first time with a new partner I was still maybe just a tad bit anxious. I needn’t have worried though as Kathie was in her own words pleasantly surprised. Her delicate fingers encircled me and stroked and gripped as she looked intensely into my eyes and I hers… This was it, this was the point of no return so to speak.

We both nodded wordlessly in agreement and I pressed myself up onto my hands and knees. Kathie slid over under me on her back and opened her long limber legs so that I was now kneeling between them looking down on her mostly naked flesh. The fevered look in her eyes showed anticipation and perhaps a little anxiousness of her own. That subdued grin was on her face and her bottom lip was drawn into her teeth in that oh so sexy way she had. I felt her hands running down my torso, my abdomen to my hips and the waistband of my boxer shorts. She glanced down once then back up into my eyes as if asking permission. Again, I nodded silently, and she in return nodded as well… both of us still panting, our hearts racing… and yes… trembling.

Slowly Kathie’s fingers slipped under the waistband and began pushing my boxer shorts down over my hips and my backside… the front however… hung up… Oh my god! Twice she tried to push the shorts down before she realized that she’d have to pull them out and over my swollen member. She actually giggled when she realized this. Down they went… I pressed myself up on my toes and Kathie demonstrated her flexibility by raising a foot to catch the shorts and finish pushing them down to my ankles. I lowered myself back to my knees and felt Kathie’s hand, no… both hands wrapped around my now naked sex. Soft hands, firm grip and curious exploring fingers… I could have died and gone to heaven at that moment. But again, my mind butted in and my conscience reared its insistent head to remind me that I had an obligation to fulfill, a promise to keep…

“K… Kathie…” I stammered as she ran her palm over my oh so sensitive head nearly making me pass out from the spine shuddering sensation. “I… I gotta warn… you…” I sputtered on.

“Warn me?” Kathie paused her manual explorations not quite understanding what I was saying. Opening my eyes again and looking down into hers, I nodded my head before going on.

“Yeah… I… I kind of do this thing… after… after climaxing. It’s kind of freaky and it scares some girls.” I tried to explain… the puzzled and wary expression on Kathie’s face nearly made me stop all together but I pressed on.

“I call it an aftershock. It’s like an echo of the climax… orgasm. Some have described it as an epileptic seizure.” I went on and at that Kathie’s eyes shot wide open and were just a little fearful.

“It’s not a seizure though. It doesn’t hurt… it’s just… freaky…” I said groaning internally as I waited now for Kathie’s response.

She might very well change her mind now and just stop. So, I was surprised and relieved when her eyes narrowed and her lips formed into that feral grin… one eyebrow arching up as if I had just challenged her.

“Okay… I gotta see this now… Ahem… I can see you are ready and raring to go… but you gotta do something for me first Jim.” She said and drew that bottom lip in again as I looked down both a little puzzled and relieved… a LOT relieved.

“What do you need me to do for you Kathie?” I asked as a multitude of ideas ran through my lust fueled brain, my mouth watered at the thought of tasting her first.

Instead, Kathie let go of me and brought her hands to either side of her hips palms up, fingers pointing towards her panties. She tilted her head slightly to one side as if to say “Well?”. I suddenly realized what she wanted and I grinned what I hoped was a devilish leer… but it was probably more of a dopey grin in reality. I brought my hands to Kathie’s hips and slipped my fingers under the waistband of her lavender colored panties… the crotch was noticeably wet. As I drew them down over her hips, she pushed herself up so that they would clear her bottom then raised her legs bringing them together between us as I pulled the garment slowly up her legs to her knees and then her ankles and off over her feet. Still looking her in the eyes I brought them to my face and inhaled deeply of her scent… my eyes closed involuntarily at the overwhelming pleasure.

I felt one of Kathie’s ankles settle on my left shoulder at the crook of my neck. I opened my eyes and looked down to find her studying me a little apprehensively but curious as well. I smiled and then felt Kathie’s sock covered toes hook me behind my head and draw me down towards her. I felt her hands once more, or at least one of them gripping my still rigid fifth appendage. Kathie’s legs spread wide again and slipped past my shoulders and down my arms as I leaned forward to come face to face and lip to lip once again. A quick hungry kiss, and another then Kathie pulled back slightly panting and looking me in the eyes.

“Jim… I want you inside of me… now… I can’t wait any longer… please…” She said in a low hoarse voice. I looked at her and simply nodded. I pushed myself back up to be able to see what I was doing.

Running my hands down, or rather up the tops of Kathie’s thighs to her knees that were bent. I pried her legs open a bit wider and looked down at her bare sex for the first time ever. There, nestled in a small dense cloud or silky fine dark hair was the greatest treasure of all mankind. The flower of love, the cradle of life itself.

Her sex was one of the kinds that I called an outie… The outer lips, the vulva was puffy and engorged with her excitement and arousal, the pink inner lips were just barely protruding and wet with said excitement. The nectar of the gods. At the apex of her distended lips was a little pink nubbin of her clitoris peeking out from under the darker fleshed hood.

I brought both hands back down Kathie’s inner thighs, lightly brushing against her silky soft skin, to meet and frame her sex between my hands. I cupped my hands and gently ran my thumbs along the separation of her lips from the bottom to the top to gently tease and bump her clitoris. Kathie jumped under my touch as if she had been touched by a live electrical wire. The gasp she let out brought me back to the task she had prompted me to do. My exploration, my worship of her feminine form would have to wait for another time. Even still, my mouth watered.

I scooted forward just a bit closer to Kathie and her splayed legs and the wanton and waiting oasis between them. Kathie’s hands were now on her breasts, grasping them one in each hand as she eyed me intently when she wasn’t watching what I was doing with my own hands, and my stalwart member. I gripped myself in one hand and brought it to that silky cloud of hair around her wet and waiting lips. I rubbed the head and shaft through the hair and then along the wet lips. I bumped her clit a couple of times getting a little gasp and a twitch of her legs each time. Finally, I centered the head of my erection between her lips and pressed gently into the opening between them.

Slowly I pushed myself in, a little at a time, very very slowly. I pulled back to withdraw a bit before proceeding further each time. The heat of Kathie’s core was intense, the texture and feel of her inner walls made me tremble. As excited and wet as she was, she was still incredibly almost too tight to enter completely. I knew I had to go slowly, allow her time to stretch and accommodate me, even as modest as I was.

I watched her eyes and she looked deep into mine. With her mouth slightly agape in a silent groan, Kathie would nod briefly when she was ready for me to push a little more, then her eyes would close or roll up as I pushed in a bit more then stop as I felt her tense beneath me. My hands feeling her tremble through her legs and knees where my hands rested lightly. Finally, I was nearly all the way inside of her trembling cradle.

Releasing her knees, I leaned forward to place my hands on the couch on either side of her chest to support my weight. Kathie released her own hands and brought them to either side of my face. “So good…” Kathie purred with her eyes half closed before tilting her head up and latching onto my lips with hers. I mumbled my assent with a “mhmm” Then the dance began.

With slow, very slow, almost non-existent motion I began moving my torso and thereby my ensconced manhood. First slightly back to withdraw a hair or two, then forward to go a bit deeper, and deeper it went, not much perhaps but even a fraction of an inch felt boundless distances at this point. Each bump in and slow withdrawal got longer and longer… and eventually faster and faster as well. The kissing had stopped at this point as both of us were gasping and panting as our breathing became ragged as we became more and more excited. Kathie maintained her hold on the sides of my face and her eyes stayed locked on mine whenever both or one of us didn’t have our eyes closed from the overwhelming sensations we were experiencing.

Each stroke out now almost had me coming completely out of Kathie’s fiery feminine furnace. Each stroke in had me slamming our sexes together with a wet slap of skin to skin. I wasn’t sure if our breathing was faster or our bodies were slapping together faster at this point. The feel of Kathie’s legs wrapping around my waist and locking her ankles behind me only emphasized and reinforced the look in her eyes and on her face as she nodded or bobbed her head with each stroke. We were both grunting and gasping as the dance devolved into a race for that ultimate peak… the precipice of physical love and lust… Kathie and I were both nearing that finish line… just… a… little… more… slapping and slapping, and grunting and gasping… I could feel myself nearing the edge, that familiar but long absent tightening of my insides, my guts churning and drawing tight like steel cables stretched to the breaking point.

The tunnel vision creeping into my eyesight, my view narrowing down smaller and smaller I focused on Kathie’s face, her eyes. I was so close, but I held on, driving, again and again, frantically… then I felt the first tightening of Kathie’s legs about me. They tightened but stopped all other motion as did the rest of her. Kathie’s eyes got huge with surprise as she tensed motionless beneath me, on me… her hands on my face, her legs around my waist, her inner walls around my impaling manhood. Tense as tense could be, until she began to tremble, no, vibrate. I realized that I had stopped breathing, and so had Kathie…

Odd that… on that very edge, the precipice of final climax and observations were still being made by part of my brain. Like noticing we had both stopped breathing. The look of almost desperation on Kathie’s face, her teeth gritting and bared, her eyes squeezing almost shut as if in pain, the cords of her neck standing out, her head tilting back slightly making her jaw stick out and up towards my face. The sound of the heating and air-conditioning system kicking on somewhere and the feel of a breeze being blown across the sweaty bare skin of my back… it was like walking through the scene in extreme slow motion. It couldn’t have been more than a heartbeat or two of time but it seemed like long minutes… and then it was over, time resumed its normal pace and all hell broke loose.

Kathie began to buck beneath me, spasms and jerking and shuddering with a long-drawn-out groan. Her hands released my face and wrapped around my neck and pulled me into her or herself into me, the same result no matter the intention. We were cheek to cheek, faces buried into one another’s necks and shoulders. My own hips had seized up and my still buried member began to pulse and spout shot after shot of long neglected and backed up fluids of my own. Pulse after mind bending soul shuddering pulse, deep inside of this exciting creature in my arms. This beautiful, tantalizing, sexy, amazing woman. Her own insides grasping and pulling at me as if to ensure that every last drop was milked from my core. And then… the lights went out.

My lights anyway, the tunnel vision collapsed into darkness as I passed out. I was no stranger to this happening, it didn’t always happen of course but when it was intense, like this evening, it was common enough that it didn’t bother me. I came to my senses to find myself collapsed atop of Kathie, somewhat. My arms were on either side of her pressing into the couch. My head was still in the crook of her neck with her long curly hair shrouding my face somewhat. My heart was racing and my breath still ragged and fast… I noted that Kathie’s breathing was just as fast but her body was almost limp compared to mine.

I realized that I was still very much connected to this amazing creature through our sexes… Though I could feel my ardor fading as my blood redistributed itself elsewhere. Reluctantly I pressed up with my right arm to roll myself over and off of Kathie and in doing so I felt the connection break as my flagging erection slipped out with a wet pop. Kathie actually giggled a bit between ragged breaths. I rolled to my left side but was still face down on the couch next to Kathie on her right. Her right arm still under my neck, and my right leg over hers. Opening my eyes about halfway I looked into those glazed grey brown orbs that were gazing at me with what I could only describe as relieved amusement? Maybe tinged with anticipation.

“Oh my god Jim! I have… never… I… Just… never…” Kathie began sputtering as those eyes began to swell with tears.

I was not expecting this, not in the least. I was about to panic. And then I could feel the beginnings, the warning signals that my aftershock was about to make an appearance. And the feeling of panic doubled.

“Kathie! I… it’s comin…” was all I could utter before lost the ability to speak or even think coherently…

The rush began, as it always does in my lower legs, it races up the nerves like an electrical charge, a bolt of lightning. Somewhere in my groin the surge splits, it flashes into my balls and it flashes up my spine to my brain both arriving at about the same time. I see stars, fireworks, whiteness and sometimes I black out yet again. My body goes on without my mind however, every nerve every muscle fiber in my body clenching into rigidity momentarily before exploding into chaos, twitching and convulsing and jumping.

And then… it passes… nearly as fast as it began, leaving me once more limp, spent and exhausted. My brain resets and I become aware of my surroundings again. It’s this moment that I always dread… the moment I discover how my partner reacted to witnessing this chaotic freak show. In the past some have been amused, some puzzled and concerned that something was wrong, some have even freaked out and began calling emergency services. So, it was with trepidation that I opened my eyes slowly and looked up into the face of an angel.

“First… are you okay?” Kathie asked with a look of concern in her eyes and on her face. Her left hand was stroking my right cheek with the backs of her delicate fingers.

“Uh… yeah… I was worried though, I still am really.” I began and Kathie half turned her head and one eyebrow relaxed enough to arch questioningly.

“Worried?” She asked. I gave a half nod and closed my eyes for a moment before reopening them and looking into her eyes again.

“I was worried how you would react to seeing this freaky thing my body does to me.” I said softly, perhaps a little shyly. “Some girls have freaked out when they saw it.” I added and shrugged slightly.

“I can imagine they might, I might have too… had you not warned me. Still though, it looked like it might have hurt, are you sure?” She asked still a little concerned.

I smiled bashfully and shrugged again and brought my hand to her little tummy and traced a finger around her navel. Now it was Kathie’s turn to close her eyes momentarily and she let out an almost silent little moan and her legs squirmed under my right leg.

“It doesn’t hurt, but it does throw me for a loop. It’s like an echo of the orgasm moments earlier… everything… except for the ejaculation anyway.” I told her as I ran my right hand gliding ever so lightly down her tummy and into that silky cloud of dark pubic hair surrounding her feminine treasure.

“And this happens every time… every time you climax?” Kathie asked as her left hand slid down my neck and onto my right shoulder.

“Well, every time I’m with… someone… I felt myself blushing a bit… it doesn’t happen when I… um… masturbate.” I said sheepishly. That got a giggle from Kathie, I looked up to see her smiling at me.

“That’s all I’ve known for the past few years… Just me and my hand or the handle of my hair brush sometimes… the shower wand is handy sometimes too though…” She said with a groan. “I can’t believe I’m telling you this stuff…” She said with a giggle again. I smiled and kissed her upper arm that my face was lying on.

“Kathie… I have… I… Thank you.” I sputtered not being able to put my emotions into words at the moment. This amazing young woman had brought me so far back from the emotional abyss I had been wallowing in for so very long. She brought light into my darkness and planted a seed of hope and grew it with love. I saw that now, I saw it in her eyes when she looked at me. I could feel it in her touch, her kiss.

I think the two of us could have lain there on that couch, in the women’s restroom for hours lost in each other’s eyes and touch but as is usually the way, life intruded. The spell was broken by the sound of the elevator of all things. Until a few moments ago we were probably the only people in the entire building it being in the wee hours of Saturday morning, but no longer. Kathie and both looked at one another and grinned sheepishly as reality set in and we knew we had to vacate “the lab” and soon.

Reluctantly we both sat up and took stock for a moment. I was naked except for one lone sock. Kathie still had both of her socks… we looked at each other and began to giggle. It started as a snort then a chuckle and in a few moments, it was a full-on belly laugh by both of us complete with tears. We settled down once more but both still grinning and giggling a bit as we scrambled around the restroom picking up discarded bits of clothing and either putting them on or handing them to the right person. Somehow or another I never did find my missing sock.

Dressed once more we held one another again for a long long embrace and kiss. It was the fond warm embrace of two lovers, and that’s what we were now. Something in the back of my mind was asking the question of why it took so long but honestly, I wouldn’t have changed a thing in the end. But here we were now, emotions running so deep that words would be hard pressed to even come close to defining and explaining them. I toed the door wedge out from under the edge of the door and Kathie took it from my hand and put it back on top of the paper towel dispenser. Hand in hand we walked to the elevator and then rode down two floors to the ground floor, a short ride but entirely utilized with another long fond embrace and kissing.

As we came out of the building the sky was starting to silver on the horizon with the coming of the new day. I knew I had told my parents that I might be out very late if I made it home at all so I wasn’t worried about calling home or anything. I was a little concerned that Kathie might catch a little flak over being out so late. She assured me that it would be fine. In fact, she insisted that I stay for breakfast after I took her home. Even though I thought it might be a little awkward sharing yet another meal with her mom and aunt, especially after what we had just done… but one look into Kathie’s eyes and all doubts just seemed to fade away. I compromised, in my own mind maybe, by agreeing if I could help cook breakfast. At first Kathie thought I was joking, but she was a little surprised when she realized I wasn’t kidding. She was even more surprised that I could actually cook.

Kathie preheated the oven while she mixed up some biscuit dough, I peeled and shredded a couple of potatoes and thinly sliced an onion and chopped that up. I rinsed the shredded potatoes in cold water then put them in a clean dish towel and squeezed out the excess water. In a bowl I mixed the potatoes, the onion added one egg and then added flour until it was the consistency I wanted, a thick batter. I salted and peppered the batter stirring it in thoroughly.

The stove at Kathie’s house had a griddle in the middle between the burners. Kathie’s biscuits were cut and placed in a baking pan and in the oven just as my batter was ready to cook. I asked her if she had any sausage or bacon… she came back from the fridge with both. I looked at her in silent question as to which and she responded with a shrug and handed them both to me and pulled out a big iron skillet from one of the cupboards. That was bout when we started dancing… With the music from the movie still fresh in our minds, it was only natural that that’s what we were singing and dancing to.

Sausage patties and bacon cooking in the iron skillet, Potato cakes browning on the griddle, a bowl of eggs cracked and scrambled ready to cook and two crazy young people singing and dancing to the time warp…

“It’s astounding…” I began.

“Time is fleeting…” Kathie responded twitching her hips.

“Madness takes its toll…” I went on, grinning.

“But listen closely…” Kathie continued, grinning right back at me.

“Not for very much longer…” I said shaking my head and putting my hands on my hips.

“I’ve got to keep control…” Kathie said, and waggled a finger at me.

“I remember… doing the time warp…” I said, and broke into a smile.

Kathie came back with the chorus…

“Let’s do the time warp again….” She then spun around and lined up next to me on my left, looking to her right and grinning at me. I couldn’t help but to go through with it and so we did…

“It’s just a jump to the left…” I said, and we both did.

“And a step to the right…” Kathie sang happily.

“Put your hands on your hips…” I said playfully, and we both did.

“You bring your knees in tight…” Kathie sang out, she was really getting into this.

“But it’s the pelvic thrust…” I sang out, almost choking on my own laughter.

“…that really drives you insane…” Kathie sang out gleefully as we both thrusted and gyrated in a circle with our hips. We both stopped and turned to look at one another bending at the waist with our hands still on our hips. Together we both sang the next line.

“Let’s do the time warp again….” We both giggled but before we could take up the dance or the singing again, we suddenly realized we had an audience.

Turning our backs to the stove we saw across the kitchen at the doorway from the hall, Grace in a house coat that looked more like a comforter, and Kathie’s mom in her wheel chair, with the nurse behind her. All three of the ladies were smiling if a little uncertain if perhaps they should be or should be worried about our antics. Kathie busted out laughing and I suddenly remember my potato pancakes and turned back to the stove to tend the food.

There was a round of good mornings as coffee was started and a kettle was put on to boil, I had taken the cooked sausage and bacon out and drained most of the grease so that the eggs could be cooked in the same skillet. There was a platter full of potato pancakes, a platter with Kathie’s biscuits and a bowl of scrambled eggs. I had saved some of the grease and put it back in the skillet and tossed in some flour to make a roux for gravy. I took two of the sausage patties and crumbled them up to add into the gravy as well. Grace helped Kathie set the table and before too long we were all seated and having breakfast… after I said grace silently of course. The seating arrangements were the same as the night before but for some reason it seemed much more relaxed this morning.

Kathie told her mother and aunt Grace about stopping to get ice cream after leaving the house last night and how I guessed her ice cream choices. She went on to tell them all about the movie and the crowd that showed up to watch it. People dressing up as characters in the movie and talking back to the screen and ad-libbing parts. The props and uses during the movie. All in all, how much fun she had with that strange bunch of people.

Of course, she didn’t say anything about the fun that she and I had by ourselves later on campus in that restroom that will forever be stuck in my memory. But there are some things that don’t have to be said to be understood, as I would find out time and time again throughout my life. It would seem that women’s intuition is finely tuned and amazingly accurate, especially a mother’s intuition. The nurse, Grace and especially Kathie’s mom all understood on a visceral level that Kathie and I had fundamentally changed that night. Mom’s eyes shined with happiness, tears that did not quite fall, perhaps but they were not from sadness. Grace had a knowing smile that looked like she knew a secret but wasn’t going to tell it. The nurse just smiled politely, but she knew as well.

With the remnants of the morning meal on the table and our plates cleaned, for the most part, even the hot tea was not staving off fatigue by this point. I had to cover my mouth as a yawn that I could no longer suppress broke through the bonds of modesty and decorum. I began to apologize about the time that Kathie too yawned uncontrollably. We both grinned and blushed. Grace seeing this, just giggled and stood up.

“Why don’t you two run along and lie down for a nap. Since you were so kind to fix us all breakfast, it’s the least I can do to clean up.” She said.

I stood as well and started to object, saying that I should at least help with the clean up as I made most of the mess, well, what I hadn’t cleaned as I went anyway. Grace wouldn’t have any of it though, she had made up her mind and that’s all there was to it. It was about this time that I realized or it sank in really, that I had been invited, no, instructed to lie down… here… in their house. I felt a little uneasy about that, but then thought the couch might be perfectly fine for a nap as tired as I suddenly was. I was further thrown for a loop when Kathie’s mom asked me where I was going as I started towards the den off the kitchen. Kathie was standing now beside her mother’s wheel chair, a hand on her mother’s shoulder. Mom had her hand on Kathie’s as they both looked at me like I was lost or something. It was Mom who spoke again next. Looking up at her daughter then back to me she smiled sweetly and said something that I was not prepared for… at all.

“Jim. You are a fine young man. I can see why my daughter is in love with you. But I will not have you sleeping on my couch… when there are perfectly functional and comfortable beds in this house. Now there is a guest room upstairs that if you absolutely insist on using you may. However, I think you will be far more comfortable in Kathie’s room. We are all adults here and I understand the facts of life. If my daughter trusts you then I will defer to her judgement.”

I stood there in shock. I’m sure my jaw was hanging slackly and my mouth was as open as my eyes were wide. Mom beckoned to me with her right hand I numbly took two steps to be beside her chair and she had me lean my head down to her level. She gently placed her fingers under my chin and closed my mouth before leaning over and kissing me sweetly on my cheek. She patted that cheek and told Kathie and I to go get some sleep. Kathie took my hand and practically dragged me out of the kitchen through the foyer and to the staircase. I climbed those magnificent wide ornate stairs in a fog. Speechless I kept looking over my shoulder and then back at Kathie half expecting someone to start laughing at this joke they were playing on me. But it was no joke. Mom and Kathie were both serious.

Neither Kathie or I bothered to change clothes, for one, I had none to change into. It didn’t matter though as we were both so tired that as soon as our shoes came off and we stretched out on the bed, Kathie’s bed, it was all we could do to wrap our arms around one another before we were both fast asleep. I on my back and Kathie on my right side laying on my right arm like a pillow, her right arm and right leg across my body. The fingers of her right hand were laced into the fingers of my left hand.

Sometime later that morning something woke me up. Maybe it was a sound of passing traffic on the street in front of the house. Maybe it was simply that I was in an unfamiliar bed and… not alone… My momentary startled panic was gone in a flash and the murmuring voice of Kathie saying something in her sleep was the softest lullaby I could have ever imagined. Her hand tensed in mine, our fingers still interlaced laying on my left hip. With one eye open I was puzzled to find that Kathie and I were both now covered by a soft downy comforter. I don’t remember either one of us pulling it over us as we lay down on the bed, but there it was. And as I looked about, I saw that the bedroom door was not closed completely as it was earlier when we entered the room. I smiled to myself and closed my eyes again and soon drifted back into the sea of dreams on a warm cloud of content and happiness.

Later that morning, well around noon actually I suppose. Kathie woke me with a kiss on my cheek. She waited till I was awake and alert before going for my lips. This was not a sexually charged kiss, not a hungry soul-searching want for lust and passion. No, this was a sweet oh so sensual loving kiss full of happiness and joy. The softness of her lips was only matched by the warmth and love in her grey brown eyes as she gazed into my own. We talked softly, as lovers do, no hurry or rush or need other than to just be together with each other. We talked about the night before, the movie and our friends. We talked about… after… the movie… in bashful hushed tones… each professing how wonderful and exciting it had been. We agreed that we probably should consider picking better places for future “adventures” and exploration.

The look of mischief in her eyes should have alerted me that I had just opened up a can of worms… or was it Pandora’s box? More likely it was akin to letting the genie out of the bottle really as I would discover that Kathie had a kinky streak in her a mile wide and a thirst for thrills and adventure. I did confess that I felt very awkward even considering fooling around in the same house with her mother and aunt… and that I was still flabbergasted at what her mother told me earlier that morning.

It was Kathie that put it into perspective for me though, something that she would do time and time again I would later find out. She pointed out that though we were younger we were still adults and able to make decisions for ourselves. I pointed out that many would see it as disrespectful of her mother and aunt to be carrying on under her roof. She countered with the fact that her mother trusted us, trusted me and believed that I could be discreet. I had to laugh at that and tell Kathie that I knew a great deal about discretion. Our pillow talk was interrupted by aunt Grace knocking softly on the partially opened door before poking her head through.

“Oh, good you’re both awake. I didn’t want to disturb you but since you’re awake I will ask you if you want any lunch. It’s leftovers I’m afraid but it’s still wonderful.” Grace informed us with a smile. At the mention of food my stomach actually growled and Kathie broke into laughter. She told Grace that we’d be down in a few minutes.

“Do you have to work this evening, Jim?” Kathie asked me as she sat up and stretched like a cat rising from a nap. I grimaced at the thought as I remembered that I was indeed scheduled to work this evening, at least through dinner rush anyway. I groaned softly.

“Yeah, I’ve got the dinner rush but at least I’m not closing tonight. I hope my uniform shirt is dried out from yesterday with all that rain.” I said with a sigh.

“Is it in your truck?” Kathie asked as she scooted to the side of the bed and stood up and stretched yet again.

I couldn’t take my eyes off of her, her long lithe limbs reaching for the ceiling her neck and back arching. I felt a momentary shudder as I realized that I had held that magnificent wondrous body in my arms and she held mine with only one and a half pair of socks between us. The smile on my face must have betrayed my thoughts as she caught me staring at her and grinned knowingly before prodding me verbally again. “Well?” Snapping out of it I shook my head to clear my carnal thoughts and then nodded.

“Yes, it’s in my book bag.” I informed her, not sure why she asked.

“Why don’t you go out to your truck and get it and I’ll pop it in the dryer while we have lunch… that is if my cooking is good enough for warmed over leftovers.” She teased. I smiled at her.

“I’ll bet it’s just as good if not better… but first I need to borrow a bathroom… soon!” I grimaced as I scooted my legs over to the edge of the bed gingerly stretching my own arms and torso, twisting and popping my neck.

“Eww… you pop your neck?” Kathie asked with a slight grimace. I nodded and shrugged.

“It’s an old injury from playing football, it sounds worse than it is… sorry.” I said a little embarrassed.

Kathie looked at me a little uncertainly and gave a little shrug too, then looked down and slipped her feet into her shoes. I stood and found my own shoes and did likewise. Taking my hand Kathie led me out of the bedroom and down the hall to the bathroom. She stopped outside and told me to make it fast as she had to go too and winked at me. I blushed and went into the bathroom that was suffused with the color pink. Pink tiles, pink accents like the toilet paper dispenser, the toothbrush holder, the tissue paper dispenser, the shaggy toilet seat cover, even the toilet seat itself was pink. Girly girly girly. I made sure to raise the seat as well as the lid before I emptied my bladder. What a relief! I flushed and then washed my hands in the pink sink with the pink soap and dried my hands on the pink hand towel.

I opened the door and Kathie flashed by me nearly hopping on one foot, she didn’t close the door and as I turned about to pull it to, I saw her unzip, unsnap and pull her pants and panties down in one swift motion so fast that I was amazed! She looked up at me and grinned as I pulled the door closed. It took her a minute or so longer to wash her hands, but I think she was washing her face and touching up her hair or make up or whatever it is that women do in front of the mirror.

When the door opened again, she looked much relieved and… well… stunning. But then I was already under her spell… she would always look stunning to me. Taking my hand once more she led me back downstairs and to the front door where she waited for me. I went out to my truck and retrieved my Dom’s uniform shirt, and it was still damp. Back inside Kathie led me down the foyer to the kitchen once more where Grace was dressed in an apron and facing the stove in one hand, she had a glass of wine and the other had an oven mitt on it as she hopped to her left, then stepped to the right, brought her knees together and gyrated. Kathie and I looked at one another and giggled silently… or mostly silently. I guess we made enough noise that Grace half turned and looked at us smiling and winked. Kathie went through a door to the left beside the fridge that I hadn’t noticed before, it was a laundry room.

I heard the door of the dryer open and then closed, a dial being turned around and then the hum of machinery as the dryer was started. Kathie reemerged from the laundry room and grabbed some plates and bowls and silverware. I helped her set the table. Grace said that Kathie’s mom was sleeping and would not be eating lunch with us, the nurse had decided to take a nap as well, so it was just the three of us. A timer dinged on the oven and Grace opened the door and pulled out a casserole dish and set it atop the stove then slid in a cookie sheet with some buttered Italian bread on it to toast. Kathie served the three of us some salad and poured she and I a glass of tea, apparently Grace would be having wine.

Grace cut some serving portions of the leftover lasagna in the casserole dish and dished them out onto our three plates at the stove. Kathie brought them to the table as Grace pulled the bread from the oven now lightly toasted and smelling wonderful. Both of the ladies picked up their forks but looked at me and waited with soft smiles. I blushed and grinned a bit then bowed my head and said a silent grace before looking back up and smiling and grabbing my own fork. We ate.

The leftover lasagna was absolutely just as good the next day as it was the night before. Maybe even better. The appreciative noises I was making were well received by miss Kathie and aunt Grace, they looked at one another and smiled like conspirators. I went back for seconds of course, making sure I didn’t eat all of the leftovers in case someone else wanted more. As we ate Grace wanted to know more about this movie that we had seen last night, so we told her about it.

When everyone had had their fill, we still sat and talked. Kathie slipped her left hand into my right and we just held hands. Grace didn’t miss this but she didn’t say anything about either, just smiled at Kathie and blinked. Conversation ranged from classes we were taking to what I had done in high school, life on the farm and working for Dom’s. The buzzer from the dryer broke the spell and brought us back to reality I suppose. Kathie released my hand and stood to go to the laundry room. I stood and gathered the plates from the table before Grace could object.

“Thank you for a wonderful lunch Grace. The meal was delicious and the company was delightful.” I told her with a smile.

I’m not sure if it was the unexpected compliments or the wine but Grace blushed and was a little flustered before reasserting herself. She stood and gathered the rest of the serving ware and brought it to the sink She put the stopper in the drain and began running some hot water and put a drizzle of dish soap in the water. I began scrubbing the dishes as she covered the remnants of the lasagna in the casserole dish. She tried to hip check me and bump me aside from the sink but I stood my ground and giggled and kept washing the dishes. She relented and took them from me and rinsed them and set them in the drainer.

In no time the dishes were washed and the stove wiped down and table cleared. I drained the water and she handed me a dish towel to dry my hands with before taking another long sip of her wine. Kathie had watched most of this from the doorway and was smiling at me in an odd little way. Her eyes were full of adoration… and mischief. Sadly, the time was getting short and I told the ladies that I needed to be taking my leave of them and heading to work. Grace set her glass down and wrapped me in a big warm hug and kissed my left cheek.

“Young man, you are welcomed here anytime you care to visit. If kitty Kat isn’t here you can sit and talk with me, keep an old woman company till she returns.” She told me smiling coyly as Kathie gave her a wry look complete with a barely tolerating smirk and reached for my hand to pull me away. Grace sucked her bottom lip in and half turned her head at Kathie raising her eyebrows as if to say “What?”

With my uniform shirt in one hand and my left hand in her right, Kathie led us through the foyer to the front door and out onto the front porch. As the screen door closed behind me, she turned into my arms and I wrapped my right hand and arm around her waist to pull her into me. She tilted her head up to me and our lips met again as if we both were desperate to breath. A short but passionate kiss, heaven on earth.

“You’re going home after work tonight, aren’t you?” Kathie more stated than asked. I nodded silently in confirmation.

“I have to open Sunday morning at Dom’s but I won’t be there all day…” I informed her and left an opening for suggestion. Kathie picked it up right away and smiled that happy smile then her bottom lip got drawn in and the gears began to turn. Mischief was afoot, or at least the planning stages, and I had not a clue yet. The slight dance upward of her eyebrows and the definitive sparkle in those grey brown peepers of hers should have let me know that my fate was sealed… when she determined what that should be.

“Call me tonight or tomorrow morning sometime.” Kathie said and leaned in to kiss me again. When she pulled back, I took a deep breath, smiling.

“Okay… maybe call both tonight and tomorrow…” I offered and that earned me a crinkly eyed big happy smile as she started that little twisting swaying motion from her hips up.

She still held my left hand in her right and my uniform shirt in her left hugging it to her chest. She realized this and extended her left hand to give me the shirt. Reluctantly we let go of each other’s hands and I began backing down off the front porch to make my way to my truck. Kathie had sidled over to the column supporting the covered porch and was leaning against it with her left shoulder and hip, her left arm across her abdomen holding her right arm at the elbow. She raised her right hand up and waved slowly and affected a bit of a pout, but her eyes were shining gleefully. I fumbled for my keys and opened my driver side door and climbed into my truck. With a wave I was off to work.

I did call Kathie that evening, just before I left to drive home to the farm. The next afternoon, after dinner rush prep was completed, I took a break and called her again. We spoke for nearly an hour before business started picking up and I had to get off the phone and come off of break to work again. Dinner rush soon passed and since I opened that day, I was one of the first to be cashed out and sent home. I called Kathie again before leaving Dom’s and she asked me to meet her at the library on campus for a while before I went home for the night.

A little while later I pulled my truck into the after-hours parking behind the library and saw Kathie’s big old Crown Victoria already in the lot. The car was empty so I knew Kathie was already inside the library. Remembering what she said before I hung up the phone earlier at Dom’s I headed to the core. “Find me in the stacks” she had said. Even though it was a Sunday evening there were lots of students in the library doing research or working on some assignment or other.

The core however, was almost deserted. I don’t know who designed the library and the core but for most it’s a confusing maze as the levels in the core don’t completely correspond with the floors of the library. It was as if someone tried to put as much or rather as many books into it on the miles of shelves as was possible by making the core a labyrinthine screw. The levels of the core rose with each turn, spiraling ever upward. I had fallen in love with this place the first time I ventured into it. Of course, it could have been the atmosphere, the barely adequate lighting, the heady smell of old paper and leather bindings that hinted at dust and mildew… well… hinted is about as close at it got, the air was very dry in the core… as were most people who haunted or hunted in it. But not all.

I entered the core at the ground level of the library. The core spiraled downwards and upwards from there. I didn’t think Kathie would be in the lower levels… the dungeon as it was referred to by many, so I turned to rise through the stacks instead. It was just past the second-floor entrance/exit that I finally found my girl. She was sitting primly on a rounded step stool that people use to reach the higher shelves. Kathie had her legs crossed at the knees and a large dusty tome opened in her lap. I noticed that her feet were encased in white canvas sneakers and knee-high socks. The foot of the crossing leg was bouncing and twitching as if to some music that only Kathie could hear. I watched that foot dance and bounce to that unheard rhythm and followed the contour of her leg up to the bare knee. Wait, what? Bare knee? Indeed, it was, both knees were bare, as Kathie was wearing a skirt. It looked like the ones the girls wear to Catholic schools, dark plaid of blue on green. It certainly made a fashion statement with the baggy red Ohio State sweatshirt she was wearing as well. Kathie really was reading the book as I had to clear my throat to get her attention.

Kathie looked up at the sound, her face a mask of concentration until she saw it was me, then it transformed into the happy face likened to someone on Christmas Eve. Not the ecstatic joyous face of Christmas morning when gifts are unwrapped and joy pervades, no, this was more of happy anticipation. Her eyes lit up and that smile… well how do you describe a living thing that changes so often with her thoughts and mood?

