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Introduction:

First time writing, hope you all enjoy!

-Bunch
“Hey, I want a rematch!” I heard my sister’s overly excited voice pierce my poor eardrums. I put down the animal crackers I was snacking on and ran over as fast I could hoping to avoid another ear piercing exclamation. I turned the corner into our living room to see her eagerly on the couch with the controller in her hand. She was two years older than I. Typically wore a loose t-shirt and short shorts. She had dark red hair reaching a bit past her shoulders and deep blue eyes, with the occasional freckle here and there. Her smile though hard to witness is something that would melt the most hardened of hearts. She was quite the beauty. She was sitting on the couch leaning forward, as if nothing would tear her sight from the screen. I sat next to her and grabbed the controller.

“You always pick the pink mushroom chick.” She said mockingly.

“Well she’s faster than you!” I remarked.

“Please, one wrong look from from this turtle with anger management issues and your sent flying into next week!”

“Whatever” I yelled as the race began, unfortunalty that damned turtle looked my way one too many times leading to my eventual loss.

Damn! I cursed internally.

Haha! She laughed gleefully, “pay up.”

I walked to the workroom and took out a small piece of paper, and wrote on it, handing it to her as I returned to the room. “Ha! That’s makes a total of three! What should I make you do... she spoke mischievously. I suppose laundry day is tomorrow, and it’s supposed to be my turn... “ I tried my best to ignore her devilish glare, that damned piece of paper I grumbled internally. It was the most dangerous bet one could make and I lost three times in a row. The piece of paper signifies that the other must do one thing, of course this thing has to be doable and not ridiculous. But in the three years of tradition the paper vow has never been broken. I grimly looked up at her face listening to the ramblings of potential chores I’ll have to do. It was then we heard a car door slam.

“Oh crap” she said as she hurriedly turned off the tv.

I got ready to bolt to my room as I heard a much softer and out of character plea.

“Don’t leave me!” She whimpered, putting on a Hollywood approved face of helplessness. I sighed and went next to her and picked her up. Though not easy she wasn’t too heavy. I rushed and placed her in her bed.

“My chair!” She yelled

I ran back to find her wheelchair. As I was about to push it I heard a tired yet stern voice.

“What are you doing up.”

“I was just getting the chair for K.”

Uh-huh she murmured too tired to scold me for staying up late.

“Just get to bed.”

“Ok.” I responded hoping to escape the jaws before they decided to close. My mom was... a good mom, I suppose, whenever she’s around. She’s a nurse and works crazy hours, which leads her to be less available than most moms would be. But she puts food on the table and a roof over our head. So I have no complaints.

I hurriedly put the chair in my sisters room and bolted off to bed.

I awoke to the blare of an alarm. I groggily got out of bed realizing that perhaps bedtimes had a purpose, and slowly got dressed and ready for school. Half asleep I walked over and opened my sisters door to check if she is awake upon glancing at the figure I notice a distinct lack of colors and soon realize that she had no clothes on. I saw her sitting on her bed about to put her underwear on. It was at that time I realized two things. One that I finally understood the phrase a deer in front of the headlights. As my body was screaming at me to run, yet I couldn’t move a muscle. Two my sisters breasts were the epitome of perfection, perfect roundness with a hint of perkyness, not small nor big but just the right size with cute pink nipples. Yet, it was time to pay the piper as my eyes slowly rose to meet hers. And they did. Silence. All I could hear was the sound of my heart painfully beating. Not a scream or shout to get me to leave just a glare that made my skin crawl. And yet my body refuses to move. It wasn’t until her shoe hit my face that my fight of flight kicked in and flight won out by a huge margin.

