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Introduction:

"My name is Leon, I'm 14 and live in San Diego, California. I like to write a lot"
For as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to be a better version of myself. A hero to someone, but every time I see danger or trouble, I end up... freezing. I guess the hero life is just not for me... I never introduced myself though did I journal? You're new, I'm new to you and here I am already throwing stuff at you like this, I'm sorry. My name is Leon, Leon Carter. I'm 14 and I'm a highschool freshman. I love games, comics, dancing, chocolate and I'm a BIG, BIG Superhero fan, namely... Superman.

I know, I know... one would say that a guy my age is should be more into Batman, or really shouldn't be into cartoon heroes at all... but I just love it. The stories, the Super family, and the new Superboy Jonathan? So adorable! Not many people like it, and I get it, but I guess... to each one their own I guess...

But this entry tonight is not for me to talk about Superman, but about... well... who I am.

Sorry about how I unevenly write, I'm just not used to it, but here we go!

I... am adopted, I don't remember when or how I got here but the bomb just dropped one day for me. My parents called me down and told me one day. I'd say I took it kinda well, I didn't cry or anything, don't even think I felt anything actually... I got numb and just... kept on living. Maybe it's due to the fact that my parents love me so much and that I don't know anything other than them as my parents, but I didn't feel anything negative towards them... anyway, I go to school, I have a best friend and lots of friends that take care of me because they say I'm adorable. I guess that's cool actually, that everyone likes me this much. I just don't get what I have that's so impressive.

One thing about me that I find... well, weird is... well... I don't even know why I'm writing it as if I'm talking but whatever...

I don't feel confortable in relationships.

I love how my friends like me and worry about me, I love my parents, but the mere thought of having someone actually love me to the point of wanting to be WITH me gets me... anxious. I've had two girlfriends before, sooo let's talk about that.

My first girlfriend's name was Eva. She was sweet, she was beautiful... had these amber eyes and black hair... She would always stick around me, said she's protect me and my smile, and I said I'd do the same for her... turns out... other people feeling the same as you can cause lots of trouble. The fact that my friends all like me just as much made her feel... unappreciated... and I can't blame her. We broke up in 3 months.

My second girlfriend was called Lola, and she was awesome. Tough girl, long black hair and blue eyes I'd easily get lost in. She was really, really tough... closest to a real life heroine I could meet. One day, we were coming out of the movies when we were jumped by this guy with a knife ready to rob us. As I said, I froze, I couldn't do anything (And regret it to this day) but her? She flipped the guy over herself as if he was made of paper, dunno if it was shock or fear but he simply got up and ran away from us. I'm grateful to her ever since this day. We really hit it off as a couple. Similar tastes, music and games... but... well... she's an ex for a reason right?

She told me something, something that scared me a lot... she said "I love you". And I couldn't... say it back to her. And after 3 days... we talked it out and broke up... I just... couldn't...

Ok, I just gave myself some face slaps and I'm ready to talk about the next person... the one I let loose all the time. Ian Anderson.

I've known Ian ever since we were small. We always had fun together... he is so polite and happy and there's something about the way he winks that just says "Don't worry, I got it". He is my age and we are in the same classes, we like the same stuff and he's really brave... bravest guy I've ever known. He is my one true hero, and I can't help but notice that... everytime he winks at me, reassuring me that everything is going to be ok... my heart skips a beat. I get nervous, I get happy and kinda disappointed that I get to feel this way and have no idea what to do with this feeling...

Ian is my best friend, always was. I feel... weird when I'm around him. I'm always happy with him. I'm laughing writing this because... there was this time he got here, my parents were out and we played games all day, danced around like a bunch of kids, sang together and even had pizza for dinner. It was one of the happiest days of my life. So chill, so good... he always reassured me that he was having a lot of fun with me, and I could say the same to him. He was the reason I even changed my style!

I used to have a messy black hair, one day, he just went "Hey, ever thought of like... dyeing your hair? Blond or something". I remember it vividly... he... ran his fingers on my hair on the area that should be blond and said "Maybe lower it on the sides a bit?". I laughed at that, it was so... sweet. I would never look as cool as Ian though. His hair is spiky brown, his eyes are the most beautiful shades of green... different shades. Yeah, you heard me.. uhh.... read it. He has heterochromia and it's the coolest thing ever!

Which brings me to the... reason I'm writing this down... I've been feeling different about him... not the skipping a heartbeat... more like... I want to be so much closer to him, not seeing him hurts... and my friends seem to notice that I'm anxious when he is not around. They poke fun, good natured of course, but I was thinking... maybe... I'm not the only one feeling like that... what if I really am not? What if he feels the same way? Oh God what if he doesn't? Why am I so... crazy about it? Am I going crazy?

Is it... just me?

Maybe I'll invite him over tomorrow... try to talk about it... I'll be home alone, great opportunity. What could go wrong?
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