I hung up after that. I couldn't talk any more, the tears that
suffocated and humiliated me wouldn't allow it. I couldn't sleep either.
I couldn't stop thinking about Connor. Why can't I stop thinking about
Connor? His perfectly swept hair, his musky yet brilliant scent, his
plaid shirt collection all manifested in my mind. Time slips away and
it's only till the sun peaks it head that I notice the time. "Oh no" I
think as I remember school in the morning. And my first period is
science. With Connor as my partner. Usually it was my favourite lesson
but after last nights chat it could and probably would be awkward. I get
up early and go about my daily routine: shower, deodorant, clothes,
teeth. I head out the door to walk to school, shouting goodbyes to Stef
and Lena. As I stroll into school premisses, I notice Daria sat on the
school bench with her head in her hands, obviously upset. I was about to
check she was okay when I was intercepted by Taylor.
"What happened?!" I ask sincerely.
"Connor broke up with her this morning. He gave no warning, just dumped
her on the spot" she says and a smile creeps on my face because I think
I know why he did it. "You know break ups are usually a sad time. But I
guess you have a reason to be happy" she was obviously hinting at something.
"What's that meant to mean?" I sat worriedly
"Well yesterday I was going round Daria's in the afternoon and decided
to take a quick detour through the forest" my smile slowly Retreated
while I realised what she may have seen. "I was very surprised to see a
very... Intimate scene between you and Connor!"
"Taylor you can't tell anyone! No one can know!" I say with upmost urgency
"Okay okay" she replies defensively. "Do you like him?" Her voice
changed to more a more serious tone.
"No, I don't like him lik-"
"If you lie I'll tell Daria what I saw..." She says interrupting me
"Okay, fine I like him, but you can't tell anyone!"
"I better go check on Daria" she says before winking "and watch out, you
never know who's watching in public spaces! Kinda like now!" She leaves
and I turn to go to science. I am face to face with Connor.
CONNORS POV
Jude's words cut me deep. Mainly because I knew they were all true. What
we were doing was wrong, even though I didn't like Daria like that
didn't mean I could string her along. I spent all night thinking,
contemplating what to do, how to fix this with Jude because I was sure
about one thing. I am not losing him now. Both of us have suffered
enough, I just want to be happy. I remember all that time ago when Jude
told me he "didn't want to be anybody's secret" and that's exactly what
he had become and that wasn't fair. I want to treat him right, if he
gave me a chance I would treat him right but I had to earn that. And it
would begin with breaking up with Daria. I know nothing more could
happen whilst I'm still with her. But how should I tell her? Will she be
upset? Will she hate me? Although she could be... Weird at times I did
like Daria as a friend, she's one of those reliable people that you
could always count on. I drift off thinking about how to tell her and
enjoy a good nights sleep.
The piercing sound of his alarm clock made me wake with a start. I knew
what I had to do today and I was dreading it. I got out of bed,
showered, got changed and then did my teeth. When I was ready to leave,
I didn't even bother saying goodbye to my dad, I was too anxious about
my conversation with my soon to be ex. When I got to school, Daria was
waiting for me on the bench in our usual spot. She called out to me and
waved me over. I awkwardly shuffled over to her, stalling for as long as
I could.
"Hey you!" She says with a smile. Probably the last time I'd be seeing
it for a while so I took it in.
"Hey, listen we need to talk" one of the most cliché lines but I just
wanted this to be over.
"Okay..." She replied, a slight hint of worry in her voice.
"I.. Don't think we should see each other anymore" her mouth expanded
into a wide O shape. I felt awful. I kept my eyes to the floor afraid to
make eye contact. I could hear her start to cry and I wanted to hug her.
To tell her everything will be okay but in all honesty I could say that.
If there is one thing I have learned nothing is certain. Before Jude I
never even looked at another guy in that way but look at me now. If that
isn't proof that nothing is solid, then I don't know what is.
"Connor... Why?" She says softly, the overflowing emotion obviously was
too much to even turn to anger. Her sobs becoming closer together.