As I slammed the door I ran to the kitchen. Heart pounding as if it would leave my chest. Yet a little bit of excitement crept beneath the fear. An emotion I’ve surely felt before, but at this level, and towards my sister? I hastily brushed away such feelings preparing myself for the storm about to come. After a deep breath I packed the lunches our mom made earlier into our book bags and got ready to get her. I knocked on the door. “Are you ready?” I asked as calmly as I could as if nothing was out of the ordinary. After a while heard a quiet yes. I opened the door and purposely avoided eye contact as I put the backpack on the back of her chair. I picked her up and placed her on her wheelchair and pushed her out of the house and onto the street. The school was only half a mile away so we walked there.

“If you had to be an insect which one would you be and why.” She asked out of the blue. “Uh a beetle I guess” I responded still nervous the storm was still brewing. “Huh, I’d be a butterfly” she said with a tone slightly off beat. “They are pretty and every one loves them.” “Don’t they die quickly” I responded. “Is that a bad thing” she replied. “I uh.. yes it is if it’s so short there won’t be enough time to appreciate the butterflies beauty.” I said hastily, it was these conversations I hated the most. She never had much luck with school, for some reason people are dicks, especially to her. Every time we walk to school she starts talking a bit more a pitch higher. I could tell she’s scared. I wish she would just start yelling at me for this morning, for anything.

“Oh come on, how many times do you look at a butterfly, twice? Three times? Does one not glance at one and move on.” I started to get a pit in my stomach, perhaps when I was younger such talks were just small conversations but now I know better. “Well I think butterflies are truly beautiful, I could watch them all day.”

“Yeah right” a scoff came from her. “Speaking of watching all day...” she trailed off only to be met with an audible gulp from behind. I could feel the heat returning to my checks as I recalled the incident this morning. Though such embarrassment seemed like a relief. “Uhh sorry about that” I responded hoping that she would forgive me.

“I’m never forgiving you.” She said, dashing my hopes then and there. “Oh come on I said I was sorry. “

“Yeah right! I’ve seen rocks that move faster than you” She remarked with defiance.

“Well I .. uh ... you were just so beautiful that I uh couldn’t look away.” I manage to sputter out hoping to receive mercy. “Uh-huh”, she said, though much of the anger seemed to dissipate. We finally arrived at the school and I dropped her off at class. “Lunch together?” I offered. “Sure”. She responded as I left for for my own classroom.

The bell rang at 11:50 for lunch and I headed out to the cafeteria. I looked for her but I couldn’t find her.

“Hey have you seen K?” I asked one of her classmates.

Who? She replied

“Uh Kaitlyn have you seen her.”

“Oh she was in math with me she might still be there.”

“Ok thanks.” I turned and walked toward her math class. Should be 103 I recalled. As I approached the door I heard lots of noise in the adjacent room. Curious I walked over and opened the door.

“What’s wrong, get up!” I heard a sarcastic and mocking voice. “Come on just try! You can do it” “Katy no legs! Katy no legs!” I heard chanting and chuckles from numerous students. I bolted through the door only to see my sister in the floor as some student mocked her while a guy was pushing another guy in her wheelchair. There were two girls and a guy standing over Kaitlyn as the called her names. I felt something explode inside my as fury like no other took complete control of my body.

The rest of the day went by like a daze something about principals suspension yada yada. My jaw and ribs were sore my right eye swollen, and my right hand felt like something was broken. One finger was tightly taped to the other. Ouch! I tried to move it only to be met with painful resistance. We pulled in the drive way I looked around my mom was a mess as she tried to calm everyone down though I think she was trying to calm herself more than anyone. I looked at K and soon fear gripped my heart. That look. Her outward appearance seemed calm but that look will always haunt me, the last time I saw it I was visiting her in the hospital the next day. I was scared. We entered the house and mom put her in her room. She placed her on the bed and tried to help her, not leaving her side, she then took out here phone and typed a message. A second later I received a message. I stealthily left the room to look at it to see the painful text.

Put the knives away.

I chocked a little and did what I was told, and added anything else that was sharp. I saw my mom come out of the room after a couple of hours, and she asked me to hang out with her. I entered the room, and sat down beside her. Unfortunately such an action caused me to groan in pain.

We sat there in silence.

