| 2014-03-31 22:59:53 |
the book of fortune part two
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This story is starting to get better, but it is waaay too short. Take your time by adding more detail, buildup, description, profiles of the people like hair color, age, body type, etc. I like the premise of the story. But if you had a notebook like that wouldn't you want to do some things to yourself such as become physically fit overnight or something? Or have a personal trainer train you (you made your character a chubby nerd) for free or something. I used to be a chubby nerd several years ago, so if I had that I would fix that. That way even if I lost the notebook I would at least be all the better for it, ya know?) would use to take care of some stuff other that just screwing . have an idea of what someone like that would do. Anyways, this is just my opinion. I've read tons of stories on here and this one has some potential. Grow your story more and I'll keep reading. *Thumbs up* |