"Because Daria I'm lying to myself and I'm lying to you every time I see
you. And I can't keep doing that. It's not fair to either one of us. But
I want you to know that I do love you... just not like that. I really
hope we can still be friends though!" I reach to touch her but she yanks
her body back.
"No Connor! Stop it! You're telling me you've just been using me this
whole time? That you never had any feelings for me and you want to be
friends?! You know what? You were an awful boyfriend anyways! You were
lazy, you were cheap and worst of all... You're the worst kisser I have
EVER met. Just leave me alone!" She sobbed into her hands and naturally
Taylor came sprinting over.
"I think you should go" she says sternly. Without a sound I stand up and
go to the other side of the grass just out of sight of the girls. 5
minutes later I see Jude talking to Taylor. Shit. What she's telling
him? Is she telling him about him and Daria? I have to find out. I
approach Jude from behind. Taylor sees me and shoots me Death Stares.
She makes a quick exit and Jude turns, almost walking straight into me.
"You broke up with Daria?" He said, slightly concerned and inquisitive.
"Yeah. If we are going to continue and see what's between us, I don't
want anything getting in the way. No distractions."
"Well if you want to explore what's between us... Meet me by the bench
after school. I've got a free house after school. Everyone is out and
won't be back till tonight. You know... If your interested."
"I think I may be" I reply, unsure of what he is hinting at. "I guess we
will have to see" the two boys joked as they made their way to science
class.
It's fair to say the day could not have gone slower for me.
JUDES POV
It was finally the end of the day and I walked over to he bench where I
had promised to meet Connor. As if on cue he came up behind me and
yelled "BOO" straight into my ear and I almost had a heart attack!
"Don't do that! You almost scared me to death!"
"Sorry, but your reaction would have made it totally worth it" he
joked... At least I hoped he was joking...
"You ready to walk home?" I ask changing the conversation
"Yeah let's do it." He said and began to walk ahead of me. I couldn't
help but notice his butt as he walked away. He turned and I felt my
cheeks go a shade of red
"stop looking at me like I'm meat and let's go!" And I run to catch up
with him.
On the way home we walked in comfortable silence, a gentle breeze blew
past us and I sighed, just taking in the view. At this moment I felt
Connor's hand entwine around mine and before I knew it they were locked
together. I smiled as we walked hand in hand and all of a sudden
everything seemed so much more beautiful. The flowers that grew under
the blinding sun presented themselves in an array of stunning colours.
Birds chirped and bugs flew about but none of that distracted me from
the fact that I was holding hands with Connor. From a distance I can
hear a car approaching but I think nothing of it. That is until I hear
it slow down as it gets closer to us. I turn and I see My mama, Lena,
staring at me and Connor in disbelief. I hadn't told them. I hadn't told
them what was going on with me and Connor! I meant to, I just forgot! I
release Connors hand from mine and Lena speeds off around the corner
towards the house.
"Come on!" I shout to Connor as I began to sprint home. By the time we
got back Lena was already home and Connor and I make our way to the
porch. Just before we enter Connor grabs my arm and pulls me close to him.
"Hey don't be so nervous! They were going to find out sooner or later!
Plus I doubt your gay moms will have a problem with your sexuality! They
will support you no matter what!" A tear started to well in my eye but
Connors hand was quick to wipe it away. "Hey hey hey! No tears okay!
Everyone in that house is still going to love you, p
robably even more than before! And I know that I will always love you
Jude. Don't ever forget that. If it wasn't for you, I'd still be in the
closet, afraid of what everyone would think of me. But now, as long as
I've got you, that's all I will ever need okay? I love you Jude" Connors
speech had evoked even more tears to fall from my face.
"I.. I love you too Connor" I reply looking deep into his eyes. I
embraced him in a hug and wiped my tears on his shoulder.
"You know, a shoulder to cry on is meant to be metaphorical." Connor
says trying to hold back laughter. He pulled me back gave a light kiss
on my forehead.
I laughed and wiped away my tears. Connor took my hand in his whilst he
opened the door. Stef and Lena were waiting for us in the living room.
Both sets of eyes were fixed on the two boys holding hands.
"Jude, honey, we need to talk, why don't you sit down? You too Connor."
