Munich Olympics1938 BBC Foreign Service broadcasters Mr John Arthur Farnsworth Chomondley - Warrinder and his assistant Greystone are broadcasting
“Good morning everyone, This is the BBC Foreign service, This morning we are bringing you a broadcast from the Games, that is the 1938 Olympic games, held here in Munich Germany, I am Mr Chomondley - Warrinder and this is my assistant Greystone.
This morning we have the rifle shooting. The contestants are here just a few hundred meters from Mr Hitler’s box.
The line up of this first heat is Feld Webble Faustner of the German Army the “Where Mark” firing a .202 Type 09 Mauser Schneiper Rifle shooting blue bullets, Lieutenant Greiff of the Navy the Kreigs Marine again a type 09, shooting red, Kapitan Weiss of the Air Force the Luftwaffle shooting a Rheinmetal Sportsmann A7 .202 shooting yellow, and the British Army contingent shooting standard issue Lee Enfield .202 rifles, Lt Hayes, Grenadier Guards, purple, Pte Marshall Royal West Kents purple and the controversial Royal Engimers entry gunner Rowlands with the 5.5 inch anti tank gun and white ammunition.
“Can you explain Greystone please.”
“Why yes Mr Chomondley - Warrinder, under usual circumstances the event if for hand fired infantry weapons such as the Lee Enfield, but Captain Robson of the Royal Engineers spotted loophole and pointed out that 5.5 inch anti tank gun also has a rifled barrel. The Committee adjudicated and Mr Hitler himself intervened and allowed the entry.”
“Thank you, for the update Greyson, Mr Hitler has generously employed a number of non German persons to support the event, he arranges accommodation and employment for them at his special centres where he concentrates his humanitarian efforts.”
“Concentration camps, Mr Chomondley - Warrinder?”
“Indeed Greystone, I do believe they call them Concentration Camps.”
“The One minute flag is up as we await the commencement, the targets are barely visible with the naked eye, a chappie is walking around with the an Italian flag, white cross on a white background, Counting down now.
“The five second flag is up and down, Mr Chomondley - Warrinder
“Boom!”
“Good lord Greystone what was that?”
“The five and a half inch anti tank gun, Mr Chomondley - Warrinder I do believe it blew up all the targets and several people, despite the generous protection of straw bales behind the targets, It is horrendous but people are cheering.
“Most peculiar, but the Bosch are peculiar fellows are they not Greystone.”
"And Sower Kraut Greystone, Hence they are widely known as Krauts."
“Indeed, Mr Chomondley - Warrinder, ah I now see that Mr Hitler is jumping up and down, clearly excited” .
“I do believe he is becoming sexually aroused Greystone.”
“Yes,Mr Chomondley - Warrinder, absolutely he is definitely becoming aroused in a sexual manner,"
“Yes Greystone, as the shrapnel scythed down the innocent foreigners he very definitely became excited in a sexual manner and I do believe he is on the verge of experiencing an orgasm,
“Yes Mr Chomondley - Warrinder, an involuntary ejaculation.”
“Or a voluntary ejaculation Greystone,”
“Indeed Mr Chomondley - Warrinder, quite possibly his degree of perversion is such that the ejaculation was indeed voluntary rather than involuntary
" Indeed Greyston, but just a moment, Looking closely at Mr Hitler and his party I now see his assistant Miss Eva Brown with whom we must explain Herr Hitler has no romantic or indeed sexual relationship is helping to remove Herr Hitler's trousers, indeed she now has his trousers down, an d I can confirm the report in the Private Eye magazine that Herr Hitler does indeed wear Swastica patterned under pants”
"Indeed Mr Chomondley - Warrinder , bright pink underpants with black swasticas printed thereon.
"Or embroidered Greystone, or embroidered, we should not make rash assumptions.
"Indeed Mr Chomondley - Warrinder Screen printed, embroidered, painted even but we can confirm the presence of swasticas on Herr Hitlers underpants."
“Indeed and it is most fortuitous Greystone, that we can therefore confirm the prevalent rumour about the nature of the Fuerher's underwear albeit that the pink hue was rather unexpected.
"Indeed Mr Chomondley - Warrinder "
"But Greystone, What what about the matter which the whole British Empire is talking about, namely the number of testicles the Fuerher possesses., can you see the aforesaid appendage.”
“Indeed Mr Chomondley - Warrinder but it is far from clear from this distance.”
“Focus Greystone, can you not see his balls, the whole country is depending on you?”
“Only one so far but the other may be behind it, Mr Chomondley - Warrinder.”
“Or equally it could be hanging on the wall.”
“Or indeed in the Albert Hall,”
“Don’t be ridiculous Greystone, M I 5 would have checked, now concentrate,the war is due to start in March and we can hardly sing “Hitler may only have one ball” can we.
“No I suppose not, Mr Chomondley - Warrinder.”
“No exactly Greystone, so concentrate man, is it one or two?”
“I am sorry Mr Chomondley - Warrinder, I really cannot say, and now he has pulled his underpants on again.”
“So Greystone perhaps we will never know,”
“No Mr Chomondley - Warrinder, We will have to write a new song. “Who do you think you are fooling Mister Hitler, perchance?”
“Don’t be ridiculous Greystone, we will have to postpone the war now,”
“Unless we tell everyone that he murders innocent civilians,” Mr Chomondley - Warrinder.
“No, we can not do that Greystone that would be terribly bad form, and then of course people might complain when we do precisely the same thing.”