Hi, I'm Marissa. I started writing down my experiences a while back, and these diary entries are what came out of me. I hope you enjoy.
3.27.2020
Oh wow, so I see it's been almost 3 and a half years since I last sat down to write one of these. Yeesh. Now I have to write from memory, as best I can. My life has changed a lot since I was an undergrad, back then. Let me try and remember how things went...
I remember the first time Bean and I made love. Well, for him it was making love. For me, it was kind of kinky because of his age, and more "making lust," than love. Up until that time I'd only been with two men, my entire life. The first was older and wonderful and long-term, and the second was older and a manipulative asshole and was somewhat recent. This isn't about them, but I feel it's important to have that context to know where my head was at, with Bean.
He worshipped me. And for the first time, I was with a pliable male. Instead of ME being taught, or used, I was the bold, experienced one.
I thought long and hard after that last experience in my dorm room, where we all but did the deed. I spent some time wondering if I was taking advantage of his youthfulness, and if what I was doing with him was immoral, according to his age and naiveté. On both counts, I decided no. He was certainly pursuing me, and I desired him, and by the time I was his age I very much knew what I wanted, sexually. So. He was free to come out for "study group" the next weekend. He didn't get in trouble for coming home late the last time, so his parents wanted him home by 9pm. That was fine. My roommate had no plans to leave campus. I had a group of girlfriends... I'll tell you about them in a future DD entry... and they had a house off-campus, but Bean wasn't ready to meet them. They were a bit much. They'd have eaten him alive, ha. So I spent a few dollars and rented us a cheap hotel room. I found myself actually kinda excited. He was a sweet boy, he thought I was a goddess, and had a really nice penis. :) And I'd never been anyone's first, before.
In class, Bean did his best to not be smitten with me. He did one "inappropriate" thing the entire class... he whispered that he can't get my naked body out of his mind. It gave me a shiver, and since he was a good boy, he got another blowjob in the upstairs ladies' room, during break. I managed to swallow all of it, this time.
Saturday came, he picked me up at 3 in the afternoon. We were allowed to check into the hotel, then. He seemed really nervous driving there, I had to tell him to calm down, I'm not going anywhere. I thought about stroking his bulge during the drive, but I didn't want him to kill us both by crashing. :)
I left him in the car and checked in to the ratty office... this is the moment I felt most like a slut, ha. I was sure the dude knew I was there to fuck. I mean, obviously, right? He was kind of greasy, and I caught him looking at my tits a lot. Sigh. Life of a girl.
Got the room keys, told Bean to pull the car to the back. All rooms opened from the outside. He parked in front of our door, turned off the car. I took his hand, "Ready?"
He smiled at me, his big goofy smile, and answered, "Oh yeah."
"Come on," I smiled. "Hurry," and left the car. I heard him follow.
I didn't even look back as I entered the room... I asked for a non-smoking, but you can tell when someone smoked in there, anyway. I guess They really did give me the skeevy sex room. But to be honest, right this second I didn't care. I went in the room, flipped the light switch, looked around a second... big queen bed, ugly bedspread, ugly carpet, big old tube-TV. I didn't know any of those still existed, but yet. I could see the big mirror over a sink, and a door to what I assumed was the toilet/tub. I saw the door close behind me, in the mirror.
"Lock it," I said without looking at him.
He did.
And before I could tell him what to do next, he spun me around, grabbed me, and kissed me... this high school boy, and his college girl. He didn't ask, he took... and yeah, at that moment, I melted into it. I felt his hand on my ass pulling me close, and I felt something hard in his pants against my hip. "Is that for me?" I asked through his kiss, rubbing my body against it. He just groaned, and sucked my tongue.
He was pushing me toward the bed, but I needed a minute. I pushed him back, told him to get in bed and wait, and I'd be right out. I pushed him back onto the bed and went to the powder room. I took care of some personal things, and patted myself clean with a damp hand towel, and thought about it... and stripped down to absolutely nothing. I wished I'd thought of bringing my sexy nightie, but I hadn't. I opened the bathroom door and killed the lights from the switch, right there... the room was now pretty dark, the only light from the window peeking around the light-blocking curtains, that opened up to the parking lot. I peeked around the corner, I saw Bean in the bed, covers pulled up to his stomach, his chest bare. I shivered.