She says looking at the empty couch. Both of us sit down and my grip on
Connors hand becomes even tighter. He reciprocates showing his support.
"So obviously you two have become... More than friends recen-"
"We're boyfriends mom, I was going to tell you! Honestly but it all
happened so fast I didn't really have a chance and then Lena saw us
holdin-" I had started talking at supersonic speed and I only realised
this when Connor squeezed my hand in signal to stop rambling.
"Jude honey! It's not a bad thing! You don't need to get so worked up!
We just wanted you guys to know the ground rules now that your dating."
Lena said
"Oh no" I whispered to myself. Connor was intently listening to Lena.
"No more closed doors whilst your alone together, no kissing at the
table, Connor you are now welcome to dinner at any time you want, you
are a safe here as well. And incase you ever need them the condoms are -"
"I think we will be going now! Come on Connor let's go upstairs" I say
leading him to leave the room. Connor gave Lena and Stef an appreciatory
nod and said thank you before he left. Half way up the stairs we hear
Stef shout
"LEAVE THE DOOR OPEN!" I sigh and continue to walk upstairs. We got in
my room And Connor sat on the bed, leaving the door slightly ajar.
"I'm so sorry" Jude says and he moves towards his boyfriend.
CONNORS POV
When the final bell rang, I darted out of my English class before anyone
could stop to talk to me. I was too excited! I was going round Jude's
house! I mean, it wasn't like it was my first time, but it was my first
time since we'd started... Whatever this was. We're we.. Boyfriends? I
can't even think it without hesitating though... But I still can't
believe this is all happening. It happened so fast but I still wouldn't
have it any other way. All I know is I don't want to see anyone else and
I don't want Jude to either, if that makes us... Boyfriends then so be it!
I saw Jude walking towards the bench getting ready to meet me and I
thought it was the perfect opportunity to scare him! I snuck up behind
him in complete stealth and when I was about 2 meters away I jumped on
him and yelled "BOO" straight into his ear. His reaction was priceless!
He made a strangled yelping noise followed by a weird flailing of his
arms but he still managed to look incredibly cute whilst making his
'presentation'.
"Don't do that! You almost scared me to death" Jude said whilst trying
to calm himself but I could help but laugh!
"Sorry, but your reaction would have made it totally worth it" I joked.
It WAS a joke!
"You ready to walk home?" Jude asks.
"Yeah, let's do it." I reply and start to walk ahead already. I turn
around to notice an embarrassed Jude that had just been checking out my
behind! "Stop looking at me like I'm meat and let's go!" I say cheekily
as Jude runs to catch up with me. The walk home was mainly silence, but
I kept stealing the occasional glance and Jude, he didn't seem to notice
so each one I would dare to look a little longer than the last time. Our
hands kept momentarily brushing each other and I took the risk and
decided to go for it. I grabbed Jude's skeleton fingers and wrapped them
around my own. His warmth radiated from his skin and I had to keep
squeezing to make sure this was really happening. I was holding hands
with my crush and a smirk crept onto my face. I didn't even notice but a
car had basically pulled up along side us and I was truly shocked to see
Lena in the driving seat! Her mouth was wide open in shock and quickly
realising why, Jude threw My hand down. It took a matter of seconds for
Lena to speed off down the road leaving Jude and I on our own. He
quickly took off into a sprint and yelled back to me "come on!" That boy
has shorter legs then me but bit can he run! He didn't slow down or
hesitate at all! No one could have caught with that small boy! When we
got up to the porch, Lena's car was already in the drive and Jude looked
distraught and uncomfortable in his own skin. Jude was about to walk in
but I made the decision to pull him aside.
"Hey don't be so nervous!" I say trying to comfort him. "They were going
to find out sooner or later! Plus I doubt your gay moms will have a
problem with your sexuality! They will support you no matter what!" I
notice Jude's eye start to water but my thumb quickly finds itself
wiping it away. "Hey hey hey! No tears okay! Everyone in that house is
still going to love you, probably even more than before! And I will
always love you Jude. Don't ever forget that. If it wasn't for you, I'd
still be in the closet, afraid of what everyone would think of me. But
now, as long as I've got you, that's all I will ever need okay? I love
you Jude" even more tears leaked from Jude's eyes. And his simple yet
sincere reply brought tears to my eyes as well.
