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Comments from talesofhappy
| Date | Story title | Comment |
|---|---|---|
| 2013-06-16 09:42:22 | The student teaches the tutor part one | Yeah it could do with some more tension really, for example a reason to think she's NOT going to suddenly take her clothes off and seduce you lol. So the reader gets a 'what happens next?' feeling. Then some more insight into the protagonist's emotions would be good too; not necessarily by baldly stating them. Last suggestion would be to blend the physical descriptions into the narrative, just a bit more. OK one more...some things that are ongoing could be present tense, like her tits perhaps. It's a nice story and you will improve so keep going :) |
| 2014-07-16 12:09:05 | The Thirteen Club | Very sexy, I love it. Did you miss some undressing? I think it would be worth a little more time generally, it's so hot. |