“I’m sorry”, she said tears barely held back. “What. Why! There’s nothing for you to say sorry about.” I hastily spoke. “You got hurt cause of me”, she said, her shaky voice tearing my heart out. “It’s fine in fact i’d do it again one million million times over. Besides did you see the other guy?.” I let out an embarrassingly fake laugh hoping to ease the tension. A small smile crept on her face. “I thought you were gonna kill him” she said jokingly.

Me too. I thought to myself.

Unfortunately her solemn face returned and that dreadful look in her eyes were ever present. I couldn’t take it anymore and embraced her as tight as I could ignoring the pain. “A million million times over” i whispered in her ear. As if a faucet was turned on she began sobbing into my shoulder. I felt as if my heart was shattered.

I woke up to an alarm, groggily I got up and looked over. I saw her beautiful face slowly get irritated by the noise as she desperately fought an internal battle as to wake up or not. It was extremely cute. I turned off the alarm clock and told her to go back asleep.

“Don’t go” she said hastily.

“Ok I won’t” I said as I laid back down beside her. She groggily opened her eyes that were a bit red, her messy hair strewn about,my heart fluttered as I looked at her, soon memories of the morning incident entered my mind. I felt my face turn beat red. “You!” She said as if reading my mind. A blush forming on her face as she recalled the incident. “Uhh you pervert!” She cried. I took it in stride and laughed creepily “how did you know!” I exclaimed and reached for her chest slowly with my hands, clamping them as I moved forward.

“What are you...” she was flustered at my actions. “Get away” she yelled rolling away which caused her to fall off the bed. Thump! “Are you okay” I called a bit of panic in my voice. Only to be met by giggle, and then another soon all I heard was giggling from the floor of the bed. I crawled over to see her curled up giggling her heart out. It felt like finding an oasis in the middle of the desert. I purposely fell down next to her in and exaggerated manner. And as if it was infectious I started to giggle as well, soon all that could be heard we’re obnoxious and exaggerated giggles coming from the room. The giggles soon died out as we laid there. Silence creeping in.

Do you think I’m pretty? She questioned in a serious manner. “I... yes I think your very pretty,” I managed to recover from the unexpected question.

“Don’t listen to them” I nearly yelled. “They’re idiots and dicks, you are beautiful and perfectly fine the way you are.” I said and put on as serious of a face as I could.

“But my legs...” she trailed off “So what! Your smile alone is worth a million times whatever you lack. You’re beautiful no matter what they say. Any guy would be lucky to have you!”

She hesitated. “Oh really?” She said in a questioning tone, “prove it”. She turned around and rummaged through her nightstand drawer and took out a piece of paper. She looked at me her face a little flushed as she handed me the paper. I knew immediately what it was.

“Kiss me.” She said, her voice lacking much of the power it usually had.

I hesitated.

“Come on I gave you the paper.” She said squinting her eyes at me. I slowly leaned in, her eyes closed and i pecked her on the cheek. “Uhg, not there, on the lips like you mean it.” She glared at me waiting for me to move.

“Uh ok” I responded embarrassed. I slowly leaned towards her, my mouth connecting with hers. Both our mouths opened our lips embracing one another, I felt her tongue enter my mouth. My eyes opened in surprise, yet my tongue reacted on its own intertwining with hers, the taste and feel of her saliva was exotic and exciting, her arms wrapped around me and I responded in kind, the kiss becoming deeper as if it was a contest to see who could get their tongue the furthest. Our hands pulling each other closer to each other as if we were glued together. After what felt like forever our lips eventually parted. We sat there, our breathing ragged, as we thought about what happened. It was weird. It felt exciting but also wrong. The feeling in my stomach felt contradictory yet if she asked me to do it again... my thought trailed off.

“That was my first” she said regaining some of her composure. “Mine as well” I replied. We sat there whenever our eyes met we would shift our gaze. Was it wrong? I thought to myself, I was leaning towards yes, but even then, did I care? I was confused.

