| 2014-12-22 19:38:24 |
A Back Rub For Julia Ch. 06_(0)
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Hope we are getting a Part 7 soon! |
| 2020-04-08 02:29:18 |
Busted Cheating
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This premise isn’t bad, but there are some things you might want to do in your next posted story or chapter: 1) separate the story into paragraphs (walls of text are difficult to read, 2) instead of using “he said” and “I said”, write in actual quotes. This allows you to more easily distinguish between the characters spoken words and their inner monologues and thoughts, 3) Use more de***********ive language especially for their emotional reactions. |
| 2020-04-08 02:30:18 |
Busted Cheating
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Also your sentence structure is very short, plain, and mechanical. In the right places that is perfect, but for an entire story or chapter it makes everything feel unimportant and/or monotonous. I assume you can picture the story you are trying to tell in your head. Describe the scene, describe the characters, describe the tone of the setting, describe the emotions and reactions of the characters. Basically, you need to elicit more drama from your readers with your words. We should be able to identify with and care about one person. Find an editor to work with to help you if necessary. |