| 2011-03-19 20:05:14 |
Convient Cumming With Sister_(1)
|
I have to agree with one of the commenters--great story, not great writing. It cries out for proofreading. I write for this site and spend at least 75% proofreading and editing. |
| 2011-04-07 21:50:51 |
Kelli 1971
|
Very nicely done;extremely realistic and believable. I'd like to see a part 2. |
| 2011-04-10 21:54:30 |
Sarah, My Best Friend - Chapter 1
|
Good story and quite well written but some of your dialog is unreal. Do people really say stuff like "...cum on my perky little tits?" Not in my exprience. Other than that, pretty good. |
| 2011-05-05 18:05:37 |
The Nerd-Part 2
|
Thanks for the feedback. I've enjoyed writing this one. there will be more parts--at least two. I'm looking forward to a computer orgasm. |
| 2011-05-11 16:15:48 |
KIDNAPPED_(1)
|
Good story but sloppily written. You have a lot of commas where there should be none. Also, you can't push a finger into a whole. Proofreading and editing would improve your writing immensely. |