“Thank you”. I heard an almost imperceptible voice. I looked up and met her eyes, both of us glanced away, her face and I’m sure mine as well were as red as a tomato.

“Uhh no problem... it was uhh good”. I stumbled through my entire vocabulary to craft that masterful response. I laughed inwardly at myself.

“Me too, it was kinda weird but It felt really nice too.” I looked at her and saw a sheepish smile form on her face as if we did something bad, well I guess we did. Soon we both had a silly grin on our face.

The awkward yet sweet silence was interrupted by a surprisingly loud noise coming from her stomach.

“Hungry?” I ask.

“A little” she said, as her face gained another shade of red.

I picked her up and took her to the couch. “What do you want?”

“Some eggs sound good. “Coming right up.”

We ate my famously average eggs among a heavily awkward atmosphere. “Wanna play some games?” I asked. “Sure. Of course we’re playing for a ticket, she said sticking out here tongue,” I felt my cheeks turn red, since when did a tongue get me excited. I blushed at the thought. “Come on” she said pretending not to notice my reaction.

“You suck”. She gloated as I handed her another piece of paper.

“Hmmm how should I spend this one”, she teased. Of course these words had much more impact the the previous times she has used them.

“Ah ha I got it! Give me a massage!” She yelled with excitement as she laid down on the couch.

I accepted the task as I slowly stated to massage her back. I started with the shoulders and worked my way down.

“Mmhmm that feels nice, don’t forget my legs they’re especially sore today”. I obliged as started massaging her legs.

“Hey, make sure to get my thighs all of them!”

I gulped as my hands slowly moved up her legs, she was wearing short shorts so my hands we able to easily access her bare thighs. I moved along her thighs grasping and pushing. I heard a small moan from her which started a fire inside me. I started to be more adventurous slowing making my way to her nice perky butt. Soon I was grabbing handfuls of her beautiful ass only to hear the occasional moan from her it was heaven. I was about as hard as I’ve ever been as she let out those soft yet provocative moans.

“You really like my butt” she said crashing a cold metaphorical bucket of water on my head.

“Uhh you said to massage all of it. “

“Uh huh whatever you say pervert” she mumbled through the couch.

“Oh yeah” I said not willing to back down as I shoved my hands up her shorts and underwear firmly grasping her ass, hearing a panicked yelp from my sister. Her soft skin was warm and felt just right.

“What are you doing” she protested yet she didn’t move other then her head turning to see what was happening.

“I’m just massaging my sister” I said as a groped her pert butt spreading it, grabbing as much as i could.

“Hey! Stop that” she yelled, yet no physical effort was given to stop me. Emboldened my her reaction I explored with vigor my fingers gliding across her cute butthole causing her to shudder. Finally I made my way down further my fingers ran in to a sensation I’ve never felt before it was wet and slimy but in a good way it was very warm and ...

“It’s so wet” I said, unaware I spoke out loud. I felt her whole body tense as her protests came to a chilling halt, her body slightly shaking. Coming to my senses I realized I pushed my joke too far. The atmosphere cooled instantly as I retracted my hands.

“I... I’m sorry” I said as I ran to my room closing the door and sitting on the other side. My face felt like it was on fire. A swarm of emotions assaulted me as I tried to calm down. I’m such an idiot I yelled internally. What if she thinks I’m a creep or a pervert what if she hates me. A torrent of thoughts went through my mind, until I heard a buzz from from my phone. I went over to look at it. It was a message from K. I gulped and opened it.

MY CHAIR IS IN MY ROOM! Do you expect me to crawl everywhere!

I could imagine the fumes coming off her face.

I realized my mistake and slowly crept out of my room and into hers, bringing the chair back to the living room with a guilty look plastered on to my face. As I walked in the room I could feel her stare piercing through my soul. I sheepishly walked the chair next to her barely able to make eye contact. She just stared at me not saying a word. I realized that i was in the wrong and needed to apologize.