Standing up from the step stool Kathie turned around to replace the book on the shelf, that’s when I really noticed the skirt she was wearing. Perhaps I should say “barely wearing” … It may have had the coloring of a Catholic school girl’s uniform but it was seriously lacking in the length. Modest it was not. The bottom hemline might have come down to just below the halfway point between Kathie’s knees and her crotch. It certainly had an effect, an effect on me anyway. The knee-high stockings or socks, the short short skirt, the baggy sweatshirt with the sleeves pushed up to her elbows, and as she turned around, I saw that she had her hair pulled into a loose ponytail that hung down her back almost to her waist. The end result was… well… magnetic. With her back still turned to me I stepped up close and wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her tightly to me, my lips pecking and nuzzling her neck under her right ear.

With her hands free after returning the book, Kathie wrapped them around my hands wrapped around her waist and holding her abdomen. She leaned back into me arching her neck inviting my kissing and nuzzling with a slight gasp and a low almost silent moan.

“Oh Jim… I like that… mmmm” she said as she ground her short-skirted backside into my groin and the growing swelling within my jeans. I nuzzled and kissed a bit more at her exposed neck and squeezed her firmly but gently in my arms.

“You smell wonderful… you taste even better… and wow! How you’re dressed… just… wow!” I murmured in her ear.

“You like?” She asked with a soft giggle and rolled her head away to look over her shoulder at me. Her bottom lip nipped tentatively in her teeth.

“Oh yeah!” I admitted enthusiastically and kissed her lips drawing out the bottom one from her teeth. Kathie pried my hands apart enough to spin in my arms to face me directly. She tilted her head back and up and reengaged with a passionate hungry kiss. Her hands now rubbing downwards from my abdomen to my crotch and the firm lump forming there.

“Well, I guess you do like how I’m dressed…” She giggled eyeing me with a look that I would come to love. The look of a woman with lust on her mind and little else.

“There may not be a lot of it, but I like it!” I assured her again as I bobbed my head forward attempting to reengage our passionate kiss. Kathie though pulled back with an evil grin and brought her hands up to my chest keeping me from pulling closer.

“You know, I had you in mind when I got dressed this evening.” She informed me as if it was of key importance. I cocked my head slightly to one side as I thought about that and tried to decide what exactly she was telling me. The grin on my face fluctuating between desire and puzzlement and uncertainty.

“You did? How so?” I asked still trying to follow her logic. My hands rubbing up and down her back from the waistband of her skit to the middle of her back… one hand outside her baggy Ohio State sweatshirt and one on her bare skin. Wait… what? Bare skin?

“You’re getting warmer…” Kathie said playfully as it dawned on me that she was not wearing a bra this evening. Again, that bottom lip got chewed on and her eyebrows both rose questioningly.

“Um… no bra? You dressed like that thinking of me?” I asked almost afraid to break the spell that she had cast upon me.

“That’s not all…” she teased and began that little swiveling twisting motion, her eyes locked on mine. Again, the puzzled look from me. Looking over my shoulder and then to the left and right to see if anyone else was nearby, she returned her gaze to me and then reached behind her and captured my right hand in her left and brought it back between us. “Feel…” She commanded. At first, I thought she meant for me to place my hands under her sweatshirt in the front… to confirm that she wasn’t wearing a bra. And so, I began to slide my right hand up under her sweatshirt. Again, she captured my hand at the wrist and said “Down.” Her eyes glittered with amusement. Kathie guided my hand down the front of the short skirt to the bottom hem and released my hand.

Now I know that I am often slow on the uptake, especially with the thoughts and desires of women. It’s not that I’m stupid or naïve… well… I often am naïve I suppose, but I think my problem stems from my natural shyness and tendency to be polite regardless of the situation. Mostly. This night however, it was neither of those things but those things coupled with the growing love and respect… the awe that I had for this girl. So, it was with some hesitancy that I let my right hand drift down the front of Kathie’s sexy little school girl skirt then begin to draw my tingling fingers back up along her left thigh.

I already knew from a couple of nights ago that Kathie had a small cloud of silky soft dark hair nested about her feminine charms. What I wasn’t expecting, however, was to find that tuft of furry fun completely uncovered. I’m sure I looked shocked and surprised as the realization set in because Kathie’s grin split into the most lascivious smile I’ve seen her wear yet. With her right hand still on my chest grasping my shirt she pulled me in close for another kiss, even as my fingers danced enticingly over her soft moist outer lips. She moaned softly into the kiss as I felt her left hand wrap around my right elbow and pull suggestively. A suggestion I took as a silent invitation, so I let my fingers play and explore.

Our first-time love making session in the women’s restroom of the B&E building the other night was absolutely fantastic, no exaggeration, but as far as learning one another’s intimate secrets and proclivities, we didn’t even scratch the surface. No, that happy episode was all about scratching an itch, tending to an immediate and burgeoning need between the both of us. Tonight, still felt a little like that first time in that there was a definite itch that needed scratching but this time it was more playful and relaxed… it was time to explore and learn a little. I was already learning…

Until tonight I had subliminally categorized Kathie as an intelligent and very attractive young woman. Possessing a quick if wry wit, deeply empathic and had a heart ten times bigger than most girls I’ve met in my time here on this planet. I also have found that she’s both playful and adventurous, and sometimes a little impatient when there is something that she really wants. And now this… Kathie is revealing to me that she has a bit of a kinky turn as well. I would never in my wildest dreams imagined her leaving her house dressed as she is this evening. Not so much as a skirt and sweatshirt, but such a short skirt and not wearing any underwear whatsoever. Oh, it had her desired effect on me, to be sure, I was now intrigued, I was curious, I was horny as hell and wanted her more than I ever had before. What’s more, Kathie knew it too. From the look in my eyes, the hunger in my kiss… and now my hands upon her body.

As the fingers of my right hand glided down over her furry furnace, Kathie spread her legs a bit at the knees opening herself up for my manual exploration. Her right hand had released my shirt and found its way up around my neck to pull my head more forcefully into her kiss. Her lips energetically massaging and devouring mine as our tongues darted about playfully in a frenzied dance of delight. When I could feel my palm resting lightly over the whole of Kathie’s swollen sex, I let my hand cup and I clasped her firmly. Squeezing those soft pliant mounds of her outer lips caused them to squish together and her juices to slip between my fingers, her inner lips pouted out wetly making my hand even wetter with their heated contact. Kathie closed her eyes and moaned softly into our kiss, her tongue stilled momentarily as her senses were being overwhelmed, but only momentarily as it shifted once more into frenzy echoing the rest of her body.

Kathie brought her right foot up the back of my left leg and hooked it around behind my knee as she ground her lips into my hand. I happily applied some of the techniques and touches that I had been taught over the years, ones that so far, every woman I had known had thoroughly enjoyed. Still cupping my hand over Kathie’s heated womanhood, I rubbed the heel of my hand against her still hooded clitoris. I also let my middle finger, the longest, slip between those squishy, moist hot velvety soft lips, both outer and inner, to experimentally plumb her heated core… at least to the first and second knuckle. This time it wasn’t a moan so much as a growl that emanated from deep within Kathie’s throat.

She broke our kiss, breathless and with an intense feverish look in her sexy eyes, Kathie let her left hand drift down once more to my own crotch and gripped my now fully awakened manhood through my jeans.

“Can you come out to play?” She asked in that quiet almost husky voice that sent shivers of anticipation down my spine.

At this point I was so keyed up I was nearly past being able to even speak so I merely nodded. For this I was rewarded with a little facial twitch from Kathie… a joyful if facetious little grimace where her eyes scrunched down almost angrily and her feral smile caused her upper lip to rise baring her dazzling white teeth. At the same time, I felt her deft fingers catch the pull of my zipper and slide it down fully. The tight pressure of my jeans eased a bit then I felt those same fingers digging at my boxer shorts until with only one hand Kathie found the opening and suddenly those fingers were wrapped around my turgid member, her hands almost as hot to the touch as what my right hand was experiencing. In a flash Kathie had fished most of my erection right out through my fly and was tugging softly on it with that urgent left hand of hers.

Again, Kathie looked furtively to the left and right to check if the coast was clear then that leering hungry look in her eyes intensified, if that’s even possible. She released my neck with her right hand and dropped it between us to pull up the front of her short skirt. She raised her right leg higher on the back of my left one, her knee at my hip now. Still gripping my passion wand in her left hand, she pulled it, and me, forward and guided it to her steaming hot dripping wet and waiting flower of womanhood. She brushed aside my right hand and then I was there.

My eager member breached the entrance into her furnace. Her guidance accomplished, Kathie brought both of her hands back to my shoulders and around my neck. Just the head of my erection was within that velvet purse but with a slight jump Kathie brought her left leg up off the floor and wrapped it around my waist to join with her right leg and her ankles crossed behind my back. In doing so she fully impaled herself onto me, burying all of me deep within her wanton and ready sex. Then with a wry look of satisfaction, Kathie stared into my eyes and that bottom lip of hers was pulled into her teeth. Her nose got that little feral crinkle as if she were snarling silently… and then she began to grind…

I would like to say that it was one of the sexiest things I’ve ever done, but I’d be lying. Well… not for the point in time that this was actually happening, but Kathie would go on to prove me wrong and surprise me over and over again. Such a vivid imagination, kinky and wanton like no other girl I’ve ever known before or since. Sure, she told me she had so much pent-up desire and want from so long having suppressed her own sex drive for whatever reasons. She told me that she was making up for lost time and because she could trust me completely, and that… she loved me… She was going to show me how serious she was. That girl rocked my world indeed. But that would be yet to come… At this time however I was still uninformed and losing my mind at the hot kinky sexy antics of this girl I was smitten with.

Oh, and grind she did. Those exquisite hips of hers, covered as they were with that short skirt ground from side to side using her legs to lever herself on my partially extricated manhood jutting out from my opened fly. Anyone seeing this from behind or even really from either side would only see Kathie’s legs wrapped provocatively about my waist as I held her with my hands on her skirt covered backside. Her arms wrapped around my head and neck as she devoured my lips with hers. No, anyone happening upon us would just think that this was a make out session… a very HOT and involved make out session but that’s all.

That is… until the both of us neared that hallowed ground of the climactic peak… as we edged ever closer to that pinnacle, that slow steady grinding devolved into more familiar pumping and thrusting. Of course, it would have been obvious to anyone at that point that we were not just kissing. Kathie’s shoulders and the back of her head were bumping into and rattling the metal shelves of the rack behind her. Just before we both went over the edge, together, we had to stop kissing just to breath.

Gasping and grunting with the occasional low moan we finally tripped over that orgasmic edge. Kathie first with her body going rigid in my arms, her head tilting back on her straining neck, the cords and muscles of her neck standing out even as her mouth was agape in a silent scream. It was this vision that was my last conscious awareness as both the tunnel vision set in and my own soul screaming orgasm flashed through my body as my seed pumped from me to Kathie in our intimate entanglement there in the stacks of the core deep inside the University’s Library.

Thankfully I had not passed out this time, that would have been extremely awkward especially as I was bearing Kathie’s full weight in my arms. One or both of us might have been hurt. Instead, I merely tipped forward bringing one hand to the shelves behind Kathie to support both of us. We were both panting and out of breath. When I opened my eyes or at least when I was able to focus and be aware of the visions my eyes were seeing, I saw Kathie looking at me. Her head was tilted forward, her chin resting on the collar of her Ohio State sweatshirt, her mouth still half agape but had one of those half face smiles like Elvis Presley was famous for. At that angle, Kathie’s eyes were looking up at me through her relaxed eyebrows, a single strand of a few loose hairs dangled across her forehead to halfway obscure her left eye. I could feel her fingers gripping and massaging my hair and scalp.

“Well… that was fun! Don’t you think?” Kathie stated then followed with the question. Oh my god! Like I’m going to say no to that? The goofy smirk on my face must have been answer enough for her as she closed her eyes and that half smile turned into a full-blown smile as she squeezed my still embedded peg with her inner walls as she arched her back and squeezed her legs tight before releasing her locked ankles and lowering her feet back to the floor.

About that time, we both heard the squeaky wheels of a book cart coming down from the next level, just around the corner it sounded like. Kathie’s eyebrows, both of them arched questioningly at me as she pursed her lips. With a wet, if quiet, little pop I pulled out of that still smoldering furnace of hers and Kathie’s skirt fell back into place. I on the other hand now had a rather obvious problem that was sticking out… well… rather noticeably.

Thinking fast Kathie turned quickly and withdrew the book she had been studying, a large oversized tome that when opened was more than enough to disguise my protruding pecker. That’s what the library assistant saw when she turned the corner with the book cart. Me sitting on the foot stool with the opened book in my lap sitting atop my thighs as I read through it. Kathe was standing beside me leaning over my shoulder as if also reading from the same pages.

The librarian looked up from her cart and smiled at us as she pushed on by heading down to the next level in the core. When she had turned the corner, I let out a long breath that I wasn’t even aware that I was holding. I leaned back against the shelves and looked up at Kathie. The smile on her face said it all, the wink was just a conspiratorial confirmation that she was having a ball. She leaned down and kissed me on the lips, one hand on my cheek… a soft sensual kiss that was both full of thanks and promise of more to come. That just about when my aftershock hit me full blast. Oh Fu…

It was probably fortunate that I was still sitting down on the step stool. I’m not sure what all my body did with the thrashing and twitching as it always does, I wasn’t aware of it since my mind went offline after the fireworks went off behind my eyes. When I regained awareness however I saw red. The red turned out to be Kathie’s Ohio State sweatshirt. She had cradled my head to her abdomen during my paroxysms to keep it from hitting against the metal shelving behind me. I could feel her hands or one of them anyway stroking the back of my head fondly, as one might a young child or a pet.

“I could get used to this.” I mumbled into the material of her sweatshirt. I was rewarded with a subdued giggle and a light slap on the back of my head.

“Stand up my handsome bookworm.” She commanded playfully.

“I need to put my favorite toy away.” She added reminding me that though it was now flaccid, my male appendage was still hanging out of the front of my jeans.

I nervously looked both ways as I stood up. Kathie bent over and blew my mind yet again when she took the little fella in her right hand and lovingly stoked the shrunken helmet head with the soft touch of her left hand and fingers… before leaning forward and placing a soft kiss on it. Looking up at me she smiled that smile and winked again as she tucked me back inside my boxers and jeans and pulled my zipper closed before standing back up straight. I took her into my arms and wrapped my hands around her short little skirted waist as she wrapped her hands around my waist. We stood toe to toe gazing into each other’s eyes and smiling warm contented if slightly amazed smiles.

“Kathie… That was the wildest thing I’ve ever done… in my life.” I began still awestruck at her audacity and nerve. “Thank you.” I said quietly and honestly. Kathie looked deep into my eyes for a moment before saying anything else.

“Well buckle up buttercup, I’m just getting started! But as much as I’d like to do some more… studying and research tonight… I should be getting home and so should you. You have an early class tomorrow, right?” she stated more than asked.

I smirked and nodded then took a deep sighing breath as Kathie began to rock and twist in my arms as she often does. She leaned forward and laid her head on me, the right side of her face pressed to my chest as she squeezed tightly. I returned with a squeeze of my own and tilted my head forward and kissed the top of her head.

“You are amazing.” I said softly into her hair and I felt her take a deep sighing breath of her own before turning her head up to face me with shining eyes and a very happy smile.

“Let’s go before we get started again.” She said with a grin and reluctantly parted from me to reach down and grab her book bag.

I couldn’t resist giving her a little pat on her cute little backside as she bent over to grab the straps. She straightened and turned to give me that little lip chewing grin and another wink before grabbing one of my hands and leading me down the aisle to the next corner and towards the lower levels to the exit. We shared another brief embrace and a kiss in the parking lot beside Kathie’s car before we went our separate ways.

Yes, Pandora’s box had been opened… perhaps not the mythical one with its horrible consequences but certainly Kathie’s which was full of mischief and kinky sexy idea and activities. The girl had a lustful hunger for adventure and a need to satisfy her desires. In her words she had been a good girl for far too long and now that she had a playmate, she fully intended to have some fun. And oh brother, was it fun!

Over the next few weeks Kathie, with my help explored one another’s desires and likes and ideas. We had sex in so many different places both on and off campus, meeting rooms, lecture halls, study carrels, a professor’s office… he wasn’t there at the time. We christened the back seat of Kathie’s big ol’ Crown Victoria, the bed of my pick-up truck on a quiet country road just outside of town. We even parked just outside the gates at Jacobson Park like so many do to fish at night, only we carried a blanket and walked to a hilltop in the middle of the park and made love under the starry skies… we slept there that night in each other’s arms naked to the world. There wasn’t a position or a technique that we didn’t try… well… save for anal sex. Kathie was adamantly against that and I was not one to push the issue even if I might have been curious about it.

Overall, however, it was novelty that she craved, and mixed with a little sense of risk perhaps. She did proclaim one afternoon that she would forgo most anything else to indulge me in my most favorite activity… performing oral worship on her delectable feminine charms. She confessed that her one boyfriend had never even attempted nor offered to do that for her and while she had nothing to compare it with, she simply adored what I did for her and to her. She bravely and whole heartedly attempted to return such favors on me but while naturally gifted with a sense of affection and dedication, she never could get me to finish that way. I believe, however, that was more my problem than what she was doing. I still feel somewhat guilty when a woman gifts me with such attention. Oh, I enjoy it, immensely! But somewhere in the back of my head I feel like I should be doing something for HER instead of receiving so much pleasure.

Just before Thanksgiving break that year I was asked by my then current manager at Dom’s if I would help her open her own franchise store in Missouri. She had been approved by Corporate and arranged funding to lease a location and buy her equipment. What she needed was a few or at least a couple of seasoned drivers or management who could help her set up her store and get some local employees trained. I felt honored of course, and well… flattered that she approached me first among a few other of my fellow long-time employees. I asked her if it would be alright to get back with her in a few days to think it over and maybe make arrangements myself. She agreed and told me that she was practically begging me.

I told Kathie about it first of course, that very evening. While it would only be for two weeks over Thanksgiving, and if I agreed, another two possibly three weeks just before Christmas… I would be away from her for that long. I was torn. Kathie told me that I should go, the bonus that my manager was offering was nice too. I told my parents about it and they, like Kathie said that the bonus money was a good deal and the adventure would be good for me as well. So, in the end I agreed and let my manager know that I would go and help open her store. Little did I know how much work it would really end up being… and how badly I was going to end up missing my Kathie.

The week before I was to leave to go to Missouri, St. Charles Missouri, my venerable and trusted steed, my pick-up truck died on me. I didn’t have time to fix it before I left sat parked at the farm awaiting my return. The week away in Missouri was an adventure. The small shop location that my new franchisee had leased was a former real estate office, complete with indoor/outdoor carpeting, that had to be removed and parquet tiles laid on the concrete floor. The tiling would be done by a professional outfit but the carpet removal was up to us.

Stripping the carpet was a pain but it peeled up fairly easily, it was the glued on underlayer that was such a problem. We scraped and scraped and scraped. When we had done as much of that as was possible, we rented a floor buffer with wire brush attachments and scrubbed off the rest. That one task took most of the first week to accomplish. The rest we spent in the back of the shop setting up the walk-in cooler for food storage, installed the three-compartment sink and mop sink for cleaning. The tilers got all the flooring laid in two days and it really looked good.

The only hitch for the first two weeks was the delay of the delivery of the pizza ovens. That would be crucial for actually running the store of course. The last three days of the first two weeks were spent visiting the local campus of a women’s college there in St. Charles to post help wanted signs and posters and hand out flyers about the new Dom’s location coming soon. Now normally that kind of thing is a pain in the butt, but it was an all-women’s college. So many pretty faces and attractive young ladies.

Between myself, one other driver that came with us and my manager we managed to arrange for 11 interviews before we were to return to Lexington. Four of which ended up getting hired. My manager begged me to please come back before Christmas and over Christmas break to help train and get the store opened up. It was financially important for her to actually be open and operating on or before the last day of the year. That would make for a very large tax write off for the fledgling business. I relented and agreed of course.

Home the weekend of Thanksgiving and desperately trying to fix my truck… it just wasn’t meant to be unfortunately. In the meantime, I needed something to drive to get back and forth to school and work. Hearing of my predicament, one of my aunts had recently purchased a new car and offered me her old one fairly cheap… being family and all. It was a 1968 Volkswagen Beetle, it was in rough shape too. Oh, the engine and drive train were fine and extremely reliable but the floor pan was rusted through in places and the body was… well… it needed plastic surgery for sure! I’m not sure what the original color was when the car rolled off the assembly line decades earlier but as it was when I got it, it was a motley mix of greens. Dark green mostly, lighter green in places, metallic green in others… all in spray paint… Krylon if I were to guess. Did I mention there was rust?

I bought the car of course, and I cleaned it up and out and did what I could to patch it up here and there. I learned how to work a pop-rivet gun and to bend and cut tin and even discarded road signs… odd thing that… they make fantastic floor pan patches and replacements when cut and affixed with pop-rivets. In the end the little bug eventually became a trusted friend and a joy to drive. Oh, and the money saved for the smaller, MUCH SMALLER, amounts of gas it used was a major plus as well.

Kathie fell in love with my little green love bug. She had never driven a manual transmission and she had a ball learning how to drive a stick. There were the usual stalls and bucking and jerking that any new driver of a manual transmission experience but she did get it all down eventually and had a lot of fun doing so. We did discover, rather quickly, that the love bug was not exactly ideal for fooling around IN the car though. We finally made that determination after a very embarrassing, or potentially embarrassing incident one evening.

Business one Thursday evening was slow at my home store and when another store manager called looking for help as they were extremely busy, I volunteered to go help. That was one of the newer stores off of Man’O’War Blvd. After their big rush that night I got checked out and who should show up in the parking lot but Kathie. Her big old Crown Vic dwarfed my little beetle when she parked next to me. I should have known something was up when I saw that look in her big bright grey brown eyes, that or that smile. Oh, but I would do anything she could ask of me and she knew it. This night she wanted to fool around with the “delivery boy” in the love bug. Yes, I was still dressed in my Dom’s uniform. She climbed into my passenger seat and after some hot and heavy making out she urged me to find a quiet place to park… nearby!

Now most Dom’s locations are in small shopping centers, and as such often share parking space, and in the backs, dumpster access and docks or back doors for deliveries. Often these shopping centers are surrounded by or back up to apartment complexes. That was exactly the case in this instance. The dumpster alley out back was uphill… a small hill perhaps, from an adjacent apartment complex’s parking lot where they too had dumpsters for their residents. The only thing separating the one set of dumpsters and property from the other was a tall wooden plank privacy fence. On this fateful evening I had driven around the Dom’s location and parked out back not too far from that store’s dumpster.

There was no traffic, it was fairly dark save for a few lights over the back doors of the businesses. Kathie started taking her clothes off even before I had turned off the engine and set my parking brake. I got out and tilted the driver’s seat forward to climb into the back seat to join her. She wanted me to keep my clothes on, mostly, it was part of the kinky little fantasy, I guess. At some point my hat came off, Kathie groped and wrestled with me to get my belt unfastened and my pants down below my knees so that she could take delivery of that pizza sausage she was craving.

Now for those of you who’ve owned or ridden in older Volkswagen Beetles, you know how comfortably cramped for space they are. Sitting upright as a passenger is one thing, rolling around and “playing” in the back seat is an entirely different matter. But this girl was determined and I was equally determined to satisfy her wishes and desires. And satisfy I did… well eventually anyway. While we were going at it hot and heavy in that cramped back seat, by design or happenstance, we ended up both on our knees, Kathie pressed against the backrest, her head and shoulders above and hitting the back window, her ass up and facing the front of the car with her legs and knees together. I was behind her of course, straddling her legs and aligned and pounding away with all my energy. One arm wrapped around her waist and the other gripping her at the join of her neck to her shoulder. Yeah buddy, we were rockin’ that little love bug, the springs were squeaking like an old brass bed… the earth was moving… or felt like it. No… it wasn’t the earth that was moving… it was the CAR!!

Somehow, during our frenzied coupling, Kathie, I assume, must have kicked the hand brake handle, releasing the brake. Now I mentioned that I was parked behind the building… on the hill above the apartment complex’s parking lot and garbage dumpsters. I didn’t mention that there wasn’t any kind of curb on this pavement to transition into the grass, just a gravel shoulder. Well with no brake on, that little beetle began to roll with all our frantic rocking and pounding inside.

It was very slow at first and hardly noticeable, but as the back wheels, I had backed into the spot, dipped over the edge of the pavement we picked up speed. That’s when I noticed we were moving. I stopped my humping and tried to tell Kathie but she thought I was just teasing her and she kept grinding and slamming back into me wanting more. That is, until the back bumper contacted that wooden plank privacy fence and busted right through it.

The car lurched and bounced as the back tires transitioned from the grass onto the pavement of the apartment parking. And then lastly, we came to a jarring halt as the back bumper slammed into the side of the dumpster in our path. It sounded like a massive mistuned bell. The sudden stop threw Kathie and I even farther back towards the back window. Everything from her waist up was now over the top of the back seat and crammed into the small space behind it below the window, only her bare ass and legs were on my side of the seat cushion… under me of course as I too was thrown backwards as well. I was still very much inside of Kathie at the time and she wiggled and squealed with delight kicking her feet excitedly.

Me on the other hand, I was mortified. I had knocked down part of the property’s fence, I might have damaged their dumpster, and I know I made a LOT of noise in the process, not to mention my pants were around my ankles, I was still in uniform… well… mostly… not to mention still nut deep in this crazy girlfriend of mine! I scrambled over and between the front seats after I disengaged from Kathie’s clutching man trap.

I didn’t even bother trying to pull my pants up, I just started the engine and put it in first and tore out of there. I’m sure I was cussing a blue streak but from the back seat all I could hear was laughter as Kathie rolled around with her arms and legs up in the air howling with laughter. Still completely naked. Yeah, that’ll be a night I’ll never forget as long as I live. I look back on it now and laugh just like everyone else of course, but at the time it was… well… disturbing.

The second trip to Missouri had me and my buddy from our home store delivering my old manager’s two new company cars. Ford Escorts all painted up with the Dom’s logos and the glowing lighted car top signs. It’s a long drive from Lexington to St. Charles Missouri… especially in cars with no radios at all. I wish I had thought to bring my Walkman with me. I did call Kathie when we stopped to get gas on our way to the new franchise store. I called again when we arrived to let her know I got there safely, as well as calling my parents, something I was chastised a bit for not having done on the first trip.

This time around the new store’s ovens were installed and we were ready to start training and of course drumming up business. My old manager had been very busy while we were back in Lexington after our last trip out. She had purchase local tax maps and had them enlarged so that they could be affixed to the wall by the delivery station. These detailed maps showed every house and building street number, their footprints or what the building looks like, as well as the street names of course. She had used a bright yellow highlighter to indicate main streets, and outlined the delivery area.

Anything inside the delivery area was guaranteed of course. There was a key to one side of the map with an alphabetical list of the streets along with their map coordinates. We showed the new hires how to look up an address from the order slip affixed to the pizza box, locate it on the map and route the quickest way to get to that address… later how to route two or more orders going in the same general area or direction. We also taught some of the same new hires how to prep the food for the make line, how to fold boxes, and of course a few how to make the pizzas. It was a lot to learn and a lot to teach in a short time. Most would still be training for weeks or even months after we had gone back to Lexington. We did go back to Lexington, on Christmas Eve, to spend with our families… We would be coming back two days later to help with the opening of the new store however.

The drive home on that Christmas Eve was an adventure in itself. One, we were driving back a company owned full sized van, yes, completely covered with the Dom’s logos… and it was cold. This was not a passenger van, but rather a cargo van, the only seats were the driver seat and the front passenger seat. There was no partition between the seats and the back so at highway speeds on an extremely cold night, it turned into a freakin’ FREEZER! That heater didn’t even put a dent in the cold and it was all it could do to keep the windshield from fogging up and frosting over… mostly. I remember at one point we had pulled over to a rest area to use the bathroom and before we got back on the interstate, we had both bought a hot chocolate from one of those vending machines. It was so hot we couldn’t even sip it. We literally walked back out to the van set the cups in the cup holders and pulled back out onto the interstate. I reached back down to get my cup and it crunched. What? I looked closer and saw that it had not only chilled but had begun to freeze! Before I could even take the first sip!

Oh, but that was not the worst part of the trip. Around about midnight we had just crossed over the Kentucky river near Frankfort, it’s a long hill up from the river and I was driving. I gave the van a little extra gas to keep from slowing too much going uphill… but I neglected to let off the gas after cresting the hill. On the downhill side of that crest, in the median, sat a Kentucky State Police cruiser. I looked down at the speedometer on the van and shook my head. My buddy was actually asleep at this point so he woke up a bit confused as I slowed down and pulled off the side of the road and waited. I already knew those blue lights coming on as we passed the trooper were for me. Sure enough, he glided to a stop behind us and after what seemed like ten or fifteen minutes he got out and approached the driver side window.

I was asked for the usual driver’s license and registration of course, and he asked us where we were going, where we were coming from. He took my stuff back to his cruiser and I assume he ran a check for stolen vehicles and other things before he finally came back to my window. Had it not been Christmas eve, well… technically, Christmas morning now, he probably would have let me off with a warning. But I think he was a bit ticked about being on duty on a holiday to start with so it colored his whole attitude. The fact that the van was not stolen and I had nothing outstanding on my driving record, he let us off alright, with a nice big speeding ticket. Crap! Merry Christmas! Cold… cold, cold, cold.

Just under an hour later we were parking the rolling freezer in the lot in front of our home store in Lexington. My buddy and I went our separate ways, he to his house a few blocks away, and I still an hour away on the farm. Cold… did I mention it was cold? Anyone who’s ever owned, driven or perhaps even ridden in an older Volkswagen Beetle can attest to the fact that they are fun little cars to drive, but they are NOT warm in cold weather. The heating system is air ducted around the air-cooled engine and piped into the cabin under the back seat. But as you can imagine, if the floor pan rusts so badly you have to patch it so too does the air ducts for the heated air. This particular Christmas Eve, and now Christmas DAY it was well below zero in still air, inside a moving unheated vehicle it was even colder.

I was bundled up against the cold of course, even had on two pairs of gloves… but after an hour of driving in this cold it was all I could do to pry my stiff cold fingers off the steering wheel when I finally did get home to the farm. Thank fully my mom was awake and opened the back door for me to come into the house and to get warm. Once my fingers had thawed out enough, I dialed Kathie’s number to let her know, as I had promised, that I was home safe and sound. We talked for almost an hour before I finally said goodbye and then went off to bed. I didn’t get to sleep long, it was Christmas morning after all… and younger siblings were early risers on this particular day of the year. I did eventually lay back down later in the morning though. I would be driving to Lexington that afternoon to see Kathie.

While I was out in Missouri, I had opportunity to go do a little shopping one afternoon. I already had gifts for my family for Christmas, they were all at home, but I wanted to find something for Kathie. I didn’t have a lot to spend but then it wasn’t the size or cost of the gift that mattered as long as it was from the heart. I finally decided on a small gold locket with a fine gold chain. The locket was in the shape of two classic hearts joined together. It was blank on the inside when opened up, with roughly the space of say a postage stamp. It wasn’t expensive, but it wasn’t cheap either. It was, a trinket… a token of affection… a symbol of my love for her.

There was a little shop in that mall that catered to higher end gifts and awards that did engraving. I took my locket and, on a whim, a shiny brass ovel tag I had also purchased from the jewelry store to the engravers. I had them engrave them for me. On the inside of the locket, I had them put the first two lines from a poem I had written for Kathie…

“Love is not the flower…

Love is the seed. Full of promise, beauty and joy.”

On the brass tag I had them engrave the entire poem…

Love is not the flower…

Love is the seed. Full of promise, beauty and joy.

Love is the sunshine that warms the heart…

Love is the rain that nourishes the soil…

Love is all things past, present and yet to be.

Love is you… love is me… love is we.

I put the brass tag on a key chain. Those two items were both wrapped in a single box, the locket under the paper divider with just a bit of the chain protruding and looped through the key ring. That box was in my pocket as I braved the cold that Christmas afternoon and drove that cold little love bug to Lexington to see my Kathie.

It may not have been quite as cold that afternoon as it had been the night before but I was still chilled to the bone by the time I arrived at that old house. Kathie must have been watching for me by the door because she had the door open and was dashing down the sidewalk and leaping into my arms before I could even get halfway to the house from the street. Legs around my waist, hands and arms wrapped about my head and neck and her lips trying to suck the very life out of me, I think. I would have died a happy man to be sure! After a few long deliriously wonderful moments Kathie lowered herself back to the sidewalk and grabbed my hand and pulled me inside as fast as we could move up the pavement to the porch.

We were met in the foyer by aunt Grace, and was she a site to behold… perhaps one that wanted to be held anyway. Grace was decked out in red, a dark ruby red silk dress with a frilly collar and ruffles at the three-quarter length sleeves. Her shoulders were bare as was a generous panel displaying her ample cleavage. Grace had big gaudy dangling earrings that looked for all the world like miniature glass ball Christmas ornaments. Both of her wrists were wrapped with wide ribbon bracelets with little bells on them so that when she moved her hands or arms she jingled. It was what was in her hands that perhaps is the reason she was smiling so joyfully when Kathie and I stepped inside and closed the front door. In her left-hand Grace had a large wine goblet with what appeared to be a healthy amount of red wine. I wasn’t sure if it was the wine or if she had red lipstick on that colored her lips. Lips that were smiling in a somewhat familiar smile now that I have seen many times on her niece.

“Merry Christmas Grace” I said to her smiling, still holding Kathie’s hand, or she was holding mine, either way we were still connected. Grace’s mischievous smile broadened a bit more as she half turned her head, tilting downward just a bit affecting a slight sidelong look. She batted her eyelids, causing me to notice that her eye shadow was actually infused with glitter. One eye brow danced up playfully and she sucked in her bottom lip… just like Kathie does so often. I knew I was in for it… whatever “it” was.

“Well, it’s been nice, and quiet, but all in all just a little lacking this year my dear man. There is one tradition that this family has had for generations, that sadly we’ve had to forego for some time…. However, as you are joining us today… perhaps you could do us the honor of… carrying on our… tradition?” Grace stated, glancing at Kathie and giving her a wink, then locking her playful gaze back on my eyes. Apparently, Kathie wasn’t aware of what Grace had in mind either as the blank expression turned puzzled as she glanced between Grace and myself. Grace took two slow steps closer to the two of us, swirling the wine in her glass held in her left hand causing the bells to jingle. Now standing almost toe to toe and nearly centered before Kathie and I, Grace drew her right hand out from behind her back. There in her fingers with bright red nail polish, she clutched a sprig of mistletoe tied with, what else, a small red ribbon.

Kathie’s eyes flared larger for a moment and her mouth took on a little “oh” shape before evolving into a younger version of her aunt’s mischievous smile… complete with the chewing of her bottom lip. I merely smiled, already knowing what was going to happen and… well… what the hell? It WAS Christmas… right?

Grace first held the sprig of mistletoe well over Kathie’s head, turning her head to look me in the eyes and then give a little head nod towards Kathie. I got the hint. Turning to Kathie I took hold of her with both hands on her upper arms just below her shoulders. I leaned in and with well practice ease and familiarity we tilted our heads and let our lips collide softly in a soft sensual un-hurried sweet kiss. From my right shoulder I could hear Grace breath in and let out a sigh. When Kathie and I pulled back a bit, she smiled at me and used her eyes to first wink once then darted back and forth between my eyes and towards Grace to her left. I raised one eye brow in question as if to ask Kathie “Are you sure?” at which she winked again and nodded and smiled sweetly. I blinked slowly in acknowledgement before turning to face Grace.

Kathie reached out with her left hand and captured Grace’s right hand at the wrist. She was still holding the mistletoe. Grace looked a little startled towards Kathie for a moment and it only increased in confusion as Kathie raised both of their hands higher and held them over Grace’s head. It dawned on Grace at that moment what she intended and her startled face turned to me… just as I stepped into her and took her flushed cheeks in each hand and drew her face towards my own. Her eyes were as big as the proverbial deer in the headlights, but she did not shrink away from me. I tilted my head slightly so that our noses wouldn’t collide, and then my lips were upon hers. It was not a sex driven, or sensual kiss, but it wasn’t exactly a peck either. I let my lips linger softly on Grace’s as she finally snapped out of it and almost melted into my hands as her own lips responded. No tongues no teasing, just a soft sweet buss for a lovely big hearted and loving if somewhat lonely lady. When I drew back, I noticed that Grace had let her eyes close at some point as she was opening them once more with a slightly stunned look on her face. A happy, sweet stunned look but a warm look of… of… thanks? In her eyes. She snapped out of it in another moment though and the hostess reasserted herself.