"I...I love you too Connor." And suddenly Jude was latched onto me in a
hug and I couldn't help but submerge into my pleasure. I felt his
breathing become more regular and I thought about how I could lighten
the mood.
"You know a shoulder to cry on is meant to be metaphorical!" I say
wittily and proudly. Judge let's out a soft giggle and I gave him a kiss
on the forehead in support. I took Jude's hand in mine and pushed the
unlocked door open. Stef and Lena both stood in the living room waiting
for the conversation that had to be had.
"Jude, honey, we need to talk. Why don't you sit down? You too Connor"
Stef says whilst gesturing to the couch and Jude and I sat down hand in
hand. I felt Jude squeeze tighter and I squeeze back. God I loved this
hand. "So obviously you two have become... More than friends recent-"
but she was cut off by Jude.
"We're boyfriends mom" we were boyfriends. I'd waited so long for that
answer and I was happy to get it. I never really knew what we were,
whether Jude even liked me like that but that was all answered in that
one sentence. Jude continued.
"I was going to tell you! Honestly but it all happened so fast I didn't
really have a chance and then Lena saw us holdin-" he was getting upset
again so I squeezed again to calm him down.
Jude honey! It's not a bad thing! You don't need to get so worked up! We
just wanted you guys to know the ground rules now that your dating."
Lena said chipping in for the first time.
Jude said something under his breathe but too quiet for me to hear. I
was listening solely to Lena though, I had new rules I had to abide by
if I was going to keep Jude.
"No more closed doors whilst your alone together, no kissing at the
table, Connor you are now welcome to dinner at any time you want, you
are a safe here as well. And incase you ever need them the condoms are
-" just when she was about to say... Jude jumped in.
"I think we will be going now! Come on Connor let's go upstairs!" He
says already dragging me by the hand. I say a quick thank you to Jude's
moms and when we were half way up the stairs I hear Stef shout up.
"LEAVE THE DOOR OPEN" I chuckle to myself and we go to Jude's room. He
leaves the door slightly ajar and begins to walk over to me.
"I am so sorry" he says
JUDES POV
"I can't believe we had to sit through that! I'm so sorry" I say again
to Connor.
"It's fine! I enjoyed it actually! If I'm going to date you..." He stood
up and took my hands in his and pulled me up off the bed so we were
standing inches from together. "I have to learn to play by the rules" he
said aNever he placed a single kiss on my cheek and walked towards the
bathroom. "I'll be back in a second" he said and closed the door behind him.
I sunk onto my bed with my hands in my head and exhaled massively. I was
so relaxed I didn't see the bathroom door open so when Connor spoke, I
sat up slightly stunned. "OH MY GOD! Look what I found!" He said almost
wetting himself. He was in hysterics and I didn't understand why until I
saw what was in his hand. A red packaged condom. Jude stared at it open
mouthed and his heart raced. His moms must have left it there for them
to find. Lena came into the room to find Connor on the floor still laughing.
"What's so funny?" Lena asked looking at Jude.
"Nothing... I... I Just told him something that happened at school today
it was really funny!" He said lying he didn't want Lena to think Connor
was laughing at either one of his moms or the sentiment of leaving...
That in the bathroom.
"Well okay, well me and Stef are going to your parent teacher meeting so
we will be gone for a few hours. Mariana is at dance practice remember
and Jesus is still at wrestling but he's sleeping round his friends
tonight. See you soon! We're already late!" She said as she hurried out
the door. Callie and Brandon were both still away for the weekend doing
something... They never told me what... As the door slammed I realised.
No one was home.
In the midst of the conversation I didn't realise Connor had stopped
laughing and had actually gone to the toilet. When he came out he asked
where Stef and Lena had gone and I told him.
"You know... We should talk about that stuff." Connor said, looking down
at the floor and twiddling his fingers.