“I’m sorry,” I said looking down trying to hid my guilt.

I heard a deep sigh, “it’s fine I should’ve said something sooner. Besides it was a really good massage before you went all crazy... well I suppose after too,” she said her face turning red once more. “Is the laundry done?” She asked. “Uh no the dryer’s busted so well have to put the clothes on the line.” Oh she said, looking a bit uncomfortable. Realizing the situation I looked down a small wet spot was visible on her shorts. “Uhh hold on” I told her as I picked her up and took her to the bathroom. I ran into my room and took a pair of athletic shorts out and brought them to her. “I’ll go make us some lemonade” I stated as I scurried off to the kitchen. Both our faces were dark shades of red at this point.

“I’m ready for that lemonade” I heard her call as a went into the bathroom and picked her up taking her to the couch. I took her clothes to go put them in the laundry room. “Don’t look!” She yelled quite embarrassed. “I won’t” I replied. Of course there were more senses than just sight, I mischievously chuckled as my hands explored her clothes, my fingers feeling the dampness that was closer to being soaked. Wow... I thought. My thoughts going back to the message. I came back and was greeted my a brief yet suspicious glare. I poured her some lemonade as I went to put up the laundry.

The atmosphere felt like a hot mess of hormones, awkwardness, and excitement with a dollop of guilt and general wrongness. I finished putting up the laundry and came back inside seeing my sister and now I think a permanent shade of red in her cheeks, I couldn’t help but remember all that’s happened. Of course that redness no longer leaves my face either. I sat down and we sipped our lemonade, realizing that any conversation would be too unbearable at the moment. It was awkward yet relaxing as the only sound was the occasion slurp from our drinks. She put her cup down and I heard a big sigh as she leaned over and laid her head on my lap. As if her sigh popped a ballon all the tension left my body as a I gave a big sigh in return. We stayed there in silence as I played with her hair and she just closed her eyes and hummed her favorite tunes. It was odd but I felt like I could stay like this forever.

A week went by without a noteworthy event other than awkward stares and blushed cheeks, things seemed to die down a bit. Unfortunately K had in increasingly gloomy look and today was the worst as tomorrow we had to return to school. It was after dinner and I was studying for an exam I had to make up, I heard a light tap on my door.

“Come in!”

The door creaked open as K rolled in, I could tell by the look on her face that she was having a hard time. I got up and pushed her towards my bed and lifted her onto it. Are you ok? I asked knowing the answer.

“I’m scared” she said a slight shiver in her voice. “It just hurts. It hurts so bad.”

Tears started forming in her eyes as she inches toward me I accepted her into an embrace.

“It’s gonna be ok I’ll be here for you always”. I said meaning every word.

She started crying into my shoulder as I held her tightly.

She looked up at me her face read plastered with nervousness and a bit of guilt.

“Can you ...” she trailed off seeming unable to finish the sentence.

“What? I asked, if it’s for you I can do anything. “

“C-can you make... me feel good.” She said in a voice so quiet I could barely pick it up. Unable to look at me she looked down and mumbled “I’m sorry I didn’t mean...”