“Oh my!” She said as she fanned herself with her right hand, still holding the mistletoe before she realized it. She grinned a little embarrassed perhaps but it was a playful grin. “Kitty Kat, take that man’s coat from him and hang it up and let’s go into the kitchen and get him some hot tea or cocoa, he looks like he’s freezing.” She said and then blew out a little puff of air, shook her head for a moment as if to clear some errant thoughts and then remembering her wine took a good sip of it before closing her eyes briefly and chewing her bottom lip for a moment. Again, a shake of the head and she opened her eyes once more and turned to lead the way into the kitchen. Behind me, after hanging up my coat, Kathie grabbed and pinched my right butt cheek teasingly before wrapping her right arm around my waist and drawing me along to follow Grace into the kitchen.

I really wasn’t prepared for the decorations and the magnificent spread on the kitchen table. There must have been twenty different kinds of pies and cakes, several platters of various cookies and candies. There was a platter with obviously carved turkey, ham and I suspect roast beef, there was dressing, stuffing, breads and potatoes, green bean casserole, candied sweet potatoes, cranberries, jellied cranberry sauce, carrots, peas… several dishes I couldn’t even begin to guess what they were. I looked at all the food then I looked at Kathie. She must have realized that I was wondering or thinking that she might have prepared all this food and she nearly laughed at me.

“Neighbors, friends, Mom’s old boss, seems everyone wanted to send us some holiday cheer this year.” Kathie explained and looked around, her smile tinged with a hint of sadness but never losing its bright gleam.

It was about that moment that Kathie’s mom came into the kitchen, being pushed by the nurse. Mom held out her left hand to me which I took as I stepped over to meet her. She brought my hand to her cheek and smiled up at me from her chair. It was a warm smile but there was sadness in her eyes that I had not seen before. She brought my hand to her lips and gave me a peck before releasing me again. She looked around at all the decorations and all the food and told me that she really needed my help. There was no way that they three girls were going to be able to eat all this food. I laughed and told her I’d be willing to try but I couldn’t make any guarantees. The nurse pushed the wheelchair over to the table and set the brake before placing her hand on mom’s shoulder and patting it softly. Mom looked up at the nurse and smiled warmly and told her to go on and shoo. She needed to be with her family today. Mom said she’d be okay with Grace and Kathie here. The nurse nodded and said that if anything came up, she was just a phone call away, and not to hesitate to call. That said she said her goodbyes and exited the kitchen through the laundry room where there was apparently a back door to the drive way.

We all sat at the table, this time Grace to Mom’s right side, across the table from Kathie. I sat to Kathie’s left, where I had the first time I came to dinner months ago, and have sat numerous times since. This was not a formal meal, we merely had plates and silverware, but there was no rhyme or reason to the food served or tasted or eaten. All the dishes were passed around and each person took what they wanted. All four of us had glasses of wine this time, even though I’m not particularly fond of wine or any alcohol really. I did sip it though as it went surprisingly well with some of the foods we were tasting and sampling. Kathie, Grace and even mom remarked on the dishes and the people who sent them, giving little anecdotal stories behind them. They in turn were entertained by my experiences in Missouri helping to get the new Dom’s franchise open and running. Or about stories from Christmas’s past in my family.

After everyone had had their fill of the various foods and dishes, Grace ushered us into the den, off the kitchen. She and Kathie covered the dishes and put what needed to be refrigerated into the fridge. I pushed mom’s chair into the den and she directed me towards one end of the sofa between the end and their Christmas tree in the corner. From there she said she could see everyone and even the TV if we wanted to watch something. I sat on the end of the sofa near her and admired the tree. I noted the antique ornaments as well as some crudely made one as if done by a child. Kathie came up behind the sofa and wrapped her arms around me and snuggled her face into my neck for a moment. She noticed my look at the tree and the ornaments. She laughed and pointed out a few of the cruder ones and explained that she had made them when she was a toddler. Each year until after high school anyway, she had made an ornament to hang on the tree that year. I told her that it was kind of like that at my house growing up too. We made ornaments and even after we stopped making them, my mom would get a new ornament for each of my siblings and I. When we married and moved away to start our own families, she would give that child all their ornaments for their tree.

“What a lovely tradition.” Grace exclaimed as she came into the den carrying a tray of cookies and sweets and put them on the coffee table.

She then walked over to a side table and opened a side door revealing a multitude of vinyl albums. From these she pulled several and set them on the table top. The side table was actually a stereo console with a turn table. She lifted the “top” and slipped an LP out of its sleeve and placed it on the turntable. With a few snaps and clicks and pops at the beginning, the room was filled with the melodic strains of White Christmas by Bing Crosby. Grace took her seat in the wing back easy chair across from the sofa and took a long sip of her wine and closed her eyes and smiled. Mom watched her and smiled a little smile as well. Kathie had come around the sofa and was just sitting down when she suddenly bolted upright.

“Oh! I almost forgot!” She said and looked down at me and grinned.

I gave her a puzzled look as she slipped past in front of me and around her mother in her chair to reach under the tree and pull out a package. She stood back up and held the prettily wrapped package to her chest with both hands, her tongue sticking out of one corner of her mouth just a little and her eyes and brows knitted as if in some minor mental turmoil. Then both brows shot up and she smiled as if she had made a decision. She walked back around the sofa and sat beside me drawing her right leg and knee up onto the cushion so she could half turn to face me, still holding the package to her chest with both hands. She licked her lips a little uncertainly and then smiled and looked me in the eyes.

“Jim, I wasn’t sure at first if I should give you a Christmas present or not, we didn’t talk about it and… well… I can understand if you don’t want anything. It’s not much really but I wanted you to have something from me.” She took a deep breath and let it out in a bit of a whoosh then held out the package to me. “Here.” she said, the look in her eyes spoke volumes for the words that she could not say.

She was hesitant and perhaps a little frightened that I might not like the idea of a gift, or that I might not think much of what she was giving me. “smile Jim” My inner voice screamed at me. So, I smiled, warmly, a little bashfully even.

“Well… open it!” Kathie prodded as I held the paper wrapped box.

I did open it. At first trying to be careful and not rip the paper too much… finally realizing that it didn’t matter, it all came off and I popped the tape holding the top box half to the bottom. I opened the box and there folded neatly inside what that same bright red Ohio State sweatshirt I’d seen Kathie wear for the first time in the Library that fateful night some time ago. I looked at the sweatshirt, memories rifling through my mind and I looked up at Kathie who was still sitting there waiting as if on pins and needles. I smiled my most roguish and knowing smile and told her I loved it!

It was like someone had flipped a switch and all the lights lit up at once. Her smiled nearly dazzled me and the gleam in her eyes… well… there was more in those eyes than just happiness that I liked her gift. Suddenly her arms were around my neck and she was kissing me excitedly. Right there in front of her mom and Grace. She drew back after a couple of breathless moments and I could hear Grace and even mom to my right chuckling softly.

Kathie just beamed as she leaned over and snatched a cookie off the tray on the coffee table. I turned the top half of the box around so that it could slip over the bottom half from underneath leaving the sweatshirt showing. I stood up and set the box on the coffee table and figured this was as good a time as any… since Kathie had just gifted me. I reached into my jeans pocket and pulled out the little box, that I too had wrapped, though nowhere near as nicely as She had done on her gift for me.

I sat back down on the sofa, Kathie still half turned to face me, now nibbling on a cookie watched me curiously as I brought both of my hands around towards her. She looked at my cupped hands and then back up to my face… the cookie seemingly forgotten in her hand while only inches away from her lips. Again, she looked at my cupped hands and I slowly opened them offering the little wrapped box to her.

The cookie fell from her hand and she let her jaw drop open slightly as she looked back up at me then back to my hands and then back to my eyes. I nodded my head to prod her into movement. She reached out with her left hand slowly and delicately touched the box, almost as if she were afraid that it might harm her or something. Her head tilted slightly to one side as she picked up the box and brought both of her hands together to hold it gently as she examined it. All the while darting glances from the box to my face and back. Delicately she grasped the ends of the little ribbon bow and pulled untying it and freeing the little box from the paper.

The paper and ribbon fell away unnoticed and forgotten. Now holding the box in her left hand, Kathie grasped the top with the fingers of her right hand and eased the lid off. The top too fell away into oblivion. I watched Kathie’s face as she looked into the box. Her eyes scrunching up and her brows knitting slightly. Her lips pursed ever so slightly as her head again tilted a little to one side. She turned the box in her hand and I could see the recognition in her eyes as she began to read the engraving on the tag connected to the key chain. To say that her face melted would be misleading really, but it did soften. Her expression went from cautious curiosity to wonder then right on into joyous tearful realization. She must have been holding her breath as she finally gasped. From across the room, we heard Grace sound off.

“Oh, for heaven’s sake! What is it Kitty Kat?” She asked… leaning forward in her chair. Even mom to my right had to say something.

“Kath… What is it dear?” she asked.

“It’s just a key chain…” I said humbly trying not to smile too big from the heartfelt reaction that Kathie had to it. Suddenly I was assaulted by lips and wet cheeks and giggles of laughter and arms and hands about my neck and shoulders.

“Oh, I love it, Jim! I love it! I love it! I love it!” she repeated over and over between kisses and hugs.

Until she finally pulled back and looked at her key chain again. As she pushed the tag around with her finger, she saw the little bit of gold chain looped around the ring. Her expression went to confused curiosity once more and she looked up at me again with knitted brows… this time I couldn’t keep the smile off my face. Looping her finger through the key ring she lifted it out of the box and of course the chain pulled out until the double heart locket popped the divider out of the box. There dangling at the end of the thin gold chain was the locket and it shined and glistened in the light of the Christmas tree just as Bing was winding down his most famous song with the sincerest wish that all of our Christmases be white…

“Oh!” Said Grace…

“Oh!” Said Mom…

“I… I… Jim? I…” Kathie stammered, her eyes filling once more with tears of happiness as she brought the locket closer to her face to get a better look at it.

She noticed that it was in fact a locket and not just a pendant so she took it delicately in her fingers and pried it open. She had to turn it towards the light so that she could see the engraving on the inside… the first two lines of the poem she’d just read on the keychain tag. Her bottom lip began to quiver and her tears broke over to roll down her cheeks. She looked once more into my eyes and my smiling face and then lunged at me again. This time her head nestled alongside mine burying her face in my neck, her arms wrapped about my shoulders as she squeezed and hugged me harder and stronger than she ever had before.

“I love you Jim…” she said softly into my ear.

“I love you Kathie…” I answered back, not caring who else heard it.

“Merry Christmas baby.” I said.

After an eternity and at the same time only a few heartbeats, Kathie pulled back and held up the locket by the chain for me to take from her hand. She then used both hands to pull her long curly hair into a single tail and up away from her neck. I realized that she wanted me to fasten it around her neck for her… so I did. She released her hair and brought both hands to her breast to run her fingers down the slim chain and to touch the locket. The look in her eyes when she glanced back up at me was worth every penny and every effort it took to arrange this gift.

In a single bound, Kathie was up and moving again, this time to bring the key chain and engraved tag to her mother to see and read. Not being able to wait any longer, Grace too stood and crowded over beside the wheelchair with Kathie and her mom. Now there were three sets of smiling faces and teary eyes. I was a little embarrassed, true, but I felt good about it as well. Mom reached out with her left hand beckoning at least my own hand which I extended. She grasped it with a surprising strength, while still holding Kathie’s hand in her other hand. Mom didn’t say anything to me but the look in her eye was nothing but love and gratitude.

“…and he’s a poet too…” We heard Grace murmur from the other side of the wheelchair as she still held the key chain reading the poem engraved on the tag. Mom smiled a bit more and squeezed even harder for a second before releasing my hand to take Kathie’s in both of hers. To Kathie, she said.

“I think it’s time for a Christmas toast. Why don’t you help Grace open the bottle and fill the glasses?” she looked over her shoulder up at Grace who smiled and handed the key chain back to Kathie.

Kathie rose from her knees beside her mother’s chair and nodded smiling at her mom and looking at me as she drew in and chewed her bottom lip with a light in her eyes. The two girls practically skipped into the kitchen chattering to one another and giggling like teenagers. Mom looked over at me smiling warmly.

“Young man… Jim… I can’t thank you enough for all that you’ve done. You have been such a blessing to me if for no other reason than you have shown such love to my daughter. A mother’s happiness comes from the joy and happiness of her children. You have made Kathie so happy these past few months… she is so vibrant and alive now… Thank you.” Mom told me in a warm soft voice that only I could hear. I blushed at the praise but did not lose eye contact. I smiled warmly in return and with conviction in my heart I spoke just as softly in return.

“I do love her, Kathie, I think I’ve known it from the moment I first set eyes on her. But it was she who showed me what my heart already knew. She saved me… I was lost in my own mind and self-pity, but she reached me and gave me hope… and love.” I finally broke eye contact as I glanced down, but really, I was looking inside myself, in awe and wonder at my good fortune for having met Kathie at all.

Then I looked back up at mom and smiled a bit sheepishly and added.

“Besides… I would never have met two other such lovely ladies as yourself and Grace.” Mom grinned at this in return and shook her head ruefully just as Grace and Kathie came back into the den each carrying two large wine glasses of a dark ruby red wine. Grace came to stand beside the wheelchair handing one glass to mom. Kathie stood beside me as I stood from the sofa, and handed me a glass. Mom looked at each of us before clearing her throat.

“To family, friends, neighbors and loved ones… May god bless each and every one on this day of joy and peace. May love and happiness last throughout the year… Merry Christmas!” she said as she raised her own glass for each of us to clink with our own to seal the toast, then we all drank.

“Wow! That’s good!” I said a little surprised before taking another sip from my glass.

This wine was like no other I had ever tasted. It wasn’t dry and acidic like most, it was happily very wet on the pallet and sweet too, almost more like a grape juice with a hint of cherries. Oh, there was alcohol in it, I could feel it on the back of my tongue and in my throat but it was hardly noticeable.

“It is good, isn’t it?” Grace spoke… “It’s a special blended and fortified wine.” She added with a smile.

“We’ve had it every year for as long as I can remember.” Kathie said, then grinned sheepishly and added “Of course I didn’t always get to have any, not till I was at least twelve years old anyway.”

“Oh, you had it before then…” Mom spoke with a sly grin.

“Your grandmother would slip some into your bottle when you were teething as a baby so that you would sleep peacefully on Christmas night. Your juice that you had to toast with sometimes had a bit in it too as you were older.” Mom’s eyebrows fluttered up facetiously as Grace giggled at the look of incredulity that Kathie had on her face. I had sipped almost half of my glass by this point and Grace smiled looking at me.

“Jim, you might want to slow down a bit, while it is sweet and delectable, this is a deceiving wine. It is stronger than you think and you will feel the effects before you know it.”

At first, I thought Grace was just pulling my leg and didn’t pay much heed to what she had said, however, not long after I had finished my glass and it had been refilled again from the bottle that Kathie had gone to fetch since there wasn’t much left in it anyway, I felt the first touches. My head felt comfortably warm and fuzzy, I felt light all over. I had walked over to the stereo console with Kathie to choose some more music and I felt a wave of dizziness. It wasn’t enough to cause me to want to sit down or give me fear of falling but I definitely knew I was being affected by the wine. Thankfully Kathie and I walked arm in arm back to the sofa in a few moments and each were steadying the other. After we sat down, Grace still grinned from her seat on the other side of the coffee table and mom was even grinning a bit too.

“Jim, I’ve told you before that you are always welcomed here in my home but I would be remiss if I let you leave in your… current state. Would you be so kind as to give me your car keys? I would like you to stay the night here, for safety’s sake of course.” Mom said to me as Kathie rubbed my left arm at my side.

I was again, stunned to be invited to stay the night, knowing that that didn’t mean sleeping on the couch or even alone for that matter. And also, that she cared enough to insist that I not drive. I have had a deep-seated resentment and even hatred for those who did drive while inebriated or even under the influence of alcohol or drugs for years. It was a drunk drive that stole from me the lives of two of my dearest loved one’s years ago. So, I reached into my pocket and pulled out the key to my Volkswagen and handed it to Kathie’s mom who clasped it and brought it to her chest all the while smiling graciously.

We all stayed in the den and nibbled on cookies and sweets, drank the rest of the special wine and talked and told stories for another couple of hours. Eventually, even though it was a festive night, we all began to tire and it was Kathie’s mom who bowed out first. Of course, she would require some assistance and both Kathie and Grace. I asked to use the phone to call home and let my parents know I’d be staying in town that night. My call only took a few minutes, my mom happy that I was not going to try to drive after having had alcohol. Speaking of which, I was still feeling the effects of that wine but I wasn’t falling over drunk. Instead, I was just pleasantly warm all over and a little drowsy. While Kathie and Grace put mom to bed, I picked up the empty wine glasses and some small plates from the den and brought them to the kitchen sink. I had just returned from the den carrying the platter of cookies and sweets and was setting it down on the table when I felt Kathie’s arms wrap around my waist from behind. Standing on her tiptoes she snuggled her chin into the crook of my neck at my shoulder.

“Mmmm… that feels nice.” I purred as I tilted my head over to touch Kathie’s.

“Mmhmm…” Kathie murmured in response as she nuzzled and kissed my neck before drawing back and turning me around to face her. Toe to toe, face to face. I looked down slightly in to those upturned glossy grey brown gems that just seemed to open up and draw me into their depths. I had my hands on Kathie’s hips and she had her arms inside mine with her hands resting lightly palms down on my chest. Her bottom lip drew in as she chewed it in that way that drives me crazy. Her right hand going to her own breast to finger and hold the double heart shiny little locket hanging from that thin gold chain.

“I do love you.” She said so softly that it was almost more of a thought than a sound, but it roared in my ears all the same. My heart literally skipped a beat, maybe three… and swelled in my chest so much that I almost couldn’t breathe.

“Kathie… I...” I paused for a moment, taking a deep breath to try to settle my nerves that seemed to be vibrating my very soul. “I love you… I love you more than those words can possibly say. You… You’ve shown me that I am still capable of feeling love and… giving love.” I nearly croaked out the words as my throat threatened to close up. I swallowed and leaned my forehead against Kathie’s as she continued to gaze into my very soul with those big shining eyes of hers. “Until I met you, I thought I’d never love again. I was… broken…” And with those words a feeling of release came over me. All the tension and worry and uncertainty just seemed to evaporate from inside of me. I think Kathie felt it too, as she pulled back and looked a little concerned as she once more locked those deep pools of love onto my own eyes. I stood a little straighter and I gazed right back into her eyes and smiled warmly.

“I may not be completely healed or fixed or whatever, but I am truly, completely and madly in love… with you!” I said in a steady firm and very sincere voice, never for even a heartbeat breaking eye contact. Kathie looked at me almost as if she were stunned… her mouth slightly agape, her eyes took on that soft look that women and children have when they see a baby or a small puppy or something cute and adorable.

“Say it… again.” She said almost as if in a trance, her hand still grasping her locket. I cocked my head slightly to one side not quite understanding but trying to please her.

“I may not be comp…” I began only to have her correct me.

“No! The last part…” She said almost pleading.

Then it dawned on me… Yeah, I had written the words down, I had them engraved in a poem on her key chain, and part in the locket… but I realized I had never actually spoken them to her directly. Those three little words that are so powerful when spoken with a true heart and genuine emotion and feelings. I smiled warmly and pulled her closer to me again.

“I… love… you…” I said stretching the phrase out, emphasizing each word, my eyes locked on hers unblinking.

For a heartbeat there was nothing… no reaction… no response… not even a breath, but then her bottom lip began to quiver and those big shining grey brown eyes began to fill with tears. For a split second I thought I had made a terrible mistake, that somehow, I had said or done something wrong but then that face, that adorable animated sloppy wet teary eyed quivering lipped face morphed into the happiest warmest smile that I’ve ever seen. And half a heartbeat later her lips were pressed firmly against mine and both of us lost our minds in the blissful sensations that only two people in love, really in love, can experience with one another.

From that moment on, whenever things got a little too heavy, or too slow, or boring or for no reason whatsoever, wherever and whenever… that little phrase became our connection. Not the “I love you” line… but the “Say it again.” Line. Kathie would turn to me as we studied in the library and say quietly “Say it again.” And smile that smile. Or I might whisper in her ear as we stood in line to order at a fast-food joint “Say it again.” And she’d grip my hand and smile that smile. Even if the words were not spoken in response, both knew that they were there and truly felt by the other. Never more intensely than that very night… That cold Christmas night… as we stood in the kitchen of that old Victorian home where she lived with her mother and her aunt. The very aunt who chose that particular moment to emerge into the kitchen from the hallway after helping Kathie’s mom retire for the night.

“Oh my! I guess we didn’t really need the mistletoe after all, did we?” Grace quipped in an amused, if somewhat jealous tone as she turned on the stove to set the kettle to boil. She turned to study Kathie and I as we stood face to face in each other’s arms in front of the sink. Kathie’s contented smiling face leaning against my own as we both looked at Grace. Grace looked me in the eyes and then into Kathie’s and you could see her face soften with understanding and warmth even if it was tinged ever so slightly with a touch of jealousy. She truly loved her niece and wished her all the happiness she could find, and as such she saw that I was part of that happiness, I guess.

“Is mom sleeping?” Kathie asked finally, that ingrained love and care for her mother overriding even this moment of happiness even if she didn’t move a muscle. Grace smiled and turned to the cupboard to get a mug, then glanced over at the two of us again.

“Yes, she’s smiling in her sleep too, I’ve not seen that often. Do you two want some tea… or cocoa?” she asked, one eyebrow dancing upward briefly as that facetious grin crept back across her face.

“No…” Kathie answered for the both of us as she squeezed me just enough to let me know it was okay. “I think we’re going to call it a night too.” She added and squeezed herself a little tighter into my body again. Grace gave a half nod of her head and turned back to the cupboard to close it before retrieving a spoon from the silverware drawer and walking over to the table.

“Since the nurse is away for the evening, I’m going to sleep downstairs in her room… to be closer to your mother…” Grace informed us the as she placed a tea bag in her cup and added two spoons of sugar as well. “You’ll have the entire upstairs to yourselves… try not to make too much noise.” She added with a little chuckle and gave us a wink before turning to the stove to retrieve her kettle.

I knew I was blushing, and probably as red as Grace’s dress from the grin on Kathie’s face as she turned to look at me… that bottom lip being gnawed on coquettishly the way she does. She half turned and started towards the door to the foyer, my right hand in her left. She only got a half a step away when I pulled her to a stop. When she turned to me again questioningly, I motioned to Grace with a nod of my head… Grace didn’t see it as she was studiously trying to be invisible at this point, intently looking into her cup as she stirred the brewing tea with her spoon. Kathie’s eyebrow went up slightly and she cocked her head a bit. I took two steps over to the table and stood beside Grace’s chair. She sensed my presence as was just looking up to see when I leaned over and softly, sweetly and lovingly kissed her on her right cheek. I could hear her gasp slightly, her mouth open in surprise as her right hand shot to her cheek to touch it as if to see if it were real before turning her head to look at me.

“Merry Christmas Grace… No mistletoe required.” I said and smiled as I felt my arm being tugged insistently by Kathie so I allowed myself to be pulled along as Kathie giggled softly at the look on Grace’s face. Maybe it was the magic of Christmas, maybe it was the magic of Love in general, maybe it was the wine I had earlier but I was feeling light as a feather, in both my heart and my body as I followed Kathie down the foyer and turned onto that big staircase to go upstairs. Kathie stopped, standing one step above me bringing our faces perfectly in line with one another… she chewed her bottom lip again and then said it softly… hesitantly… almost as if testing if it were all a dream…

“Say it again…” She barely whispered. I stood there for a moment or two as I lost myself in those shining grey brown eyes… then I let the smile on my face grow slowly.

“I… Love… you…” I said steadily, slowly and with conviction. Kathie’s face melted once more into that joyous realization that it was true. It wasn’t until we literally had to break apart to breath that even thought about taking another step or moving. Again, Kathie spun and led me upstairs.

I had not intended or even considered spending the night that Christmas day when I left the farm to come to see Kathie and her family. It never crossed my mind, therefore I was ill prepared. I had no extra clothes in my car, only the ones I was wearing. Not that that was a problem that Kathie shared. I knew I could sleep in my boxers… but I was to find out, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I would not be wearing even those this night. Once upstairs and outside her bedroom door, she asked me if I needed to use the bathroom. Funny, I hadn’t even thought about that until she asked and then I realized that yeah, the pressure on my bladder was enormous. She told me she’d be waiting for me when I got done. Boy! Talk about giving a guy things to think about!

And so it was that I breached that girly powder room down the hall with the pink tiles and pink toilet and pink… well… everything. Thoroughly relieved and hands washed and dried I made my way back to Kathie’s room. I knocked softly, out of my ingrained habit and courtesy before I gently pushed the door open. The room was dimly lit by only a small lamp on the nightstand to one side of the bed.

Kathie was in bed with the covers pulled up to her neck, her right arm and shoulder outside on top of the covers. Her head was propped up on her left hand with the elbow sunk into her pillow as she smiled at me in a most beguiling way. As she was not quite in the center of the bed, but just a little more to one side, I walked around the end of the bed to the far side. It was only a full-size bed so it would still be cozy with two of us sharing the space.

I toed off my shoes beside the bed and crossed my hands across my abdomen to pull my shirt from my waist and up over my head. Now I’m not exactly ripped or sculpted as far as male physiques go, but Kathie’s eyes still widened just a bit and her smile, if anything, intensified. I grinned a little sheepishly as I fumbled for my belt buckle and the snap to my jeans before pushing them down my legs and stepping out of them. I rolled them up and looked around briefly before simply dropping them on my shoes. Now wearing only my boxers and my socks I reached for the covers on my side of the bed and pulled them back so that I could slip into the bed.

For a moment I just laid there and looked at the ceiling and glanced around the room. Call it incurable shyness or awkward disbelief that I was actually lying here in Kathie’s bed… yet again! And this time nearly naked. Not that She’s not seen me like this or even with less on really… numerous times and in all kinds of places. I, likewise have seen her dressed sexily, scantily, scandalously and completed naked many times as well. But here I am not only on the bed but IN the bed with her, in her mother’s house, at her mother’s insistence no less. Unbelievable. But here I was. Those ponderings lasted maybe long enough to make Kathie wonder where my mind was but it really couldn’t have been more than a couple of heartbeats.

I turned my head and just gazed in wonder at the face of an angel. Kathie brought her right hand over and delicately stroked my cheek as I stared openly transfixed on her face.

“Jim…” She began.

“Kathie…” I responded questioningly.

“Say it again…” she whispered… her eyes sparkling with anticipation and delight.

“I love you… Kathie” I said without hesitation, adding her name to further drive home the point being made. For an instant, she closed her eyes as if reveling in a fine piece of music, her smile never fading for even a second. When she reopened her eyes, I realized that her right hand had vanished beneath the covers, it was gliding tantalizingly slowly down across my chest. Kathie’s fingers were scritching through the sparse chest hairs. As her fingers dragged slowly across my abdomen, I felt my gut tighten and clench as my tickle reflex nearly caused me to jerk upright and pull away. It wasn’t until Kathie’s hand gripped my left hip that I understood what she was doing, she pulled herself bodily over to me under the covers, her body pressing tightly into mine… her naked body. My eyes must have gotten huge as I realized this because Kathie giggled at me before grabbing the side of my face with her right hand again and turning it so that her lips and mine joined in a fiery hungry kiss.

Was it the kissing? Was it the gorgeous NAKED girl kissing me? Was it the spirit of Christmas in a very carnal twist? Whatever combination it may have been, the result was magical. My anatomy responded accordingly. Kathie’s right leg thrown over me in her exuberance was soon rubbing her thigh over the tent in my boxers. My hands were caressing the bare skin of her sides and back as she squirmed and wriggled in delight as she hungrily expressed herself with her lips to mine… our breathing became panting and quiet moans and sighs. For all the passion the two of us shared that night, it was not a hurried or frenzied entanglement. Kathie knew she had me all to herself for the entire night and that in itself set the pace and the mood. Yes, it was magical indeed.

I was content to let her lead the dance that night… something inside of me, intuition maybe, understood that Kathie needed this. She needed to express her love to me in this most intimate way, slowly, completely. I was all too familiar with that feeling and the desire to share everything in my heart and soul with her as well. So, it was more about savoring one another than devouring. The hungry kisses mellowed somewhat to be more teasing and decidedly more sensual. Long slow delicate lip play, with a little tongue thrown in now and then to add a little spice.

We explored one another’s faces and necks looking for sensitive hot spots, those tender little places that cause you to gasp and your toes to curl when brushed or bussed with soft lips and warm breath. Our hands, too, roamed and explored with languid unhurried soft caresses. To this day I can still recall the soft feathery touch of Kathie’s hardened nipples as they grazed the skin on my chest and abdomen as she slowly kissed downward from my neck to my chest.

I recall the look of wonder and adoration in those big glossy grey brown eyes when she would glance into my own eyes. There too, was a look of mischief that I had grown to love and anticipate wondrous things when she took a notion. I felt her warm soft hands sliding down my abdomen and hooking her fingers under the waistband of my boxers and tugging them down my torso until I had to lift my backside off the bed for her to pull them clear.

The delicate almost tentative feathery light touch of her fingers exploring my manhood and the attached family jewels below nearly caused me to faint. Not that it was startling or a surprise but that it felt so fantastic. By now you can imagine that the covers had been pushed aside… I think they may have been bunched up around our feet but I can’t be sure. Not content to touch me with only her hands, Kathie edged ever downward kissing my abdomen causing me to flinch and jump with a start as my stomach muscles responded with little spasms on their own.

Kathie grinned at me as she knew by now just how ticklish I was and she was pushing my limits as her kisses teased and her hair flitted across me like silk on my skin. When her lips made first contact with the soft crown of my erection that she held in the delicate grip of her right hand I thought I would lose my mind. A warm soft kiss as she released me to lay flat so that she could stroke her fingers down my moderate length to devilishly tickle the hairs on my tightened ball sack. I shuddered involuntarily and she giggled again, looking up the length of my body to grin with that chewed bottom lip and wink at me.

More soft delicate kisses and soft delicate stokes and touches, her hand sliding further down the insides of my thighs to just above my knees then reversing and lightly brushing her finger tips through the hair on my legs back up to my crotch. I groaned and my right hand found itself on her left shoulder and I squeezed reflexively. With one more soft sweet kiss to my crown, Kathie placed her right hand alongside my left hip and pushed herself up onto all fours and positioned herself to straddle my body. She crept upwards bending down to kiss my skin and drag her excited breasts and hardened nipples along my torso as she worked her way towards my face. Our lips met once more and I felt Kathie’s hand, one of them anyway, reach between us and grab my sabre and position it where she wanted it. With a sigh that turned into a low soft moan, Kathie eased herself backwards and down impaling herself on me.

It was a double moan as I too couldn’t stifle the sound coming from my own throat. I watched Kathie’s face as she lowered herself onto me, her eyes closed reflexively, her brows knitted with concentration and her mouth opened in a slight gape as the sigh and moan emanated from deep within her. Once settled completely and deeply as we could manage, Kathie brought both of her hands to my abdomen, splaying her fingers wide and pressing palms down onto my skin. She sat there astride me and rocked her hips from side to side, adjusting and settling as much as she possibly could. With her head tilted down, her hair hanging loosely about her face almost like a veil, she opened her eyes and locked them on my own. After a few heartbeats her face took on a half grin and she turned her head ever so slightly to affect a sidelong look and then she spoke those words again…

“Say it again…” She whispered in a lust-tinged husky voice, her eyes glittering with an inner light that couldn’t be explained by the low soft bedside lamp light. I slid both of my hands down to rest over top of hers and I looked intently back into her eyes as she studied my own.

“I love you.” I spoke softly as if in a trance, which of course I was. I was under her spell, I was bewitched. I was hopelessly, completely and absolutely lost to everything but her will. I swam in the depths of her love and emotion. At first, I thought it was just her sex that was quivering, as she often had in the past, but I realized that it was her entire being. Her whole body was trembling, no, it was vibrating.

Kathie pulled her right hand out from under mine and it went to her chest where the double heart locket hung suspended from the fine gold chain about her neck. She touched it lightly with her fingertips then wrapped her fingers around it and held it tightly in her clenched hand and while looking me in the eyes she said…

“I love you, Jim. Now and forever.” She said with quivering lips as a single tear rolled down her right cheek to drip down and splash hotly on my chest. And then she lunged at me, her hands going to the sides of my face and her lips colliding with my own even as she began to rise and fall slowly, languidly, sensually riding me as we kissed. I held my hands to her sides along her ribs above her hips, her skin felt hot to my touch.

After a dozen rocking strokes that slowly sped up with each repetition, she broke our kiss as she and I both gasped and panted for air. It was with each exhalation that she began to almost chant, repeating those three words over and over…

“I love you… I love you… I love you… I love you…” Over and over until she no longer had the wind to utter much more than guttural sounds like “Ungh” or “Oh” At some point we had brought our hands together palm to palm interlacing our fingers. That familiar feeling of edging towards completion, that hallowed peak just before reaching climax swept over both of us. Kathie’s rocking motion had become spastic and irregular just before she tipped over that finish line and went completely rigid like a living statue astride my body. My own apex arrived at the same moment, my vision reduced to that tunnel with Kathie’s face in vignette as everything else faded to black. I felt my completion beginning to pump shot after shot deep inside of this goddess as she shuddered and shook as if being electrocuted her delicate fingernails digging into the backs of my hands breaking the skin. I watched as her head tilted back on her straining neck as her back arched and her mouth opened in a silent scream… and then the lights went out.

When I regained awareness, I found Kathie lying on top of me, her arms crossed and her chin resting on them as her breasts pressed into my chest. The look of love and utter fascination still in her eyes as she watched my face intently, patiently. She smiled as she realized my eyes were open and I was looking at her.

“Hi.” She said with a sweet soft voice.

“Hi yourself.” I said running my hands up her sides lightly brushing my fingertips along her soft warm skin.

I could feel both of our hearts racing still as our bodies raced to catch up and calm down after the excitement we just enjoyed. Kathie gave me that little leering grin where her eyes scrunch up slightly and she almost snarls as she chews her bottom lip, as she wiggled her hips slightly from side to side. This served to demonstrate that I was still very much ensconced inside her feminine abode, not that I was not already aware of this. Her insides were still massaging and moving on my ardent appendage.

Kathie’s eyes twinkled as she rolled her hips a bit more even as she was pressed down atop of me with her chin on her arms watching my reaction. My eyes rolled up in the back of my head for a moment and I groaned in ecstasy as the sensations nearly overwhelmed me again… but at that instant I felt the heralding signs of my impending aftershock. My eyes shot wide open and I took a deep breath about to warn Kathie when she gave me that snarling grin as if challenging me to bring it on. And I did, or rather, my body did. My eyes closed as the fireworks flashed through my brain and my body arched off the bed just prior to the spastic convulsions and twitching muscles and nerves that followed.

Once more I regained awareness of the world around me. As I opened my eyes this time, I found Kathie still lying atop of me her arms crossed on my chest and her head resting on her left cheek as she smiled sweetly at me. She giggled a bit as my now ghost of an erection shrank and slipped out of her. Unfolding her right arm, she reached out and gently stroked the side of my face.

“I still wonder if that hurts when you do that.” She stated softly with a touch of concern in her eyes.

“It doesn’t hurt, but there are circumstances that could cause injury to myself or someone else if I am not careful. Like falling in the shower or around water… or off the side of a cliff or something.” I teased leaning my face into her stroking hand.

“Merry Christmas babe…” Kathie said softly to me with that enigmatic smile that shown as brightly in her eyes as it did on her face.

“Merry Christmas to you too Kat…” I replied with what I hope was the warmest smile I could offer.

We lay like that for I don’t know how long but eventually urges to answer Mother Nature soon took precedence and Kathie was the first to succumb. She excused herself and kissed my chest before pressing herself up to all fours and backing to the edge of the bed and slipping off of it to grab a robe off the back of her bedroom door. She smiled again as she closed the robe in the front and opened the bedroom door and slipped down the hall to the pink bathroom.