And I suddenly felt shy. "Close your eyes," I ordered. And I saw he did. And then I raced around the corner and jumped into bed next to him, and pulled the covers up to my chin. I was on my side, looking at him. "Ok, you can open them," I said.
He did, looked at me, and smiled. I felt like a present he was about to open. He scrunched down in bed next to me, head sharing my pillow, looking at me. He also pulled the covers up to his chin. I wondered if he was naked, too. Hoped. I reached out under the covers and his hand found mine, and I could feel the heat from his body. At this moment is when I felt most naked.
He broke the silence, with his light stutter, "Are you glad we're doing this?" he asked.
"Are you?" I answered... a last little bit of wondering am I taking advantage of him? in my mind.
"Oh yeah, so glad," he answered, and then his hand found my bare waist, just over my hip. His touch gave me goose bumps, and I reached out and put my hand on his bare hip.... yep, naked.
His hand started exploring my skin, so slowly, so gently. He still felt uncertain with me, that I wasn't his to have, yet. I touched his hip as well, but quickly moved down to my target, and I wrapped my hand around him.... already rock hard. He gasped as I began to stroke it, slowly. I was reminded of a time when I was very young, stroking what, at the time, seemed very big in my small hand. It was a good, warm memory.
He became a little more bold, at that, and he moved closer to me, and put his hand around me and grabbed my bare butt cheek in his hand. I gasped too, as he squeezed. I was on the swim team as an undergrad... have I mentioned that? And I know my legs and ass were, well, fairly rock-hard, when flexed. And I think he was a little taken aback by that. My ass was harder than his. He didn't take his hands off me, but I think I heard a gasp of surprise when I moved my leg, and he could feel my muscles move under my skin. :) He gripped me harder, in fact, and pulled me closer to him, until the tip of his cock was now against my tummy, as I softly stroked it. I could feel the tip was already wet against my skin, such was his arousal.
A decision had to be made. I had condoms in my purse, but... "You've never been with anyone else, right?" I asked.
"No," he moaned lightly, "Only you."
"No other boys or girls have ever played with this?" and I squeezed for emphasis.
I think he thought I was accusing him of something, with the hurt look he gave me...
"I'm only asking because I'm on the pill, and if I know you're safe, we don't need condoms," I explained. If worse came to worse, I knew where I could get a morning-after pill.
At this point he hugged me, I don't think he wanted me to see his face, "No, I've never been with anyone else except you, I swear."
I put my hands around him, and held him tight. "Good boy. I don't want anything between us, for our first time."
And he started kissing me. My cheek, my lips. I rolled onto my back as he kissed my neck, my clavicle... mmm. He kissed the swell of my breasts, and he briefly suckled my very hard nipples. I could tell I was flowing like a mountain stream, down there. He started kissing his way down my tummy... and I certainly had no aversion to that, but...
I pulled him back up, and moved under him, pulled him on me, between my legs. "No... I want this, right now." I didn't need foreplay, today. I reached down and grabbed his cock. I adjusted my hips a little more, centered him on top of me. And I pulled him toward me. I felt so needful... in need of being filled... my pussy was hot, and ready, and we'd been building up to this for weeks. I was getting impatient... I wanted him to stretch me, already. Slide deep inside me.
Fuck me.
I pulled him to my entrance, and he wasn't quite lined up right. His knees were wrong, his angle was wrong, he didn't have the instincts of a man who fucks, to be crude. To be honest, as this was my first time with a virgin, I hadn't expected that. He didn't know how to move. SO not his fault.
"Relax," I told him. "Take your time. I want you in me... feel where I am. Adjust yourself... and slide it into my body."
It occurred to me to wonder if I'd make him cum just by saying that to him... lucky me, he didn't. He shifted between my legs, got a little higher, got a little lower... found the right spot. I reached down again and showed him where.