I stopped her by lifting her head up with my finger. Putting my arms around her and brought her into a kiss. Her eyes widened in shock but soon relaxed into what seemed a trance as her mouth actively moved along with mine and our tongues once again began the dance of love. The kiss got longer and more passionate, my hands began to move around her body quickly going under her shirt. I heard her labored breathing as we refused to part our kiss, putting ourselves into it with with everything we have. I realized she didn’t have a bra on and my hands naturally found their mark as I groped her perfect tits. I felt her body shudder yet she continued to embrace me. My head was a mess as I couldn’t think a single coherent thought. I was absorbed by her body entranced by the taste of her lips, my senses were overloaded, the smell of her hair her taste the feel of her breathing I felt like I never wanted this to end. I pushed her down on the bed my hands moving all over her chest. It was bliss. Soon we finally parted both panting while staring at each other’s eyes, all the embarrassment and awkwardness seemed to vanish. She grabbed my hand and moved it south pushing it into her shorts past her underwear. My fingers brushed past her curly hair, feeling her wetness, my fingers gliding across her perfect pussy, hearing as small moans came from her as she relaxed on the bed. I then pulled her pants and undies off seeing how wet she was I was impressed yet again. She took her shirt off showing me her everything. Her face red and full of nervousness. I slowly opened her legs and looked at her beautiful pussy it was a light shade of pink that contrasted perfectly with her pale white skin, her pubic hair was a bright orange and messy, it felt natural and incredible. I lowered my face onto her beautiful snatch as my tongue danced on the inside of her thighs moving towards her womanhood where I began my assault in earnest. The taste was hard to describe, it wasn’t bad nor good, but it just fit. Her moans became louder as she truly began to feel my tongue explore her vagina. Each moan motivated me to give my all working on her sensitive crotch. My penis felt like it would explode. I eventually brought my head up looking at here flushed face and her dazed look. Her chest moving rapidly as she panted.

I took of my pants revealing my stiff member and slowly guided it towards the entrance. I looked at her our gaze met.

“I love you”. I stated.

She looked at me for a while. A smile blossoming on her face. “I love you too, so much.” I then pressed on watching as a bit of pain revealed on her face.

“Are you ok?” I asked.

“Keep going and don’t stop, show me your love” she said and a coquettish voice I’ve never heard before. I pressed though the wall felling her moist pussy constricting my member causing unimaginable pleasure as I began to move in earnest. Her wetness spilling on the bed as each thrust causes a sweet moan to float in my ears. My member began to swell as I realized I was about to come, I began thrusting harder feeling every bit of the woman I love. I bent down to kiss her as my member exploded inside her. Semen flushing her womb as I kissed her vigorously. I felt a moan vibrate through our kiss as her body convulsed in pleasure as she orgasmed. Her pussy tightened squeezing every last drop inside. I straightened up and pulled out of her to watch as a pink mixture spilled out of her. It was a lot too. I thought. I crashed right next to her and brought her into my embrace.

“That was amazing” I said breaking out of my reverie.

“Mmm” she nodded. She turned her face towards mine and soon a mischievous smile bloomed on her face as she squirmed her way lower. Soon I felt an amazing feeling on my dick as she began licking it with her tongue. She looked adorable as I sat up to watch her. She seemed nervous yet resolute in her task as she took my now hard dick into her mouth. Foreign noises entered my ear as she began to suck in rhythm, it felt amazing. I put my fingers through her hair following her motion. It wasn’t long before my dick began to swell up again as I grabbed her head and pushed down as I exploded inside her mouth. I heard a surprised yelp as she took it in stride slowly withdrawing and letting me see her swallow. She looked at me with lustful eyes as she gulped. I hugged her and dragged her back down on the bed in my embrace kissing her. We made out for quite a while as the lust died down a bit and we just laid next to each other. It was getting late and I knew we should probably get too bed. I kissed her one more time a got out of bed. And was about to get her chair when her hand grabbed mine. She yanked me back to the bed. Curious as to why, I put in no resistance and let her pull me back. “Whats up?” I ask. She looked a me for a while her face again turning red. “Were not done yet.” She managed to say with some difficulty. “We arnt? What do you want to do” I asked. She moved her body and rolled over. Showing off her perfectly round butt as her hands moved behind her as she grabbed her cheeks and spread them exposing her cute butthole to me.

“There’s one more” she barely squeaked out. her face I would imagine would be worse than the darkest shade of red. Seeing such a sight it didn’t take long for me to get hard again.

“But it will hurt?” I said.

“Good.” She replied in a strange tone.

A new excitement filled me as I crawled towards her grabbing her ass and moving my fingers. I put one in my mouth to get it wet and then slowly stuck it in her ass. Her body tensed a bit as she let out a little yelp. I pushed it in further feeling the foreign sensation it was warm a bit wet but completely different from her pussy. I slowly added another finger causing her to shudder again which I found adorable as I played with her hole. Finally I took my fingers out and spit some saliva on my dick as I slowly began my entrance.