"What stuff?" I asked completely oblivious and Connor gestured towards
the condom still on the floor "oh,... That stuff"
"Yeah I mean, we're officially dating now and let's face it... Boys do
have certain... Needs. Obviously I'm not talking about..." He hesitated
before saying the word "sex. But there is other stuff." He said
occasionally glancing at me then returning to his feet.
"I mean it's not like I've never thought about that stuff... I have
but... I don't know whether we should be doing that... I'm barely even
good at kissing you..." I say slightly embarrassed and I feel my cheeks
flush and go red.
"No. No no no no no. That is were I draw the line Mr Adams-Foster. I
think I am the judge on your kisses and they are out of this world! You
Mr Adams foster..." He made his way towards me leant down to me so his
hands were on the bed either side of me and his face was so close I
could feel his breath on my skin. "Are the king of kissing" and he
pushed his face into mine and begin to kiss me hard and I let my hand
travel to the back of his head and pull him in deeper. I feel his face
push against mine and I can't help but fall backwards so my back is led
on the bed and Connor begins to climb on top of me. Straddling me.
"You're pretty good yourself you know?" I say looking straight at him.
"I forgot to mention... I'm king number two" he said and a crack of a
smile appeared on his face.
"Shut up and get down here" I say and within the second his lips are
back on mine. And I had to admit. I had no idea where this was going.
CONNORS POV
For what seemed like the millionth time, Jude apologised again for both
his moms 'chat' with them downstairs.
"It's fine!" I replied truthfully "I enjoyed it actually! If I'm going
to date you..." I rose up and took my boyfriends hands in mine and
yanked him up off the bed so we were close to each other. "I have to
learn to play by the rules" i said and I closed the distance between us
and placed a single kiss on Jude's cheek and I walked towards the
bathroom. "I'll be back in a second" I say as I close the door behind me.
I'd been in this toilet hundreds of times before but never had I had a
visit this... Interesting. Just as I was about to unzip, I noticed a
small red square on the side next to the sink. Curious, I walked over to
investigate and was shocked to find out it was a genuine condom! I
figured Stef and Lena must have left it for us. I couldn't help but
smile as I unlocked the door to present the protection to my boyfriend.
"OH MY GOD" i say to get Judes attention "look what I found!" I say as I
look towards the condom. I actually collapsed on the floor in laughter
and I couldn't help but roll around as well. The thought of Judes
parents leaving this for us made me hysterical. Half way through my
laughing fit Lena walked in and began talking to Jude, I figured it was
a good time to use the toilet so I gathered myself and used their
facilities.
By the time I was finished Lena was gone and I asked where they went. I
completely forgot that the parent teacher meeting was today... But I
thought I should take advantage of the free house to talk about
something private with Jude.
"You know... We really should talk about that stuff." I say hinting to Jude.
"What stuff?" Jude said, obviously completely forgetting about the
condom I had just found in our bathroom. So I looked at the condom on
the floor to remind him. "Oh... That stuff"
"Yeah I mean, we're officially dating now and let's face it... Boys do
have certain... Needs. Obviously I'm not talking about..." I
accidentally hesitated before saying the next word. "sex. But there is
other stuff." I said occasionally glancing at Jude then breaking the eye
contact.
"I mean it's not like I've never thought about that stuff... I have
but... I don't know whether we should be doing that... I'm barely even
good at kissing you..." I could see Jude felt embarrassed but there was
no way I was letting him get away with what he just said.
"No. No no no no no. That is were I draw the line Mr Adams-Foster. I
think I am the judge on your kisses and they are out of this world! You
Mr Adams foster..." I strategically placed my hands either side of him
on the bed so that we were very close to each other, ready for me to
dive into a kiss. I continued "Are the king of kissing" and I forced my
lips onto Judes and I began to kiss him like we usually did, with
passion. If elf Jude snake his hand to the back of my neck with deepened
the kiss even further. I begin to use my force to push him down onto the
bed so he is laying down and I straddle him.
"You're pretty good yourself you know?" Jude says, not letting theeye
contact waver.
"I forgot to mention... I'm king number two" I said and I had to resist
the urge to smile.
"Shut up and get down here" Jude says and with extreme haste I return to
my prior position. And I had to admit. I had no idea where this was going.