| 2018-01-16 02:04:42 |
August
|
This is a pretty hot story although I’m not fond of the 2nd person point of view I think most readers find it distracting. Might have been better in first person. Also, consider making spaces beteeen the paragraphs. Walls of text can be equally distracting. On this site you may have to add the spaces after you paste your story to the window. Other than that it was excellent. Your writing is crisp and precise and the story is very exciting. You deserve better scores than you are receiving. Please keep this one going. I want to know how she feels afterward. Big brother really put her in her place. Forcing a fourteen year old. Love it. |
| 2018-01-16 03:29:25 |
Suffocating Summer_(1)
|
This really spun around into something dark. Nice work. Disturbing - as it should be- if read more if you write it. |
| 2018-01-16 03:31:24 |
Suffocating Summer_(1)
|
By the way. Adding non consent, violence and rape to the tags would prepar the reader and maybe save you from votes form those unready for this kind of story. It would also let those who want to read it find it more easily |
| 2018-01-17 05:47:29 |
Suffocating Summer_(0)
|
Just found this rewrite and loved it. Very daring and hot story. I want to see what he does to her next. |
| 2018-01-17 07:43:56 |
Watching him Fuck our Daughter_(1)
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Damn that is sexy. Loved it |