“It’s okay. Be rough with me.” She said in her strange tone. I accepted my task and pushed in with greater force. I saw her hands were now gripping the sheets with surprising force and her breathing became more labored. I hesitated and asked, “are you ok?”

I’m fine ,keep going and don’t stop” she said through gritted teeth. I felt bad but kept going as she told me to. Each thrust caused something between a groan and a moan from her, her hands looked stark white with how hard she was grasping the sheets. Every other thrust caused a little painful yelp to escape her lips as I pushed my sizable member as far as I could into her ass. It felt different and really good like a tight rubber band of soft goodness caressing my dick I continued to push in and out to the wide array of noises coming from my sister. Once again I felt the feeling of my dick swell with a bit of pain this time though it was nothing compared the pleasure I felt deep inside her ass. I audibly grunted as I came in her tight butt pushing as far as I could inside as I released what’s left of my semen into her ass. It felt incredible as I collapsed on top of her back. I laid there for a while. I felt her body relax to an incredible degree now that her ass was no longer being roughly assaulted. “Are you okay?” I asked worried about her.

“Yeah” she said in her strange tone. I got up and slowly exited her ass. A small surprisingly satisfying pop was heard as I looked at my work, her tight hole seemed to be convulsing a bit I looked south and saw a soaked spot.

She turned over to face me. A look a woman’s never given me before bore into me. A cheery smile and loving eyes stared at me.

Then she spoke. “I love you. More than anything. I’ve given you all my first and if you think of anymore I’ll gladly give those to you as well.”

She propped herself up and and leaned into my chest.

“I know this is weird and wrong and that people will make fun of us but I want to be with you. You’re the only one who truly loves me and understands me. I understand if you don’t want to be with me or if you can’t love me that way. Even if you got older and changed you mind I will still love you. I gave you my everything because you are everything”. She hugged me tightly as if afraid I’d bolt out of the room given the chance. I felt her wet tears fall on my chest her voice was shaky and I could feel the nervousness and fear. My arms wrapped around her. I pulled her tightly too my chest.

“I love you Kaitlyn. As long as you want me I’ll be here for you always. I will love you even if everyone hates us. You are my beautiful sister.”
7 comments

throatHERReport

2020-08-03 06:56:35
Nicely done for a first story. There were some grammatical errors but with more practice you'll clean those up. My only critique is to try and not lump all the dialogue together. When bunched together it can get a little convoluted. Great job and keep writing. Looking forward to the next chapter.

AX5625Report

2020-07-30 22:53:13
8/10 Pretty damn good story for a novice. Well written, quite good dialogue & hot realistic action. - You definitely have a talent for it & it's something you should continue.

WantSumCandyLittleGirlReport

2020-07-29 19:38:37
Not bad for a first story. Hope you take this as intended - constructive criticism: watch your spelling, check grammar, each time someone different speaks, start a new paragraph and try not to write as if in high school - even though the story is set there. I would have added an intro to both characters, to set the story, but it wasn't really necessary as the reader could figure it out.

Garion101Report

2020-07-23 10:48:02
Great story! Personally, I didn't notice too many grammar mistakes (maybe that's just me). Hope to see this story continues.

Bunch JackdawReport

2020-07-23 02:39:32
Wow! 5 digits in the first day, I’ll be honest I never expected such a audience, and with that many votes too. Thanks for taking your time to read my story and I hoped you enjoyed it. I was planning for this to be a one off, just to test the waters, but this much of a response has inspired my to write more, And to all the “grammar nazi’s”, I apologize as I’m sure there are quite a few mistakes, to be honest I got a c- in comp as technical grammar has always been my weakness. I’ll try too work on it more and edit a bit more carefully next time. Don’t hesitate to leave a comment about your thoughts, Cheers!

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