I heard the toilet flush a bit later and then water running in the sink. Shortly afterwards she was coming back through the door with both hands pulling her unruly long curly hair into a loose ponytail and securing it with an elastic band. I fished around at the foot of the bed till I found my boxer shorts and pulled them on before I slipped off the side of the bed and made for the door myself. I kissed Kathie’s cheek as I slipped past her and down the hall.

I emptied my bladder and then grabbed a pink wash cloth and ran some warm water wetting it and then rubbed a little of the pink soap onto it. When I had a little lather going, I washed my little guy. I rinsed out the cloth and wiped down again to remove any soap from the tender skin down there. I spotted the dirty clothes hamper by the door and put the used washcloth in it after drying my hands and pulling my shorts back up. I grabbed a Dixie cup from the dispenser on the sink and drank a little water and rinsed my mouth out as best I could without brushing my teeth. I figured it would have to do. I turned the light out as I left the bathroom and went back to Kathie’s bedroom.

As I eased into the room and closed the door behind me, I found Kathie sitting on the edge of her bed, still wearing the robe and now brushing her long hair. I climbed onto the bed and sat behind her with my legs on either side of her. I took the brush from her hand and began long slow strokes through her hair starting at the top of her head and drawing through to the very ends. The murmuring appreciation was like music to my ears. I could have brushed her hair all night long but after a short time Kathie stilled my hand by putting one of hers over it and leaned back into me resting her head on my shoulder. After a deep sigh she sat back up and set the brush on the bedside table and pulled her silky hair back into a ponytail once more and slipped the elastic band back on it. She then stood up and turned to face me. She took my face in both hands and looked lovingly into my eyes.

“This still feels so much like a dream Jim. If it is a dream, I never want to wake up. I love you so much.” She declared before leaning in to kiss me softly on the lips then pulling back to smile at me once more.

“I know exactly what you mean and I agree. But Kath… It’s real. And Babe… I do love you, that will never change. Thank you.” I spoke softly as I rubbed my hands up the sides of her thighs to her hips. Her right hand went to her chest and she touched the locket once more.

“Okay mister, you’re going to have to scoot back so I can lay down, I think we both need to get some sleep.” She said as she playfully swatted my hands away and shooed me backwards.

As I scooted, I watched her turn and open the robe and hang it once more on the back of the door. She turned back to the bed, naked again and crawled into the bed and bent over to grab the blankets and pull them up over us. She wriggled around till she was lying by my side and draped her right arm over my chest, under the covers and then remembered the bedside lamp. With a huff she rolled back over and reached to switch it off before rolling back to me once more and snuggled back in close. Finally, with a sigh she kissed my chest before saying goodnight. I kissed the top of her head and said goodnight as well. We were soon fast asleep.

I awoke the next morning feeling disoriented for the first few moments. I was not in my own bed, and this one was so soft and warm and smelled… “Oh yeah.” I thought as my brain finally kicked into gear. I cracked an eyelid open in the semi darkness of Kathie’s room, the shades over the windows were drawn but daylight was beginning to creep around the edges. “What time is it?” I wondered, as I reached out a hand to feel for Kathie. There was a warm spot beside me and still smelled faintly of flowers and baby powder… like Kathie… but she was not there. “Maybe she’s got up to use the bathroom.” I thought as I laid there and recalled all that transpired last night… Christmas night.

I still found it hard to fathom that I had spent the night in the same house, in the SAME BED as Kathie. Not that I hadn’t thought of it or even dreamt of it time and time again, but to have her mother pretty much demand that I stay was still mind boggling. I mean I can understand her concern about my driving after having drank wine with them last night, a fact that touched my heart deeper than she can imagine… but wow! Told to stay and encouraged to share a bed with her daughter no less. This really does have to be a dream and I’m going to wake up shortly… I’m sure of it!

As I lay there thinking along those lines the bedroom door opened quietly and Kathie slipped in holding two steaming mugs of something. She held one in her left hand and used her left wrist to hold the second mug to her chest as she pulled the door closed again with her right hand. She then took the mug back in her hand and padded quietly over to the bedside and set the mugs down on the nightstand. My eyes were mostly closed but I watched her every move, so graceful. She pulled the covers back on her side of the bed and slipped back in still wearing her robe. She pulled the covers back over her and snuggled up next to me and sighed as she rested her right hand on my bare chest. I must have made an appreciative noise of some sort because Kathie gave a silent giggle before speaking.

“Good morning Jim.” She spoke softly and snuggled her face into my right shoulder kissing it sweetly.

“Oh, it’s better than good…” I spoke in return, my left hand alighting softly atop of her right hand still on my chest.

“What do you mean?” She asked in a curious voice.

“I mean… A good morning is any morning that you wake up and you’re breathing, you have a roof over your head, a bed to sleep in, food to eat… and you look forward to the day.” I began to explain…

“But this… here and now… with you beside me… It’s better than good. It’s a waking dream Kath…” I said squeezing her hand softly for emphasis.

She didn’t say anything but she did take a deep sighing breath and let it out slowly and snuggled a little closer still. After a few minutes she used the fingertips of her right hand to scritch my chest lightly and then said in a dreamy hesitant whisper…

“Say it again…” and she caught and held her breath waiting. I let it go for one, two, three heartbeats then in a solemn clear voice, I turned my head to face her and said…

“I love you.”

Kathie exhaled and kissed my shoulder and whispered in response… “And I love you Jim… I do so very much.”

We lay there basking in the warmest of feelings for a few minutes more before my stomach growled… So embarrassing. Kathie giggled and swatted my chest with her hand and then pressed herself up to a sitting position beside me. She reached over to the bedside table and picked up one of the mugs that I had forgotten about. She blew across the brim and then sniffed at the brew within. “Mmmmmm” she intoned before she took a tentative sip. I noticed the distinct smell of Cinnamon after she blew across the mug, my stomach growled again.

“Want a sip?” Kathie asked as she brought the mug to her lips again to do just that.

I sat up and stretched my arms over my head and rolled my neck and yawned hugely and shook my head to clear the last of the cobwebs. Kathie held out the mug for me to take from her hands. I wrapped my fingers around the warm earthenware vessel and took a sniff at the contents. Indeed, I had smelled cinnamon. I looked at Kathie with a raised eyebrow questioningly.

“It’s wassail… well… kind of anyway. My great grandmother used to make it every Christmas but instead of just apple cider and spices she used tea as the base, accenting it with the apple cider and cinnamon. Grace made this batch so I can’t say what all is in it but it’s good… try it.” She explained then nodded her head to encourage me to go ahead and take a sip.

So, I did. WOW! It was good! I tasted the apple cider and of course the cinnamon, along with other familiar tastes that I couldn’t quite pin down… and honey. My eyes must have gotten big or something as Kathie smiled hugely and then reached behind her to grab the other mug and sip from it. We both sat there sipping and mumbling appreciatively as the drink warmed our insides.

“Nutmeg…and…” I made a face and tilted my head in thought and took another sip… “Cardamom maybe?” I said with knitted brows. Kathie just giggled at me.

“If you want the recipe, you’ll have to talk to Grace.” She said as she set her now empty mug aside. I handed her my own now empty mug as well. Then with a decidedly devilish gleam in her eyes Kathie scooted back off the edge of the bed and stood up then reached an open hand to me and beckoned.

“Kath?” I asked not knowing what she had in mind but just a tad bit leery because of the look in her eyes.

Then she smiled and I just melted. Reaching out I put my hand in hers and she pulled me out of the bed. Still holding my hand, she turned and made for the door, she in her robe and me in nothing but my boxer shorts. Kathie opened the door and pulled me after her down the hall towards the pink bathroom. I looked about nervously and she noticed and giggled happily.

“Don’t worry Jim, everyone else is downstairs and you won’t be caught out in your shorts.” And then she pulled that bottom lip in and chewed on it like she so often does.

Just as she was pulling me into the bathroom, I registered in the back of my mind that I was smelling bacon! I stumbled to a halt and took a long sniff, my eyes closing and I almost swooned. Kathie giggled again and tugged on my arm until I was through the door. She turned and closed the door then turned back to me and opened the robe and let it fall to the floor.

Standing there before me now, her hair still pulled into a loose ponytail behind her. Her right hand went to the locket hanging from the thin gold chain just above the top of that slight valley that runs down to become the cleavage between her lovely breasts. Kathie looked down at it and that devilish look vanished for a moment but was replaced by the warmest of smiles.

That smile will forever be stuck in my memory. But then so will that mischievous look that returned when she looked back up at me a moment later. Still holding the locket, she ambled over the step and a half between us and ran her left hand up my side, then across my abdomen to my waistband of my boxer shorts. Hooking her fingers in the waistband she began pushing them down. I caught on pretty quick after that and pushed them all the way down to let them drop and pool about my ankles.

Tilting her head coquettishly to one side, she gave me a sidelong look and chewing on that bottom lip she winked at me then stepped over to the shower and slid the door open. Stepping in, she turned on the water to adjust the temperature mix. I groaned at the sound of the running water as my bladder chose that moment to send an urgent signal of impending release… a very VERY urgent signal. I quickly turned and raised the lid and the seat of the toilet, took aim and let it rip. I let out a long held sighing breath that I had no idea that I had been holding.

“Don’t flush yet!” Kathie all but shouted from the shower as she turned on the shower head.

“The water pressure isn’t very good, with the shower running.” She explained.

I shrugged and lowered the seat and lid before turning and stepping into that steaming little cubicle of a bath/shower, with that steaming little temptress standing under the running water. She had taken the elastic band out of her hair and was in the process of wetting all that long glorious dark curly hair. Not one to pass up such an amazing opportunity I stepped up to her and cupped her face in both of my hands and kissed her on the lips. A slow sensuous heartfelt buss then rested my forehead to hers. She opened her eyes and looked up into mine.

“Hi.” I said, and kissed her lightly once more.

“Hi yourself.” She answered and smiled bringing both of her hands to rest lightly on my chest.

I released her face and wrapped my arms around her drawing her warm wet body tightly into my own. We began to rock and sway to some silent melody that our bodies heard even if we didn’t realize it. The spell lasted for a few minutes, until once more my grumbling stomach made its emptiness known quite loudly. I felt as well as heard Kathie chuckle into my neck and shoulder and them pushed us apart with her hands on my chest.

She grabbed a bar of soap… pink… from the soap tray and handed it to me then she grabbed a pink bottle of shampoo and applied some to a cupped hand. She worked the shampoo into her hair beginning at the scalp and turned to face the shower head giving me a beautiful view of her gorgeous little backside and slender hips, that she wiggled at me knowing full well I was looking. It finally dawned on me that I was to help wash her as much as myself. I smiled even though she couldn’t see it. To think how many times I’ve been in a shower with one woman or another… I had a momentary pang in my heart at the happy memories as they flashed through my mind.

I quickly soaped my own head and face, then worked my way down under my arms and my arms, then my chest and abdomen. I then stepped close into Kathie, or rather she stepped back into me actually as she brought her long hair down in front of herself to begin rinsing out the shampoo. I reached around her waist and began soaping her little tummy and working my way upwards along her flanks and yes cupping each of those delectable breasts, one in each hand. All the while my soapy chest and abdomen were pressing into her back and rubbing and scrubbing her from behind.

When my soapy fingers found their tips gently caressing Kathie’s hardening nipples, she leaned back into me, her head resting on my shoulder at my neck as she moaned softly in appreciation to my diligence in cleaning her. Her hands now free from her hair rinsing duties, slid down her sides and around between us, ultimately finding my awakening manhood as it thickened with excitement.

Now it was my turn to moan softly into Kathie’s ear as she grasped me and stroked me stoking the fire growing in my loins. I let my right hand slide down her silken soapy wet skin of her abdomen through that furry nest of fine pubic hair to her own center of carnal delight. My fingers bumped one after another over her little clitoris before coming to that velvety curtain of her delicate womanhood. My middle finger slightly parting those lips as I traced that divide all the way to the bottom and the heated entrance to the garden of Eden.

“Oh my god Jim…” she purred as she rotated her hips and ground against my prying hand, her own grip never faltering.

“We… should probably… just finish cleaning up and behave ourselves…” I murmured as I kissed Kathie’s cheekbone just beside her eye as her head leaned against my neck.

“You’re probably right…” She agreed with a heavy sigh… but continued stroking my rigid appendage.

I in turn continued to roll the tender but firm nipple in my left hand and run the middle finger of my right hand deeper still into that tempting crevice between her legs. Time seemed to stand still… as it often does in moments like this when one’s body is attuned to the physical desires of your lover. Each heartbeat a lifetime in itself. Each breath an eternity.

There are few things that can distract one’s mind from the throes of lust, but bodily functions are one of those that can. Embarrassing ones, aggravating ones, and even funny ones… like a loud growling stomach. As Kathie and I lingered in our heightened state of arousal and delighted in one another’s touch… the spell was broken when yet again my stomach unleashed an ungodly rolling growl. I hung my head and sighed as Kathie began to shake with laughter in my arms. Her grasping and stroking hands halted as if startled before she began laughing.

“Did your little man just growl?” She roared with laughter nearly doubling over in front of me… I reluctantly pulled my right hand back up to hold her around her waist and across her abdomen so she wouldn’t fall in the shower. Belatedly I thought of a witty reply.

“Well, I don’t think that was your kitty… Kat.” I grimaced at my own joke… that just made Kathie redouble her laughter even as she stood up straight and turned to face me.

She brought her arms around my neck and pulled me down into a long loving kiss before pushing me back to rinse the soap off my chest and abdomen… and lower. That done we smiled at one another and she turned to shut off the shower while I rolled the shower door open on my end of the tub and stepped out onto the pink rug. I grabbed a big pink towel and handed it to Kathie as she followed me out of the shower. I took another and began drying my head and shoulders and working my way down.

I watched fascinated as Kathie gathered her hair into one long mass and leaned forward to let it dangle in front of her. She wrapped the towel around her hair and then flipped the whole thing over her head and then wrapped it like a turban atop of her head. By this point I was as dry as I could get… my fading erection now tilting downward towards the pink tiled floor. I took my towel and began to dry Kathie’s shoulders and arms she turned her back to me so I could dry that and her cute little backside.

I may have lingered a moment or two longer there that was absolutely necessary I’m sure, but I did go on down and dry the backs of her legs before standing back up. She turned to face me once more, holding her arms out to the sides as I brought the towel up to gently massage, I mean dry her breasts before drifting down her sides and then running a towel covered hand between her slightly parted legs to dab at that moist nest of fine hair.

Kathie relieved me of the towel and then picked up her robe and slipped into it, closing and tying the belt in front. I bent and picked up my shorts and slipped them back on, before once more being taken by the hand and led back to Kathie’s bedroom. As we walked down the hall My nose detected, again, the wonderful tantalizing smell of bacon and other aromas. Of course, my stomach growled again, causing Kathie to giggle again.

“What? I can’t control it?” I said in my own defense.

Back in the bedroom Kathie went to a wardrobe and pulled out some clothes to put on. She tossed a tee shirt onto the bed followed by a pair of jeans. She grabbed a long pair of toe socks… Toe socks? They were like knitted gloves for her feet that encased each of her toes individually and ran the length of her leg up to her knees. She also grabbed a pair of panties, purple ones this time. Kathie slipped one foot into the panty and then the other foot and wiggled them up her legs and then gave her hips a little shimmy shake to draw the undies up onto her hips. She ran her fingers under the seams of the leg openings in the back and pulled and let them snap into place.

Of course, I stood there beside the bed mesmerized watching all of this. Kathie then sat on the edge of the bed and separated her socks then rolled the first one over her right foot, carefully seating her toes before drawing the sock over her ankle and up to her knee. She extended her right leg out and flexed her toes and looked at me with a facetious grin and switched legs to do her left foot as well. I had pulled on my own socks and then my jeans while this was going on. I found my tee shirt on the floor and smelled it first before I decided it was still presentable and pulled it on over my head.

Kathie unwound her turban and unfurled the rolled-up towel freeing her hair. Surprisingly it was mostly dry, or at least only damp now. She pulled it loosely into a single strand and let it hang down the right side of her neck and onto her chest as she stood up and took off the robe. Now standing in her room with knee high toe socks and just a simple purple pair of cotton panties… I had to catch my breath as my heart did a little flip and I felt my jeans getting tight for some reason.

Kathie knew full well the affect she was having on me of course, she smiled devilishly and winked as she pranced back over to the bed and picked up the tee shirt she was going to wear. She pulled it on over her head and tugged it down over her bare breasts. Then she picked up her jeans and stepped into them one leg at a time before pulling them up and giving that little shimmy shake again with her hips to get them seated properly before buttoning and then pulling the zipper up. We both slipped our shoes on and then stood and embraced one another again, face to face, nose to nose… lips to lips.

“Have I told you you’re beautiful?” I asked her in a soft voice between kisses. Kathie giggled.

“Yes. Yes, you have, many times over in fact.” She informed me matter-of-factly…then added. “But you can keep telling me anytime you wish.”

I smiled and nodded. Taking my right hand in her left she turned towards the door and we started to leave the bedroom. Before walking through the door though I stopped Kathie and stepped back over to the night stand and retrieved the two mugs she had brought up earlier. She smiled at me and took my hand again and led me down the hall and down the big ornate staircase.

The closer we got to the kitchen the stronger and more wonderful the smells became. Bacon for certain, but there was an underlying aroma of bread too. As we stepped through the door from the foyer into the kitchen, we saw Grace at the stove with her back to us. She was dressed in her housecoat that resembled a comforter for all its billowy puffs and hatch work. She had on, no kidding, bunny slippers on her feet. But the funniest thing of all was the little dance she was doing.

It was a hop to the left, a step to the right, then she brought her knees together and then she wiggled her hips about… that caused her shoulders to shake or wiggle in the opposite direction of her hips with her head bobbing to and froe as well. Kathie and I looked at one another and grinned… I mouthed silently “Time warp”. This caused Kathie to giggle… and just like that, the spell was broken. Grace spun about with a sheepish grin on her face to tilt her head down slightly to look over the top of her glasses at the two of us standing in the doorway.

“I guess I’m busted…” she said with a wry grin then tilted her head to one side and sucked her bottom lip in to be chewed as if to say “oh well.” She turned back to the stove as a timer started beeping.

Grace grabbed an oven mitt and slipped it on over her right hand and then opened the oven door and pulled out a large baking pan. She turned and set the pan on a trivet on the counter top before turning back and closing the oven door. Suddenly the room was awash in the smell of sweet bread and cinnamon. It drew Kathie and I like a magnet. We both walked over to inspect the pan but were short tracked when Grace ordered us to set out some plates and silverware… “Please.” She ordered. Kathie and I grinned at one another and obliged. As we were filling glasses of orange juice and milk to bring to the table the nurse pushed Kathie’s mom into the kitchen.

“Oh Grace! It smells heavenly in here this morning!” Mom declared as the nurse positioned her wheelchair at the end of the table. Kathie set some glasses down on the table then slipped over and bent to kiss her mother on the cheek.

“Good morning mom.” She said sweetly with her left hand on her mom’s left shoulder.

Mom raised her left hand up and patted Kathie’s hand as she turned to look into her face. Nothing was said, but the knowing smile they shared spoke volumes. The nurse helped Grace transfer the contents of the baking pan onto a platter. It turns out that they were homemade cinnamon rolls. Once on the platter Grace slathered their tops with royal icing, she had ready in a small bowl on the counter. The nurse brought the rolls to the table as Grace brought over another with bacon and some fried eggs and some scrambled eggs.

We all sat and again, they all looked at me waiting. I actually blushed and bowed my head and said a silent blessing before looking up and smiling to everyone. The small talk revolved mostly around the wonderful food that Grace had prepared that morning, but it also included how the Nurse’s own Christmas had turned out with her family. Kathie had to show her the locket I had given her, and the key chain with the poem engraved on the tag. Just like the girls had reacted last night, the nurse smiled and swooned at the thoughts and gifts. She looked at me and smiled warmly.

After all the bacon and eggs had been consumed, and the fabulous cinnamon rolls had become a fond memory as well, we all sat and sipped another round of the Cinnamon tea that Grace had concocted early that morning. If anything, it was stronger and much more robust in flavor for having sat and simmered and steeped all morning. Grace promised me she would write down her recipe for me to keep and use for my own family.

“The recipe really should stay in the family you know.” She said cryptically with a little knowing smile that I didn’t quite understand but didn’t really dwell on at the time.

Eventually we got around to more mundane topics like what I would be doing for the next week or so before classes resumed at the University. I explained that I was currently helping my former manager at Dom’s to open her own franchise out in St. Charles Missouri. We were in the final stages of getting the store open for business. Her goal was to have it open and operating on or before the last day of the year… for tax purposes. Everyone agreed that that idea made sense.

Grace was a little disappointed that I would not be here on New Year’s Eve. Kathie just smiled sadly and commiserated with her. Mom patted Kathie’s right hand on the table but didn’t say anything about that. She did however inform everyone, or me really as the other girls already knew, that she’d be having some tests done at the hospital over the next week or so. With a resigned tone of voice, she told us (me) that her doctors were doing several studies and wanted to try a new drug regimen. As such she might spend a few nights in the hospital from time to time in the future. The table got a little quieter and more somber after that, for a while anyway.

To break the mood, I stood and started gathering the dirty plates and serving wear. Kathie immediately jumped up to help me. Grace started to object but I just gave her that look with one eyebrow raised… then I winked and smiled at her. She smiled and lifted both hands in surrender and sat where she was and sipped at her cinnamon tea. Mom and the nurse both smiled and did the same.

Kathie and I made short work of cleaning up the kitchen, the tea mugs and cups were the last things to be rounded up and washed. As we were putting away the serving ware, I began to feel my conscience tugging at me. I would be leaving for Missouri again in the morning and I’ve only spent the one evening home with my own family over Christmas.

I really was torn, on the one hand I wanted to spend some time with my folks but on the other hand I adored Kathie and spending time with her mom and Grace. I think Kathie knew I was thinking along those lines before I even said anything though. How she knew I haven’t a clue… it was that connection again, I think. A bond that can’t be explained.

“You need to go home don’t you hon?” she asked me as she snuggled in to me and wrapped her arms round my waist. I leaned my forehead in to touch hers.

“Yeah… I’m feeling a little guilty. I’m having such a great time here with you and your girls. I see how your mom looks at you and I know my own is thinking about me too.” I confessed as she began that slow rolling twist from side to side at the hips.

“You really are something else Jim… and I love you all the more for it. You need to go home and be that man. I’ll be here, I’ll be fine. Besides… I know you’re mine.” She said softly but with a playful lilt in her voice. “You will call me though… right?” She declared more than asked.

“You know I will Kath.” I said earnestly and squeezed her gently in my arms for emphasis.

“Jim?” She asked my name and smiled.

“Kathie?” I replied tilting my head slightly to one side in question.

“Say it again…” She whispered breathlessly… My heart leapt, again, as it did every time she said those three little words. Looking her in the eyes… deep deep into her big beautiful grey brown eyes…

“I love you.” I said in a steady strong voice. Kathie sighed then stood on her tip toes and kissed me on the lips before pulling back and smiling that smile before chewing her bottom lip and winking at me.

With a sigh we parted and I turned from Kathie to walk over to the table and stand behind Grace’s chair, my hands on her shoulders lightly.

“Ladies, I hate to eat and run but I really should be getting back to the farm to spend at least a day with my mom and dad and brother and sisters before I have to drive back to Missouri. Grace, thank you for a wonderful breakfast, it really was spectacular.” She turned her head up to smile at me and patted my hands on her shoulders with both of hers.

“Darling you are welcome, and thank you for cleaning up after my mess.” She chuckled and winked at me.

“Jim, you will be needing your keys, won’t you?” Mom asked with a curious smile.

I didn’t think much of the slip at first because the term “keys” was generic even if a person only had one key on a ring, like I had with the key to my little bug. Yet, when mom held out my familiar key ring there were two keys on it now, not just the one Volkswagen ignition key. Puzzled I stood there holding it looking at it… and I heard her speak up again.

“That is a copy of our house key Jim. I wanted to stress to you that you are no longer just a welcomed guest in our home. You are family. You are welcomed here anytime. And Jim… thank you … for everything.” She said with a smile. Kathie had slid up beside me and she had her left arm around my waist and she squeezed me and smiled as well.

“Grace, Kathie, could you put together a little gift tray for Jim to take home to his family? Cookies and sweets?” She looked at me and winked.

“And Jim, could you move me into the den while they put that together for you?” The nurse stood and unlocked the chair and then excused herself to go “check on something.” I stood and turned the chair around and eased it into the den over by the end of the sofa as I had last night. I knew from the moment she asked the other girls to put together a tray that she wanted to speak to me in private.

“Mom… I…” I began but was cut off when she spoke up.

“It’s Elizabeth, Jim. My name is Elizabeth. My mother used to call me Elly. However, you can call me mom all you want, it makes me happy.” She said with a very happy smile.

“I kind of like Elly… it fits you perfectly.” I said with a smile as I crouched down to bring my face to a more comfortable level with hers. She took my left hand and held it in both of hers.

“Only my mother called me Elly… but if you like, you can too. I’ll accept that or mom from you. Now, as you suspected I wanted to say something away from the others.” Mom said as she looked past me to see Grace and Kathie opening bowls and tubs and choosing sweets and cookies to add to the growing tray.

“Jim… I am not well, but this you know. What you may not realize is how much of a burden I’ve become for my family, for Kathie in particular. I don’t foresee my getting better, in fact it’ll only get worse with time.” She said in a quiet voice, her eyes becoming watery as she gazed into my face.

“I want to thank you for your time and attention and quite obviously love for my daughter. I know that she will be loved by someone dear and true after I’m gone. Now don’t get excited or worried, I’m not ready to leave this frail body just yet. I just wanted you to know that I appreciate all that you’ve done for her. And I wanted you to know that she truly does love you, more than she even knows herself. I thank God or whatever fates or circumstances that brought the two of you together.” She blinked her eyes rapidly a few times to clear her eyes before a threatening tear fell. She squeezed my left hand in her frail hands and then shooed me back to the kitchen.

I stood back up beside Elly’s chair and still holding her hands in my left hand I leaned over and kissed her softly on her left cheek and whispered into her ear.

“I do so love her, more than my own life Elly… Thank you for bringing her into this world and into my life…. And… Merry Christmas.” I patted the tops of her hands with my right and then turned to walk back into the kitchen.

Grace was just covering the heavily laden tray with some aluminum foil. Kathie had a length of red and green ribbon that she artfully wrapped and tied into a bow. Kathie carried the tray in one hand and my Christmas present, the Ohio State sweatshirt in the other hand as we walked through the foyer and collected my coat. Grace squeezed my left arm and kissed me on the left cheek before scampering back to the kitchen to leave Kathie and I alone by the door.

Kathie set the sweatshirt and the tray on the bench by the door and then turned and wrapped her hands around my neck and pulled me into a very passionate kiss. It was a hungry kiss with lots of tongue and teasing. She left me breathless and wanting, no longing, for more. The look in her eyes told me that’s exactly the thoughts she wanted me leaving with. A reason to come back, and soon.

“Call me.” She said as she handed me the tray and the sweatshirt and opened the door.

I promised her I would and gave her another peck on the lips before pushing the storm door open and stepping out on the porch. I smiled and then walked down the steps to the sidewalk and out to the curb to my little beetle bug. I opened the door and set the shirt and the tray on top of it in the passenger seat then turned and leaned on top of the bug to look back at the front door.

There standing in the open door leaning on the door frame was my Kathie her left hand clutching at her breast, holding the locket, her right hand waving sadly. I blew her a kiss and then climbed in and started the car. In a few moments after the engine warmed a bit, I put it into gear and headed off down the street and towards the farm and home. Strange, that big old Victorian house seemed an awfully lot like home now too.

My folks were glad to see me that morning, almost afternoon by then. The Gift tray was a hit with my siblings. We all had a wonderful day after Christmas. I told my mom about the locket I gave Kathie but I didn’t mention the poem or engravings. I’m not sure why. Not that it mattered though, my mom knew I was gone, off the deep end, smitten. She had known that for a while and she was happy for me. In a quiet moment later that evening I told her and dad about being given a key to Kathie’s house by her own mother.

Before I went to bed that night, I called Kathie. I sat alone in the kitchen at the table and spoke quietly with her over the phone. We both wished we were with the other of course. I caught her up on what was going on with my family and told her to thank Grace and her mom for the gift tray, it had been a big hit. Kathie said she would. Then in a quiet moment she asked me what her mother had spoken to me about while she and Grace had put the tray together. I guess it was her female intuition that she knew we had spoken. I related to Kathie that her mom, Elly, had thanked me for coming into their lives and for making her, Kathie, so happy. I told Kathie that I had told her mother that I was the lucky one but happy to be thought so well of and welcomed. It wasn’t too long after that that Kathie and I said our good nights and farewells.

“Jim… Before you go… Say it again.” Kathie whispered through the phone lines.

“Goodnight?” I teased.

“Jimmm!” She whined plaintively in reply. I smiled and closed my eyes picturing her sweet adorable beautiful face with those radiant shining grey brown eyes looking at me with love.

“Kathie… For a while… For now… Forever and always… I Love you.” I told her from my heart. I heard her sigh on the other end of the line before she responded.

“Goodnight my love. Call me when you can.” She said and I heard her sigh again just before the connection was broken.

I went to bed that night with a sad smile on my face. I dreamt of the girl I had held in my arms all the night before… I saw us living in the same home, though it was vague, the important thing was that we were together… forever and always… Our own family, with our own children. I felt hands on my shoulders as I watched our children play in a yard I turned and saw the smiling faces of Michelle to my right and Penny to my left. Neither said anything, but I could feel the love radiating from both of them and a feeling of happiness overwhelmed me as I looked back to the yard to see Kathie and the kids playing with a ball, they all looked towards me and waved smiling as they played. I awoke with a tear running down my cheek, but my heart was swollen with happiness… so much so I had to gasp. I closed my eyes again and sent a prayer heaven bound giving thanks for the blessings in my life.

The next afternoon, I and one of my fellow drivers from Dom’s left Lexington in another company Van laden with supplies and stuff for the new store. It was a long drive, but at least this van had decent heating and a good sound system.

We arrived at the new store in St. Charles Missouri just as the sun was setting that evening. We enlisted the help of the new hires in training that evening to unload the van and carry stuff into the store. The store wasn’t officially opened yet but as training progressed so did promotion. The pizzas being made by the trainees were also being boxed and delivered, for free, to happy soon to be customers. Mostly we were sending to businesses, but also to dorms on the women’s college, the police department, fire department, auto repair shops, the bowling alley and even a few bars. There were also a few lucky residential addresses that happened to call inquiring about when the store would be opening for delivery. Lucky them. Spirits were running high and everyone was excited. I was too I guess but my excitement was tempered somewhat because I was so far away from home and the girl that captured my attention and thoughts of nearly every waking moment. Oh sure, I called Kathie every evening after training had stopped for the day, either from the new store or from my manager’s apartment.

On December 30th, two days before New Year, the new store was officially opened for business. It was all hands on-deck that day beginning at noon through midnight. The weeks and weeks of building curiosity and promotion paid off handsomely for the new franchisee. It was controlled chaos at best but everyone had fun and the feeling of excitement was high in my old boss’s new crew. After closing that first night we had a little party back at her apartment. There was alcohol of course, and someone brought out a little weed and it was shared about freely.

I think there were at least two couplings and possibly a third that I can’t swear by but the two girls involved vanished together for about three hours only to return later looking decidedly… well… fulfilled If you know what I mean. Hey… I’ve seen it before and they were students at the women’s college so… Anyway. I was propositioned no less than three times that night by two different girls that I had helped train for the new store. I thanked them both (each time) but declined as I really was taken and my heart wouldn’t let me stray. I finally got a few minutes alone in my boss’s bedroom as the party was winding down in the wee hours and on a chance, I used the phone and called long distance to Kathie’s home back in Kentucky.

It was, an hour later in Lexington than in St. Charles due to the time difference, so I was feeling pretty guilty when Grace answered the phone sounding as if she had been awakened. She perked up a little when I apologized for waking her and calling at such a late hour but I was really missing Kathie and I would like to speak with her. Grace informed me that that would not be a problem as she was standing right next to her. I heard the phone rustle and crackle a bit as it changed hands and muffled voices saying thank you and goodnight.

“Jim! Hi!” Kathie greeted me in a surprisingly chipper voice.

“Hi Kat… I’m sorry for calling so late. Did I wake you like I did Grace?” I spoke as I closed my eyes and envisioned her sitting at the kitchen table, her elbows propped on the top, one hand holding the phone to her ear and the other idly twirling a strand of that long curly unruly hair.

“Actually no, I was in the den studying… and you didn’t wake Grace either. She was in the kitchen getting a snack when the phone rang.” Kathie giggled a bit.

“Good, I guess I didn’t think it through before I dialed. I know it’s late… but… I’m missing you.” I lamented softly as my heart swelled in my chest and wished for all the world that I could put the phone down and wrap my arms around her instead.

“I’m missing you too…” She said sounding like she was pouting… for my benefit, I think. “So, how did opening night go with the new store?” She asked on a slightly more upbeat note.

“Busy! Which is really good actually. The crew is still… well… not quite seasoned yet, but they held in there and managed to get it all done… mostly.” I told her. I spoke of a few minor mishaps with some pizzas going into the wrong boxes and a couple of pies getting burned in the oven and having to be remade. One driver actually got a speeding ticket and that kind of soured the mood for a while. Not that she got a ticket but that she was being over enthusiastic and speeding a bit in the first place. At least the fine wasn’t a steep one. No other incidents happened though so all in all it was a really good night. I told her about the party that they had afterwards and was still winding down even as we spoke. When Kathie asked me why I was not partying with the rest of them… well… I had to tell her about being propositioned.

“And you said no? Twice?” She asked with a curious lilt to her voice.

“Actually, it was three times, but one was the same girl twice.” I corrected with an embarrassed mumble. The momentary silence had me worrying that I should not have said anything about it in the first place then Kathie began to giggle uncontrollably.

“Oh Jim! You just don’t get it do you? Those girls can see it too… You are special…” She spoke into my ear through the phone lines two states away. “I’m glad you told them no though…” Kathie added in a softer tone with an almost dreamy pitch. “You’re mine buddy.” She added and giggled.

“I know babe… all yours and nobody can change my mind.” I added in an equally dreamlike tone.

“I wish you were here…” We both said at the same moment… I caught my breath and Kathie giggled again.

I sighed and told her I needed to get off the phone now and that I wish I could kiss her goodnight. We both said I love you about a dozen times before we eventually did hang up. I sat there on the floor next to my boss’s water bed in her dark apartment in St. Charles Missouri as I listened to the muffled laughter and music coming from the other room. My eyes closed and seeing my Kathie smiling at me. I eventually stood up and rejoined the party as it was winding down finally.

I really couldn’t go to sleep until the last of the conscious party attendees had gone home or left as I was sleeping on the sofa. Two were passed out, one in the small galley kitchen, sitting on the floor propped against the wall next to the fridge. Someone had thrown a beach towel over her shoulders and upper body to keep her warm. Another was passed out sprawling in an overstuffed easy chair there in the living room next to the sofa, her left foot on the floor, her right foot dangling over the arm of the chair, with no shoe on, her right arm draped over her face covering her eyes while her left arm also hung off the front of the chair and her hand laid palm up open on the floor. Again, someone, probably my boss, had covered her with a throw blanket from the sofa. We had called a cab for one guy who was insisting that he was sober enough to drive but I was not having any of that. I was going to pay the cab fare myself but my boss paid it instead.

Finally, everyone awake and able had left except for myself, my boss and the other guy who had come out to help open the store. He had already unrolled his sleeping bag in front of the entertainment center and climbed in. He put a towel over his head, or at least his eyes and said good night. He must have been asleep before he even finished speaking. Yeah… he snored. So did the girl in the chair, a scrawny little redhead with bright almost orange mop of ringlets. My boss shook her head and told me good night and headed to her bedroom to crash. I took my shoes off and stretched out on the sofa but left the blanket on the back of the sofa as I was too warm to use it, at least yet. As I closed my eyes and tried to ignore the snoring of my two “roommates” I thought of Kathie and how I would much rather be in her arms and snuggled in her bed, or any bed with her in it. With a smile on my face, I drifted off to sleep finally.

