| 2009-07-27 13:22:44 |
My Aunt Was the Answer To My Sexual Desires
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Very good story. Well written and sensitive. There was clearly love between the characters. Excellent. |
| 2014-03-07 15:03:06 |
My Sweet Sister Sasha
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Damien this feels like a first draft. I recommend you rewrite from scratch in a new document and produce a second draft. Right now the character motivations don't make sense and the environmental descriptions are disjointed or incomplete. The 'idea' of a story is there but it needs a lot more work. Good effort. keep trying. 4/10 |
| 2010-06-26 11:25:21 |
Hot beautiful girl with large strap-on ravages girl
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Very well written, extremely sexy as well as emotionally satisfying. A lot of a great build up and connection between the characters. 8/10 One note: Shaun changed to Shawn part way through the story. |
| 2010-06-26 11:33:56 |
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poor intro to the story. It felt kind of mechanical and not a lot of drama in presenting the incest aspect. A better way to present it might have been to have a sentence like: "The only hitch for Paul, Jessica was his little sister..." at the end of the second paragraph. This feels like a first draft but not a bad start. I would re-edit and re-post. Lot's of potential but not ready for prime time. 4/10 |
| 2010-09-13 21:11:56 |
Sharing My Room With Sis 10: Abby's Fear
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I had to stop reading and collect myself. This is the first story on this site that has ever made me cry. I have read all of the other 9 stories you have posted before and I believe you are an very talented writer. All your stories have been tens but this story deserves a new category. The sensitivity and care you put into the pacing and characterizations has been perfect. It can be a tough job to walk that line between what's hot and what's sensitive. You have shown a mastery of this difficult balance. You have clearly elevated your game with this story. I say, get an editor and publish! |