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Act 1
The Saga of Marcus C Elliot

by Vegan Brie

To whom it may concern, I embrace constructive criticism. I’m writing a great adventure, both sexually awakening, emotional expressive, and captivating. It is a sex story yes but there will actually be substance to the story, so there might be some slow spots at first, i suggest drinking lots of liquids this is a marathon not a sprint.

Beginning of Act (1)

Chapter {One} Roller-Coasters of Emotion

It was a bright crisp day in May, and the clocks were striking eight. Marcus Elliot, his chin nuzzled into his breast in a effort to escape the vile draft, slipped quickly through the windows of what was his modest apartment in "Albany Park," the glass barely keeps the dust at bay.

The hallway smelt of freshly cooked breakfast; playful scents luring one to the source of its aroma. Marcus's lady greets him as he enters the breakfast nook leading off the kitchen. The soft morning light defines her softly curved features and pale complexion; as her dark staten hairs drapes down her shoulders.

he playfully says, "Good Morning Beautiful...!"

He sits and enjoys the sight of his sensuous women making busy around the kitchen. Seduced by her presences he stands, and hastily moves to a better vantage point surprises her with a kisses on the neck and his hands moving down her waste. She instentively teases him with a friendly nudge toward his private region.

he whispers in her ear, "I'm so glad your here...!" she turns to face him and plants a kiss. "me to." She rebutted.

They gaze in to each others eyes looking for the connection of souls. He presses his body closer and kisses her deeply with as much passion as he could muster. he props her up on to the counter level with the top of his hips he feels a little life return to his genitals. He starts unbuttoning his silk dress shirt she stole the night before; reveling her plentiful besom and smooth skin.

Marcus Thinks to Himself, "about the beauty of his women and the dirty things hes being pondering to do to her."

She bites his bottom lips in anticipation whats about to happen. She shimmy his boxer-briefs down a bit revealing his mostly erect penis, she grabs the shaft gently stroking it towards her. He pre-cums a bit on her wrest just above the palm. he kisses down her breasts focusing on the sensitive nipples and takes a large handful in to his mouth... gently moistening it and her as he feels threw her paints pressed against his body. He moves down kissing every inch down her path; he pinches the top of her panties and pull them down between his teeth, and guiding them with his hands. returning to eye level with her he brushes his penis by her inner thigh. she quivers, he becomes a repeating offender teasing her with a enthusiastic demeanor. She grows tried of a tease grabs his penis and shoves it in to her vagina. Slow to enter at first, as they both release a gasp of ecstasy, moments go by as momentum begins to build an the constant pressure or climax...!

She feels the smooth curved rod hit he spot and cums; as he continually rams; accidentally bang her head on a upper wall cabinetry. a moment of pain followed by a continuous orgasm, and her small giggle. he shoots his load in her.

Dripping of perspiration and smelling of fresh sex. He stands there embracing his other looking down at her glimmering body. Thinking to himself that he's in love with a goddess... A women who knows him, for faults and becoming attributes... for all intensive perspicuous he was in love... They just smile and continue kissing. as he now starts eating his once hot breakfst with his favorite women in the world, his rock.

The morning was quick as he showered, he let his mind turn on itself and plan/ critical think about the day and predetermined goals he had set forth for the day to come. He falls back to reality of the water feeling like the rolling waves of the ocean or a light summer drizzle, his girl joined him only for bit not enough time for more then a quicky. before dressing and leaving for the day... after getting property primped and pressed. he heads out... leaving his women with a kiss and a i love you...

Several weeks goes by...
Marcus turned round abruptly. He had set his features into the expression of quiet optimism which it was advisable to wear when facing the father of his soon to be bride. He receives only disapproval and contention form the previously promoted man that stands before him. Marcus invites him to take a seat. he does with hesitation but finally finds his way to the sofa. Marcus says with the reverence and anticipation. "Sir, I would like to ask for you blessing in marring your daughter" Marcus receives a blank stare, not of anger, not of approval, not of a challenging nature or contention. he doesn't even reply at all... The answer with extreme hesitation is "If you can prove to provide for my daughter, and can devote yourself to making her happy you my have blessings." I cheerfully excepted his conditions thinking to myself that it could have gone allot worse.

The following day i had to leave town for a business retreat; looking out the simmer of the newly cleaned tile is stand there in anticipation. The phone rings in the background; he answers a dreadful feeling over comes him as his suporior in his company informs him of changes in his employment.

The words, "You fired!" linger on his thoughts.

As returning to his home depressed looking for some comfort in his life a anchor perhaps; he decides to surprise his lady with a grand romantic gesture, to soften the blow of his dread news. he Gathers of the most scented and visually stunning flowers for her bouquet. upon his return to his apartment he looks around from room to room to discover his lady straddling a stranger in Marcus's bed...! Oh how the windy city could not seem to have more draft.

to be continued...!

anonymous readerReport

2012-03-30 02:23:05
well well, she is a typical woman............ cheating on her man and fucking some one else while he is gone........ fucking women are all alike, all pigs

anonymous readerReport

2012-03-13 22:49:26
Okay, since you're writing a "great adventure" it would be better to check your spelling...first, learn the proper use of words, "rebutted," is to disagree or deny, Even basic; using, 'your,' instead of the proper, 'you're.' There are 3 forms of the word, "to." You should learn them and use them properly. Also, every time another person speaks, a new paragraph is started. You don't have two people speaking to each other with-in the same paragraph.
I am telling you this because you asked for constructive criticism. If you want to be taken seriously as a writer you must, at least, know the basics. Just one line has so many mistakes it's not even funny. Here is how it should read:
He whispered in her ear, "I'm so glad you're here."
She turns to face him and plants a kiss. "Me too," she said.

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