I awoke the next morning, at some ungodly early hour, it was still dark outside but I was toasty warm and the blanket across my face smelled faintly of beer and flowers. Flowers? I sniffed again and then I felt something against my back. I was laying on my right side, facing the back of the sofa, my back facing out into the room at large… but I became aware that I was not on the sofa by myself anymore. Snuggled up behind me with her arm draped over my side, wrapped around my left shoulder with her hand lightly laying against the crook of my neck was Rebecca. The skinny little blonde gal that had fallen asleep or passed out in the kitchen.

Apparently at some point in the night she had awakened and stumbled to the bathroom to take care of business. Afterwards she decided to snuggle up next to me to sleep on the couch the remainder of the night. At first, I was a little startled, and thought I should not be doing this… but I guess part of my brain reasoned that it was okay. I mean we were both fully clothed and neither was doing anything even remotely sexual. She was just sharing the couch with me and the warmth of our two bodies. With a silent sigh I resigned myself to just letting it go and drifted back off to sleep. I wondered if I should share this with Kathie at some point. Probably not.

The next night was pretty much a repeat of the first opening night, but no speeding tickets and no party afterwards… everyone was too tired. By New Year’s Eve the crew was working like a well-oiled machine, taking orders and making pizzas and sending them out and delivering them. We stayed busy well past the dinner rush and long into the festive night. It was actually nearly twenty minutes or so after midnight before we realized that we were actually in the new year. We all shouted Happy New Year and kept right on making and baking and delivering pizzas.

After one thirty though it did slow down. I took a break and called Kathie at home in Kentucky. We chatted for about twenty minutes on my boss’s dime since I was on the store phone. Hey, it was her idea so I accepted readily. I told Kathie I had one more night to work in the new store then I would be coming home. She was happy to hear it and said we needed to spend some much-needed time together as soon as I got back. She didn’t elaborate but I had a feeling it wasn’t just to share a meal or catch up on a television show or anything like that.

My time spent in Missouri helping open the new franchise store for my old boss was an adventure indeed. What’s more, is that I was paid for it and because we were able to get the store up and running before the new year, I was given a nice little bonus. I hadn’t expected that so I was a little taken aback… but I got over it. On the long drive home to Kentucky, I had a lot of time to think. There was a voice in the back of my head that told me that I needed to take the next step with Kathie. The time away was almost physically painful to my heart. I longed to be in her presence more than anything in the world. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, if she would have me. To that end, I made a plan.

The first night back home I went to the farm as it was late and I missed my folks as well and I knew they would worry if I didn’t show up. Mom knew something was up as soon as she laid eyes on me that night. She didn’t question me but she did smile and give me an extra-long hug. A mother’s intuition? Or simply women’s intuition?

The next morning, I went to the bank and cashed my bonus check and went looking. I shopped three or four different jewelry stores before I found what I was looking for. It may not have been a traditional kind of engagement ring, and the diamonds in it were merely very tiny chips at best, but it sparkled with promise and shined with the hope in my heart. I knew that Kathie’s ring finger was almost exactly the same size as my little finger so I had the ring sized to fit that.

I worked at Dom’s that evening at my home store but I wasn’t scheduled to close so I was able to call Kathie as soon as I was clocked out for the night. We talked for a few minutes but she made it clear that she wanted me to come by the house as soon as we hung up. I told her I would. And… I did.

I was halfway up the sidewalk from the street to the house when she emerged from the house in a dead run. She literally leapt on me wrapping her legs around me and her arms about my neck as she toppled me over into the grass all the while kissing me repeatedly. I lay there on the lawn beside the walk with my own arms around her kissing back as if my very life depended on it. And it may have. Eventually she had to come up for air and when I finally was able to gasp in a breath of my own, I spoke up.

“So, you’re happy to see me?” I said with a grin. She sat astride my waist looking down at me with that bottom lip sucked into her teeth and swatted me with her hands on my chest.

“I’ve missed you so much! I’m so happy you’re home.” She said and leaned down and gently kissed me long and slow holding my face in both hands. From the porch we heard a loud “Ahem” … turning our heads we saw Grace leaning against the porch pillar, one hand on the post the other clutched to her heart as if she were having a moment.

“Why don’t you two kids come inside where it’s warm?” Grace called out and smiled before turning to go back into the house. Kathie turned back to me and bent down and pecked me on the lips again and giggled and stood up. I stood up and she took my hand and nearly dragged me back to the house and inside.

Once inside, Grace gave me a welcoming hug and we all went to the kitchen. These two were the only one’s home that evening it turns out. Elly was spending the night in the hospital for observation after some tests that were run that morning. The nurse had the night off. When the subject of mom came up both of the girls grew a bit withdrawn and somber. I surmised that the test didn’t go well this morning or that there was more to the story that they were not sharing just yet. Grace and Kathie pushed those thoughts aside for the time being though and wanted to hear all about my last trip to Missouri and the store opening.

I filled them in on some of the mishaps and lighter points over the first two days. At one point I could feel my stomach rumbling and I realized that I hadn’t had anything to eat since early that afternoon. On a whim I looked at Kathie and then at Grace and asked them if they would like to go out for a bite to eat. Kathie’s eyes lit up and Grace blushed and started to decline but I insisted and Kathie reasoned that she might as well, how often did she get asked out by a handsome young man anyway. I smiled at Grace then did a double take at Kathie who was beaming and winked at me. I caught on and winked back then turned back to Grace and gave her my puppy dog face. I don’t know if it was the pleading look on my face or the silliness of the whole act but she giggled and rolled her eyes and said okay… “Fine!” she said. With sweaters and jackets, we all walked out to my bug and piled in, Kathie in the back, Grace in the passenger’s seat.

“Where to?” I asked to both in general. Kathie spoke up from between the seats as she had an arm and hand around each of the front seats head rests.

“How bout the Ho?” She suggested. I grinned and shrugged and started up the beetle and off we went.

“The Ho?” Grace asked not sure what we were talking about.

“You’ll see.” Kathie said with smile.

In just as few minutes, I pulled into the little parking lot behind the Ho, and we all climbed out of the car. I offered an arm to each of the ladies and we walked around to the entrance. To Kathie and I the Ho was familiar ground, we have eaten here and met our friends here many times. For Grace, however, this was a new experience. The Jukebox was blaring loudly some contemporary pop music, the lighting was dim at best with a myriad of neon lights and signs hanging from the walls. The sound of laughter and loud voices coming from the back where the pool table was and the clanging and electronic sounds of the video game machines and pinball were battling the jukebox for supremacy. As if the sights and sounds were not overwhelming enough, the smell of fried…well…everything permeated the air. It was heady stuff to be sure. Grace was wide eyed with wonder as she took it all in with an almost bewildered smile.

Kathie and I found us a booth across from the bar, about halfway between the jukebox and the arcade cacophony coming from the back. I asked Grace what she would like to drink… I had to ask for a second choice as they didn’t carry red wine or any wine really. Kathie laughed and suggested a beer for Grace. I smiled and went to place an order. I got a pitcher of beer and a pitcher of Dr. Pepper for Kathie and I. I also ordered a basket of cheese fries and three cheese burgers with the works. I figured that whatever the ladies didn’t like, they could pick off the burgers. And they did just that, both girls picked the pickles off their burgers and Grace removed the onion as well. Kathie took off the tomato slices but that was the end of it. They both began eating and making happy appreciative noises.

By the time the burgers were polished off and the fries had been cleaned off the plate… the pitchers of drinks had all but been emptied, Mother Nature came calling. Grace said she had to go to the restroom, of course girls can’t go alone so Kathie went with her. I paid our bill while they were away from the table. It’s a good thing that Kathie accompanied Grace as it seems the beer had her just a little unstable on her feet. We all agreed it would be best to go home after they got back from the restroom. This time, as we walked to the car, I was on one side of Grace and Kathie was on the other. She may not have been drunk exactly but she was a little unsteady and very happy.

After returning to their house, we helped Grace inside and she decided it was time for her to call it a night and left the Kathie and I in the kitchen as she sang softly to herself and ambled and weaved her way through the foyer to climb the stairs. The girls had told me that they had to go to the hospital in the morning to check on Elly, Kathie’s mom, and possibly bring her home if the tests were done. I told Kathie that I should be getting on home to the farm so she could get some sleep. I did ask her if I could take her to lunch tomorrow or dinner, just her and I.

“You mean like a date?” She said perking up with a happy smile.

“Yeah. A date…” I said as I fingered the tiny little box in my pocket.

Kathie said she’d love to go out, she said to just come on by the house around two or so in the afternoon, they should be home from the hospital by then. I agreed to do that, and she reminded me that if they weren’t home yet, to go ahead and let myself in… I had a key after all. A key that I had yet to use and would refrain from using ever if there was someone home or soon to be home. I just didn’t feel right visiting someone else’s home when no one was there, even if I had a key.

After walking me to the door, Kathie kissed me good night. A proper, long, sensual, loving, never forget me kind of kiss. When she finally opened the door and I stumbled out on a cloud I could feel my heart racing and my mind was in a whirl, but nothing could have wiped the smile off of my face.

The next morning, I got up and shaved and showered. I had breakfast with my folks. I tended the animals with my brother and then I piled into my little beetle bug and drove to town. I stopped at a florist shop and bought a single red rose. I sat in my little car after purchasing it and thought back to the last time I had tried to buy a rose. It was for a girl who meant more to me than anything else in the world. I laid it on the cover of her coffin at her graveside the day she was laid to rest. “I’m trying Michelle… I still miss you but I know you would want me to go on… I’m trying.” I said quietly to the ghost in my heart then I sniffed the flower before setting it on the seat next to me and starting my car. The drive to Kathie’s house was a short one after that.

As it turned out I pulled up to the house about the same time as Kathie did. She pulled the big old Crown Victoria into the driveway and parked close to the house. She had in the car with her Grace in the front passenger seat and her mom and the nurse in the back seat. I grabbed the rose and then met them at the car. Kathie popped the trunk as I approached the car. I knew that Elly’s wheelchair would be folded away in the trunk. Grace and the nurse were still getting out of the car as Kathie met me at the back of the car and I handed her the rose. Kathie gave that little “aww” and tilted her head to one shoulder smiling.

“For me?” She asked. I simply smiled and nodded then reached for the wheelchair.

The Nurse had to show me how to open it up and set the braces. She pushed it around to the side that Elly was sitting on. I offered to help lift Elly out and into the chair but she would have none of that. She gripped the top of the door fiercely and pulled with her right arm as the nurse lifted her under her left into a standing position beside the car. She then slowly pivoted around so she could sit back into the chair. I stayed close just in case she began to fall however. Once seated comfortably, the nurse wheeled her down the driveway to the back door where there was a ramp for the wheelchair. Grace carried the one bag that had Elly’s clothes from the hospital. Kathie and I followed everyone else.

After Mom was settled into to the den, Kathie and I were shooed along. Mom smiled and told us to have a good time. We hugged her and Grace and then made our escape. I walked Kathie to the curb and opened her door for her before going around and getting in and starting the car. I drove first to the restaurant we were having dinner at, Smitty’s, a steak house that was actually not far from the house. Again, I opened her door and then walked her on my arm into the restaurant. We were seated right away as it was a little early for regular dinner time.

We both ordered the prime rib with baked potato and a salad. I even sprung for a couple of glasses of wine even though I didn’t drink but maybe half of my glass. I’ve never been much of a drinker. Kathie and I enjoyed a quiet leisurely dinner, the meal was fantastic. We swore that we would be back here in the future when we could. With our early dinner consumed and the bill paid, I escorted my girl back to my chariot and seated her before once more getting behind the wheel. This time I drove in a roundabout way to reach Richmond Road and headed out to Jacobson Park. The park that I first took Kathie to that fateful day that we learned about one another many months ago. My fortress of solitude and reflection became a shared favorite for both of us. I parked near our favorite spot and we walked to the picnic table that we liked to sit at and watch the sun set in the evenings across the reservoir. We were mobbed by expectant ducks of course, looking for handouts of bread or crackers. When we did provide any, however, they soon waddled off quacking with a seemingly dissatisfied tone.

We sat there on that table top, our feet on the bench seat as we faced the sunset. Kathie on my right holding my hand as we talked about anything and everything. All the while my left hand was fingering nervously that little box in my jeans pocket. My mind was split, half paying attention to Kathie and half working up the nerve and trying to come up with just the right words for what I was about to do. I watched the side of Kathie’s face as much, well, actually far more than the setting sun or the ducks or anything else around us. I watched her bring her single rose in her right hand to her nose to smell the fragrance.

I confessed to Kathie that the time apart while I was in Missouri was the worst. I felt so lonely being so far from her. She leaned her head on my right shoulder and squeezed my right hand as she told me that she too missed being together. I told her that if I had a choice, I would never be that far apart again. She agreed saying that she would prefer that I stay close too. Now by this point my head felt like a cork in a champagne bottle that had been shook up. The pressure in my gut was building to super intensity as the butterflies took wing. The only thing holding me back at this moment was that mountain of what ifs… what if she laughs at me… what if she says no… what if… what if? The self-doubt and uncertainty nearly won the day as I struggled mightily internally. I think Kathie sensed something, either in my demeanor or by some psychic connection that we seemed to have had since the first time we ever met.

“Jim… what’s wrong?” She asked softly with a voice full of concern.

“It’s just that… well… I never want to be away from you again Kath.” I stammered and swallowed the frog in my throat as it felt as though my heart was going to beat right out of my chest. Kathie’s hand was practically vibrating in mine… or was it mine vibrating in hers?

“I know hon, you already told me that, and I feel the same way.” She stated in a soothing voice, and a look of concern in her eyes. She half turned to face me better and brought her right hand to hold my right hand with both of hers.

“Kath… I was so lost when I met you. I was just wandering through life with no aim and no cares about anything really… I was… dead inside. Or so I thought.” I recapped as the words fell into place in my mind.

“The first time I laid eyes on you… I felt the world move… the entire universe shifted. It gave me pause.” I continued to explain.

Kathie, for her part just sat there and listened intently as I think she knew that I had to confess my soul for some reason. Bless her heart, even at this moment she was putting other’s ahead of herself.

“I felt something that night, just the sight of you awoke something inside of me. From the depths of my cold despair and grief you gave me a gift that night, just by being yourself, your smile, the light in your eyes. You gave me hope.” I continued having to break eye contact once in a while just to clear the blurriness in my own eyes.

“I had trouble believing it was even possible so I discounted those feelings at first… I doubted it was real. But lady… you are a force to be reckoned with… You grew on me… each time I saw you I felt that pull I felt that familiar light and joy in my heart. It had been dormant for so long I thought it was dead and gone. The night you asked me for a hug… I nearly lost my mind. My world was turned upside down but it was a good thing.” I continued and even in my ears it sounded as though I were rushing now as I kept up the explanation.

“The first kiss… Kath… I was… done. The old me died that night on those steps outside of the Office tower. Those long hopeless years were gone. My heart started beating for real that night. I was reborn. I was struck by lightning through the touch of your lips and I woke to a whole new reality. One that I could be happy and I could love again. I knew that I was loved by another… by you…” I bit my lip before taking a long deep breath and slowly rose and stepped down of the table top standing in front of Kathie as she remained sitting on the picnic table. I held both of her hands in both of mine.

“You planted the seed of love in a cold dark lonely place… with the warmth of the sun and the light of your heart you caused it to grow. You have made me so very happy. But there’s one thing… more… that would make me the happiest man on this earth…” I stumbled with a nervous voice.

Kathie sensed the moment now, her face had gone almost slack as her eyebrows both rose and her mouth hung open slightly, her bottom lip quivering just ever so. Her breath was raspy and shallow… and her eyes… those big beautiful grey brown puddles of love and endearment were getting watery as I stood there before her professing my love.

“Kathie… you are my love… YOU are love… Like the poem said ‘Love is You… Love is ME… Love is We’…” I paused, my pulse racing so fast it felt like kettle drums beating in my ears I released Kathie’s hands with my left hand and reached into my pocket to withdraw that small box. Lowering myself down to one knee I held the box in both hands and opened the lid.

“Kathie… would you make me the happiest man alive and… marry me?” There… I had said it… I asked the question. NOW for the answer.

My entire life hung on this woman’s very breath. Each heart beat was a lifetime in and of itself as I watched Kathie’s reaction. When I had gone to my knee and produced the little ring box, she covered her mouth with both hands, her eyes go so big that I thought they would simply fall out of her pretty head. Those watery eyes finally slipped the bulwarks of her eyelids and the flood of tears ran down her pretty cheeks. And still I waited… another heartbeat… another lifetime… Then…

Her head started vibrating… no, not vibrating… nodding. It was slight at first and very fast Just her chin that was covered with both hands and the top of her head tilting forward ever so slightly then snapping back just as quickly. And then came a huge rasping gasp, a big intake of air into her vibrating lungs as Kathie looked from my searching eyes to the ring and back, repeatedly. Her head began to bob up and down faster and faster until her hands came away from her mouth and face and shot out to wrap around my neck and she literally leapt off the table into me nearly bowling me over shouting at the top of her choking voice.

“YES YES YES YES!” and the kissing ensued.

I don’t know how I managed to hold onto that little box during that hurricane or hormones and emotions but I did and when Kathie came up for a breath, I sat her down on the picnic bench and asked for her left hand. I carefully removed the ring from the box and set the box aside on the bench then with shaking hands I held Kathie’s left hand in my left and with my right hand I slipped the shiny ring over the end of her delicate ring finger and gently slid it down over the first and then the second knuckle. Then still holding her hand I bent forward and kissed the back of her hand softly while looking straight in her eyes.

“I love you Kathie, now, and forever.” I spoke softly.

Kathie looked back at me with glossy wet eyes and wet cheeks that were mobile because she was smiling her bottom lip and jaw were still quivering so her voice sounded a little shaky when she replied those three little words back to me…

“Say it again!” She nearly shouted… “Because I LOVE YOU!”

I don’t know how long we sat there after I asked for her hand but I know that the police drove by and told us that the park was closing now that it was dark. We went back to my bug and drove to her house. The time spent after I slipped the ring on my girl’s finger… my fiancé… was full of talk of the when and where of our future nuptials. We agreed that we should at least wait until after she graduated. Kathie told me that she didn’t need a big fancy wedding, in fact eloping was kind of romantic. I was okay with that. Of course, I would have agreed to most anything at that point I was walking on air simply because she had said yes.

Once back at the house… things got interesting. We found all three ladies in the den engrossed in a television show. The nurse was sitting on the end of the sofa next to Elly, Kathie’s mom, Grace was in the wing backed chair across the coffee table from the sofa. Kathie and I walked into the den from the kitchen holding hands and the nurse and Grace looked around to us and smiled then turned back to the television program. Kathie walked up behind her mother’s wheelchair and wrapped her arms around her shoulders from behind giving her a hug. Elly brought her hands up to pat Kathie’s arms in a motherly way as she leaned her head back into Kathie. Kathie whispered into her ear, the words I may never know as I was not able to hear them. Mom, Elly, stiffened in Kathie’s arms and turned her head to look at Kathie’s face with a questioning look on her face. Kathie smiled and lifted her left hand and her mother took in both of hers to look. Again, she leaned her head over into Kathie and pulled her hand into her own breast.

It was at that moment that Grace noticed.

“Oh My God! Is that a ring?” She exclaimed as she leaned forward and came to her feet. She came to the side of Elly’s chair and Kathie raised her hand up so that Grace could see it too.

“Did he…” She began to ask with her eyes wide and alight with hope and happiness. Kathie nodded in quick little affirmative bobs with that huge happy smile on her face.

“Yes! He did!” She finally squealed happily and she and Grace embraced and giggled and squealed like only women and girls can do when happily excited.

I swear it looked like they were dancing. Meanwhile Elly looked over her shoulder at me and beckoned me closer. She took my right hand in both of hers and leaned her head on my arm and patted my hand and squeezed it in a surprisingly strong grasp. She didn’t say anything, the look said it all. Grace on the other hand… had finally stopped dancing with Kathie as Kathie stepped over to the sofa to sit next to the nurse and show her the ring.

Grace nearly tackled me locking me in a bear hug and slathering my cheeks with kisses and laughing. At one point she whispered in my ear… “Thank you Jim, thank you thank you thank you.”

Then in a flash she was sitting on the sofa at Kathie’s side as the girls began to chatter about the ring, about planning and possible dates and dresses and flowers and… oh lord I was simply overwhelmed… but happily so. I continued to stand beside Elly’s chair and she took my right hand in hers and… just held it.

After the initial excitement wore off Kathie stood back up from the sofa and came to my side putting her arm around my waist and leaning into me. Grace declared that this news warranted a toast, or at least she wanted a glass of wine in any event. She made her way to the kitchen asking over her shoulder if anyone else wanted something to drink as well. Everyone else declined.

Kathie tugged at my waist and excused herself and I saying that we needed talk about some things. She said good night to her mother and the nurse kissing her mom on the cheek before dragging me along by one hand to the kitchen. Grace and Kathie exchanged a look then kissed one another’s cheek before I was drawn along into the foyer and then up those wide ornate stairs. Moments later the door to Kathie’s bedroom was closed securely behind us and she leapt into my arms with her legs going about my waist and her arms around my neck.

I’m not sure how long I stood there with my back against the door as this writhing wanton animal tried her best to suffocate me by stealing my breath away with hungry excited kisses. It was almost dreamlike as we made our way across the room to the bed, shedding clothing every step of the way. Once there we rolled around trading places being on top and being on the bottom all the while breathing each other’s soul and groping and caressing each other’s body.

Of course, with all this excitement things were bound to come up, and up they did. Kathie wasted no time in fumbling or playing coy or worrying with foreplay… I found myself on my back as she impaled herself on me with a vengeance. The fire in her eyes, the grasp of her hands on my upper arms was only matched by the seemingly desperate grinding of her sex onto mine. That long unruly curly hair fell about her shoulders and hung from the side of her face framing that intense look of concentration and determination. It affected me.

I was caught up in the urgency and heat of the moment as well, I didn’t just lay there and watch. I had my hands firmly on Kathie’s sides just above her hips. My fingers were digging into her flesh hard enough that I was sure I was going to leave bruises. My feet were flat on the top of the bed with my knees bent enough to give me leverage to drive myself up matching her downward drives. This was something urgent within Kathie and it made it urgent for me as well… we were joined in spirit, in mind and in our physical desires. The fire was overwhelming, and all consuming.

Faster and faster, we met as our bodies slapped and collided and repeated. Our breathing ragged gasps and grunts as our animal lusts raced ever onward towards that climactic culmination. We were almost there when Kathie’s left hand slipped from my arm and she tilted to her left and my right. With my thrusting up from below her we ended up tipping to our sides but we never for a moment stopped rutting. With her hands and arms now wrapped about my head and neck we drove right through that proverbial finish line and kept right on going until both of us seized up in our orgasmic explosion. I had my usual tunnel vision but there was an added feature this time… instead of blacking out it was more of a blinding whiteness that took my awareness by storm.

When I faded back into reality of the here and now, I became aware that Kathie and I were still tangled together in our lovers’ embrace… in every intimate fashion. Our arms were around each other, out legs a tangle, and I was still very much firmly implanted deep within her feminine garden of Eden. Both of us were twitching and spasming in the left-over throes of passion, our breathing ragged and labored. I opened my eyes to find those glossy grey brown orbs of Kathie’s looking right back at me as we were forehead to forehead and nose to nose.

“I do… I do… I do…” She mumbled over and over again.

“Don’t you mean ‘I will’?” I asked puzzled by her mantra. She closed her eyes and pulled her head back and giggled.

“I already said that Jim… I’m practicing for when we say our vows…” She informed me with a bright smile and shining eyes. I smiled right back at her and then said.

“Say it again…” and raised both my eyebrows in encouragement. She cocked her head slightly to one side and looked at me then smiled brightly again and told me.

“I Love YOU!” … and pressed forward to kiss me on my lips as we both still tried to catch our breath. It was right in the middle of this kiss that my Boomerang, my Echo… my aftershock hit me. The kiss

stopped for obvious reasons, but Kathie held me tightly and rode out the spasms and twitching and the little death that followed as I once more lost touch with awareness.

When I finally snapped out of it, my heart rate had slowed back down to normal, I was breathing evenly and I could feel Kathie still in my arms and I in hers. We were no longer joined at the waist however, I guess the thrashing and twitching had taken care of that. A soft hand on my face brought my eyes open. And there I found the center of my universe, the love that transcends heartache and loss, that promised joy and happiness for the rest of my life, the sun, the moon, the stars… all in those limpid pools of grey brown wonder and adoration that were gazing into my own eyes. I could have died that moment and I would have been the luckiest man to have ever lived just for having been able to have seen them… to have been gazed upon by them.

We lay there and cuddled and talked and petted and kissed and talked and… well… we made love again but it was a slow sensual unhurried thing this time around. The actual intercourse was incidental and merely the culmination… or an exclamation point perhaps. Again, I suffered my aftershock and again Kathie never batted an eye or shied away from me. We fell asleep in each other’s arms at some point in the night but I have no idea of the time.

Sometime before dawn however, I was awakened by the urgent pressure in my bladder, yeah Mother Nature will not be denied. I carefully slipped out of Kathie’s slumbering embrace and then out of the bed. I remembered Kathie’s robe hanging from the back of her bedroom door and I slipped it on. It was a little short on me but it covered my naked ass and… well… my front. I padded quietly down the hall to the pink bathroom and closed the door behind me once inside. Lid and seat up I thankfully emptied my bladder in a long stream. How much did I drink last night anyway?

When finished I closed the seat and the lid and then flushed. I washed my hands and then thought that I should probably wash my little guy and his luggage too. I had been rather active last night and well, short of a shower, a quick wash with soap and water on a wash cloth was a good idea. I opened the door and turned the light off as I exited the bathroom. I padded back down the hallway and the door on the right across the hall from Kathie’s room opened just as I was turning the door knob on Kathie’s door.

I turned to see Grace coming out of her room tying her robe about her. She stopped and looked at me and after a heartbeat, she smiled at me and winked but didn’t say anything as she turned and walked down the hall to the bathroom herself. I stepped back into Kathie’s room and closed the door before taking her robe off and hanging it back up. I slipped back into the bed to find that Kathie had rolled over and her back was now to my side of the bed. I spooned up behind her and wrapped my arms around her and drifted back off to sleep with my future bride. In her sleep Kathie mumbled quietly… the only understandable words I could discern were “… I do… I do…”. I could feel my heart swell ten-fold as I let my conscious mind drift away.

I awoke again later, with the morning’s first light coming through the blinds on Kathie’s bedroom window. I was still spooned behind her, with my right arm over her waist with my hand on her abdomen. I guess at some point one or both of us got too warm for the blanket as it was pushed down to where it was just covering our bodies from the waist down. With my eyes half closed due to the offending light, I explored Kathie with my right hand. I let it gently glide up her warm soft abdomen to where I encountered her right arm. I traced my fingers lightly up and over her elbow and followed her forearm up to her hand, or rather hands. I Kathie, in her sleep, was clutching her double heart locket with her left hand, that had her new engagement ring on, and her right hand was clutching her left hand as if both were treasures that had to be guarded even in her sleep. I had to smile, even if only to myself. I gently let my fingers wrap around her hands and I kissed her neck then whispered in her ear.

“I love you.” I was rewarded with a murmuring approval as she pressed her head back into me for more kisses. I happily obliged, one soft kiss after another on her neck and about her ear. Then with a start, Kathie stiffened in my arms for a moment. She raised her left hand until she could see the shiny little ring on her finger and then she sighed contentedly.

“It wasn’t a dream…” She murmured as she captured my right hand in both of hers and brought it to her chest between her breasts to squeeze fiercely.

Classes resumed for the semester and except for actually being in class, Kathie and I were otherwise inseparable when we were on campus. I still had to work of course, and I still lived at home on the farm but every available moment I had I was either with the girl or talking to her on the phone if we couldn’t be together. We talked and talked and talked and talked some more. We talked about where we might live, we talked about our families and of course about starting our own family. Kathie wanted to be a mom but she wanted to teach as well. At least one of each, a boy and a girl… possibly more. We both thought that it would be a good idea to at least wait until she had her degree and certificate before we seriously tried to get pregnant. She would be graduating in a years’ time so that wouldn’t be too awfully long to wait we agreed. In the meantime, however we could ‘practice’ as often as either of us wanted. And we wanted. Often!

Kathie had grown up a city girl, aside from a few trips to parks and what not she really had never explored the great outdoors or ‘the country’ so to speak. So, the first time she accompanied me to the National Forest, specifically the Red River Gorge here in Kentucky was like going to a different planet for her. The Gorge has it all, Mountainous terrain, Rain forest diversity of plants, streams, woods, fresh air, quiet, and animals… and best of all… seclusion… for the most part. Yeah, it was part of the National Forest, The Daniel Boon National Forest, and as such it had the usual turn outs and look out points with marked hiking trails and sometimes paved walking paths for the scenic overlooks and other points of interest. But it was off the main paths and deeper in the woods that she found the most beautiful and fun to explore.

We were indeed kindred spirits in our appreciation and wonder of exploring. Often, on weekends we would pack a picnic lunch and some water and go to the Gorge and just explore all day long. I even talked her into camping a time or three. Did I mention that Kathie grew up as a city girl? Yeah, camping was novel and an exciting idea but it turned out to not be one of her favorite things to do. She would much rather sleep in a real bed and not be fearful or worrisome of every little sound throughout the night. Often coming home on a Sunday evening reeking of campfire smoke, and having had little to no sleep because of fearfulness… and… uh… practicing…

The months seem to fly by, but it wasn’t all heaven and happiness. No, that seems to be impossible in this life I seemed to be finding out time and time again. Despite our joy and happiness, the darkness and pain of Kathie’s mom’s affliction weighed heavily upon us and all of her family really. Mom, Elly, tried to put on a brave face and not let on how bad it was getting for her. It was obvious to all of us who cared and saw her daily however. The loss of muscle control was the most obvious but it was the mental anguish that she went through that hurt the most. Not just her own, but the pain that we all shared for her loss and diminishing health.

There were several hospitalizations required and intensified treatments and of course the medications. Still, she slipped further and further into decline. More and more it wore on Kathie and we talked and discussed our plans and revised and adjusted over and over. We went from having a big family gathering, of both families and an outdoor wedding at our favorite park, to a small traditional church wedding with just our immediate families and some friends… to eventually we both agreed that a simple service as performed by a justice of the piece, a judge, would be perfectly fine. It wasn’t the show or the gathering that mattered just that we were officially wed.

And the time marched on. Classes taken and thankfully passed… Kathie excelled in her courses despite the worries at home. Her graduation was on track and was so looking forward to getting her degree and teaching certification. I on the other hand was in a bit of a dilemma with my own path of education. While courses like Composition and Psychology, even Anthropology were interesting and I did well, things like advanced mathematics and the dreaded Chemistry were not so agreeable. Computer science held my interest more than anything though. So, accordingly I steered my studies along those lines. I would be at least another year possibly two after Kathie graduated at this rate, but then she was already a year ahead of me to start with. We talked about it and agreed that children should probably wait till at least I too graduated. Neither of us were particularly overjoyed with this decision but we were trying to be practical and thoughtful about the life we would provide for our children. On a lighter note, we both admitted that it just meant we’d have a little longer to practice before we seriously tried to start a family.

The weeks and months seemed to fly by at times and other times seemed to stand still. One thing remained constant however, and that was the love I felt for and from Kathie. Even on my worst days I had but to think of her and I would smile. To hear her voice, my heart would skip a beat. To hold her, and kiss her… I felt peace and joy… to borrow a thought from a movie, I felt complete when we were together. And yet, life steps in when we foolish mortals make plans and think we have a map, a path to follow.

It was shortly after our second Christmas… We had welcomed in the new year together, just the two of us at her house in town. Kathie’s mom was in the hospital again and Grace was staying there with her. Even though it was a holiday we both were tempered with worry about Elly. We sat up in the den on the sofa watching the ball drop and all the festivities on television. We did kiss in the new year as couples are want to do. We just cuddled on the sofa until both of us fell asleep. Sometime the next morning we were awakened by Grace as she came breezing through the den after getting home from the hospital. She had come home to shower and change clothes while the doctors were running more tests or something with Elly.

While Grace showered, Kathie and I made breakfast for us all and had it ready on the table when Grace returned downstairs ready to go back to the hospital. Kathie said she would join her if she could take a shower first after breakfast. And so, we ate, and traded small talk. The small talk was strained however with the worries and fears just under the surface over Elly and her worsening condition. Even though I offered to accompany the girls back to the hospital they convinced me I should go home and spend a little time with my own family that day. Truth be known I was feeling a little guilty about how little time I had been spending with my family anyway so I had to relent. After breakfast Grace and I cleaned up as Kathie went to shower and change. It was a perfect opportunity for Grace to corner me and confide in me some of her worries that she had kept from Kathie.

“Jim… I’m afraid.” Grace told me in a somber quiet voice after we sat back down that the kitchen table. I cocked my head a little to the side in question and reached out took her right hand in my left as they rested atop the table. Grace gave me a sad smile and patted the top of my hand with her other hand.

“What are you afraid of Grace?” I asked quietly as I studied her face, a mask of calmness only marred by the fleeting agitated glances of her eyes that showed her worry.

“Elly is getting worse, faster than the doctors even predicted.” She said and her bottom lip began to quiver a bit before she blinked rapidly a few times and cleared her throat.

“Is there nothing else they can do for her?” I asked, genuinely hoping there was some chance that there was something to try yet.

“The doctors are suggesting a full-time residency… a nursing home…” Grace nearly choked on the words as she spoke them and her hand held in mine clenched.

The tears welled up in her eyes and she dabbed at them with a tissue in her free hand. There was really nothing I could say about that, but I knew in my heart that it would hurt Kathie deeply if it came to that. At that moment we could hear Kathie coming down the stairs, Grace looked at me pleadingly.

“Don’t say anything yet, not yet, please?” I she implored me.

I squeezed her hand and looked into her eyes and nodded reassuringly. By the time Kathie entered the kitchen again Grace had pulled herself together and merely looked tired instead of distraught. We all stood to leave and Kathie and I kissed in parting before she and Grace climbed into her car. I promised to call her later in the day or that evening at least.

The weeks seemed to drag by after the first of the year. Studying for finals and work for me anyway took up a lot of our free time. Kathie was more and more distracted with her mother however and I could tell it was wearing on her. There was a brief while where Elly seemed to be improving a bit, at least her spirits were higher but now I look back and know that that was just a facade she was putting on for everyone else. The ALS was wreaking havoc with her body. She had entirely lost the use of her legs by this point and her hands and arms were so weak she couldn’t hold a cup of coffee or feed herself anymore. I helped move a tv into her bedroom one weekend so that she could watch it from her bed. It was sad to look into her eyes at that point. The happiness had all but vanished, there was only hopelessness and defeat. I remember coming by one afternoon to pick up Kathie for a date, I sat with Elly in her room for a while before Kathie was ready to go. Mostly we sat quietly and watched the tv on the dresser but at one point she flexed her fingers on her right hand to get my attention. I reached out and took her hand in mine and I could see tear welling up in her eyes. Her feeble grip almost made me want to cry.

“Jim… I know you love my girl. Please promise to take care of her for me.” She said in a choked whisper as her eyes bored into mine.

I realized that she was seeking some kind of reassurance that I would be there for Kathie after she was gone. When I nodded and kissed her hand gently, she smiled just a bit. I stood next to her bed and with my free hand I brushed some loose hair off her face back behind her ear. I bent down and whispered in her ear.

“She is my heart and she is my life, Elly. No one can love her as much as you do but I will do the best I can, I promise with all my heart.” I then kissed her lightly on her cheek and pulled back so that she could look into my eyes once more.

Again, she gripped my hand with hers, and it was surprisingly stronger for a moment. The sad smile was still there but there was a look of relief in her eyes now too. Kathie walked in about that time and came over to her mother’s bed and kissed her on the cheek before we left for our date. We passed Grace in the hallway on our way out. She told us to have fun.

We went to a movie that night, I don’t recall what it was really. It was some silly action-adventure movie of some sort. Neither Kathie or I really paid that much attention to it as we were both lost in our own thoughts. Just being together though was what it was all about. We could just as easily have been watching traffic go by and would have been just as content as long as we were together and holding one another’s hand. After the movie we went for ice cream, Kathie smiled and reminisced about the first time I took her for ice cream and I guessed what she would like. That was certainly a night for many firsts. It was the first time she cooked for me, it was our first official date, our first ice cream together, the first time she saw Rocky Horror Picture Show, the first time we made love. It was certainly a night that will forever be stuck in my mind. I dropped her off at home afterwards, after sitting on the front porch steps side by side holding hands for almost an hour before we kissed goodnight and I headed to the farm. I had to open at Dom’s the next morning.