I don't want to say he buried himself in me to the hilt, first thrust.... he was kinda big, and for me it had been a few months.... but I was so goddam wet. It didn't take many thrusts until he bottomed out in me, and I was pretty sure there was still a little more that wouldn't fit. It took my breath away, to be honest. I'm pretty sure he was moaning, "Oh my god... oh my god..." on top of me. I bent my legs and brought my knees higher... he was big enough to almost be uncomfortable in my unaccustomed body, and I needed to adjust him a little. He started thrusting and poking and making me gasp with the knocks upon my cervical gates. I put one hand on the back of his neck, my other hand on his back, and stopped him... "Bean, please..." I moaned. "Wait a second."
He was already breathing so hard, and I was pretty sure I could feel his heart racing through his cock. We hadn't yet done anything cardio, I wondered if his system was just flooded with adrenaline.
When he was still, "You're inside of me," I said to him softly.
"Oh my god," he moaned, also softly.
"I feel you so deep... I feel so full." Complete honesty. I've found in the years since... when it has been a while since I had a living penis in my body, I always seem to forget the... nuance... of it. The subtlety of hard, hot, pulsing flesh. So unlike a piece of cock-shaped plastic.
So still, he looked into my eyes, in the dim light. When he shifted over me, he also shifted inside me, and I swear to god I almost came. But he looked me in my eyes, and said, "Oh my god, I love you."
Eek, I hadn't seen that coming. Well... it was an emotional moment.... maybe THIS is what I'd been hesitant about, in taking this step with him. Not that his body wasn't ready, but his emotions weren't. Ah, so.
But hell with it.... right now, he was making me feel soooo good. He was fucking me. Right now, I was his, and my body knew it. I didn't answer his confession, but I shifted my hips, took him in and out of my body a few inches. "Oh baby, just fuck me," I told him.
And he did. If took him a few strokes to kind of figure out the motion of it, but he was soon pounding away at me, FAST. Too fast, to be honest, but I was overwhelmed, and fortunately, 30 seconds later when he started making his orgasms sounds, I was ready, too. He cried out just as I felt him explode inside me, and it was all so erotic, I joined him, gripping his cock with my pelvic contractions, as he pumped spurt after spurt into my body, as deep as he could. My body took all of him that she could get.
If there was any question I was a cradle-robbing slut, all doubt was dispelled as he pulled out of me, and collapsed next to me. I closed my legs to try to hold him inside me... it felt like a lot, and I didn't want to make a big mess on the bed where we were about to spend the rest of the afternoon.
I turned my head and saw him. On his back, nude. His cock was still semi-hard, and it was glistening with our juices, in the light from around the curtains. He was breathing hard, eyes closed, hand to his forehead. I reached out and touched his arm. "Are you ok?" I was hoping he wasn't about to call me a slut, and leave. Such things happen, sometimes.
"Oh my god, so ok," he answered, and chuckled a little. Then he seemed to remember I was really there. He turned his head and looked at me, "Are YOU ok? I think I got kind of rough, at the end, sorry."
Such a sweet boy. "Of course I'm ok, it was amazing."
"Sorry I finished so fast," he admitted.
I smiled, and touched his face. "You finished me fast, too. You were fine."
He looked surprised by that, "You.... finished? Too?"
"You just felt so good, I couldn't help it."
He smiled and pulled me close, and I'll be honest... when I felt his naked body against mine, in that crappy hotel room, in the bed where he'd just given me his virginity, I had the urge to tell him I loved him, too. But I held that in. Instead, "Think you'll be ready for more, soon?" as I gently touched his semi-hard, but now sticky cock, that had so recently invaded my body. I went to my knees and was about to kiss my way down his stomach in order to see how we tasted, all mixed together... when I remembered I was VERY full of semen. "Don't move!" and I jumped out of bed with my hand on my crotch, around the corner, and grabbed the damp hand-cloth from before. WOW did a lot of cum come out of me. :) Gobs.
Good thing I didn't let it make a big wet spot on the bed. I cleaned up a little, turned the corner, climbed onto the bed, and didn't hesitate... I went straight for his cock, with my mouth. And we tasted so good, together. It'd been a long time since I'd done this, gave a man head, right after he came inside me. Since early in high school. I'd forgotten how it tasted, and how it felt... both physically, and what it did to my brain. How when I feel close to a man, his pleasure is what gives me pleasure. How... my body maybe doesn't belong to me, any more, it belongs to him, to use as he will. These feelings all ran through me as this sweet boy hardened again, in my mouth. And it was my instinct to give him all he wanted that caused me to straddle him, and guide him inside my body... where he belonged. Dangerous thinking, for what should be a casual fling.
