| 2011-09-16 20:13:50 |
Elle's Revenge 2
|
Can't wait for chapter 3! try adding more detail and more substance though. |
| 2011-09-23 10:23:04 |
Earning the Afternoon
|
have the son get his mom pregnant and give birth to a daughter, then when she is a teen have dad play with her |
| 2011-11-13 09:31:20 |
|
you stupid sick perverted pedophile! |
| 2011-11-20 23:08:35 |
Wettest dream cum true
|
it's a good start, but you need more detail and needs more length and substance. you skip over too much. Nothing wrong with some good buildup, it will help your readers identify with the characters and pull them into the story more. |