I got to the store at ten thirty the next morning, we open at eleven and a half an hour was usually all I needed to get the make table set up and ready to go. Everything else we prepped and readied for later in the day throughout the morning. When I walked through the door that morning though the assistant manager, I was to work with that morning, told me that some lady had been calling the store every five minutes since she had got there at ten. As she was telling me this the phone actually rang again. When she answered she looked up at me and extended her arm with the phone to me. I took the phone curious as to who would be trying to reach me so early and at work. Of course, thoughts of Kathie flashed through my mind and I was instantly on alert.

“Hello?” I spoke into the phone. From the other end of the line, I heard sobbing and then.

“Jim! She’s gone!” Kathie’s terrified voice wrenched at my heart.

My stomach went ice cold and I had to sit down. The look of shock and worry must have been all over my face as my assistant manager practically leapt out of her chair and let me sit down. In a shaky, fearful even, voice I asked.

“Your mom? Elly?” I asked in hopes that I was wrong but I knew in my heart that that’s exactly who it was.

“She’s gone Jim! What am I going to do? Oh my god! I need you! Please…” She sobbed on the line and again my heart wrenched in my chest as if someone had literally reached in and was squeezing it.

I guess Kathie’s voice carried loudly enough that my assistant manager heard both my end of the brief exchange and Kathie’s. As I looked up lost in indecision, my yet unspoken question was answered by the assistant manager who simply nodded her head with a sad understanding look on her face and a waving hand that said GO!

“I’ll be there as fast as I can… I’m on my way.” I told Kathie as I stood from the chair and reached to hang up the phone. Looking again at my friend and manager she simply waved her hand again even as she reached for the phone with the other hand.

“GO!” she said and with that I was running out the door and jumping in my bug to tear out of the parking lot as fast as that little green Volkswagen would move me.

I’m not sure how fast I traveled first through the neighborhood where I was working, then across half the town to finally pull up to Kathie’s house but I am sure I broke numerous laws and even common sense. When I pulled up to the house, the first thing I saw was a firetruck driving off, there was still a fire department ambulance truck parked in front of the house with its lights flashing. There were a couple of guys in uniform standing outside on the front porch speaking to one another as I raced to the door and went in.

I was halfway through the foyer when Kathie exploded out of the kitchen door, her eyes were red from crying and her face was a mask of horror and loss but the pained smile on her face when she saw me almost hurt even more. It hurt in my heart because I knew that pain, I knew that I could not take it away from her and the smile on her face, such that it was, told me she thought that I might be able to. No time to explain though as we were locked in one another’s embrace and I held her as she sobbed and trembled.

I held Kathie, standing there in the foyer of that old house for some time, how long I’m not really sure but eventually the reality of the situation crashed back in upon us. Grace came out of the kitchen, her face pale and stricken, her eyes reddened and puffy from crying. She clutched a handful of tissue to her chest when she saw me standing there holding Kathie. Her bottom lip quivered and I could see fresh tears welling up in her eyes as her heart broke yet again at seeing her niece in such obvious distress. My vision of her was a little blurry however as my own eyes were threatening to spill over as well.

I extended my left arm and Grace stepped into my embrace and we both hugged and held Kathie for a few minutes more. The spell was broken however when one of the firemen or E.M.T.s came through the front door leading another man with a case and a clipboard. The word coroner was embroidered on an armband on his sleeve. Grace kissed Kathie’s head and stepped away to lead the two men back through the kitchen and down the hall to Elly’s room.

It couldn’t have been more than a minute or two later when Kathie heaved a heavy sigh then turned still holding me about the waist as if she would fall otherwise, and lead us into the kitchen. As we entered the room, I saw the nurse sitting at the kitchen table her arms hanging limply at her sides as she sat like a solemn statue with a sad faraway look on her face. Her eyes, too, were puffy from crying. Lying open on the table in front of her was her care ledger that she used to keep track of medications and dosages as well as therapy and other activities involving Elly’s care.

I guess today would be the final entry. Somehow that thought finally drove home the permanence of the loss. I could feel my heart once more crawling into my throat as Kathie still clung to me and her head was resting against my shoulder as we watched the coroner and the fireman exit Elly’s room. The coroner was writing on his clipboard.

The fireman was speaking quietly to Grace as she emerged from the room as well. Grace had the tissue in her hand at her eyes dabbing away yet more tears as she nodded to whatever the fireman was saying to her. The coroner finished whatever he was writing and when he entered the kitchen, he paused for a moment to offer condolences to Kathie before exiting through foyer and out of the house with the fireman.

Grace paused beside the nurse still sitting there stoically as if numb. Grace rested a hand gently on her shoulder and squeezed then patted it softly but otherwise didn’t say anything. What was to be said? I pulled out a chair for Kathie and had her sit. I stood behind her chair and rested my hands on her shoulders, she put her hands atop mine and just leaned back into my abdomen and sobbed quietly. My heart was breaking at the thought of her in pain. It was a pain I knew all too well and I would not wish it on anyone let alone someone I loved so dearly and completely. I knew, too, that it was far too soon to even offer any words of consolation.

No, words just wouldn’t help at this point. Just being there and letting her know that she was not alone was the best thing I could do, for now. The phone rang and that caused Kathie to jump, the sound startling her for a moment. Grace stood and went to answer the phone. She spoke briefly and thanked whoever was on the other end before hanging up the receiver and hanging her head and sobbing again for a moment before wiping her eyes with her now sodden tissues. She turned and walked the three or four steps to Kathie’s side and rested a hand atop hers on her shoulder where she was still holding on my hand.

“They will be here shortly to move Ell… you mother’s body… They said that if we wanted to spend any last moments with her now would be best. We need to remove her jewelry…” Grace managed to say in a halting struggling emotional voice.

Kathie took a deep breath and sighed another long weary heart wrenching shuddering sigh. She struggled to her feet and holding Grace by one hand and me by the other we all went down that hallway to Elly’s room.

Upon entering the room, it seemed somehow empty now to me. Yes, Elly was still lying in her bed as if asleep but the coroner or the fireman or someone had pulled the sheet up over Elly’s face, perhaps in decorum for the deceased but for Kathie it was both startling and another stab of painful realization that her mother was no more. This lifeless shell was just that, an empty shell. Grace stopped for a moment and bowed her head and closed her eyes as she made the sign of the cross. Then taking a deep breath she stood straight and walked around the foot of Elly’s bed to the other side. She lifted the sheet and then the blankets and pulled them all the way down to Elly’s knees. Elly’s jaw was agape as there was no life in her to keep it closed. Thankfully her eyes were closed. Kathie raised her hand to her mother’s face and gently stroked her cheek with the backs of her fingers. I could see fresh tears spilling out of her eyes and running down her cheeks. Using the same hand, she brushed a few stray locks of hair off Elly’s face to behind her ear.

Grace gently pulled the top of Elly’s gown down from her neck to expose a silver chain around her neck with a crucifix and a small heart charm on it resting against her skin. Fortunately, the clasp was near her collarbone so Grace unhooked it and gently pulled the chain from around Elly’s neck. She refastened the connector and spilled it into an open palm. She then pulled the gown back up to Elly’s neck before she lovingly ran her right hand down Elly’s left arm to her wrist that she took hold of and lifted gently.

Elly’s hand hung limply, lifeless, as Grace unfastened a slim gold bracelet with Kathie’s name inscribed on it. She sat the bracelet on Elly’s gown at her waist along with the chain and pendants. Still with gentleness, Grace reluctantly moved to Elly’s left hand and held it looking at her wedding band and engagement ring. Despite having divorced Kathie’s father, she never took off her rings. They were part of her life, a better part of her life given to her by the man she loved and who loved her. Grace gently slid them off of her fingers, those shrunken emaciated now lifeless fingers that were growing cold. Grace then gently laid Elly’s hand back to her side.

She reached over Elly’s body and picked up her right hand with the same gentleness and first slipped off Elly’s slim gold banded wrist watch. Then another ring from that hand. Again, she placed the hand back to her side and then picked up the rest of the jewelry and turned and pulled out a small silk bag from the night stand drawer. She put the jewelry in the bag and drew it closed. Looking down at Elly once more with teary puffy reddened eyes, Grace bent over and kissed her departed sister on the forehead then whispered something into her ear that I could not hear.

All the while Grace was removing the jewelry Kathie stood beside the bed and just trembled and shook. She sobbed and sniffed and tears flowed. When Grace was done and had whispered whatever it was to her sister’s ear she came back around the bed to our side and hugged Kathie long and hard they both sobbed and shook as they mourned as family. Finally, they straightened up once more and Grace turned to the side of the bed and began to reach for the covers and sheet, but Kathie paused her with a hand on her arm. Kathie then bent over and laid her head on her mother’s breast and hugged her one last time as she wept. She rose up and then leaned over and kissed her mother’s lips and rested her forehead to her mother’s before stepping back and nodding silently.

I put my hands on her shoulders as Grace pulled the covers and sheet back up and once more covered Elly’s face and head. Standing back, she once more bowed her head, closed her eyes and made the sign of the cross as she clutched that silk bag to her breast and said some whispered prayer for her sister. She then turned to Kathie and took her hands in both of her own. She placed the silk bag in Kathie’s hands and closed them over it.

“These are not mentioned in her will, she specifically said you were to have these when the time came…” Grace choked out with halting sobs.

“Now come on, let’s go make some tea…” Grace said and tried to smile, but somehow, with the puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks it just almost seemed grotesque, at best it was labored, but she was trying her best I knew.

I myself gently pulled Kathie’s shoulders, or at least motioned to follow Grace but I did not force her to move or turn away from her mother’s body as it rested on the bed. Kathie did turn in a moment and stumbled along almost as if she were asleep, her mind was elsewhere of course, her body was just here. I knew how that felt, so I stayed close.

When we returned to the kitchen, the nurse was just hanging up the phone and she closed her ledger. Grace walked over to her and the two women embraced and held one another for a long moment or three. I couldn’t make out what they were murmuring to one another but I gathered that Grace was reassuring the nurse that both Kathie and she would be okay and that the nurse shouldn’t be hard on herself. It was not her fault. The nurse stepped over to Kathie as she sat in a chair at the table, and rested a hand on Kathie’s shoulder for a moment.

“I am so sorry Kath… Please let me know when the arrangements are made.” She said choking on the last as she turned and gathered her ledger and a small bag and walked out of the kitchen trough the foyer.

We heard the front door close in a moment or so later. Grace went about putting a kettle on the stove to boil and brought out three mugs, spoons and some teabags and some sugar. I pulled up a chair next to Kathie and she leaned her head over onto my shoulder. I held her left hand in my right. Her right hand still clutched the silk bag with her mother’s jewelry in it.

When the water was hot, Grace poured the mugs and put tea bags in each. She put two spoonfuls of sugar into Kathie’s mug and stirred it with a spoon as Kathie sat there almost catatonic clutching the bag in one hand and my hand in the other. Grace glanced up at me as if to ask something. I silently just shook my head and gave her a sad smile. With my left hand I idly dipped my teabag in and out of the hot water in my mug. It was a quiet, a painfully quiet time… aside from the sniffles and gasping breaths as each remembered to breath now and then. There was a heavy pall hanging over them, I felt it too. I may not have known Elly long but I had come to admire her and love her in my own way. Sometime later the doorbell rang and there was knocking at the front door. Grace went to answer it and as it turned out it was the transport team that was sent to collect Elly’s body to bring to the University hospital.

Elly had agreed to leave her body to be examined and studied by the doctors treating her ALS in hopes that their findings might lead to helping someone else in the future. After they were done with her and whatever organs that could be harvested had been taken, she wished to be cremated. Her ashes to be interred in a family plot in Ohio. There would be a small family service of remembrance at their home church but no funeral the traditional sense. But that might be a while.

The transport team was respectful and efficient, they moved Elly’s body into a bag and onto a gurney that was covered respectfully with a sheet before taking her through the house and out to their vehicle. After they had departed, Kathie, Grace and I moved to the den and we all sat on the sofa I on one side to Kathie’s left and Grace on her right. Before sitting down Grace had turned on the television if for nothing else but background noise. We all sat silently, lost in our own thoughts.

After about an hour Grace began to talk. I guess she had to get it out, in some way explain what had happened for Kathie’s benefit as much as for her own. She spoke of how Elly had seemed so tired and defeated last night as she said goodnight to her. She said that Elly had told her that she loved her and asked her to watch out for Kathie. Grace had heard these things before so she didn’t really think much of it last night. For some reason Elly wanted to stress that Kathie should finish her schooling no matter what.

Then this morning when the nurse went to make her morning wake up call and check her vitals and give her morning medications, she found Elly unresponsive. She had died in her sleep. The nurse immediately called for emergency services but even she knew it was too late. The coroner looked through the nurse’s medication schedule and log and found nothing amiss. They will do an autopsy of course but there’s no getting around that. She said that they would have to call Elly’s lawyer on Monday and see what the next steps are from there.

All the while Kathie remained silent. When Grace fell silent again, Kathie squeezed my hand fiercely with hers then let go as she leaned over to wrap Grace in her arms. The two girls sat there and rocked each other in their arms. Embarrassingly my stomach growled, I was mortified until both Grace and Kathie chirped a muted giggle. I began to apologize and I’ll be damned if my stomach didn’t grumble again only louder. Now both girls were giggling and sniffing at the same time. Now I was ready to find a hole and just drop into it, the irreverence! Sadly though, it may have been what both of them needed at the time. It pulled them back to the mundane day to day life, despite the drama and sadness of the day. Grace was the first to voice her thoughts, as usual.

“Oh dear! I just realized, we’ve not eaten anything today.” She said with a start.

Kathie just kind of shrugged dismissively but her own stomach belied her indifference by grumbling at that moment. Grace giggled again and stood to go to the kitchen. I stood as well and I extended a hand to Kathie which she took and we all went to the kitchen.

Kathie was still pretty much catatonic so I helped her sit at the table and then Grace and I began trying to come up with something to fix to eat. Looking through the fridge I found a half-eaten roasted chicken. I had a thought of maybe a soup. Nobody wanted a heavy meal on a day like this. I asked Grace if they had any carrots and onions, maybe some pasta of some sort. In no time we were assembling ingredients into a stock pot. Butter, veggies I added water and cut up the chicken into pieces and added it to the pot. I kept asking Kathie about the ingredients and steps for making biscuits to keep her engaged in things other than her obvious mourning.

I knew it was just a distraction but I thought she needed a little distraction at that moment. It worked to some extent, at least I got her to talking a little bit. Grace must have realized what I was doing because she gave me a sad smile from time to time and nodded silently to me in thanks. With the soup assembled and simmering on the stove, biscuits in the oven we all sat at the table and… well… just were there for each other. I felt a little removed of course because I wasn’t blood family but I was part of the family… Grace made that clear, as did Kathie.

When the biscuits were done, I put some egg noodles on to cook. It was an old trick that I still use even to this day. Never cook the noodles in the soup, add the soup to the noodles when you serve it. That way they don’t dissolve as they cook. We all had a small bowl of soup when it was ready. It was good but none of us really had much of an appetite. I was happy that Kathie at least ate half of her soup and part of a biscuit. After we cleared the table and cleaned up, Grace excused herself explaining that she had to make some phone calls to inform family and friends of what happened. Kathie paled when she realized that she would have to tell both her brother and her father about her mother’s passing. Grace said she would handle it and not to worry.

I asked Grace if she would be okay alone for a little while and she said she would. With a lump in my throat, I asked Kathie if she would come with me. She looked at me in askance not sure what I had in mind but I think in her heart she needed to escape this house at least for a while, the pall of sadness was just too heavy to breath. I took her hand in mine and we left the house. I loaded her into my little green bug and we drove out to Jacobson Park and to our happy place. That very picnic table by the lake where I had taken her not long after we had met, the same place that I had proposed to her. I felt in my heart she needed to remember some happiness.

I think she finally understood what I had in mind when we pulled into the park and drove around the lake to our picnic table. We got out of the car and walked hand in hand to the table and sat down to watch the sun set on the other side of the lake. Of course, we were mobbed by the ducks and Kathie actually giggled a bit at their antics before they wandered off disappointed that we had no food for them. Sitting side by side on the table with our feet on the bench seat, Kathie clutched her heart pendant in her left hand and my right hand in hers… I put my left arm around her shoulder and she leaned into me as we watched the slow decline of the sun. We sat in silence for a while, other than an occasional sniffle from one or the other of us. It was Kathie who finally broke the silence.

“She’s not hurting anymore…” the words were spoken so softly I almost didn’t hear them. I squeezed her hand gently with my own but kept silent yet.

“She told me the other night that she was sorry that she was such a burden on me and Grace.” Kathie spoke softly again and pressed her head harder against my shoulder and sniffed new tears.

“She loved you very much Kathie, you were the world to her.” I spoke softly into her hair and squeezed her shoulder. Kathie gave a little bark almost a laugh.

“She adored you too you know.” Kathie said and squeezed my hand for emphasis.

“In her eyes you were my knight in shining armor…. In my eyes too babe.” Kathie then took a big deep breath and began shaking again.

“This is so hard Jim… I don’t know what to do… she’s gone.” She sobbed. I just held her quietly and let her cry some more.

In my mind I kept hearing the mantra I said for the longest time when I endured my own loss some years back. Words that my own father had given me.

“Kath… I know nothing I say right now can ease your pain. I know, I’ve been there. I do want to say something though, something you might think about. Years ago, when I lost Michelle…” I gasped at my own pain in my heart revisited…

“When I lost Michelle, my father told me something that did help me eventually. It took me a long time to actually figure it out and see the wisdom in the words.”

I paused partly to make sure I could word it to make sense for Kathie and partly to see if she were actually listening to me. She was, she turned her red teary eyes to me with a glimmer of hope in them. She was desperate to ease this enormous pain she was feeling. So, I went on.

“If it were the other way around… had it been you that passed instead of your mom…, would you want her to be in pain or heart sick every time she thought of you?” I asked… Kathie shook her head, her eyes filling yet again with tears.

“My father told me to think of the good times, the happiness the love and joy you shared together. You need to… remember the joy. I know that’s how I would like to be remembered when I go. I want people to think of me and smile and feel the love that we shared, the happiness and the joy.” I told Kathie and she got a faraway look in her eyes as she looked inside herself as she mulled over the words I had just spoken. She leaned her head once more into my shoulder and took another long shuddering breath.

We sat like that gazing across the lake as the sun dipped below the horizon and the golden light on the lake began to fade to the azure blues and darkness of the coming night. I was surprised that no one came by to run us out of the park now that it was dark. Eventually Kathie squeezed my hand and spoke softly in a steady voice.

“Thank you, Jim, that does help… what you said. I know mom would not want me to cry over her, even if I can’t help myself.” I squeezed her shoulder again and lifted my hand to her chin and turned it to look me in the face. Well, as much as she could in the new darkness of the evening anyway.

“I didn’t say that you shouldn’t cry babe. You’re going to cry and cry and cry and then cry some more, it’s what we mortals do when we hurt. The tears will pass though, and when they do you need to grab on to those good memories and hang on tight. Cherish them. When you feel sad, think of something happy that you shared. Remember the joy, not the sadness.” I reinforced what I had said earlier. Kathie looked at me and nodded her head. I leaned over and kissed her forehead before wrapping both arms around her and hugging her tightly.

“Remember the joy…” She repeated into my neck as we hugged. Not long after that we walked back to my car and then drove back to the house.

We found Grace sitting at the kitchen table, her head down in her hands with her elbows propped on the table top. There was a pad of paper and a pen in front of her with notes scribbled in her handwriting, names listed and scratched through, dates written beside them and additional phone numbers. She raised her weary red rimmed eyes to us as we entered the kitchen. There was a sad smile on her face but the pain was still there. Kathie walked to her and wrapped her arms around her neck and hugged her to her chest and kissed the top of her head.

I ended up spending the night that fateful day. Kathie and I both fell asleep on her bed fully clothed with her held in my arms. She just needed someone to hold her. The next morning was somber, as to be expected, it was a Sunday and Grace wanted to attend mass. Kathie and I went along too even though I was not of the Catholic faith. I felt awkward dressed in my regular street clothes, the same ones I began the day with yesterday in fact. But it was not about me it was just my giving support to the girl I loved in the time of her need.

The three of us sat at the back of the congregation as we were not regular members of this parish but we were welcomed all the same. I did speak with a young priest briefly while everyone was being seated before the mass began. I told him that Kathie’s mom had passed just yesterday and why I was here with them. He thanked me for the information and stopped by the pew and had a few words with Grace and Kathie before going about his duties or whatever.

There was no announcement during the mass but the priest giving the sermon did make a point of speaking with Grace and Kathie again when the mass was over. He offered confession and or to sit with them privately and pray with them if they were so inclined. The girls thanked him but declined. He said he would pray for Elly and the family and blessed them before we left.

Back at the house an eerie quiet that greeted us. The big old house seemed different now, even to me. It was as if a warmth had left the building. Yeah, it all looked the same, but again… it was just quiet. Grace excused herself saying that she was going to lie down for a while. Before she left the room, the kitchen where we were all standing, she gave Kathie a long hug… and turned to go upstairs… but she stopped and looked at me askingly. I nodded slightly and opened my arms wide as she stepped in and we hugged as well. In my ear she whispered an urgent plea so softly that I almost imagined it.

“Please stay with her Jim.” Then she broke our hug as if she hadn’t spoken anything. I looked her in her eye and nodded slightly again to which she gave me a sad smile before turning and continuing into the foyer and then on upstairs.

I turned to see Kathie standing at the end of the counter near the stove, one hand extended and her fingers delicately touching an upended earthenware mug with a raised heart that formed the “O” in Mom raised and painted on the side. As I stepped towards her, I heard her mumble just barely under her breath. Her left hand clutching her double heart pendant and the fingers of her right touching the mug…

“Remember the Joy…” Her lips barely moving other than to tremble and quiver… a single tear escaped her eye and ran slowly down her right cheek. I wrapped my arms around her waist from behind and snuggled my chin in the crook of her neck at her shoulder and just stood there holding her. Letting her know that she was not alone. Eventually she withdrew her right hand and made to turn in my arms.

Looking up at me with those watery red rimmed but still infinitely beautiful grey brown eyes… there was such sadness in them that it made my own heart hurt at her pain. It was a pain that I was all too familiar with and I knew how raw and overwhelming it was for her at this time. I raised my right hand from her waist to gently push a few stray locks of her long curly hair from her face behind her left ear. I tipped her head forward and I kissed her forehead gently. Kathie leaned into me and placed her head on my shoulder and we just stood there a while.

Eventually Kathie took a long deep breath and pulled back from me a bit. She reached for my left hand with her right and turned to lead me across the kitchen and down the hall to her late mother’s room. As we entered the room it seemed so dark and gloomy with the low light of the bedside lamp and the curtains drawn. The room still smelled of disinfectant and other smells associated with the infirmed.

Releasing my hand Kathie walked to the window and opened the curtains wide and raised the shades. She tried to open the window but struggled as it was stuck. I went over and helped her open it up. A breeze of fresh air immediately began flowing into the room causing the curtains to flutter. Kathie crossed her arms and turned to look about the room. In my mind she was looking for her mother, or perhaps memories of her in any case.

She picked up a shawl from the back of the chair next to one side of the bed and held it to her face and inhaled a long breath through her nose, smelling her mother’s faint scent. Still clutching the shawl in one hand she walked to the side of the bed and reached out to touch a picture of herself with her mother and her aunt Grace from some time in their collective past. Kathie looked to be about twelve years old maybe a little older. The three were all smiling and looked as if they had just shared a good laugh.

Kathie picked up the photo in its frame and turned and sat on the edge of the bed. She looked up at me and twitched her head as if to say come join me, so I did. I sat next to her on the bed and put my right arm around her shoulder and she leaned into me.

“We were so happy back then… Life was so much simpler.” Kathie said as she stroked a finger across the surface of the picture, touching her mother’s face. “This was taken at a family picnic. I think it was a reunion or something, I don’t remember exactly.” She added before she drew the picture to her breast as if to hug it or maybe to hug her mother one last time.

“She’ll always be with you Kath… in your heart, in your soul… she’s part of you… and always will be.” I murmured into her hair. “You are her legacy.”

We sat there on the edge of Elly’s bed for some time… how long doesn’t really matter even if I could tell you. What was important was that Kathie was not alone. I had been in her spot, kind of. I was fortunate that I had such a loving and caring group of friends and of course my family around me but even then, I felt so all alone. I couldn’t bear to have Kathie feel that way, not now, not ever if I could prevent it. I ended up staying the night again that night.

Again, we slept fully clothed on top of her bed, arm in arm. She did sleep better, even though she did seem to have a couple of bad dreams. The next day was Monday and I needed to go to classes and later to work. Kathie would be missing her classes that day and accompanying Grace to the lawyer’s office to handle matters concerning her mother. I told Kathie I would call that evening from work. It was a somber goodbye that morning, and truth be known I didn’t concentrate much on school that day, my mind was elsewhere. I was similarly foggy at work that evening as well. Oh, I managed to get things done, even smiled on deliveries but my mind and heart was elsewhere.

I called Kathie from work as I was being checked out for the night. She told me about the long afternoon with the lawyer and going over her mother’s will. They also met with her mother’s former boss and found out that Kathie would be able to stay in the house for the rest of this school year at least. She was told that she could wave her classes this semester because of the death in the family or some little used clause or something, not that she was going to use it. She and Grace had then gone to the University hospital where her mother’s body had been taken for the autopsy and organ recovery. Elly’s doctors had a long talk with them in private. She learned that they had found undigested pills in her mother’s stomach that indicated a massive overdose of her pain medication. But the fact that the treatment logs and charts and the inventory of the medicines showed nothing missing or out of place. The conclusion or at least implied conclusion was that Elly had herself, hoarded her pain meds and then taken them all at once.

“Jim… they tried to tell me that mom killed herself! Maybe not in so many words but that’s what they were saying.” Kathie keened into the phone. I felt ice in my stomach as much from the possibility as from the sound of anguish in Kathie’s voice. I literally felt my throat choking as I tried to speak.

“Kath… You knew your mom better than anyone… you would have known if she had even thought of something like that… wouldn’t you?” I reasoned lamely as the realization grew in my gut that that’s exactly what she had done. The silence on the phone told me that Kathie was thinking the same thing or something similar anyway.

“I… I don’t know what to think anymore Jim… I… Oh god! I just want this nightmare to end!” She sobbed then the sound of the phone clattering against something hard like the table or maybe the floor. I could still hear Kathie sobbing and a moaning wail rose… so pitiful it hurt me. Then the phone was being picked up again.

“Hello? Who’s there?” the voice asked… it was Grace.

“It’s me, Jim… Grace… Kathie?” I pleaded worrying about her as I could still hear her sobbing.

“She’s right here Jim… I’ve got her, I’ll be with her.” Grace said over the phone as I could hear her murmuring to Kathie trying to console her.

“Grace? Should I come over?” I asked even though I was already planning to, at least in my own mind.

“It’s okay Jim, I’m here… Maybe it should just be us girls tonight… I think we are both due a good cry. Why don’t you go home to your family tonight? See your own mother and hug her and kiss her. Cherish her Jim. Tomorrow will look better, we’ll work it out.” Grace said in a soft voice.

My heart wrenched thinking that I would be abandoning Kathie at a time like this but Grace had implied in her roundabout way that I should give Kathie, and her, some time alone tonight. To grieve, to rage, to mourn… to whatever. And that I should take the time to remember how lucky I was to have my own mother still with me. When I got to my car a little later, I sat there behind the wheel and bawled like a little baby. It all hit home. Yes, I was still blessed to have my mother. And knowing that made the thought of Kathie’s loss even more poignant and saddening.

I did go home that night, to the farm, to my own family. I did hug my mother, tightly and for a long time. I told her I loved her and I was happy that I still had her. She wasn’t sure where that had come from or why but she liked it all the same. Of course, my mom knew that I was troubled by something that I wasn’t talking about but she let me have my space. My mom knew me better than I knew myself, I think. Even if she didn’t know all or even part of what I was up to most of the time. I’d always been a shy kid, and it carried over into my adult life as well. Shy and introverted, quiet… private.

As much as my mom would have loved to know about my personal and love life I’d never really shared much. Oh, she knew when I was seeing someone, especially if it was something serious. If I were in love, I guess I couldn’t hide it from her but she never pressed me on anything really. And I never volunteered much. Even, I realized, the fact that I had asked Kathie to marry me. I had planned on telling my mom and dad and the rest of the family eventually but… I don’t know, I was waiting for the right time? I didn’t want anyone to make a fuss over me… maybe I feared that it wouldn’t last, that this ray of hope, this dream, would vanish if too many people made a big deal over it. I don’t know. I did however tell my mom about Kathie’s mom passing away. Of course, that immediately brought on the concerns and worries. I reassured her I was okay but I was worried about Kathie. Mom told me she would say a prayer for Kathie and her family. Then she kissed me goodnight and went off to bed. I too went to bed… and lay awake and thought, and prayed and eventually fell asleep.

Dreams… sometimes they are wonderful, sometimes they are frightening, more often than not they are simply confusing. Sometimes however, they can be disturbing. My mind was wreaking havoc on my heart that night. I was not visited by ghosts from my past. I only had vague images from what might come to be, things that have not happened, more impressions than actual events or “things” I guess. Again, I saw my Kathie in a yard playing with a ball… well… holding it and turning it in her hands. There were no children in this dream, and Kathie turned to look at me and she was… she was crying. Tears were streaming down her cheeks even as she looked at me lovingly and smiled a sad sad smile. She would look back at the ball in her hands as she turned it this way and that before setting it down gently in the grass and touching it gently once more and then reluctantly standing back up and walking away from it. Walking away… not towards me… but towards something… something else. I awoke with a start that next morning… my heart was racing and I was out of breath. What the hell? I couldn’t shake the feeling of foreboding, try as I might.

I didn’t see Kathie on campus the next day. I drifted through my classes on autopilot while my mind wandered and wondered where she was and how she was. I had knots in my stomach from worry knowing that she was in such turmoil and pain. The more I thought about what she had been told by Elly’s doctors the more I saw how it could be imagined that Elly had taken her own life. In fact, I was pretty sure she had done just that, and the worst part was I knew why she had done it. Elly had seen the downhill slope that was her life expectancy. It was fraught with increasing dependency on others and frustratingly less control of her own body and even thoughts.

Elly saw that others, especially her baby girl and her dear sister would be spending more and more of their own time caring for her instead of living their own lives. In short, she was a burden that was becoming heavier and heavier to bear. My heart ached for her and her tortured thoughts. My heart broke for the pain that she passed to the very ones that loved her the most. Yes, Elly was beyond her own pain and suffering now, for that I was grateful of course but it had landed squarely on Kathie and to some extent her sister Grace. Had the doctors not informed us, well, Kathie and Grace, of their findings it would have been sad, Elly’s passing but now it was tinged with questions that will be forever asked without ever getting definite answers. Chief among them… “Why?”

I tried to call Kathie at home twice during the morning and afternoon when I didn’t see her on campus. There was no answer. I thought maybe she and Grace had gone to another meeting or something. Still, I worried.

I went to work at Dom’s that evening and as soon as the dinner rush had passed, I tried to call her again. Still no answer. And my gut churned. Where could she be. After I got checked out and sent home I drove by the house. There weren’t any lights on and Kathie’s car was gone. I sat there in front of the house, in my car, for maybe a half an hour. I held my key ring in my hand and fingered the house key that Elly had given me long ago… I still didn’t feel right using it. Instead, I started my car up and reluctantly drove on home to the farm.

The next day I only had one class and it was late in the morning. I got to campus early though so I went to the student center and called Kathie’s house from there. I finally got an answer.

“Hello?” Grace’s voice responded over the phone line.

“Grace… it’s Jim.” I said in a calmer voice than my insides should have allowed.

“Oh Jim…” Grace said with a mixture of relief and worry it sounded to my ears.

“Is… Is Kathie around?” I faltered, the fine hairs on the back of my neck standing up as if in premonition to bad news.

“Well, she’s not in the house if that’s what you mean… She said something about going to someplace she could think. I’m worried Jim, she’s hardly spoken a word for the last day and a half. We drove to Ohio to speak with the church where we are going to have her mother’s services. We had called the day before but they had heard about Elly’s autopsy and they had at first declined to allow for her memorial to be held in the church or her ashes to be interred in the cemetery in the family plot.” Grace gushed in a tortured voice.

“Because… it looked like she died by suicide.” I stated rather than asked. The momentary pause on the other end of the phone line confirmed my suspicions.

“Y… Yes… how did you…” I heard Grace cover her mouth to stifle an anguished sound. “It was an accident Jim, that’s what he doctors said.” She added in a firmer voice, as much, I suspected, to convince herself as to tell me.

“Of course, Grace…” I said softly, “That would make it… acceptable to the church. I understand. Is that… is that what’s bothering Kathie?” I asked even though I already knew that’s exactly what the problem was… or at least a big part of it anyway.

“I don’t know Jim, she’s hardly spoken since we met with the priests.” She spoke again with that worried edge in her voice.

I told Grace I would find her, I thought I might know where she would have gone to… think. I promised that I would bring her home or at least call to let her know. After we hung up, I headed for the stadium blowing off my only class for that day. The drive wasn’t a long one as far as time actually passes but, in my mind, it was almost an eternity of heartbeats, worried, concerned, fretting heartbeats. My little bug sputtered along through the gates of the park and along the drive around the lake to the east side of the reservoir.

I found Kathie’s big old Crown Vic parked near the shelter. I parked next to it and got out to walk the hundred yards or so to the picnic table… the same table I brought her to the first time she was here, the same table that I had proposed to her at not so long ago. There she was, sitting on the table top, her feet on the bench seat as she held herself wrapped tightly. Her head was bowed and her long curly hair was fluttering in the slight breeze coming off the lake.

I approached and climbed up to sit next to her without a word. Kathie said nothing and hardly acted as if she had noticed my arrival. After a minute or two I held out my right hand, palm up, between us as if offering her something. Kathie tilted her head slightly as if focusing on my hand, then she unwrapped her left hand and laid it into my hand and I gently grasped it. She in turn returned the grasp, perhaps in silent thanks. And we continued to sit there in silence as she contemplated what was on her mind. My being there was reassuring, at least I hoped it was.

Kathie let out a long sighing exhale and hung her head. I could feel her trembling through our held hands. Finally, she uttered two words… almost inaudible they were so quiet.

“Why Jim?” She asked, her voice so full of pain and despair that my own heart ached. She raised her head and tilted back to stare into the heavens as if there might be an answer there for her.

“Why did she kill herself Jim? She took her own life! Why would she do that? Didn’t she know how much it would hurt Me… and hurt Grace? … and my brother… Oh God!” She lamented, her voice was hoarse with emotion, and tears were streaming down her cheeks as she stared at the sky then turned to face me.

What could I say? I could never know Elly’s thoughts, anything at all would be pure speculation on my part. But I felt I had to say something, I had to offer Kathie some sort of life line, she was adrift in doubt and pain.

“Kath… We will never know exactly what she was thinking or what led her to that decision. You must have some idea of just how frustrated she was with her declining health and knowing that it would never get any better…” I paused when I felt Kathie stiffen next to me. I knew I had to soften the blow somehow, I had to get her to think for herself, maybe put herself into her mother’s place to see it from her perspective.

“Your mom loved you Kathie, more than life itself, you have to know that.” I affirmed steadfastly.

“If she loved me so much, why did she do something so hurtful and painful?” Kathie barked with a sardonic huff.

“I can’t be sure, really, I can’t but I suspect in her mind it may have been something like what she might have done for you as a child.” I began only to be interrupted by a confused look as Kathie turned to look at me like I had lost my mind.

“Do what? What are you talking about?” She demanded.

“Did you ever scrape your knee as a little girl?” I asked, and waited for her to respond.

“I… I guess, but what has that got to do with anything?” She admitted and followed with the question.

“Well, I’m sure your mom put a band aid on the wound after she cleaned it, right?” I asked and again waited. Kathie’s eyes narrowed as she struggled to understand where I was going with my questions.