He lasted longer this time... almost five minutes... before he flooded me, again. I didn't cum, but it was fine. I gave him a few minutes to recover, sucked him to hardness again (ah, teenagers), and presented myself to him, on my hands and knees. He took the hint, mounted me, grabbed my hips. I reached down to help him find me, again, and this time his learning curve was faster. He figured out how to move, and began a steady rhythm... and after two orgasms, even this high school boy took a while, this time. He fucked me long and hard, and I came again with a little help from my fingers, on my clit. And finally, he filled my body a third time, with his living sperm. I felt so fulfilled, as a woman. I was serving my purpose, satisfying this beautiful boy. Again... dangerous thoughts.
We laid there and talked a long while... this time, even I felt a little fatigued. We stayed in bed through the dinner hour, I casually stroked his cock while we compared notes on his first time, and shared ourselves. He held my breast, he caressed my nipples, he held my ass as he held me close. There are worse ways to spend a day.
8 o'clock, and he had a half hour drive him. We got out of bed to get dressed, but I couldn't help it, I squirmed into his arms. Standing naked on my tiptoes I kissed him... and lingered.... and I felt him harden against my stomach, again. "Do we have time for one more?" he asked, and I answered by turning around, and bending over with my hands flat on the bed. He didn't hesitate, he grabbed my hips, I went to my tiptoes, and he found me, still wet.
He was fast and rough this time, animalistic. It almost hurt, the way he was driving into my body, making my pussy his. And I pushed back at him, to take him harder. He was gripping my hips so hard... pulling me against him, slamming home, no concern for my well being... that it surprised me, I came again. And hearing me moan to "Fuck me, fuck me harder..." I got one more load of sperm out of his body, doing their best to find my egg. I collapsed on the bed, he collapsed on me, both of us trying to catch our breath.
"Thank you for today, Bean," I said to him softly... it felt like we were really done, that time.
"I love you so much, Marissa," he admitted, and to be honest, my heart skipped a little.
But I couldn't say it back. I'm not sure if I just wasn't in that deep with him, or just didn't want to be, but at that point in my life, it didn't matter which. I kissed his cheek, "You have to get home, sweetie." I knew he didn't care... he was right where his lizard brain said he needed to be, with the female he just mated. So I had to nudge him dressed, and out the door. I didn't stop to clean myself and my panties were SO loaded with his cum before I got back to my dorm room, ha. One isn't usually doing the walk-of-shame, hair mussed and smelling of sex, as early as 9pm. But I'm not complaining. It happens.
We were well into the Fall term by the time all this happened, so we only had a month left before Christmas break. We got that gross hotel room for 3 more Saturday afternoons, and we had quickies in the ladies room during lab breaks... I quickly learned he could cum nice and fast by bending me over the sink. I didn't always cum, but I liked watching his sweet face in the mirror as he gripped my hips and fucked me, the pleasure in his eyes, my pants and panties around my ankles. It was so naughty. And I could always masturbate after class, using his semen as lube, rubbing it into my clit. Still very hot.
We got our A's and the term concluded, and we parted ways for the long break. He wanted to make plans for next term, to schedule a class or two together... but I didn't want to plan my schedule around a relationship. That felt like a recipe for disaster, so I resisted his suggestions. "Let's just see what classes we get, and go from there." I didn't want to tell him I'd be ok if we didn't have any. I would have enjoyed it, probably, but it wasn't anywhere near being high on my priorities list.
And he professed his love for me every time. In person, in bed on weekends, his sperm dripping out of my body, and in long love-emails. It really was sweet, and nice to be worshiped... but to be brutally honest, once the initial fucking was over and done with, I just didn't get into us as deep as he did. He was a sweet kid, but all we really had in common was sex. I liked his cock, he liked my pussy. He didn't know that wasn't really enough.
So we broke for Christmas break. I said I'd write, and that I'd see him in a month.
I thought he was ok with that, but when he showed up a week later at my house, 400 miles from where he lived, where I lived with my Mom, it was kind of a problem, for me.
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