“Yeah, I suppose.” She admitted, still perplexed.

“And did she ever have to change the band aid before the wound healed up?” I asked… and waited.

“Okay, yeah… but what…” She began but I continued before she could finish.

“Did it hurt?” I asked… and waited.

“Yeah, it did! It would pull the scab off… but…” again I cut her off before she could get too far.

“I’ll bet that your mom only pulled it off slow once, didn’t she?” I queried.

“Yes, after that she would just yank if off real fast so… it… wouldn’t hurt… as much…” Kathie trailed off as the connections were being made. Her eyes lost that knitted confused look as the light of recognition replaced it. Her bottom lip began to tremble once more as she looked into my eyes searching for understanding.

“Kath… Your mom, Elly, must have looked at her illness as an open wound that was going to be painful time and time again as she could only worsen. She felt she was a burden on you and Grace, everyone she loved. I think that she may have wanted her own pain to stop but it was the pain she was causing you and her loved ones that she really wanted to cut short. Her passing was still going to hurt, like that band aid, but it would be over with and quick rather than over and over and over again as she lingered and worsened… You have to know that above all else Kathie, she loved you.” I said somberly as I gazed steadily into Kathie’s eyes.

Those beautiful big grey brown eyes that were so full of pain and doubt… well… maybe not so much doubt now, but the pain was still there. Words cannot take away the pain of love lost. But there was a glimmer of understanding there now… and perhaps some acceptance. Kathie closed her eyes slowly and then leaned over and rested her head on my shoulder as she squeezed my right hand. The sound of sniffles and muted sobs mingled with the light breeze in the trees and the distant quacking of the ducks. Finally, after several minutes, Kathie spoke softly in a clearer more relaxed voice.

“I Love you, Jim… Thank you for being here for me.” She said as she drew my hand in hers to her heart.

“I… I don’t know if I would have ever thought of it that way… a band aid…” she mused sadly. “It still hurts though… so very much…” She lamented as she sniffed back more tears.

“If there were any way I could take away the pain babe… I would… in a heartbeat…” I murmured into Kathie’s hair. She squeezed my hand even tighter but didn’t say anything.

The sun had long set by the time Kathie had collected herself and was calm if still saddened. I asked her if she were okay to drive. When she said she was I told her that Grace was beside herself with worry and we really should go back to the house and do what we could to calm her down. Kathie said she felt bad because she had been so selfish in her own grief that she really hadn’t reached out to her aunt. She promised that she would do that starting tonight. I told her it would be good for both of them to lean on one another… and I would help any way I could as well. Kathie just looked at me with that sad knowing smile slowly shaking her head back and forth before wrapping her arms around me and burying her face in the crook of my neck.

“You are so different from anyone I’ve ever known before Jim. You have such a big heart. I love you so much!” She said softly before pulling back and taking my hand as we walked back to our cars. I followed her back to her house. I parked on the street, and joined her on the porch before we went inside.

We were met in the foyer by a very anxious Grace. She was literally wringing her hands in font of herself. Her eyes were full of questions and worry warped her face so that it was almost that of a stranger rather than the effervescent charming free spirit that I had come to know and love. Grace’s eyes darted between Kathie and my own as she tried to determine, first how Kathie was doing and second to see if I could give her any clues. I smiled a subdued smile and nodded my head a couple of times. Seeing this Grace visibly relaxed a bit then she swept Kathie up in her arms and hugged her fiercely while mumbling into her ear about how worried she was and wanting to know if there was anything she could do for Kathie to help out.

After a few moments I wrapped both of them in a hug making it a big group hug. Grace actually giggled a bit. I asked if it were possible to make some cinnamon tea. Grace said that it would be no problem at all and in fact that sounded like a wonderful idea. Kathie smiled too knowing that I was doing more than just requesting a favorite drink. I was getting everyone’s minds on to more pleasant memories and giving us something to do and think about other than just our grief. Grace took one hand and I took Kathie’s hand in the other and we all went to the kitchen.

I had thought to put Kathie to work as well and I asked if she could make some biscuits… only I wanted to help. She looked at me as if I were up to something, which of course I was, but she smiled suspiciously and began pulling out a bowl and ingredients all the same. As she began mixing her flour and salt, soda and baking powder I also suggested some white sugar and some lemon extract… and some butter. I cubed up the butter in small chocolate chip sized morsels and folded them into the biscuit dough when she was ready to roll it out and cut her biscuits. When they were put into the oven, I took some confectioner sugar and some whipping cream and mixed it in a bowl with a little vanilla extract to create a royal icing.

By this point both Grace and Kathie knew that we were making not biscuits but rather scones or sweet breads. When the biscuits were done, we pulled them out of the oven to cool a bit as the cinnamon tea was almost ready. Grace had been diligently mixing her spices with the tea and the apple cider, the whole kitchen smelled like a bakery and so very pleasant. I spread the icing over the still slightly warm sweet biscuits and then we all got a big mug of tea and settled at the table. There was an awkward moment when we all sat at our accustomed seats leaving Elly’s seat empty… and we realized what we had done. We all smiled at one another with sad smiles and eyes beginning to tear up again. But Grace raised her mug and gave a toast.

“Life is short, happiness if fleeting… our love never dies even if our hearts take a beating!” She proclaimed and clinked Kathie’s then my own mug and we all sipped the spicy concoction.

“Where on earth did you get that from Grace?” Kathie asked after she set her mug back down.

“It’s a line from some book I read sometime. I never really knew what it meant… until now… But it is true, isn’t it?” She asked a little subdued. I had found my hands on the mug sitting on the table top extremely interesting as she had explained the toast… thinking back through my own past from not so long ago and seeing the wisdom in her words and the truth behind them.

“I think I have to agree with you Grace… the love never dies…” I said wistfully.

Kathie reached over with her left hand and squeezed my right wrist reassuringly… knowing more about my recent past than Grace was aware of. I think it was that moment that Kathie and I bonded yet even more than we had been before. She now had a deeper appreciation for the longing and pain associated with the loss of a loved one. She raised her own mug and waited to see if Grace and I would follow.

“To love that never dies…” She said softly… and waited.

“To love that never dies.” I responded and clinked her mug.

“Here here.” Grace agreed and clinked both of our mugs.

After that we dug into the sweet biscuits and talked about anything and everything, mundane and even some preparations and plans for traveling to Ohio for the final services for Elly. The pall of sadness was persistent but that was to be expected, at least now it was not suffocatingly heavy as it was just a day ago.

I stayed that night. I had honestly planned on driving home to the farm but one look from Kathie was all it took to convince me to stay. Grace said that it would be convenient for classes in the morning anyway and I was always welcomed. I did bring up the fact that I hadn’t brought a change of clothes and frankly the ones I had on were going to be pretty ripe tomorrow. That was easily fixed though, firstly that I should just take them off so that they could be washed. This from Kathie which set Grace to giggling then they both devolved into hysterical laughter. They laughed till both were in tears and breathless. I guess it was good to let out all that built up tension over something so meaningless and mundane.

Once they had regained their composure Kathie stood from the table and took my hand and led me upstairs to her room. She had me strip and gave me her bathrobe to wear to and from the bathroom. She also laid out some sweat pants and an oversized tee shirt… well… oversized for her maybe but it was still just a bit snug on me I would find later. After directing me down the hall to the pink bathroom, she bit her lip the way she does and winked then turned on her heel to go downstairs to start the laundry. Women! I’ll never fully understand them. I made short work of the shower and dried and returned to Kathie’s bedroom and was in the process of dressing when she came back from downstairs.

“I’ll have to put your clothes in the dryer when they’ve finished washing. Maybe you should bring some clothes to keep here…” she suggested after informing me of the laundry progress.

“I gotta tell you, the thought has crossed my mind more than once but I didn’t want to presume anything and… well… it just didn’t seem right before…” I fell silent and looked away knowing I had once more touched a nerve.

“Jim…” Kathie began, then walked over and sat on the bed next to me. Taking my hand in hers she waited till I turned to look her in the eyes.

“My mother gave you a key to our house. You’re having a change or two of clothes here wouldn’t have phased her one bit. And as for Grace… she asked me why you don’t already have extra clothes here.” She said with a bit of a smirk on her softly smiling face.

“Okay. I can do that. It would save you from having to do my laundry anyway.” I grinned as I told her.

“And, we are engaged… I guess it’s not that farfetched or unusual.” I added, my grin turning into a soft warm smile that started in my heart and reflected in my eyes as well as on my lips.

Kathie responded with shining eyes and a dazzling smile of her own for a moment then it was tempered once more with the realization that her mother was gone and would not share in our happiness together. Still, Kathie leaned into me and we kissed softly and tenderly. After I moment or two Kathie broke the kiss. With her face still close to mine, her eyes closed she whispered…

“Say it again…” and took a small gasping breath as if to hold it as she waited to hear it. I smiled and felt my heart swell in my chest. I pulled her hand to my chest and pressed it to the thin tee shirt holding her palm flat against my chest. She could feel my heart beating inside of me as I spoke.

“With this beating heart, with my every breath, with my every thought… I love you.” I spoke the words with weight of the feelings behind them.

I was hers, now and forever. Kathie opened her eyes and searched mine. I could feel her searching into my soul… but she saw exactly what I had said. Her lips trembled and her eyes softened almost sadly but then she leaned in again and we kissed… and kissed… and kissed some more. Not hungry passionate kisses but sweet loving sensual kisses… two souls sharing the breath of love and life itself. I don’t remember lying back on the bed or either of us wrapping one another in our arms but that’s where we ended up. Face to face and arm in arm.

“I don’t know how I could have made it through this without you Jim. You and Grace… the two of you have been my anchors, my life lines… my sanity.” Kathie said in a soft sad voice, her eyes averting as if looking inside herself.

“You, little lady, are far stronger than you give yourself credit for. You know I’m here for you no matter what but I’ve really done nothing for you that you couldn’t have done for yourself.” I said earnestly. She smiled that smirk again but didn’t argue with me. Instead, she swatted me on the chest and sat up.

“Come on, let’s go put your clothes in the dryer.” She said with a tip of her head.

I rolled off the side of the bed and padded after her. She took my hand before we started down the stairs. As we entered the kitchen, I saw a glow from the den. Kathie and I walked over to the doorway and peeked in. Grace was sitting at one end of the sofa, the tv guide in her hands at her lap. Her head tipped over against the back of the sofa as she slept sitting up. The tv on and playing in the quiet dark of the den. I took the tv guide from her sleeping grasp and Kathie gently shook her to wake her up. She startled awake until she realized where she was and then looked sheepishly about. Kathie coaxed her into getting up off the sofa and going to bed. I had gone back into the kitchen at this point and was busying myself picking up our mugs from earlier and putting the dirty dishes in the sink to be washed.

I had just rinsed the last plate and set it in the drainer as Kathie reentered the kitchen. She stopped for a moment looking at me then tilted her head to one shoulder and smiled before going on through to the laundry room. I heard the washer lid being opened and rustling as clothes were moved to the dryer. The sound of the door closing and then a timer dial being turned just before the low whirring sound of the dryer began.

In a moment Kathie was back in the kitchen, her hands in her back pockets as she slowly ambled over to stand in front of me. That quirky little head tilt to one shoulder and giving me that slightly sidelong glance just made me want to sweep her up into my arms. Instead, I leaned back against the sink behind me, my hands on the edge of the sink. Kathie sidled up closer still, now toe to toe. She straightened up and leaned her head into mine we stood there, forehead to forehead for a moment or two before she slipped her arms around my waist and I slipped my own around her. Kathie turned her head to rest it on my left shoulder. I kissed the crown of her head.

“Kathie… say it again…” I whispered. I caught myself counting my own heart beats as I waited for her to respond. I had only gotten to three as she squeezed me tightly.

“I do… I do… I do…” She murmured into my shoulder and she began to do that little twisting/ rocking motion that had so endeared her to me early on.

In the morning, after a nice breakfast courtesy of Grace, Kathie and I both made our way to campus and to our classes. We met up at lunch time in the student center at the grill. Kathie was understandably still subdued. We both ordered a salad but I don’t think either one of us really ate anything. For Kathie it was more of just having someone near, she was still feeling overwhelmed by it all. When the noise and hustle and bustle of the normal student traffic got to be too much for her, we ditched our food and went for a walk outside. We really were walking about aimlessly but we ended up at the library. A familiar haunt for the both of us. Even as sad as she was, Kathie couldn’t help but smile at me when we saw another young couple slipping surreptitiously into the stack… looking both ways to see if anyone noticed them. Instead of following them however we found our way to a quiet corner where there were some chairs and couches for reading. That’s where we finally settled and Kathie opened up to me.

“The hospital called this morning after we left the house. Grace told me when I checked in with her before lunch that they will be releasing mom’s… body… tomorrow. The funeral home will be picking her…” Kathie faltered, her lips trembling as she took a deep breath to steel herself before continuing.

“They will be picking up the body to take it to be cremated. We should… we should be able to pick up the ashes Sunday afternoon.” Kathie informed me then seemed to deflate and shrink within herself.

I really didn’t know what to say at this point. I wondered if there was anything that needed to be said. Instead, I simply held her tightly, my arm around her shoulders as she lay her head against my chest. My right hand holding her right arm, my left holding onto her left hand in her lap. Kathie had her right hand clasped around her double heart pendant that I had given her for Christmas as well as her mother’s crucifix. After a few minutes I felt Kathie shudder slightly in my arms as she took a deep breath.

“Jim… could you… will you go with us for mom’s memorial service?” Kathie asked quietly in a hesitant voice. It almost broke my heart to hear the uncertainty in her voice.

“Of course… Kathie? You didn’t need to ask, of course I will. Elly… your mom, was important to me too. I may not have known her long, but I think I… I know I loved her for what it’s worth. If for no other reason than that she was your mom. She MADE you!” I proclaimed and squeezed Kathie in my arms to reassure her that I was here for her.

“Th… thank you…” She said and squeezed my hand in hers.

And so it was that I accompanied Kathie and Grace to Ohio that next Monday morning. We took Kathie’s big old Crown Victoria. I ended up driving as both of the girls were feeling pretty emotional. Grace rode shotgun and Kathie sat between us holding her mother’s urn with the ashes inside. I was told that I didn’t have to dress up as the service was going to be casual dress per Elly’s instructions… I still felt stiff wearing slacks and a nice shirt and a sweater.

I never have liked dressing up, it seems it’s always for a sad occasion like funerals or for some stuffy ceremony or another. This time it was for the former of course. The drive from Lexington to Cincinnati was a mostly quiet one, each of the three of us lost in our own thoughts and remembrances perhaps. Kathie spent a great deal of the trip with her head on my right shoulder and her right hand holding Grace’s hand. Grace held a damp tissue and dabbed at her eyes now and then as she stared vacantly out the passenger side window most of the trip. Once we reached Cincinnati, I needed directions to get to the church that the memorial service was to be held. As it turned out it was in a small community just north of Cincinnati proper, not actually in the city itself.

We arrived early, of course, as preparations were still in progress before the service was to begin. The urn was placed on an altar or some sort of platform I guess along with flowers and of course a picture of Elly next to it. It was an older picture of course, and it really showed her beauty, both inside and out. As they set up the picture in its alabaster frame Kathie’s eyes teared up and her lip trembled as she reached out a shaking hand and gently touched the photo.

“This was taken the year I graduated high school.” She told me, and smiled sadly before turning away to find Grace and go over what they were required to do.

Being the closest surviving family members, they would stay near the memorial to greet the other mourners and guests. Much the same way that I’ve seen my own family do at visitations before the funerals. Grace and Kathie told me that I wasn’t required to stand with them the whole time as I didn’t know any of the people coming and it would as likely confuse most needing an explanation. That could be done later. They did both stress that they would like for me to be by them when Kathie’s father showed up and her brother and his wife. I told them I’d stay close but out of the way I’d look for a signal from one or both of them to come over when they wanted me.

And so, I tried to make like a shadow and stayed unobtrusive for the most part. I think a lot of the people who began to show up thought I might have been part of the staff or something. I got a few curious looks but was soon dismissed and ignored. There were quite a few people that showed up. Kathie later explained that most were extended family but many were former coworkers from the university here in Ohio where Elly had worked prior to moving to Lexington.

Kathie’s older brother showed up about halfway through it all. He and his wife and young son. The little boy was fussy to put it mildly. Many people were giving the small family dirty looks but no one said anything outright. Grace motioned for me to come over. I was introduced to Mark and Sally and little Jacob by Kathie. When Kathie explained that I was her fiancé I was given a whole new once over by Mark however. There were halfhearted congratulations offered but that wasn’t the reason for the gathering after all. Little Jacob was squirming and crying so Sally took him away. I looked at Kathie and then at Mark who was being hugged and spoken to by Grace and I tilted my head toward them and nodded slightly and bowed out to follow Sally. Kathie smiled sadly and joined Grace in a family embrace with Mark at the altar.

I stepped outside the entrance a moment or two later to find Sally squatting down in front of Jacob holding his little arms in both of her hands as she tried to talk to him urgently and quietly the way moms do with unruly children while in public. Little Jacob was having none of it though, his little tear-stained face complete with snotty nose was demanding his nanna. Of course, he had no concept that his nanna was now dead and her body had been cremated. His mama’s tears weren’t helping as she tried to explain that he couldn’t see Nanna anymore. I came over to them and sat down on the ground next to Jacob and made a big pouty frowny face and looked at him when he turned to look at me. Sally’s puzzled expression indicated that she wasn’t sure she should stay or grab Jacob and bolt. I looked at her and winked with the eye that Jacob couldn’t see.

“Jake…” I began… only to be corrected by the little guy himself immediately.

“It’s Jacob… only my Nanna calls me Jake.” He said with a stubborn expression of defiance.

“That’s what I thought.” I said as if he had just said a magic password. “I was told you would say that.” I informed him. His defiant little face lost a little of his belligerence and he cocked his head a little to one side. Sally almost mirrored his expression but she bit her lip and her eyebrows knitted.

“Nanna told you I would say that?” Jacob finally asked suspiciously. I nodded sagely and looked around as if to make sure no one else might overhear us speaking then leaned a little closer to him and lowered my voice.

“Yeah, she did. She said you’d be looking for her today too, just like when you two would play hide and seek. Do you remember playing hide and seek?” I asked him and glanced at Sally out of the side of my eyes. She was busying darting glances between me and Jacob watching the transformation of his little tantrum to something more curious and quieter.

“I heard daddy say we were going to go see Nanna today. I wanna see my Nanna!” He stated almost plaintively but still defiantly. Again, I looked around surreptitiously and leaned over again.

“Everyone here is looking to see your Nanna… but she’s… well she’s playing hide and seek. And you are the only one who knows it… besides me and now your mom.” I almost whispered.

Little Jacob’s face changed instantly. No longer was he a whiny little boy demanding attention, now he was a co conspirator. He was helping his Nanna play her game.

“She told me you could play this game very well, that she almost never found you when you hid. She also told me that she didn’t want you to find her and give her away before the game was over so you need to keep it secret for a while. Can you do that?” I asked and looked around again.

I had to bite my tongue when Jacob too looked around to see if anyone was listening. I glanced at Sally and she smiled sadly and mouthed the words “thank you” to me. Little Jacob pulled himself up to stand straighter and looked at me and nodded his head. Once more I leaned in to whisper to him.

“There are going to be a lot of sad people here today for a little while… they’re all sad because they can’t find your Nanna either. You have to be nice and leave them alone. Just so you know, your Nanna said she’d be watching you and you know she does what she says right?” I asked raising one eyebrow before again looking around… still making sure no one overheard us. Jacob looked around again too then looked me in the eye and nodded his little head emphatically. Then he cocked his head to one side again looked to be in thought.

“Is that why daddy is so sad today?” He asked and turned to his mother as if including her in his question.

“It probably is Jake… he’s sad cause he can’t find his… your Nanna.” I confirmed and gave a look of apology to Sally who smiled and nodded, she knew that we or rather she and her husband would have to explain to little Jacob that nobody was going to be able to find his Nanna eventually.

“I’ll bet Nanna is having fun not getting found huh!” Little Jacob stated. I smiled at him and winked.

“I’ll bet she is too Jake… Let’s let Nanna have her fun though, what do you say? Can you keep her secret?” I asked and bit my lip looking over at Sally as we waited for Jacob to speak again. It didn’t take long.

“Yeah… I can keep quiet for Nanna.” He said proudly.

“And be nice to your daddy too? He’s going to be sad like a lot of people here today huh?” I asked stretching my luck maybe. Again, little Jacob spoke right up.

“I’ll be nice.” He said a little more subdued but just as emphatically.

“Great. Let’s go back inside and see if your daddy has finished talking to Aunty Grace and Aunty Kathie.” I said as I stood back up. Sally smiled at me and I just nodded in return. Jacob surprised me though but reaching up and taking hold of my hand.

“What’s your name?” He asked as it dawned on him that I hadn’t told it to him.

“My name is Jim… I guess I’ll be your Uncle Jim soon.” I told him. Jacob thought about that for a second then looked back up at me and smiled.

“Cool.” He said and then reached up and took his mother’s hand in his other hand.

Sally looked over at me again and smiled with teary eyes. We three walked back inside the church and made our way back to the altar and Grace, Kathie and Mark. Others were lining up to pay their respects and offer condolences. Mark was looking very distracted and still speaking softly with Grace. Kathie looked up and saw the three of us approaching and did a double take. Her head tilted slightly to one side as she took in the sight of Sally and I being led by little Jacob, our hands each in one of his. I could see Kathie’s body convulse slightly from a silent chuckle of disbelief as she shook her head slowly from side to side giving me a sad smile.

Grace broke away from Mark and stooped down to address Jacob. He gave up both Sally’s and my hand and wrapped his little arms around Grace’s neck as she embraced him and whispered into his ear. He whispered something back to her and she stiffened then turned her head to look at me with a puzzled expression. I guess Jacob had just spilled the beans ratting me out about sharing the secret. Grace processed this and then smiled knowingly at me and nodded her head and blinked her eyes a couple of times.

Mark and Sally took little Jacob to sit in one of the pews as others came to genuflect and give their respects. Again, I faded back into the background. Aside from an occasional glance from Jacob and one long look from Mark after Sally had whispered into his ear for a minute or so, no one paid me any attention.

At some point I guess the service had to get underway so everyone began to take seats. Grace and Kathie motioned for me to join them as they took a seat in the front pew nearest the memorial altar. The same one that Mark and Sally and little Jacob were sitting in. Mark was on the outside end of the pew furthest from the aisle, Sally next to him with Jacob between them. Grace sat next to Sally and I sat between her and Kathie. The priest took the pulpit and began with a prayer and the audience repeated or answered back every now and then, genuflecting the sign of the cross and standing and or kneeling in parts that were all foreign to me but I went along with everyone else so as not to stand out or cause a disturbance or show any disrespect. Then there were several people who spoke in turn, about Elly and what a wonderful person she had been and how she had touched many of their lives. There was a short eulogy and then another round of prayer from the priest with standing and kneeling and speaking back to the priest. I still didn’t get it. But it was not for me to understand, I guess.

Ushers came to the pew and we stood and filed out to the aisle and made our way outside to a waiting hearse. The urn and photo along with several flower arrangements were carried out and put in the back of the hearse where a traditional casket might have gone. When everyone was loaded up the small funeral procession pulled out of the church and headed to the cemetery. The cemetery was actually in Blue Ash. The drive wasn’t too long but it was long enough for me to explain to Kathie and Grace what I had said to little Jacob. Grace chuckled despite the sadness of the proceedings and gripped my hand with a powerful squeeze. Kathie just held my hand and leaned her head on my shoulder and sighed. Her smile, too, was sad but still heartfelt. I learned later that she and her brother were still somewhat estranged from when their mother and father had split up. Kathie felt that Mark had abandoned their mother.

Once the procession arrived at the cemetery and everyone unloaded and made their way to the grave side, or memorial side in this instance. The urn would be entombed in a small chamber above ground actually. The Urn was set up in the open chamber and the picture placed on a stand next to it. The floral arrangements were set up around the memorial. When everyone gathered once more there was another brief eulogy and more prayer. There were no standing and kneeling this time but there were more back and forth lines spoken between the priest and the assembly. And then it was over. People filed past the memorial and Kathie and Grace and now Mark and Sally, murmuring condolences and saying little encouraging things. I had taken Jacob by the hand and walked a way off from the crowd but still within sight of mom and dad.

“Is Nanna still watching us you think?” Jacob asked curiously.

“Jake… she said she would always be watching you. You might not see her but she would be looking out for you. She told me that she loved you very much and that you shouldn’t worry about her, she’s having fun.” I told him… I was worried that I would be making things more difficult for the little guy’s parents in the future when they had to finally explain what death was. Maybe though, maybe it would be helpful in some small way.

As the crowd dissipated I and little Jacob walked back over to join his parents and Grace and Kathie. The funeral directors were waiting to strike the tent and pack up all the chairs and the ground coverings. The cemetery workers were ready to entomb the urn and seal it in the memorial. We watched as the urn was placed inside and the covering panel was slid in and cemented into place. I noticed the words carved into the marble plate With Elly’s full name and the dates of birth, and death. Kathie and Grace both approached and genuflected making the sign of the cross, kissed their fingers and touched them to the newly sealed panel of the memorial. Mark followed doing the same. I merely reached out my right hand and touched the cover and bowed saying a short silent prayer for peace for the lady that I only knew for a short while but who had influenced and impacted my life greatly all the same. And yes, I loved her for who she was.

Grace, Kathie and I rode back to the church in the hearse. Mark and Sally and little Jacob departed from the cemetery. Everyone seemed to go their separate ways, leaving just the three of us to ourselves. Back at the church we moved to Kathie’s car and once more I was asked to drive. Rather than drive straight back to Lexington however, we took something of a little trip down memory lane. Grace and Kathie directed me down roads and through turns to reach different important locations for them. We drove by Kathie’s high school, the house that she grew up in. We went by Grace’s favorite haunts from when she was younger. Eventually however, we did end up back on the interstate and headed south back to Lexington. It was, again, a mostly quiet drive. At one point though Kathie turned to Grace with an unreadable expression on her face… I couldn’t decide if it was sadness or anger or indifference.

“He didn’t even come to the service…” Kathie said in a forlorn voice. For her part, Grace was a little more emotional, anger, definitely.

“Just as well Kitty Kat… He would probably have caused a scene.” She all but spat out, shaking her head. Kathie kept silent but hung her head sadly at Grace’s response. Grace softened her voice and squeezed Kathie’s hand before going on.

“I… I’m sorry Kathie… It just seems disrespectful… first that he ever left in the first place then not to at least be there to say goodbye. I know he loved Elly dearly in his time, and she loved him. They both loved you and always will.” The words spoken in a soft voice but there was no mistaking the love behind them. “At least Mark showed up…” Grace added before her voice faded off to silence again.

“Speaking of Mark…” Kathie said turning to look at me curiously. “What exactly did you do to little Jacob? Sally was looking at you in absolute awe when you three came back in the church.” She asked, one eyebrow raising slowly as she waited for me to explain. I grinned sheepishly and shrugged which caused Kathie to tilt her head a little to one side expectantly.

“Okay… I lied to him… sort of…” I said as I felt my face warm with the blush I knew was creeping up from my neck.

“What do you mean?” I heard Grace ask as she too was now wondering what it was that I had said or done to get the little tike to quiet down before the service.

“Well… I figured that Jake… Jacob… was a little too young to understand that your mom was gone…” I began again but choked up a bit. “I mean… I didn’t think I could explain death to one so young and it wasn’t my place to do so in the first place.” I got out before I had to clear my throat and blink several times. I felt Kathie’s hand squeeze mine in silent understanding.

“I did, however, figure that little Jake and Elly had played hide and seek, just like most every grandmother has with her grandchildren at some time or another. When he confirmed that for me I kind of went with it. I told him that Elly was playing hide and seek and was doing a really good job of it. That’s why everyone was so sad. That was easy for him to understand. I told him that Elly said he was too good at playing hide and seek so she didn’t want him looking for her this time… but that she could see him and everyone else. He kind of became a co-conspirator at that point. So, instead of a tantrum, he played along. I don’t envy Mark and Sally’s job of having to eventually explain to him that Elly won’t be coming back though….” The last part squeaking out as my throat got tight again and I had to blink to clear my eyes.

“Oh Jim… you’re a natural. You’re going to be such a wonderful father…” Kathie murmured quietly as she leaned her head on my shoulder. She kept it there pretty much the rest of the drive home.

I stayed with Kathie that night, as she didn’t want to be alone. She fell asleep in my arms… and woke up with me still holding her. We had both slept late and were still in a somber mood when we came downstairs to greet the day. Grace had been up a while apparently as she had tea and sweet cinnamon biscuits ready on the table when we arrived in the kitchen. Grace was sitting at the head of the table holding a mug of the spiced tea in one hand and idly flipping through an old photo album. Kathie went to stand beside her and give her a hug as she looked over her shoulder at the pictures Grace was looking at.

“I remember that old house…” Kathie declared as she reached out to trace a finger over the photo. “That was my Nanna’s house.” She added in a voice the clearly indicated that she had been transported back in time in that instant.

“That’s where your mother and I grew up.” Grace spoke in almost the same voice. “By the time our mother had passed it was not in the best of shape however and it was sold. Mark told me yesterday that it is back on the market, he wants to buy it.” Grace said looking up at Kathie for a moment before returning her gaze to the photo album. Kathie and I seated ourselves on either side of Grace, across the table from one another. Grace continued to slowly flip through the album pausing now and then to look closely at various photos. She found one of her and Elly’s mother and showed it to me… the resemblance to Elly was remarkable, they almost looked more like sisters. I looked up at Kathie and back at the photo and the family resemblance was just as pronounced. I glanced at Grace and wondered if perhaps she didn’t favor her father more for some reason. My thoughts were confirmed a moment later when she showed us a picture of her mother and father together with both Grace and Elly as young girls. Grace definitely looked more like their father but the eyes were the same as her mother’s That’s one thing the two girls shared anyway.

After eating and browsing through the photo album and memories associated with them it was soon time for me to go to my one class for the day. I was also scheduled to work at Dom’s that evening. Kathie said she wasn’t going to go to her classes today as she walked me to the door and kissed me goodbye. I held her longer than was necessary maybe but I wasn’t going to object and I had a feeling that Kathie needed it. Her beautiful grey brown eyes were still full of sadness but when she looked at me there was love and thanks in them. I told her I would call her later as we finally parted and I went down the walk to get into my little bug and head to campus… well… the stadium anyway, to park.

I felt distracted during my only class that day. I mean I tried to pay attention to the professor and follow the lecture but I found myself drifting off thinking about Kathie and Grace and Elly and even little Jacob. I did manage to take some notes that would be important later on an exam and get the assigned reading for the next class. Then I was off to the bus stop to catch a ride to the stadium. I went to work at Dom’s a little early that afternoon so that I could call Kathie before I began my shift.

We spoke for about fifteen minutes before the dinner rush began and the phones were starting to ring off the hook. I had to say goodbye and jump in with both feet. I worked the ovens that night, only leaving to deliver pizzas after it began to slow down and drivers were scattered on deliveries. It wasn’t the worst I’d ever seen but it certainly was busy, for a while. As quickly as the evening dinner rush began, so too was it over. By eight o’clock it was pretty much dead, and since I wasn’t closing, I was let go early. After I got cashed out, I called Kathie again to let her know that I was going to go home to the farm that night. I had a feeling I needed to touch base with my family as I had been pretty scarce over the past week or so. Kathie thought that was a good idea too even though she would miss my arms about her as she slept that night. We said goodnight and I left for home from Dom’s. I realized that I needed gas before I got very far though so I stopped at a gas and convenience store on my way across campus. As I stood there pumping gas into my little green bug, I felt a tap on my shoulder. Turning around I was surprised to see a familiar smirking face with big chocolate brown eyes twinkling at me.

Standing there before me was Sam… Samantha, my late girlfriend’s roommate and best friend to one of my best friends as well. She still looked pretty much the same as the last time I had seen her months ago in the company of Jules and Terri at Jerry’s when Kathie and I bumped into them after they had been out partying. Just as I was recognizing Sam, I was enveloped in a full-frontal assault with both of her arms wrapping around me in a bear hug that pressed her copious feminine charms into my chest. Her large chest and more specifically the hardware of her piercings pressed into my flesh through both layers of her shirt and my own.

“FARMBOY! How’s it going Jimbo! Long time no see!” She roared in my ear as she squeezed the air out of me. I had the gas nozzle in one hand but my free hand, the right, wrapped around her waist and I lifted her up off her feet to her delighted surprise as she squealed so unlike the roughened girl that she was. I had to smile when I set her back down and she pulled back at arm’s length and actually blushed a little bit.

“Hey Sam… Great to see you too girl. How are you doing?” I asked with a smile. She shrugged and then motioned with her head over her left shoulder to her car on the other side of the pumps. I could see a cute short haired blonde sitting in the passenger seat glaring a hole through me. I grinned at Sam and asked. “New friend?”

“Yeah, we’ve only just met a week ago so she’s a little jealous I think.” Sam said with a wink and a grin. A grin that showed that fabulous smile of hers even if it was a wry smirking grin. The twinkle in her eye made it a genuine smile to me though.

“You heard from Jules lately?” I asked her. Sam’s smirk faltered for a moment but then she shrugged and nodded her head slightly before answering.

“Yeah, she’s studying hard, she’s got a couple more weeks to go before her exams and then graduation. She said she was looking at some job offers around the country.” Sam said in a slightly less exuberant voice as she glanced away breaking eye contact. I knew that she was worried that Jules might go somewhere else and not return here to town and to her. Best friends or not Sam had deep deep feelings for Jules I knew for a fact.

“I’ll bet she’s just checking them out, you know she’ll come back here. She’s gotta keep me in line after all.” I said light heartedly winning myself a smile from Sam that had thanks in her eyes even as she squinted at me suspiciously.

“And what’s this I hear about YOU getting engaged?” Sam stated more than asked with one eyebrow climbing to the brim of her ball cap as she tilted her head slightly to one shoulder and put her hands balled in fists one on each hip the way girls do. It was my turn to blush now as I grinned sheepishly.

“Yeah, it’s true… I asked and she said yes.” I said with a smile I couldn’t hide if I wanted to. Sam stared at me for a moment longer before the interrogating face broke into her trademark smirking grin.

“Is it that hot little gal we caught you with… what’s her name… Kathie?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, and she’s still just as beautiful… but don’t get any ideas lady!” Is said with one raised eyebrow of my own. Sam did a little neck roll tilting her head from one shoulder to the other as if to say “is that a threat or a challenge?”

“Don’t worry Jimbo, I’m not gonna chase your girl… So, when’s the big day?” She asked.

“We haven’t set the date just yet, she’s going to graduate first, might be next year… after graduation some time.” I said a little distractedly, this time I broke eye contact and Sam was quick to pick up on my emotions.

“Jim… is everything okay bud?” She asked stepping a little closer again as if to aid in conspiratorial conversation.

“She’s going through a rough patch right now Sam… her mother just died a little over a week ago…” I said and clenched my own jaw as if to try to maintain my own emotions. Sam’s expression softened.

“Oh man… that sucks Jimbo… I’m so sorry. Is she going to be okay?” Sam asked with sincerity that touched me. It brought me back to the girl I knew the day we said our last goodbyes to the girl we both loved dearly, Michelle. I had to swallow a lump in my throat before I could answer her.

“Yeah, it’s rough, as you know, but I think she’s going to be alright. I’m trying to be there for her as much as I can. And she’s got her aunt Grace too. But thanks for asking Sam.” I said daring a glance back up into her deep chocolate brown eyes that were indeed full of concern. How much of that concern was for Kathie or how much was for me I’m not sure but it still touched my heart all the same. About that time the car horn blared on the other side of the gas pumps. Sam rolled her eyes and turned to look between the pumps to see the cute blonde girl giving her an exasperated look as if to say “What the hell?”

“Bitch! Hold your tits!” Sam yelled at the passenger of her car. She turned back to me and shrugged with that smirk back in place. “Take care Jimbo. I gotta go.” She leaned in for another quick hug and pecked me on the cheek and swatted my right shoulder before backing away from me and stepping between the pumps to go around her car to the driver side and get in. She blew her horn a couple of times as she drove off. I just shook my head and grinned as I put my gas cap back on my bug and hung up the gas nozzle. I went inside to pay for my gas then I headed on home to the farm.

I continued going to my classes the rest of the week and working at Dom’s in the evenings I was scheduled for. Kathie stayed home or at least didn’t go to class all that week. I later learned that she was excused and it didn’t affect her attendance or grades because of the death in the family, she could have stayed out a month if she had needed to but my girl was back in class on the following week. I’m sure she was still distracted and struggling with emotions and attention but she was determined. We met up for lunch and study breaks like we usually did. They were a little subdued yet now but I started to see glimmers of the old Kathie now and then. It was if she would forget about the recent tragedy for a little while and the joy would come bubbling up, only to be quashed by the sudden reminders of reality. It hurt me to see her hurt when it happened.

Over the next couple of weeks, I spent at least one night sometimes more with Kathie and Grace at the big old house. Each time, Kathie would glue herself to me until time for me to go to class or work. We still talked about our future and the family we would raise. We tossed about names for our kids, hopefully one boy and one girl. Kathie said she wanted to name the girl Elizabeth Grace, after her mother and her aunt Grace. We hadn’t come to an agreement with the middle name for a son, his first name of course would be James, after both myself and my father. I told her we had time to decide, it wasn’t something we had to worry about just yet. Then I got a flash of insight… a wave of concern washed over me…

“Kathie? We… we do have time… don’t we?” I asked and practically held my breath as we lay in her bed that night. Me on my back and Kathie curled up to my right side, her head resting on my shoulder and her right arm draped over my chest and her hand toying with the hair on the left side of my head. She stilled her hand for a moment considering my question then when the realization of what I was asking became clear to her she started giggling and swatted the side of my head playfully.

“Yes babe, we have time… I’m not pregnant or anything yet.” She said with a bubbling giggle that faded away with a sigh… then she was silent for some time before she spoke again but this time it was in a softer more serious voice.

“Jim… The doctors explained to me that there’s a possibility that I might carry the ALS gene… I could have it and not know it…” Kathie all but gasped the confession and finally letting me know what’s been weighing on her mind the past few days.

“But there’s a possibility that you don’t too… right?” I asked, remembering the reading I did on ALS not long after she told me about it being her mother’s problem. “I read that it skips generations sometimes. Like your aunt Grace…” I added.

“It’s possible… but unless I’m tested for it, I won’t know for sure.” Kathie spoke softly… I could hear the uncertainty in her voice.

“I guess it’s kind of a roll of the dice… whether you get the gene or not, but that’s no different from any other gene, I guess. I mean, blue eyes, blonde hair, big nose, little feet… do you look like your mother or your father?” I commented even as my own mind wandered down the path of what if. I knew that Kathie was thinking of whether or not her children would have the gene and therefore end up suffering like her mother did. I cringed internally at the thought myself. But how would you know until you had children and then later when they got tested?

“I hope our son looks like you…” Kathie said in a sleepy voice as she brushed the backs of her fingers along the side of my face.

“Poor guy…” I lamented. “As long as any daughters look like you, I guess that’d be okay.” I added and gave her a gentle squeeze with my right arm. Kathie smiled at me and snuggled in a little closer before we both drifted off to sleep.

A week later I was asked by one of my buddies at Dom’s if I would do a big favor for him. Spring break was coming up and he had been asked by his father to drive a car to Florida to deliver to his aunt and uncle. His father was giving them the car. The only problem was that he would have to ride the bus home. He thought that that could be avoided if he had someone to drive his car down as well and then they would both return in his car. Sounds simple enough and hey… it was Florida! On Spring Break!... beaches, lots of single girls in the mood and of the mind to party! Right? Well, that was his selling point anyway. I had to remind him that I was engaged and wasn’t interested in partying with a bunch of drunk college girls. Yeah… he laughed at me too. Of course, that wouldn’t stop him from trying to do that very thing while he was down there. I could just hang out at the hotel or lay on the beach if I wanted to. I told him I’d think about it. He eventually offered to pay me a couple of hundred dollar, because it was such short notice and he couldn’t find anyone else that he trusted. I told him I would discuss it with Kathie and get back to him. He just shook his head and walked away muttering “You’re so whipped…” I had to smile and agree with him.

“So, he’s going to pay you two hundred dollars to drive his car to Florida so that he doesn’t have to ride the bus back home?” Kathie asked me in a bemused questioning voice the night I told her about it.

“Yeah, I think he’s desperate. He said he couldn’t find anyone else he trusted in time.” I said and shrugged. “Honestly I’d rather go camping with you for a couple of days.” I added hopefully with a sly grin on my face as I rubbed her left arm with my right hand as we sat across from one another in a booth at Jerry’s having a late dinner after seeing a movie.

“Where in Florida would you be driving to?” Kathie asked as she idly stirred her drink with the straw.

“I think he said Clearwater. It’s on the Gulf side of the state near Tampa.” I said thinking I’d have to get a map of Florida from AAA if I was going to do this.

“How long would you be gone?” Kathie asked glancing up to my eyes as she bit her bottom lip and raised one eyebrow questioningly. She knew that look drove me crazy. It wasn’t until she tilted her head slightly that I realized that I had been staring and had lost my train of thought.

“Oh… um… three… maybe four days. One day to drive straight through, then the next day to sleep late and recover, meet family and deliver the car. Brad wants to check out the beaches and party but I told him I wouldn’t be doing that. That’d be probably one day if he doesn’t get “lucky”.” I said with a sheepish grin and a shrug. “Then one more day to drive home.” I concluded. Kathie looked at me over her drink as she sipped through the straw.

“You should go.” She finally said as she tilted her head to one shoulder again. “The weather is going to turn off wet and cold next week according to the guys on TV. I don’t think I’d want to be camping in the rain… so…” She concluded and shrugged her shoulders.

“Are you sure? We could do something else rather than camping… Maybe a trip to a museum or something?” I asked, half hoping she would talk me out of driving and to stay. I’d much rather spend time with her.

“No, go ahead. It’s only a few days and you’re going to get paid pretty good for it. Besides, we can still go to a museum when you get back, right?” She concluded with the invitation by way of the one-word question. I had to smile at that. I could see the glimmer in her eyes that promised something special. That settled, I told Kathie I’d let Brad know the next day that I’d drive for him.

I spent the night with Kathie that night. We got in a little late for a week night and Grace was already in bed when we got home. We both changed for bed and used the pink bathroom down the hall before climbing under the blankets of Kathie’s bed to cuddle up for the night. Honestly, I had had no intentions of starting anything that night, just as I had abstained from pushing for anything over the past few weeks while Kathie grieved for her mother. It just didn’t seem right. I knew that things would work themselves out and when she was ready, I’d be there waiting for her.

Well, it seemed that for whatever reason that night Kathie was ready. As we lay side by side, well, me on my back and she curled into me as she was want to do, with her right leg and right arm draped over me, she began to caress me. Her right hand tracing her fingers delicately along the side of my face as her head rested on my right shoulder and her big gray brown eyes gazing at me by the light of the street lamp outside streaming through the blinds on the window. I let my own right hand gently trace along her flank gliding across her cotton pajama top.

“Jim… I know you love me… but why do you love me?” She asked in an almost whispered voice. The question sat me back on my mental heels as I was totally unexpecting this, or at least that question. I laid there thinking for a bit and Kathie waited patiently as she continued to caress my face.

“Do you ever wonder why you breathe?” I finally asked her in a soft quiet voice. Before she could answer I went on. “I mean, it’s not something I think about really, I just do. Like breathing, you don’t think about it, you just do it naturally, because your body needs to…to survive. Loving you is just as important for my body…well… my heart and soul, I guess. Before I met you, I didn’t think I would ever breathe again… I mean… well you know, love someone else. I had gone cold and was in a dark and lonely place. Then you came along and suddenly there was hope. There was warmth and light. You showed me that I could love again. You believed in me when even I didn’t believe in myself anymore. For that I will always love you. I don’t know if that’s a “Why” or at least the only reason, but it’s certainly one of the

biggest reasons of why I love you.” I concluded as I captured her right hand in my left and brought it to my lips to kiss. Kathie’s eyes locked onto mine. When I stopped kissing the back of her hand, she turned it and her fingers lightly traced my lips.

“Well, I don’t know about all that, but I think that I’m the lucky one to have found you… Jim? Say it again…” She said then tucked that bottom lip into her teeth and gave me that look. What could I do?

“I Love You.” I murmured. Kathie’s eyebrows knitted and she pouted, tilting her head ever so slightly.

“I’m sorry… what was that?” She asked with what was almost a growl. I chuckled raised my own eyebrows questioningly but I couldn’t keep that expression for more than a moment.

“I said… I… Love… You…” I spoke in a clear steady voice while my eyes were locked on her own.

I could feel her sigh and relax for a moment as her eyes softened and that angelic smile spread across her face. Then in a flash she sprang forward and her lips were upon mine. My head was being held in both of her hands and her legs were straddling my waist. Her long curly hair was like a curtain shrouding both of our faces as her lips were working mine. Her tongue teasing my own. My hands found themselves about Kathie’s waist and then sliding up her back to pull her more forcefully into my chest as our passions were unleashed.

It had been weeks since we had made love due to an overload of emotions surrounding her mother’s passing, but the dam had finally broken this night. But regardless of how long it had been or the reasons for it, this night seemed different. There was a hunger of course but there was also a tinge of desperation to how Kathie was making love to me. At the time it was thoroughly exciting and I went with it but looking back I see clearly that it was indeed different. It was if she were running out of time and there was an urgency to express as much love and as deeply as she could.

I don’t remember taking one another’s clothes off but we were both soon naked as the day we were born. Clothed only in one another and the sweat we produced during our desperate race to climax. Our lips may have been glued together for all I know as they never seemed to part except to gasp or moan. Our noses and foreheads almost in constant contact as were Kathie’s breasts to my chest. Her hands were anchored to my shoulder as mine were to her hips as she rode atop of me.

Maybe it was the long time from the last love making or maybe it was the intensity of that night but I was the first to cross that climactic finish line. My expulsions deep within Kathie however set her off tipping her over the edge just a few heart beats behind me. The glorious waves of internal convulsions egged me on as she milked every last drop of my spend and tried for more. Kathie finally collapsed on top of me, breathless and spent as I held her tight. I made to move but she stopped me with a whimpered plea to just stay still.

Of course, I complied but my anatomy rebelled against my intentions. As my member, now spent, relaxed and deflated it soon slipped out with a wet sticky plop. Kathie sighed forlornly but didn’t try to move other than to raise and turn her head to face me once more. Her gentle sensuous lips to mine were unhurried and very thorough. I don’t remember ever stopping that kiss but we must have at some point as we both drifted off to sleep… well… after my aftershock came and went. Kathie hardly even commented on it anymore other than to ask if I was okay afterwards.

There’s something about waking up in the arms of a lover that just can’t be duplicated. A feeling of warmth and peace and…completeness. All other matters and worries and concerns are for if only a few brief moments, completely forgotten or at least put out or one’s mind. To open your eyes and watch the eyes of your lover open and recognize you too and smile is a feeling that words like love, joy, happiness only hint at. And that first kiss… after awakening… is as precious a gift as anything anyone could ever imagine. Those precious brief golden moments forever engraved into our memories, something to cherish forever.

“Good morning…” Kathie murmured after breaking that first kiss upon waking up. She then squinted her eyes and made a face. “Sorry…” She said and giggled a bit. “Morning breath strikes again.”

“Me or you?” I asked with a self-conscious grin.

“Both of us I think.” She said as she closed her eyes and laid her head back onto my shoulder and smiled softly.

“For a kiss like that, every morning… I can live with your morning breath.” I said with a wry grin. I felt Kathie take a long deep breath and then sigh resignedly.

“I wish we could just stay here like this forever… no worries, no concerns, no problems…” she almost whispered to me as she idly ran her fingers over my chest.

“Life does tend to get a little complicated sometimes, doesn’t it?” I answered with a question. I followed up with another question. “Anything I can do to… help?”

“Just being yourself helps me more than you could ever imagine Jim. Thank you, babe.” She answered with her eyes still closed but a smile spread on her face and she kissed my shoulder.

She sighed again and then pressed herself up to a sitting position. The covers sliding down her back to reveal her nakedness and her charms. Of course, I looked and admired. The sleep tousled and mussed long curly dark hair framing her sleepy adorable face that was tilted slightly to one shoulder as she studied me… studying her. Those big beautiful grey brown eyes filled with adoration and love all their own. The smile, warm and genuine on those luscious very kissable lips. The fingers of her right hand tracing patterns on the skin of my bare chest even as my eyes tracked down her slender neck and to her modest breasts that swung enticingly in front of me, the cooler air outside of the covers causing them to pucker and stiffen. I resisted the impulse to reach out and fondle them, instead I ran my right hand up the outside of her left arm to her elbow and then back to her wrist as she leaned on her left arm.

“So, spring break officially starts Monday, but I would think most people are taking off after their last classes this week. When is your buddy planning on this drive to Florida?” She asked

“I got the impression he wanted to go Saturday or Sunday. I’ll ask him this evening at work.” I told her, even as my mind began to catalog and prioritize the things I had to do this day.

My last class this week before spring break, then work of course, and if I’m going to make the trip to Florida, I’ll have to let my folks know what I’m doing and when I’ll be back. First though, before anything else, I had to get up and go to the bathroom. That pink portal down the hall. I heard Kathie’s stomach growl and we both paused looking down at it and then broke into giggles. She fell over on her back giggling as she rolled off the side of the bed to grab her robe and head to the bathroom. Damn it! Why is it every woman I’ve ever known somehow senses when I’ve got to empty my bladder and they suddenly urgently need to get there before me and do the same?

Groaning I too threw back the covers and rolled out of bed. I pulled on my discarded sweat pants from last night and trudged down the hall behind Kathie. I squirmed and began brushing my teeth as she took care of her bladder first. When she finished, we exchanged places, though I remained standing of course. When we both finished with the essentials, we had a second good morning kiss. Just as sweet but with fresher breath this time.

Breakfast was a little rushed that morning as I was running late for my class and Kathie had an appointment with her academic counselor. Grace had made some cinnamon rolls and tea and she watched us gobble up a couple of rolls with amusement on her face as she sipped her tea. Kathie offered to drop me off at my class as she could park her car on campus where I could not. We agreed that would be good especially if we were meeting for lunch anyway. We both gave Grace a hug and a kiss on the cheek in thanks for breakfast before we dashed out to start our day.

In all honesty, the last class before spring break was more of a formality than anything to do with learning. My professor merely gave us some reading to do before the next lecture and that was already on our syllabus anyway. He did, however, cut the class short and wish us all a good week off. Maybe it was because the class was cut short that I was able to see something that perhaps I wasn’t supposed to. As I walked across campus to meet up with Kathie at her car parked in front of the business and economics building. I happened to see her from a distance sitting on a bench outside of the administration building her face buried in her hands with her elbows propped on her knees.

She was rocking slowly and rhythmically as if in distress. Of course, with her mother’s passing still so recent and prominent in her heart and mind I immediately assumed she was having a moment of mourning. She was not aware of my approaching her until I sat next to her and reached out to gently lay my hand on her shoulder. Startled, she jerked her head up and turned to see who it was. Her eyes were wet and so full of pain, they softened when she realized it was me and without a word, she wrapped her arms around me and held me tight even as she continued to rock slightly.

“Anything you can tell me?” I asked quietly into her ear. “Anything I can do to help?” I asked after a moment. I felt her swoon in my arms and she hugged me all the tighter even as she gasped in a deep breath.

“No… I’m just… I just got overwhelmed for a while. My counselor told me I don’t even have to finish the semester. All my grades and credits will transfer into next semester… because my mother died. Oh Jim, it keeps coming back to that. I feel… I… I miss her so bad.” She wept into my shoulder and neck.

“I know babe… I know…” I murmured into her hair as I held her tight.

“How did… How did you make it through the pain Jim? How?” She pleaded in a whisper.

“You already know Kath… Remember the Joy… It really does help. And it helps to have someone who believes in you and will remind you over and over just how much you are loved and cherished…” I added as she sniffed tears back with her face still buried in the crook of my neck.

“Where can I find someone like that?” She said with a half choking little laugh and squeezed me extra tight.

“Hey!” I started then took a deep breath and sighed resignedly as if giving up and went on with. “I guess we can start looking for someone if you want…” I said with a shrug and waited for my words to sink in a moment.

Kathie stiffened and then drew back to look me in the face questioningly, her mouth slightly open in disbelief and perhaps a little worry. I couldn’t keep a straight face though. Kathie groaned as her face went slack and relaxed when she realized I was pulling her leg because I was grinning slightly. She pouted and swatted my shoulder with her hand trying to look perturbed but finally succumbing to a grin herself as she snuggled back into my side and kissed my neck while squeezing the life out of me.

“I love you.” She stated quietly and calmly… then in a whisper she added “Thank you.”

“Never doubt, never forget, never worry… I will always love you Mine.” I murmured into her ear.

“Mine?” she asked, pulling back to look me in the eyes again, her face cocked slightly and curious.

“Mine… as in all mine, always mine, forever mine, my one and only mine.” I said with a sheepish grin and shrugged. Kathie’s face split into a gentle smile and she closed her eyes tilting her head to the other shoulder as her lips mimed the word “mine” several times.

“I like that.” She finally declared and stood up from the bench and extended a hand for me to take. “Does that make you my ‘mine’?” She asked with that impish glint in her reddened eyes.

“Completely, Forever, and Always…” I said and nodded in affirmation, as I stood up and took her hand in my own.

“So where does Mine want to go for lunch?” she asked with a grin as we started walking along the sidewalk towards the Business and Economics building and her car.

We ended up stopping at Taco Tico and picking up some burritos and tacos to take home and share lunch with Grace. I had to pick up my car anyway before I had to go to work at Dom’s that evening. It was still pretty good even though most of the food had cooled considerably by the time we sat down to eat. Grace was pleasantly surprised, and we had an enjoyable meal just eating and talking. I think that Grace sensed that Kathie had had a bit of a breakdown earlier but she didn’t press her for information.

Before long it was time for me to head off to work. I grabbed my book bag and my uniform shirt from the laundry room. I gave Grace a peck on the cheek in thanks for washing it for me. She blushed and smiled. Kathie walked me to the front door gave me an extra-long hug and kiss… as it was likely to be the last time I’d see her for close to a week between work and the driving trip to Florida. As we were closely inspecting each other’s lips, again, the phone could be heard ringing in the kitchen. Grace answered it. As I was stepping out the front door, Grace leaned through the kitchen door into the foyer to get Kathie’s attention. She told her that the phone call was for her. Kathie gave me another quick kiss and told me to call her when I got to Florida safely. I promised I would and we reluctantly parted, each backing away from each other until we were forced to turn to walk the other direction. I felt a little sad as I climbed into my little bug and started it up to drive to work.

I couldn’t shake that feeling for some reason. I had no logical reason to feel that way, there was nothing wrong. I was in love with a girl that loved me as much if not more. I tried to just ignore the feeling. Work helped, I guess, it was busy that evening and I didn’t get clocked out and sent home till almost closing time. I spoke with my buddy Brad and he was very happy that I had agreed to drive his car to Florida while he delivered the car to his aunt and uncle. We made plans to leave Saturday morning the day after tomorrow since he had one more class to attend before break. I was going to stay at his house Friday night after we loaded up his car and made sure both his, and the car he was delivering were both all gassed up and tired inflated properly, and check the oil and a whole list of other things.

And so it was, Saturday morning we pulled out of his parents’ drive way and began our journey to Clearwater Florida. After about the first hour on the road the radio in his car, the one I was driving, quit working. Great… That was going to make for a very long drive with no music or distraction of any kind. We stopped twice on the way south in order to get gas, thanks to his dad giving him a credit card to use for gas. We had to stop somewhere south of Valdosta Georgia however as the car my friend was driving started smoking. A quick roadside diagnostic proved that it had lost compression on two cylinders out of eight. Fearing the worst, we popped the valve cover on that side and found that the two cylinders in question had bent oil push rods. After a quick long-distance call to my friend’s dad, we were advised to replace the cover and press on… albeit somewhat slower.

Well, we made it okay, pulling into the Aunt and Uncle’s drive close to midnight that night… in a cloud of blue smoke. We were treated to a late dinner and then given places to sleep. Early the next morning, after another phone call, we found ourselves running around Clearwater Florida from one parts store to another looking for car parts. We got push rods and gaskets and oil then spent a day and a half replacing the bent push rods and re timing the rockers and springs on the valves until the engine was running properly again. So much for running around and partying. Not that I was interested in that myself anyway. I was able to call Kathie that afternoon, or I tried anyway. There was no answer.

We… or at least my buddy, was determined to get in some beach time so the last day we were there we went to Clearwater beach and staked out a spot in the sand. Yeah, there were lots and lots of coeds and very attractive young ladies running around in skimpy little next to nothing bathing suits. Even with all the eye candy however we were both tired and fell asleep on the beach. A recipe for disaster if ever there was one. I got a little sunburn on the backs of my legs and arms but not too bad. My friend however got scorched on his back… we’re talking blistered! He looked like a cooked lobster. And we had a ten-to-twelve-hour drive home yet that day. The poor guy was miserable the whole trip home.

It was late when we got back to Lexington that night, so I ended up crashing on the couch at my friend’s house. I tried to call Kathie again the next morning but again, there was no answer at the house. I was a little disappointed but it was not terribly unusual so I didn’t think much of it. I did call my folks and let them know that I was home and safe and sound. I stayed in town till that evening as I was scheduled to work at Dom’s anyway. I tried to call Kathie again that evening from Dom’s after I got off work. Again, no answer. I was beginning to think that perhaps Kathie and Grace had gone somewhere, perhaps a visit to her brother in Ohio. I remembered that Grace had told us he was looking to buy her childhood home. I was disappointed, sure but I shrugged it off and went on home to the farm that night. Tomorrow was Sunday and I was going to spend the day on the farm with my family, the last day of spring break and classes resumed the following day on Monday. I was sure I would see Kathie that day.

I had a disturbing dream that night. I was standing alongside a chain-link fence much like the one I had seen in two previous dreams. There were no children in this dream however… and no Kathie. All I saw was a lonely plastic ball sitting there in the grass. A chill wind blew across the open grass and it took my breath away. The bright blue skies darkened with grey clouds. It was so sad.

The day with my folks was nice… I tried to call Kathie’s house twice that Sunday and got no answer either time. I tried to put it out of my mind but the thought of that disturbing dream last night kept weighing on my mind. I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. I thought to myself that if I couldn’t reach her tomorrow I’d go by the house. That’s what I was thinking that night as I drifted off to a restless sleep anyway.

Monday dawned gray and rainy. I drove my little bug to the stadium and parked… I rode the shuttle bus to campus and made my way to my first class after spring break. It was my computer science class and I ran into most of the crowd from my study group at the lecture hall. We caught up for a few minutes before class started. I kind of tuned out during the lecture though, my mind on Kathie. I guess I was missing her something awful. When the class was over, I made my way to the student center and tried to call the house from a payphone… still no answer. I was starting to get worried now. I made it to my English class and again zoned out completely. I had to ask the TA after the class for the reading assignment again. After that I headed across campus to catch a shuttle bus to the stadium.

It was a short drive from the stadium parking lot to Kathie’s house, it seemed so much longer though as the unsettled feeling of foreboding seemed to grow with every passing moment. As I pulled to the curb in front of the house, Kathie’s big old Crown Victoria was pulling into the driveway. But as I got out of my car to walk to meet her, I was startled a bit to find Grace getting out of the big car. Grace, on the other hand, was a little startled to see me as well. I might have been imagining things but it looked as if she were troubled, or at least lost in thought just before she noticed me approaching her. Grace gave me a sad smile and opened her arms wide inviting a hug. The sad smile and the troubled look in her eyes made my stomach sour.

“Jim! Oh, darling you startled me… It’s good to see you again… come give me a hug!” She said as stepped in and gave her a quick hug and helped her with her bags. I thought at first it was groceries but it was just plastic bags with clothes and stuff in them.

I carried the bags and Grace opened the door. I followed her into the kitchen where she set down her purse on the table and took the bags from me to put them in the laundry room. I stood there with my hands on the back of one of the chairs and felt my heart racing as I waited for her to reemerge into the kitchen. Grace finally did come back into the kitchen and the way she glanced at me and then away so as not to hold eye contact just made me all the more anxious.

“Grace… Where’s Kathie?” I asked in a far calmer voice than I thought would come out of my mouth.

Grace stopped frittering about the kitchen and slowly walked over to me at the Table. She pulled out a chair and motioned for me to do the same next to her. I managed to sit down before my knees buckled as the sense of foreboding grew by a factor of ten. Grace didn’t seem to know what to do with her hands as she clasped them together on the table in front of her as she collected her thoughts, her head tilted down slightly and glancing furtively at me again and again.

“Grace?” I began… this time the worry evident in my voice. The dark thoughts of dread that Kathie was hurt or worse flashing teasingly on the edge of my consciousness.

“Jim… Kathie loves you very much… So very much…” She began, still glancing furtively into my eyes. Her fingers were actually trembling.

“Did something happen? Is she okay? Where is she Grace?” I began to babble questions as I reached for her hands with one of mine.

“The last… the last morning you were here, as you were leaving there was a phone call… for Kathie…” Grace began again after she took a deep breath to gather herself. She kept her eyes locked on my hand on hers as she spoke. I nodded, I remembered the phone ringing and Grace coming to the door in the foyer as I was leaving.

“It was one of the doctors that had cared for Elly. Kathie had asked to be tested for ALS after she was told that it could be detected. She was tested and he was calling to tell her about the results. Jim… she does carry ALS…” Grace told me, finally turning her tear-filled eyes to mine. My gut turned to ice and my face went pale. This time Grace pulled her hands out from under my one and then grasped it in both of hers.

“She…she’s sick?” I asked with a shaky voice. I had unbidden images of Kathie laying in a hospital bed somewhere.

“No Jim… she’s not sick. The tests only showed that she had the gene markers for ALS… it means that she is a carrier… but it means that she could develop the disease later in her life… like her mother did.” Grace explained in a rush trying to reassure me that Kathie was okay. But… there was still something wrong… more that she was not telling me yet.



“But if she’s not… sick… where is she Grace?” I asked pleading her with both my question and my eyes. My stomach still churned.

“She’s… she’s resting Jim…” Grace said and then turned her gaze away again and bit her lip.

“She’s here? In bed?” I asked and began to stand as if to go upstairs to her, but Grace gripped my hand in both of hers and held me back, she bid me sit back down with a sorrowful look.

“No, Jim. She’s at the hospital… She had hoped to be home by now so that she could see you here but there was a complication with her procedure that required an extra day of observation…” Grace tried to explain but bit her lip realizing that perhaps she had said too much already.

“Hospital? Procedure?... Grace? What’s wrong? What happened?” I asked in rapid fire, my gut literally boiling at this point and I stood up ready to bolt for the door and to go find Kathie.

“At the University Hospital… Here.” Grace said as she handed me a slip of paper with a room number on it.

“Jim… Please… You have to know that she loves you more than you can ever imagine… so very very much… please remember that…” Grace pleaded as tears finally broke free from her eyes and streamed down her cheeks.

Those sweet cherubic cheeks that I had come to love as dear as any of my own family. I glanced down at the piece of paper with the room number on it and then back into Grace’s teary eyes and all I could do was swallow and nod absentmindedly. I turned and somehow, I found myself walking into the main entrance of the University hospital. I don’t remember getting back into my car or driving to the hospital or parking even… I was just…here.

I rode the elevator up to the floor and then found the nurses’ station for that floor and asked for the room that Kathie was supposedly in. They asked if I was a family member and I explained that I was her fiancé. There were some curious looks exchanged between a couple of nurses but one led me down the hallway to the right room. The nurse asked me to wait in the hall for a moment first and ducked inside the room. I could hear a muffled conversation but not the actual words. A moment later the nurse came back out and said that it would be okay for me to go in for a few minutes. She said Kathie really did need her rest. I swallowed the lump in my throat and stepped into the room.

The room was like any other typical hospital room. There was a place for two separate hospital beds with a track in the ceiling from which hung a curtain to provide privacy for either patient. The curtain was pulled back to one side at the moment as the other bed was unoccupied. The cool mint green institutional paint was almost dingy in the low light. The whole room smelled of antiseptic and faintly of alcohol or some other astringent. The lone occupant of the room was my Kathie of course, she was propped up in bed with pillows behind her back.

She was hooked up to the heart rate monitor and an IV hanging from a pole next to the bed. She had on one of those hospital gowns that closes in the back, and had blankets covering her legs and up to her waist. Her left hand was clasped to her breast holding that familiar double heart locket. Her head was turned towards the second bed, her eyes open and reddened and teary. Her right hand lay in her lap with a plastic ID bracelet on her wrist, and a handful of tissue in her clasp.

The sight stopped me in my tracks. I was frozen there in place and in time. My heart hurt to see Kathie in distress but when she turned her head and saw me… the look of pain in her eyes nearly killed me. Pain and remorse and… and what? Shame? Her lips were trembling and her eyes overflowed with tears even as she tried to smile. In a heartbeat I was beside her bed and I had her right hand in both of mine.

“I’m sorry Jim… I’m so so sorry…” She sobbed closing her eyes tightly and turning away. My heart lurched in my chest… my gut turned to liquid even as my head spun.

“Sorry for what? Kath… baby what’s wrong? What happened?” I asked, I pleaded. Her body wracked with quiet sobs as she tried to apologize to me… for what I still didn’t know.

“I couldn’t do it Jim… I just couldn’t do it… I won’t do it… not to you… not to anyone… especially not to you.” She lamented, her face contorted in pain and anguish. It was killing me.

“What? What couldn’t you do? What’s the matter Kath?” I pleaded, desperately trying to understand what had her so upset and why she was in the hospital in the first place.

She just looked at me with those big grey brown eyes so full of pain and sorrow somehow begging me to understand. After a few moments she closed her eyes tightly and pressed her head back into the pillow under her head. She gasped several long deep breaths as if steeling herself for something.

“Jim… You know I love you… I… I will always love you dearly, nothing can ever change that. You know that right? She stated more than asked but I felt I had to respond.

“I know that Kath, sure but what’s the matter babe? What’s got you so upset?” I asked in a somewhat calmer tone, trying to calm myself as much as reassure Kathie that I was still here for her.

“I had myself tested Jim. I had to know. After… after what mom went through… how hard it was on her and all of us… I had to know.” Kathie stammered, “I got the call back with the results, the morning you left the house before you went to Florida.” She stopped for a moment, swallowing and taking another deep breath.

“I know, Grace told me you got tested for ALS…” I began but Kathie cut me off.

“I have it Jim… I have the gene for the disease… Do you know what that means?” She all but moaned.

“I get it Kath, I know that it’s passed genetically, you have the marker… it doesn’t mean you will get sick like your mom did…” I began, and again she cut me off.

“But I might!” She said with her face contorting in agony.

“But you might not… you might never come down with it…” I argued as calmly as I could. Kathie just started shaking her head negatively.

“And even if I don’t, there’s still the chance I’ll pass the gene on to any children I have… possibly making their lives miserable…” She said… her eyes locked on mine… willing me to understand… or to forgive her.

“Kath… I… we…” I reached for words, struggling to wrap my mind around it all.

“I couldn’t do that Jim. I won’t do that. Ever… now I can’t…” She spat out then her face caved in, her eyes closed and her whole body began to quake with sobs and she turned her head away from me. Her right hand weakly trying to pull away from my own hands. I felt like my world was falling apart… again…

“Kathie. Look at me. I’m here for you babe. I’ll always be here for you, no matter what. I Love you Kath… nothing can ever change that, you know that.” I professed… desperately trying to reach out to her, to make her understand that she was not alone.

“Jim. I refuse to put anyone else through what I and Grace and even you went through caring for my mom. I will not have anyone go through that for me… not even you. I had… I had…” She stumbled struggling to get whatever it was out that she needed to tell me. “I can no longer bear children, ever. We… can never have children… do you understand? I cannot bear your children.” She spat out the words as if they were poison. Then gasped and shook with another round of body wracking sobs.

I Stood there beside her bed looking down on her. I was stunned to say the least. I heard the words, I understood what they meant but my heart was having a hard time accepting them. Our dreams and hopes and plans had just been ripped away from us. But my heart was not ready to give up yet, no! We could work this out. We could do something different.

“Kath… I get it… you don’t want to continue ALS… But we can still have a family… we can… we can adopt. There are lots of kids out there who would love to have a mom like you…” I began as if I could make a deal, somehow, we could still make a family. But I still didn’t get the entirety of what Kathie was trying to tell me. She just kept shaking her head. Once more she turned back to face me and opened her eyes to lock onto my own. This time along with the hurt and pain and love there was something else…

“Jim… I thought of that too, but that would be no different than having our own children, if I get sick, they would have to take care of me, you would have to take care of me. I won’t have it. I refuse to have anyone I love have to suffer and take care of me like that. Don’t you get it? I Love you too much to put you through that. You will make a great father, you will… but not with me. I want you to have your own children… and to do that you will have to find… someone… else. Please Jim! If you ever loved me, let me do this for you. Let me go Jim.” Kathie spoke.

I heard the words… again… my heart heard them, my soul heard them, my brain heard, recorded and replayed them a dozen times over in my mind in the span of a couple of heartbeats. Then my heart stopped. My jaw went slack and my eyes overflowed with tears. My hands went limp and lifeless there on the side of that hospital bed as Kathie pulled her right hand from my hands and brought it to her left. She fingered the cheap little engagement ring that I had placed upon her finger not so long ago. With a deep resigned breath, she slowly drew the ring off of her finger and with both hands reached to take my right hand in hers. She carefully placed the ring in the palm of my hand and then closed my fingers over it.

“I will always love you Jim… till the day I die, I will. I hope you can forgive me someday and I hope you find someone else to make you happy as you have made me. Someone who can give you the family that we dreamed of.” With that she gave me the saddest smile I think I will ever see in my life. She lay back into the pillows again and brought both of her hands to her breast clutching that locket that I had given her for Christmas our first year. Tears streaming down her face.

I would say that I left the hospital room then, and made my way back to my car to drive off… but I really can’t. I don’t know what I did or how or when. I was lost in a fog. My mind was gone, I was cold and lost. My first recollections of anything after Kathie closing my fingers over the ring in the palm of my hand were of sitting on that lone picnic table at the edge of the lake in Jacobson Park. The ducks were surrounding me quacking and looking up at me with their little tilted heads as if trying to figure me out. The ring was still there in my hand. I had squeezed my hand so tightly at some point I had broken the skin of my palm and there was an imperfect circle cut into the flesh. There was no blood though… One’s heart has to be pumping for you to bleed, I guess. Mine was not. I didn’t have a heart anymore.

I kept hearing Kathie’s words in my mind… over and over again… “If you ever loved me… let me go.” I choked out a laugh of despair. “Like I have any other choice!” I shouted to no one. I Screamed in anguish at the heavens… the ducks freaked out and fled in all directions flapping and quacking in panic. I looked down at the ring in the palm of my hand again and my rage just doubled…

“WHY KATHIE?”

WHY ME?”

“WHY?” I shouted again at the heavens then I hauled back and I threw that ring as far as I could out into the lake.

I hung my head and sobbed as the tears flowed. For the second time in my young life my soul had been ripped from my body. My heart… was gone. I was but a hollow shell. Somehow though, this time was even worse. This time there was no closure of finality like a funeral. My heart and my love still lived but would deny me out of… love for me. God, it hurt so much. Suddenly nothing seemed important anymore. How could it?

My life changed forever that day. You might say it was a new chapter in my life but it would truly be more akin to a new book entirely. I only saw Kathie from a distance a couple of times after that day. She saw me as well but we never spoke other than with sad eyes. Kathie ended up transferring from the university to Ohio State to finish her schooling and get her degree. She got her teaching certificate and went on to become an elementary school teacher. The last I heard of her she was teaching grade school in Oregon somewhere.

She got her kids, a new bunch every school year. To my knowledge she never got married or even engaged again. As for me, I lost all interest in school after that. I dropped out of college and went to work full time in management with Dom’s. I had hopes of working my way up and qualifying for my own franchise at some point but that was another story altogether… Life has a way of making plans inconsequential. I did learn to love again. It took a long time and lots of patience from many very loving and understanding women in my life. And though there is no way I will ever love that one less, I have learned that the heart can love others if you give it a chance.

And it is true… Lightning really can strike twice.

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